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Sand Josieph Bibliomancer

Here's basicly what the quest is: A gang of of adventurers are trying to reach the planet of Galaday. But they must traverse the treacherous Dimension of Bad Ideas to find the right entrance. Should they come across a false entrance, they could lose their minds forever. Now, the Dimension of Bad Ideas doesn't necessarily mean that the things here don't work, far from it. It means that the things here were simply down with ill-logic. If anyone else wants to play, they are free to join us. Just be sure to make your entrance seem logical enough.

Electra, with Easy at her side, stepped out into the streets.

"I'll need to travel on your space ship, if that's alright with you," said Electra to Easy as they waited for the ones who dared to join them.

Before Easy could say a word, Vivian appeared with the rest of the crew. "Of course you can use our ship," Vivian said. He then pressed a button on his bra, and a floating platform emerged from the bottom of the ship and descended to the ground. "All aboard," he said, then performed a superjump up to the ship, a good hundred or so feet above the ground.

After everyone got on, Vivian pressed the button again, and up the platform went.

When Captain Tiller and his crew emerged from the tavern, they saw the others go up on a floating platform.

"To the ship, boys!" he commanded. The entire gang floated up to the SOS Sinker. When everyone was settled in, he said, "I'll need to talk with the other captain." And then he floated over to the SS Odom.

"I need to talk to Vivian," he said out loud.

Vivian rose up in a chair on a platform that emerged from the control room. "What say you, Capt. Tiller?" Vivian asked. "And it's Capt. Vestite! What's the point of having a pirate alias if no one ever uses it!"

"Aye, my bad, captain," apologized Captain Tiller, before continuing. "How do ye travel from dimension to dimension? Because the entrance to the Realm of Bad Ideas is protected, rather poorly, by a sheet of aluminum foil."

"We use a transdimensional inverted flux capicitor," Vivian responded. "Do you guys have one?"

"We ghosts be interdimensional travellers," answered the ghost captain, "We can shift from dimension to dimension."

"Unfortunately, the dimension Galaday is in is located within the realm of bad ideas," said Electra gravely. Then she added, "We will need as may good ideas as we can muster. They will be the only things that can protect us if we're in any danger."

((Ooh, look at the time! I've got to get to bed. See you later!))

Vivian scoffed. "This crew is loaded with good ideas! We'll get there!"

((And with that, I'm off to bed, too. 'Till tomorrow!))

"Hey, that ghost ship looks familiar," said Trinity as she brought the Sandlot Station Wagon to a stop. Josieph, who was still clutching the seat for dear life, was too shaken to notice. "I wonder what they are up to...and what is that other strange ship?"

Trinity got on the car's loud speaker system and shouted, "Hey, You guys! In the floating ships! What's going on?"

"Geeze, Trin," Josipeh said, his ears ringing, "You could wake the dead with that thing."

They're already awake," Trinity answered quickly.

Vivian noticed the station wagon and the woman inside it, yelling at them. He turned to Capt. Tiller.

"Do you know them?" Vivian asked the ghost captain.

"Aye, they be Kathirynn Sandlot's Parents," answered Captain Tiller. Then he turned his focus to the station wagon, "Ahoy, mateys! What be yer course o' action today!"

"Captain Tiller, is that you?" asked Trinity, "What are you doing up there...in that space ship looking thingy?"

"We be headin' for Galaday! You lookin' to hitch a ride?"

"Can we?" boomed Trinity.

"Dang it, not so loud," said Josiph, rubbing his ears, "I think I'm going deaf..."

"Sorry," apologized the white haired woman to her husband.

"Well Captain, can they hitch a ride?" asked Captain Tiller to Vivian.

"Well, as we said on the planet Zodom," Vivian said. "The more, the merrier! Come along, you two!"

Adoy appeared, floating next to Vivian. "Captain, wasn't that attitude what got Zodom surface-bombed?"

"Oh, yeah," Vivian said. "But this is different. A pleasure to have you aboard, Mr. and Mrs. Sandalot!"

((If you want to know what Josieph and Trinity look like, look at my screen name picture. The short man is Josieph and the tall, white haired lady is Trinity. I drew the picture myself))

Trinity, being the maniacal driver she was, drove right into the control room with the station wagon. When she finally came to a stop, the car had numerous dings and dents on it. Josieph scrambled out of the vehicle as though it were on fire.

"You're crazy, woman!" he shouted, trying to get a hold of himself.

"Why thank you," said Trinity with a devilish smile. Seeing Captain Tiller, she smiled and asked, "So who's in charge of this ship?"

Vivian seemed confused.

"Does she mean my ship, your ship, or her 'ship'?" he asked Tiller.

"Oh, so you own this ship," said Trinity to Vivian, smiling, "Pleased to meet you. I'm afraid we didn't quite catch your name."

