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Author Post
Fractured Illusion
Topic: The Review Game: Stories - Depth
This is place to come if you want reviews for a story, and the review type is "depth", aka more substance and more constructive.

You can use whichever RG you like: Stories or Multi-chap. Just because your story is multi-chap does not mean you cannot use the Story RGs. These RGs are all voluntary.

For Review Game rules, go to "Read this first!".

Moving on, this is the basic structure of the Review Game:

Person 1 says: Review "My Lucky Dream"!

Person 2 says: Ok, I reviewed it. So can the next person please review "Stereotypes" or "Window"?

Person 3 says: Done (I did "Window"), so can the next person review "Stranger"? Thanks.

This means the first one to post here doesn't have to review another person. Aka, first to come gets a freebie. So, hurry!

For Stories Depth, your review needs to fulfill these requirements, otherwise you will not be seen as someone who has fulfilled their obligation and you can thus not participate.

REVIEW REQUIREMENTS:

Choose at least four of these seven and comment upon with at least two sentences. Comments like "That was totally cool, update!" or "I want to read more" does not constitute as a sentence that is to be counted, in this case.

-Dialog (how did it flow? Awkward? Didn't fit the age group that were speaking? Forced? How so?)

-Characters (too empty? Not enough to give an impression? Feel sympathetic? How so?)

-Writing (too flowery? Too many adverbs? Too oldfashioned for a high-school drama romance? Perfect match? How so?)

-Spelling (anything that stuck out and needed to be corrected?)

-Enjoyment (how did you feel from reading this and WHY? Were you dozing off? On your seat with suspense? How so?)

-Plot (clichéd but well done? Interesting idea but poor execution? Suggestions on how to thicken it? Got no idea where it's heading, but interesting anyhow? How so?)

-Other (anything you felt was left out from the other commentaries? Perhaps summing up all the bad and good points and closing it up with some final thoughts?)

---

Please remember that you do not need to make your review in this structure. It can be one flowing text, like how you usually review, and after writing what you had to say, compare with the requirements and see if you fulfilled them. Otherwise, just add what is "missing". No need to be so formal unless you don't want to. And remember that flaming is prohibited.

---

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

#1 Nov 11th 2007, 11:01am . Edited Mar 03rd, 1:57am
Terrance Riverdarb
Ooh, I'll take this freebie instead of the cookie ^^.

Somebody do Where with others I've failed.

#2 Nov 11th 2007, 11:18am
Imalefty
done where with others i've failed - much better than the last time i read it. :)

princess, please. :)

-Lefty

#3 Nov 11th 2007, 11:44am
Halfbloodlycan
Done Princess. Could someone look at Twisted Revenge. Or anything that interests you.
#4 Nov 11th 2007, 12:12pm
Otaku42
Reviewed "So You Want to be a Vampire". Someone please review "Hard Death's Life"!
#5 Nov 11th 2007, 2:02pm
Sercus Kaynine
Reviewed Hard Death's Life. Feel free to browse through my work until you find something that interests you.
#6 Nov 11th 2007, 6:26pm
Willowindrain
Reviewed Dolls and Cages. Charms please (and if you find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes please don't hesitate to write it in the review so I can easily edit it.)
#7 Nov 13th 2007, 1:51am
A Perfect Sonnet
Consider it reviewed!

If someone could do Death By Tap Shoes & Cigarettes for me, that would be wonderful. Please critique the story, not the poems. If poetry isn't your thing, you can skip the poems as (for now) the story could function without them. If you're confused: the main character is a poet, so poetry is interwoven into the story along with one of "Rilo's" poems acting as a prologue to each chapter. Anyway, please review chapter 2, 4, 6 or 8. Thank you!

#8 Nov 13th 2007, 10:12am
Otaku42
*Bow* As you wish. Someone review Hard Death's Life, please!
#9 Nov 14th 2007, 3:36pm
A Perfect Sonnet
I hate to do this, but I think it needs to be pointed out.

This is the Depth catagory, please read the review requirements listed above (as they differ from the Easy Fix catagory). You should note the minimum requirement of 8 constructive sentences.

Sorry if that made me a downer...

