PLEASE review my story Jeremy's Dream!

I seriously need a review for The Magician's Game - I worked ** it and I want to know whether I should continue.

I'd like some reviews for my story (http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2475908/1/The_Magicians_Game) because I want some feedback (positive or constructive criticism entirely welcome).

Hello all, please review my story "When I Think That I Have Failed To Die." It's the only one on my page... just click on my username. Thank you!

1. Forums are not to be used to post stories.
2. All discussions, language and content, must be suitable for teens.
3. The owner/moderator(s) of this forum is solely responsible for content posted within this area.
4. All forum abuse must be reported to the moderator(s).

1. Forum admin/moderator
2. Fanatic (on site for more than 2 years)
3. Fan (on site for more than a year)
4. Regular (on site for more than 6 months)
5. Camper (on site for more than a month)
6. Apprentice (on site for more than a week)
7. Newbie (on site for less than a week)