"You're going to love these two," said Electra to Easy.

Vivian bowed to the new couple. "Greetings," Vivian said to them. "My name is Vivian Johnson, but my pirate name is Captain Vestite. And here are two of my crew."

"Adoy Anak, pirate alias Triple A," he said pointed to the mage floating beside him.

"And Easy Deepthroat, aka Ms. Easy," he said, pointing to Easy, who was standing beside Electra.

"Electra, I didn't see you standing there!" said Trinity, her violet eyes growing wide.

"Hello, Trinity," answered Electra, "I was wondering when I would run into you again."

"Well, you seem like a fine young lady," said Josieph to Vivian, going to shake what he presumed to be a woman's hand.

Vivian blushed.

"Why, thank you," he said to Josieph. "If by 'fine young lady', you mean 'six-foot-tall drag queen'." He then took Josieph's hand and kissed it.

Josieph froze on the spot. And then, faster than anyone could blink, he was in his wife's arms.

"T-t-t-t-the h-h-h-horros-s-s-s," he stammered. Trinity smiled and buried his face into her massive cleavage. Soon, he was out cold, the only movements he made were occasional twitches.

"So you're going to Galaday," said Trinity, still holding Josieph, "Has Electra told you about the general rule in the Dimension of Bad Ideas?"

"Yes, I did!" said Electra.

"Well, I'm sorry to say this," said Trinity gravely, "but there have been a few changes made to the laws of that dimension. For one thing: Good ideas are no longer allowed there. So I hope you and your crew, Captain Vestite, are good at using bad ideas in a productive manner. Secondly, we cannot enter on a full tank of gas as that would be a good idea and thus prevent us from entering the realm in the first place."

((By the way, Trinity stands in at 6'9" tall and Josieph is exactly 3 feet tall))

Vivian looked up at the towering Trinity.

"Don't worry," he said. "We can come up with enough bad ideas for a lifetime!" He then pressed a button on the captain's chair. Suddenly, a voice appeared over the intercom.

"Yes, Captain," said Isaiah Sinner.

"Empty the fuel tanks to half-empty," Vivian told him.

"Are you sure, sir?" Isaiah asked.

"Don't question your captain!" Vivian snapped his fingers. "Just do it!"

"As you wish, Captain," Isaiah said. The intercom clicked off.

"Don't worry about the power going too low," said Electra, "I'll make sure we have enough 'juice' to make it to our destination." Then she turned to Easy and spoke softly, "I'm going to need your help keeping my energy up. Are you ok with that task?" Electra held Easy reassuringly, willing her confidence into the girl.

Easy giggled. "You know I am!" she said.

Vivian turned to Capt. Tiller.

"Captain Tiller?" Vivian asked. "Are you ready to weigh anchor?"

"Me anchors weigh not a thing!" said Captain Tiller, "But I be ready as soon as you are."

With that, the ghostly captain passed through the wall of the Odom and back to his own ship.

"You should probably give us a tour of the your ship, captain," said Trinity, still holding Josieph like a child.

"Then how about we go to your quarters and charge me up," said Electra, holding Easy even closer.

Josieph's eye suddenly shot opened and he looked at Easy and Electra. "Oh, get a room!" he said out loud before passing out again in his wife's chest.

"We're getting a room!" retorted Electra, smiling.

As Easy led Electra to her room, Vivian turned to Trinity.

"Well, this is the Captain's Quarters. This isn't my room, it's where I command the ship," he said. "Follow me if you wish to meet the rest of the crew." Vivian then walked out a door to the right.

Trinity, still carrying Josieph, followed Vivian into the next room.

"You stay here and be good," she said to the Sandlot Station Wagon before she left. The car switched itself off.

As Vivian and Trinity entered the Galley, they saw the crew gathered around the table, eating. Isaiah entered the room.

"Isaiah!" Vivian said. "Start up the engines, and plot the coordinates Trinity gives you into the computer."

"Actually," Trinity said, "We're already in the right coordinates. We just have to get to the right plane of existance. It's kind of like going to the infra red spectrum. We'll know when we're in the right spot when we find ourselves smack dab in middle of a city made out of cardboard boxes."

"Well, then," Vivian told Isaiah, "just start the ship and flicker with the transdimensional inverted flux capicitor until you see what she said."

"Yes, sir!" Isaiah saluted then left.

"Just make sure we don't come into the plane around any fire breathing, flying, water tanks!" Trinity yelled to Issaiah. She then returned to Vivian and said, "Now how about that tour?" Josieph then started to squirm and he awoke. He took one look at Vivian and sighed.

