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Fractured Illusion
Topic: The Review Game: Multi-Chap - Depth

This is place to come if you want reviews for a story that has at least 4 chapters, and the review type is "depth", aka more substance and more constructive.

Only stories go here. Not poems.

You can use whichever RG you like: Stories or Multi-chap. Just because your story is multi-chap does not mean you cannot use the Story RGs. These RGs are all voluntary.

For Review Game rules and some fun facts, go to "Read this first!". Read the rules for the Review Games as well as the rules about Multi-chap.

---

Moving on, this is the basic structure of the Review Game: Multi-chap:

Person 1: Please review "This."

Person 2: I reviewed two chapters of "This." ch 5-6. please review two chapters of "That."

Person 3: I reviewed five chapters of "That." (chapters 1-5), please review five chapters of "Yay."

Person 4: I reviewed five chapters of "Yay.", ch 3-7. "Story" only has four chapters, so please review all of them.

Person 5: I am reviewing 4 ch of "Story". Edit: Done, ch 10-14.! Please review 4 chapters of "Singular"

As you can see, you need to enter a story with at least 4 chapters. The request of reviews has to be at least 2 or max 6.

You review the above person with how much he/she has requested or more and then request the same amount for yourself, or less (not more! If you want to request more, you review the person above more). You can't state what you want reviewed until you have completed all reviews. But you can make a holding post, stating you are reviewing. This lasts for max 2 days. When you are done with the reviews, edit into your post what you yourself want reviewed.

First person to post in this topic gets a freebie of a minimum of 2 reviews. As they have not reviewed, they cannot request. So the second to participate decide how much they wish to review within the established range.

But! If you have 1 chapter with 4000 words or more: your max request can only be 4 chapters.

And if you have more than 1 chapter with 4000 words or more: Max request - 3 chapters

Advice:

Don't try this if you are new to the review games. It will be too confusing. Start with regular review games Easy Fix.

---

For Depth, your review needs to fulfill these requirements, otherwise you will not be seen as someone who has fulfilled their obligation and you can thus not participate.

REVIEW REQUIREMENTS:

Choose at least four of these seven areas and comment upon with at least two sentences. Comments like "That was totally cool, update!" or "I want to read more" does not constitute as a sentence that is to be counted, in this case.

Also, each sentence must comment on something different in the area. For example, 'I really enjoyed the piece. I thought it was very enjoyable' does not count as two sentences. "I really enjoyed the piece. It was enjoyable because I could relate to the characters' is acceptable.

- Opening (did it make you want to read onwards? Did it lack a hook? How so?)

- Ending (did it make you want to read onwards? Did you feel closure? Unfinished? How so?)

- Scene (what stood out to you in a particular scene? Was it good or bad? How so?)

- Dialog (how did it flow? Awkward? Didn't fit the age group that were speaking? Forced? How so?)

- Characters (too empty? Not enough to give an impression? Feel sympathetic? How so?)

- Relationships (is it credible that those two characters behave the way they do? Too unnatural? Forced? How so?)

- Writing (too flowery? Too many adverbs? Too oldfashioned for a high-school drama romance? Perfect match? How so?)

- Spelling/Grammar (anything that stuck out and needed to be corrected?)

- Enjoyment (how did you feel from reading this and WHY? Were you dozing off? On your seat with suspense? How so?)

- Plot (clichéd but well done? Interesting idea but poor execution? Suggestions on how to thicken it? Got no idea where it's heading, but interesting anyhow? How so?)

- Pace (are things progressing too slowly? If so, what should happen?)

- Techniques (how well you feel the techniques were used to convey the ideas in the story? How they were used an what effect it gave to that part of the story?)

- Other (anything you felt was left out from the other commentaries? Perhaps summing up all the bad and good points and closing it up with some final thoughts?)

Note: Summary and/or title is not a category of its own. Neither is descriptions. The latter belongs to "Writing".

REVIEW TEMPLATE

Here is a suggested way to format your review in order make sure it fits the qualifications.

