So I guess hotmail is blocked at school or something? If it's the same for Gmail then, well hey I know FP isn't blocked, so let's talk here.

So uh, well this is what I was trying to send you so much before.. only cleaned up since I'm not still urgently upset:

Hey.. Agh, this ***ing sucks.‏

From:Scott Landrie ()

Sent:March 27, 2008 9:57:33 PMTo:

NinaCason ()

Meh.. At least we get to stay in contact a little. So you said a couple months? So, a few months with limited contact.. Even if "a couple" is like 6 I could hold my *** in for that.. I mean, I don't have to like it but eh.. Look, if you're in for waiting I certainly am. Respond soon k? I love you. Now, seeing I already got a yes through Tiff... Off from there, uh.. Yeah about that spot of stupidity last night. Blegh, I figured "you aren't responsible for my actions, I make it clear I'm not looking for appeal, I make it super respectful.." ..I'm an idiot, sorry. And lastly about Don Sullivan. So ye I already had this, felt like reviewing your work safely and uhm asking about FT. From now on no Sully.. unless I guess in the case of an emergency, like if someone dies and you need to talk to me for comfort or something, idk..

There's some other s**t, has to do with a.. former friend of mine named Rosa. She was like, 6th place or something on my list of friends. But that's a long story and I can't explain here.

(I might be being too elaborate, but I don't want to take any risk of getting you in trouble.)

Is everything okay with you and your 'former friend?'

No.. see, thing is, four days ago there wasn't any 'former' on there. She was just like, my 6th closest friend. But that's an extremely long story, that I couldn't possibly explain here. Also, I'm sick enough to be home, so we can have some kind of semi-live chat thing.

Bah, this software is slow as hell.. Although, as long as we can speak freely for the moment, any idea's about somewhere better to talk? Like the private messaging system on some php forum?

Also, I HATE having to use Don Sullivan more (in regards to last nights PM's) but, what was with your lack of presense through lunch and after school?

Sorry, I wasn't actoully on through then. And when I got home, I was only on for a little bit.

Oh, okay, sorry. And hey, I still wanna talk to you about this s**t with Rosa.. I'll try to explain it when I get home for you at, uh, '2 PM your time?'. If there's anything you wanna say to me get it in at lunch?

Alright.. about this Rosa thing. As it happened.. well... In the almost a year we've known her, it turned out she was lying about pretty much anything in her life. She's not 20, only 17, she doesn't drive, and some other unimportant stuff. Also, when she was "in Guatemala helping poor kids" for those months, she wasn't. That was bull***. Pretty much EVERYTHING was bull***. Hell, quite likely a lot of her personality too. Anything contributing to her spot on my list of friends.

This guy that knows both of us, somehow found everything out. She didn't use a fake name, and she's news. You can goodle Rosa Blaus or youtube search yellowikis. After he found out, he confronted her with it, and she denied it at first. Then eventually she made up some probably bull*** story about boarding school and not being able to be on forever and stuff then suddenly left. It might be true, but most likely she's just gutless and too ashamed to talk to us. If that's the case, which is probably is, that's the worst part. I can understand why she'd want to leave, but he offered her a second chance and asked her to stay, and she also knew about my state, and needing every friend I can get as much as I can get (because of this ** with your mom).. So she'd be putting herself first, which isn't what the Rosa Blaus I liked would do here. But she's fake anyways. She said to him she'd be back in August after exams and such, but I doubt it.

Also, while she seemed to have suddenly left for Omni before he even told me, I did get in contact for her, and here's how it all went:

ME: What the ** Rosa? Omni just told me, um.. everything. About yellowwikie and all that.. What the **? What about everything I thought about your character, how much would I be wrong about there? Obviously I was way off about honesty, but what else? I mean, after my long conversation with him, everything taken together makes it look like almost ANYTHING contributing to your position on my list of friends was bull**.

HER: I'm sorry Scott.

ME: I don't know if I can really believe that you are.. I can kind of understand the lies and stuff, although, I'm still gonna ask why? Especially that ** about Guatemala. And second, about leaving now.. the least you could do would be stay, after Omni asked you to, and after I explicitly told you about my current state.. I can understand why you'd want to go, but that's still putting yourself first, and the Rosa Blaus I figured I knew wouldn't do that. But she was fake anyways, - she was the one who went to Guatemala to help poor kids? - **. So yeah, I don't know if I can believe that you're sorry, and I'd really have a hard time believing any of the reasons I liked you were true.

PS, Omni says "** you".

(He asked me to pass that along if she responded, which he didn't think she would.)

HER: i dont want to try to excuse or explain my behaviour because i know that there is no reason you should believe me, so its pointless. i'm about to drive to school, which is a boarding school, and i havent brought my own laptop, so i have to use school computers, and yes even gmail is blocked. facebook is double blocked. so dont be surprised if i dont reply for ages. i mean, i have a week off in 6 weeks, but i dont even know if im going home then. and yes, i have the most important exams in my life coming up in the next couple of months. my future literally depends on my results. if that makes me selfish then so be it. but anyway, i doubt you are going to believe any of that. oh and dont bother relaying omnis messages to me. if he has something to say, he can tell me himself. i am sorry

ME: You'd be surprised at what I can believe, and what I can forgive. I'm not sure if I want to believe everything you just said, or what even makes sense, and I guess that'll have to depend on your words - and more, your actions - some time from now. Also, believe it or not, I may be able to believe any explanation you could give, depending on what you say. I'm not trying to guilt trip you with this, God knows you have enough of that already. I was just looking for some understanding. I know, i've probably said enough times that honesty is my second favorite virtue, and lack of it my second least favorite evil. But I've also said enough times that I don't like to treat morality like a law book. There are circumstances to everything, and I like to think of myself as pretty understanding. If you'd just help me understand. For instance, I didn't know it was a boarding school, if that's true. That makes things make a bit more sense. I'm probably too late in sending this, so I guess if I get a good response several months from now that in itself will answer one of my questions. Please, do try to explain, I just want to make some sense out of this. If I can understand it, and I like to think I will, if anything ever comes, I'd like us to still be friends.

(If she is bull***ing this final response is far too nice. But that's fine, cuz if she is, it won't matter. And if she's been telling the truth about everything after Omni found out, as much a long shot as that is, it's perfect.)

(PS. I meant to say more earlier but I didn't get the chance. I was literally writing that line in the few minutes between fourth period and fifth)

I try to tell you something big and important to me (as well as complicated and stupid, ugh) then you're not there?. Um, ok. Next time tell me if you don't think you'll be on later in the day? And please, tomorrow morning, give me a full response to that ^?

Also, I really do hope you're ok. I'm more worried about you than I am about myself in this mess with your mom. And, we've already missed the day we hit exactly six months together, April 4th. And I get to miss your birthday in a bit.. I'm sorry. Respond to this AS WELL, if you will.

Oh, I guess you weren't there again.. Ok.

I am SOOOO sorry, I can talk tomorrow before school I'll leave a better message then.

I'm sorry about that. I was sick yeserday so I was in bed ALL day. As to the other thing... wow... I don't know why someone would lie about their life like that, I mean yeah. It's the internet and all, but that would just be evil to go to the extreme.

*Sigh*, ok, guess you're only on in the mornings.

..Still no response I see.. Ok, hope you're there at lunch.

So.. I guess whatever's wrong is um, still wrong..

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