--

Story to be reviewed: Hard Death's Life by Otaku42

#10 Nov 14th 2007, 4:16pm
Otaku42
Huh, I hadn't seen that minimum sentence requirement. Sorry about that, I'll try and do better next time.
#11 Nov 14th 2007, 5:58pm
Fractured Illusion
NOTICE:

Follow the rules, or you will not be counted. It's as simple as that. This notice goes for all. Please alert me or Imalefty should any injustice occur (also while saying it here on the board so others are aware who not to review, as well). Saying you were not aware of the rules is not an acceptable excuse in this case.

Due to the review given on the story Death by Tap Shoes & Cigarettes was inadequate and can not be counted as a legit review, Otaku42 is thus not counted as a participant, and therefore:

Story to review is still "Death By Tap Shoes & Cigarettes" by A Perfect Sonnet.

#12 Nov 15th 2007, 7:16am . Edited Nov 15th 2007, 7:18am
diesoz
I've reviewed "Death By Tap Shoes & Cigarettes" as per Frac's decree.

Please review a later chapter of Running in the Past!!

#13 Nov 19th 2007, 7:47am
Imalefty
done running!

i would appreciate princess or e flat (as usual) or perhaps happiness if you've done both of those. :)

-Lefty

#14 Nov 20th 2007, 5:48pm
Nemonus
I've reviewed (and enjoyed) "Princess".

I'd most like reviews for "Plotseekers", or whatever else you happen to find interesting on my cluttered page.

#15 Nov 22nd 2007, 4:39pm
Willowindrain
Reviewed 'Creations' by Nemonus

Hit Charms please

#16 Nov 25th 2007, 6:00am
Kathrynzala
Reviwed "Charms" by Willowindrain. Lovely story! :D

Please review "Hakkeshou~ Not a day too soon" or "Jeremy Mont Middle School".

#17 Nov 25th 2007, 8:50am
Crimson Era
Reviewed 'Hakkeshou~ Not a day too soon' by Kathrynzala.

Please review 'Mortal Timeline', my only story at the moment.

#18 Nov 25th 2007, 9:24am
Imalefty
done mortal timeline - very intersting! :)

e flat or princess, please. :)

-Lefty

#19 Nov 25th 2007, 10:08am
Zen Blade
Well, I hope I'm playing right. ^_^

Can someone please review my latest poem "A girl with two faces"? Thanks!

#20 Nov 26th 2007, 2:50pm
Imalefty
OFF TOPIC:

Zen Blade - you need to review the last story (which would be mine, either e flat or princess) before you can request another. also, this is a story thread - there is a seperate thread for poems.

END OFF TOPIC.

story to be reviewed: imalefty's e flat or princess.

-Lefty

#21 Nov 26th 2007, 6:23pm
Kathrynzala
I reviewed "Princess Charming" by Imalefty. In response to your penname, I am too! And we dominate! ...Oh, um, great story. ( ^_^u)

Someone please review "Hakkeshou~ Not a day too soon" or "Jeremy Mont Middle School".

#22 Nov 27th 2007, 4:40pm
Imalefty
done jeremy mont. (YAY LEFTIES!)

again, e flat or princess (or happiness if you've done those). thanks!

-Lefty

#23 Nov 27th 2007, 5:42pm
KurenaiYume
Reviewed E Flat Minor of Platform 24. That was really good!

Well, I really have one story, so have fun!

#24 Nov 29th 2007, 10:30am
lilsnobby
K I reviewed, The Eternally Revolving World,

Can someone review mine, The Truth of Pain?

thanks.

#25 Nov 30th 2007, 6:43pm
Crimson Era
Reviewed "The Truth of Pain."

Please review "Mortal Timeline"

#26 Nov 30th 2007, 7:11pm
Allirose
Reviewed Mortal Timeline as best I could. Not much to poke at, though :D

Can someone please review "Stonefish"?

#27 Nov 30th 2007, 10:04pm
FreakierThanThou
Read and enjoyed "Stonefish."

Could someone review "The Scariest Thing" with a lot of concrit? I'm going to try to get it published in a school-sponsored literary magazine, so I'm doing some serious editing.

#28 Dec 01st 2007, 11:47am
Imalefty
read and loved "the scariest thing." hope it gets published! :)

princess, e flat, or whatever story of mine catches your interest... thanks!