[Area 1 from above] = Two sentences about this

[Area 2 from above] = Two sentences about this

[Area 3 from above] = Two sentences about this

[Area 4 from above] = Two sentences about this

Please remember that you do not need to make your review in this structure. It can be one flowing text, like how you usually review, and after writing what you had to say, compare with the requirements and see if you fulfilled them. Otherwise, just add what is "missing". No need to be so formal unless you don't want to. And remember that flaming is prohibited.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

#1 Mar 02nd 2008, 9:10am . Edited Sep 08th, 3:33pm
Esther Jade
Seems I got here first.

"Heart of the Driechtnacht", please.

Thanks!

#2 Mar 02nd 2008, 9:21am
Imalefty
reviewed 2 chapters of "heart of the dreichtnacht." :)

please do princess... :) thanks!

-Lefty

ps: YAAAAYY! I'M PLAYING THE MULTI CHAP GAME!!! ^_____^

#3 Mar 02nd 2008, 11:48am
Esther Jade
Done 3 chapters of "princess" - Wow!

"Heart of the Driechtnacht", 3 chaps, please.

Thanks!

(Yay - now I can really get into a story and don't have to wait to catch the author again!)

#4 Mar 02nd 2008, 1:00pm
Imalefty
reviewed 3 chapters of "driechtnacht." :)

princess, please! thanks!

-Lefty

#5 Mar 03rd 2008, 7:42pm
Kaiyako Kagami
Reviewed three chapters of "Princess Charming"

Sorry for the confusion on my part.

Two chapters of Goddess please? Thank you.

Kaiyako K.

#6 Mar 05th 2008, 12:57am . Edited Mar 05th 2008, 6:15am
Fractured Illusion
--- OFF TOPIC ---

Sorry Kaiyako . You did it wrong.

You have to review 3 chapters, that's what Lefty did and she didn't specify the number to be changed and thus it is not. The chapter-count they want reviewed only changes when they specify.

You must always review the person above with AT LEAST how many reviews she/he claims.

BUT you can then request less. So your request for 2 chapters of Goddess is legitimate.

So please review another chapter of Lefty, and I will let this pass.

Edit: Aha, you have reviewed 3 chapters. All is good :)

--- END OF OFF TOPIC ---

Kaiyako Kagami's Goddess (two chapters)

#7 Mar 05th 2008, 5:33am . Edited Mar 05th 2008, 8:18am
l. fayette
Reviewed 2 chapters of Goddess.

Court Spy, please.

#8 Mar 06th 2008, 1:40pm . Edited Mar 06th 2008, 1:41pm
Arianna Sterling
I have reviewed three chapters of "Court Spy".

Much obliged if someone could do 3 chapters of "The Storyteller" and skip the prologue- just do the actual chapters. Thanks much!

#9 Mar 07th 2008, 8:44pm
l. fayette
three chapters of Storyteller.

3 chapters of Court Spy if you would.

#10 Mar 08th 2008, 4:26pm
Kyllorac
Reviewed 3 chapters of Court Spy.

Could someone please review all of ARCE?

#11 Mar 13th 2008, 3:08pm . Edited Mar 14th 2008, 12:59pm
Otseis Ragnarok
Reviewed 3 chaps of ARCE... Nice joke in the title...

3 later chapters of Dream Angel, if you please...

#12 Mar 14th 2008, 4:44am . Edited Mar 14th 2008, 5:08am
Fractured Illusion
--- OFF TOPIC ---

Onar, you needed to give at least one more review to Kylie, because Kylie is to do three reviews for Fayette, which means you need to give Kylie at least three reviews too. Not to mention that I just noticed your first review to the first chapter doesn't even fulfill the review requirement!

And Kylie, I hope those reviews to Fayette come in pretty soon... >.>

If anyone has a problem with this: Take it to the Problem topic. Next up is Kylie.

--- END OF OFF TOPIC ---

Kyllorac is up with ARCE (3 chapters)

#13 Mar 14th 2008, 4:51am . Edited Mar 14th 2008, 2:40pm
Harmonic Discord
Reviewed 3 chaps of ARCE - nicely done :)

The Sylvian Outlaws, 3 chapters, s'il vous plait? (or 2 chapters, if you can't do 3)

#14 Mar 14th 2008, 9:31pm . Edited Mar 19th 2008, 9:56pm
Fractured Illusion
I'll do Sylvian Outlaws :P (its multi here and I dont wanna get robbed of my place so I post it now. i swear to get it done soon though!!!)

Please do ting tong's The Last Summer :3 (2 chapters!)

(I did promise her to get her a review from the freebie, but darn, no one is offering story reviews!)

#15 Mar 20th 2008, 5:40pm
BlindmansWorkshop
Reviewed "The Last Summer" (both chapters).

Would appreciate a review of Godsilver.

Thanks :)

(Just a quick note; Chapter 1 has now changed, thanks to Dex's suggestions, but it's changed -completely-, so on the offchance some one started already, you want to be reading the Chapter 1 that begins with the word "Red". Should be updated in however long Fiction Press takes to update.)

#16 Mar 22nd 2008, 6:28pm . Edited by Fractured Illusion, Mar 24th 2008, 2:37pm
lylahgrace
I Just finished reviewing all five chapters of GoldSilver, please review Consequences are Forever, thanks! BTW, I was very impressed! Keep writing, it's amazing!
#17 Mar 24th 2008, 10:53am
BlindmansWorkshop
--- OFF TOPIC ---

As much as I genuinely appreciate the reviews Lylah;

REVIEW REQUIREMENTS:

Choose at least four of these seven and comment upon with at least two sentences. Comments like "That was totally cool, update!" or "I want to read more" does not constitute as a sentence that is to be counted, in this case.

-Dialog (how did it flow? Awkward? Didn't fit the age group that were speaking? Forced? How so?)

-Characters (too empty? Not enough to give an impression? Feel sympathetic? How so?)

-Writing (too flowery? Too many adverbs? Too oldfashioned for a high-school drama romance? Perfect match? How so?)

-Spelling (anything that stuck out and needed to be corrected?)

-Enjoyment (how did you feel from reading this and WHY? Were you dozing off? On your seat with suspense? How so?)

-Plot (clichéd but well done? Interesting idea but poor execution? Suggestions on how to thicken it? Got no idea where it's heading, but interesting anyhow? How so?)

-Other (anything you felt was left out from the other commentaries? Perhaps summing up all the bad and good points and closing it up with some final thoughts?)

--- END OF OFF TOPIC ---

#18 Mar 24th 2008, 11:10am . Edited Mar 24th 2008, 11:10am
Fractured Illusion
--- OFF TOPIC ---

BlindmansWorkshop , next you make an off topic post, state who is next.

lylahgrace , your reviews were not fulfilling the review requirements and thus you cannot be counted as a participant. Please read the rules and the first post carefully before playing. It is only fair to yourself and the other players, and it shows respect.

--- END OF OFF TOPIC ---

BlindmansWorkshop is up with Godsilver

#19 Mar 24th 2008, 12:45pm
Kyllorac
Reviewed 5 chapters of Godsilver.

3 chapters of ARCE, please, minus the prologue.

#20 Mar 24th 2008, 4:17pm
Dexterity
Did the prologue AND the 3 chapters of ARCE. Awesome humour, by the way!

Preferrably do 3 chapters of "Stolen Flight". If it's not physically possible (as in you've reviewed 2 chapters already), then do 2.

#21 Mar 24th 2008, 5:23pm . Edited Mar 24th 2008, 5:24pm
Esther Jade
Done 2 chaps of "Stolen Flight". Had done other 2 previously.

"Heart of the Driechtnacht" - 2 chapters please.

Thanks!

#22 Mar 25th 2008, 12:50pm
Kyllorac
Reviewed 2 chapters of "Heart of the Driechtnacht". Very nicely-written, and definitely one of my favorite stories on FP so far.

Two chapters (preferably chapters 2 and 3) of ARCE please.