-Lefty

#29 Dec 01st 2007, 8:44pm
Willowindrain
Done Sticks and Stone . Recommends everyone to read it . Very very awesome.

Charms please.

#30 Dec 02nd 2007, 7:29am
Otaku42
Read and reviewed Charms- very intriguing. Someone please review Hard Death's Life.
#31 Dec 02nd 2007, 3:50pm
Imalefty
done hard death's life. :)

princess, e flat, or anything else that interests you... :)

-Lefty

#32 Dec 03rd 2007, 7:10pm
Otaku42
Reviewed the first episode of Wondrous Washin' Shower Rangers! GO GO SHOWER RANGEEEEEEEEEEERS!! Please review either Corporate Apocalypse or Hard Death's Life. Thank you!
#33 Dec 07th 2007, 7:35pm
Wes Sheaborn
Done Corporate Apocalypse. Sorry I reviewed on Chapter five because for some reason I thought it was the last one. I'll give you another one at 7 (non-review game, I promise).

Somebody do Slate please.

#34 Dec 08th 2007, 4:32am
Otaku42
Reviewed chapter one of Slate. Where is everybody, anyway? Someone please review Hard Death's Life, please.
#35 Dec 08th 2007, 6:51am
Imalefty
done hard death's life. :) i don't know where everyone is... maybe we need to advertise more? (or maybe it's that finals are coming up. XD)

princess, please. (and if you physically can't review it, then anything else is fine. XD) thank you!

-Lefty

#36 Dec 08th 2007, 11:26am
Nemonus
I've done some more chapters of "Princess".

I'd like (a) review(s) for "Immortality Unheard of in Heaven", please.

#37 Dec 08th 2007, 3:06pm
Detox
Reviewed.

I'd like input on "Brass Ring", please.

#38 Dec 10th 2007, 3:44am
Kathrynzala
Reviewed "Brass Ring".

Please review "Side Group A".

#39 Dec 10th 2007, 5:01pm
Willowindrain
Done side group A . Charms please
#40 Dec 11th 2007, 6:50am
Imalefty
ok, finally done charms. :)

please do princess (and if you CAN'T, then do any of the others.). thanks!

-Lefty

#41 Dec 11th 2007, 7:04pm . Edited Dec 12th 2007, 7:02pm
Nemonus
I did "E Flat" for you, 'lefty. Please review "Immortality Unheard Of In Heaven". (The voices in the two are kinda similar actually, strangely enough...)
#42 Dec 13th 2007, 10:47pm
Narc
Hey guys. Long time no review. :)

Reviewed "Immortality Unheard of in Heaven". Roanoke, please (chapter twelve just uploaded, for anyone who's already read the rest).

#43 Dec 14th 2007, 7:14pm
Psychotic-kitty
I read and reviewed Roanoke (well the first chapter , but i will continue it when i have more time i loved it) I have to say it makes me a bit scared about what to expect from all of you. but I'm learning and want help and feedback on my work so I'll be brave. Please read either BurnOut or "Am i dead yet?". thanks so much for having this game here.

~Jasmine

#44 Dec 15th 2007, 5:57pm
Otseis Ragnarok
Am i dead yet, done. Not bad, not good either... I'll take a review anywhere, but Lady Hel's Kiss and Dream Angel preferred.

Thanks in advance...

~Onar~

#45 Dec 17th 2007, 10:19am
BeautifulAssassin
Ok - I reveiwed 'Lady Hels Kiss'...

can someone please reveiw either 'Starbucks' or 'Woodrowe High' for me please...thank you

~BeautifulAssassin

#46 Dec 17th 2007, 1:31pm
Nemonus
I reviewed "Starbucks". I hope I did well...I'm not good at reviewing (read: understanding) stories about realistic relationships....

Oh the irony; "Immortality", please.

#47 Dec 17th 2007, 9:18pm
Dexterity
I reviewed the second chapter of "Immortality" Please review "Beyond the Horizon". Thanks!
#48 Dec 18th 2007, 12:18am
Narc
Reviewed Dexterity. Looking forward to the next chapter whenever it's posted. Roanoke please.
#49 Dec 18th 2007, 8:08am
Imalefty
done roanoke. great as usual. :)

princess... and if you CAN'T... then anything else is fine. thanks!

-Lefty

#50 Dec 18th 2007, 3:25pm


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