#23 Mar 29th 2008, 9:17am . Edited Mar 29th 2008, 9:18am
thefilmchick
Got it but I am going back to re-review because I didn't follow format.

Since I will have done (when I fix my snafus) three chapters and a prologue of the above, if someone can review prologue, ch 1, ch 2, ch 3 of A Thousand Bayonets, hit me with your best shot.

#24 Mar 29th 2008, 2:59pm . Edited Mar 30th 2008, 1:44pm
Arianna Sterling

I did 1-4 of 'Bayonets', so if someone could do 'The Storyteller'... Chapters One through Four (yes, skip the Prologue- unless you want to do it, that's fine). I really need feedback on those chapters.

#25 Apr 03rd 2008, 4:38pm
Kaiyako Kagami

Done: Prologue and Four Chapters Of "The Storyteller"

Five Chapters Of "Letting Go" Please.

Thanks,

Kaiyako K.

#26 Apr 04th 2008, 5:15am
Kyllorac

Reviewed 5 chapters of "Letting Go"

3 chapters of ARCE please.

#27 Apr 06th 2008, 3:59pm . Edited Apr 06th 2008, 4:00pm
B. J. Winters

Read ARCE - 3 chapters.

Three chapters of Ghost Writer, please. (1-3 or 7-9). Flexible to other selections.

#28 Apr 11th 2008, 5:06pm
Arianna Sterling

I actually did Chapters One through four, and loved each of them.

The Storyteller, Chapters One-Four (not the stupid prologue). [Eventually I'll learn to do links.]

#29 Apr 11th 2008, 11:09pm
Kyllorac

In order to revive Multi-Chap Depth, both Lefty and Frac have given me permission to submit my story for review even though it does not currently have 4 chapters.

Reviewed 4 chapters of The Storyteller. 2 Chapters of ARCE, please.

#30 Apr 27th 2008, 4:30pm . Edited Apr 28th 2008, 10:42am
Deimus Maxiran

Did three chapters of ARCE.

Can I get three chapters from "Tree of Eden" reviewed? I would prefer if someone could look at chapters 5,6, and 7 since those chapters are where I am struggling the most. If you don't feel like reading that far though I completely understand, so review whatever you want!

#31 Apr 28th 2008, 11:45am
B. J. Winters

I did the last three chapters of Tree of Eden. (the chapters requested)

Three chapters of Ghost Writer please (preferably 6, 7 and 8 since I'm rewriting them -- but I'm flexible.)

#32 Apr 28th 2008, 2:31pm . Edited Apr 28th 2008, 2:41pm
rassoodock

i reviewed the ghost writer. orange, please. there's only 3 chapters so far, so have at it. or maybe it's four. ** if i know.

#33 Apr 29th 2008, 3:36pm . Edited Apr 29th 2008, 3:42pm
Imalefty

--OFF TOPIC--

@ rassie: this is multi-chap depth, so you need to have reviewed THREE chapters IN DEPTH of BJ's "ghost writer" to qualify. if you want to review three chapters in depth, then you can repost and request for reviews on your story.

--END OFF TOPIC--

B.J. Winters' story "Ghost Writer" is up for three reviews (preferably chapters 6, 7, and 8, but not required).

-Lefty

#34 Apr 29th 2008, 5:30pm . Edited Apr 29th 2008, 5:31pm
Imalefty

okay! reviewed chapters 6, 7, and 8 of "ghost writer."

three chapters of "mary sue" please. :) thanks!

-Lefty

#35 Apr 29th 2008, 5:46pm . Edited Apr 29th 2008, 6:32pm
rassoodock

i gave an overall view of what i thought of the three chapters. i like to just wrap things up in one review with my feelings that happened during the three chapters.

#36 Apr 29th 2008, 6:14pm
Imalefty

--OFF TOPIC--

@ rassie - please actually leave three reviews next time... ^_^;; also, your overall review wasn't quite "depth" enough to satisfy the requirements.

Edit from Frac: Frac says hi, Lefty! *waves*

Edit by lefty: yes! i can edit! :D

--END OFF TOPIC--

three chapters of my "mary sue" are up, please. thanks!

-Lefty

#37 Apr 29th 2008, 6:34pm . Edited Apr 30th 2008, 7:25pm
B. J. Winters

I did 4 of Mary Sue to finish it off.

Three of Ghost Writer. (about 8,000 words)

#38 May 01st 2008, 1:59pm . Edited May 01st 2008, 2:05pm
Fractured Illusion

ATTENTION!

We have inforced a new rule that will determine how many chapters you can request! This is due to RG Multi having been clogged up because of too massive chapters in the past, so now we aim to put a stop to that.

New rule is Rule 17:

17) There is a restriction to the above rule. If your request includes a chapter with more than 4,000 words, you can only request up to 4 chapters max. Even if you had to review a six chaptered story. And if you have more than one requested chapter over 4,000 words, you can only request a maximum of 3 chapters.

To put it more simple:

1 chapter with 4,000 words or more: Max request - 4 chapters

More than 1 chapter with 4,000 words or more: Max request - 3 chapters

This rule has no retroactive influence. Only the new posts/players will be affected by this.

---END OF THE NOTICE ---

B.J. Winters is up with Ghost Writer (3 chapters)

#39 May 03rd 2008, 5:50am . Edited May 04th 2008, 9:13am
Imalefty

OKAY! i did three chapters of "ghost writer."

three chapters of "mary sue," please! thanks! :)

-Lefty

#40 May 09th 2008, 6:25pm . Edited May 09th 2008, 7:17pm
0ri

sorry about that.

#41 May 10th 2008, 7:56pm . Edited May 11th 2008, 4:52pm
Fractured Illusion

--- OFF TOPIC ---

0ri, I only see one review given to Imalefty. This is not acceptable. 3 chapters - 3 reviews. And all must be depth. For now you are not qualifed as a player, and the ball goes back to Imalefty's story.

--- END OF OFF TOPIC ---

Imalefty is up with Mary Sue

#42 May 11th 2008, 9:12am
rassoodock

ok, now i think i did think i did this right...

i did 3 chapters of mary sue

can someone do orange? and i believe the critera would be 3 chapters, but i'm not entirely sure.

i am such a newfag.

#43 May 11th 2008, 4:14pm
0ri

I did 3 chapters of orange, did it right this time. I fail at life.

3 chapters of Beautiful Dystopia please, though you don't have to review the prolog since it's pretty short. This story is long so I hope I'm not asking for too much/violating the criteria. o ,o

#44 May 11th 2008, 6:06pm
KnittingKneedle

Did four chapters of beautiful dystopia.

As many chapters of The Last Summer as you feel like (more than one, of course)

#45 May 14th 2008, 7:19am
B. J. Winters

I did 6 of Last Summer.

Can I get three or four of Ghost Writer (based on interest/energy). Late chapters preference - {Chapters 7,8,9} or {Chapters 10, 11, 12, 13}, or {Chapters 11, 12, 13, 14} or {Chapters 12, 13, 14} as bundle suggestions.

#46 May 14th 2008, 1:32pm . Edited May 14th 2008, 3:21pm
Imalefty

okay! finished off "ghost writer" - suspenseful. :D

three chapters of "mary sue," please... preferably the last ones, since chapter 7 has no reviews and chapter 1 has 30... T_T but no obligation or anything... :)

-Lefty

#47 May 14th 2008, 6:00pm . Edited May 14th 2008, 6:37pm
adnapusa

I read all seven chapters of, "Mary Sue." :) It was good.

Possibly read four to six chapters of mine, "I Am". (Seven if you'd like. :D) Anyhow. Thanks!

#48 May 17th 2008, 10:14pm
rassoodock

i did four chapters of I Am

four of orange, please?

#49 May 18th 2008, 1:30pm
rassoodock

wait, i think i can only request three...

ok, however many i am entitled to, do that number.

#50 May 18th 2008, 1:31pm


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