"I guess I'll just have to get used them," Josieph muttered. He jumped out (more like fell out) of Trinity's arms and hit the floor. Reaching into his hat, he pulled out Mopper, his divine mop. It had been blessed by the Great Goddess of Galaday herself. "Mopper should be able to guide us on our way!" he exclaimed, proudly holding the mop up high.

Vivian turned back to Trinity. "Now let me introduce the rest of the crew. Roll call!" The crew stood up from the table and formed a line in front of Vivian and Trinity. "Now, when I call your name, you will stand forward and address yourself to Mr. and Mrs. Sandalot here, using your name and/or any pirate aliases you have. Ronald Spiffington!"

The pale man in the white suit stepped forward. "Ronald Spiffington, aka Mr. Spiffy," he said, taking of his hat and bowing to Trinity.

"Skruuplz!" The hulking demon stepped forward and bowed.

"Beatrix Hollendaze!" The girl wearing a colander on her head stepped forward. "Spaghetti Gal!" she said.

"Adoy Anak!" The mage in the black cloak bowed. "Triple A," he said.

"Speedy Cleptman!" The 13-year-old stumbled forward. "Sticky-Fingers Speedy!" he said.

"Mimi Miyagazi!" The demonologist stepped forward. "Succubeatnik, reporting for duty!"

"Kilzog!" The sexy Devil stepped forward, then bowed. "At your service," he said.

"Isaiah Sinner VII is starting the ship, and you've already met Easy Deepthroat," Vivian said to Trinity.

"All right," Vivian said to his crew. "Back to dinner!" The crew dispersed and then went back to the table.

Vivian then walked over to the stairs. "The tour awaits," he told Trinity and Josieph.

"Triple A, huh?" said Josieph to Adoy, "Do you do vehicular service calls? Because if you do, then could you fix old Rust Bucket, our loyal station wagon?"

"Y'know, Beatrix," said Trinity to the girl with the colander, "Josieph's nickname for me is Spaghetti Head. Mostly because of my hair." She twisted her spaghetti-like hair around a finger.

Adoy seemed annoyed. "No, I don't. 'Triple A' stands for 'Adoy Anak the Arcane.'"

"Ooh," Beatrix ggigled, admiring Trinity's hair.

Vivian seemed miffed. "Um, hellooo?! The tour?!"

"C'mon," Trinity said to her diminuitive husband, "Our tour is calling." She lead Josieph to the stairwell where Vivian was waiting.

"For the sake of convenience," said Josieph to Vivian, "Just call me SJ, since my childhood nickname was Sandlot Joe. If you're alright with that."

Vivian led Trinity and Josieph up to the deck. "Very well, SJ," Vivian said. "This is the ship's Upper Deck," Vivian said, walking across the deck over to another door. "And in here we have the Lower Deck hallway," opening the door.

"Huh," said Josieph (now SJ), looking around, "I wonder how many cards he has on each deck?"

Trinity just hit on the back of the head, smiling the entire time.

As Vivian led Trinity and SJ through the Lower Deck hallway, she pointed out the doors on either side of her.

"Here we have the Crew's Quarters," Vivian said. As they passed a closed door, they could hear the sounds of moaning and electricity surging.

When SJ put his ear to the door, he was zapped with a bolt of electricity.

"Huh...shocking..." he coughed.

Vivian carried on the tour, leading them to the end of the hallway to ornate two-doored entrance.

"And here," Vivian said with pride, "are my personal quarters." He opened the doors, and led them in. Once inside, Vivian turned on the lights, showing that the walls of the room were covered with ancient paintings and classic art. At the center end of the room was a king-sized bed with bedposts and a curtain overhead, along with a bureau next to it, with a heavy padlock on it.

"Hey, Sweety," said trinity to her husband, "Imagine how much fun we could have in that bed..."

"It would definitely be better than doing it...HEY!!!" said SJ, "I know where you're going with this!"

Trinity merely laughed.

Vivian chuckled. "You've got quite a wife there, SJ." He then looked at the floor. "And on the level below us, the Bottom Deck, is the Treasure Storage."

"Come now," Vivian told the couple. "Let's head back to the Control Room." He walked out, waiting for Trinity and SJ to follow.

As they followed Vivian, SJ had to ask the inevitable. "Where are your bathrooms?"

Vivian stopped in his tracks. "Right," he said. "Everyone's quarters has a personal restroom AND separate washroom. The toilet in the restroom uses a special warphole technology which sends the waste to the dimension of the Nullverse, a barren univese where nothing else exists and nothing returns. Just don't flush while you're still sitting on it."

"Gotcha..." said Sj.

"Speaking of quarters," said Trinity, "where will my husband and I be sleeping?"

"Sleeping?" SJ asked. He was suspiscious of the way Trinity said "sleeping".

"Well, what else are we going to do besides make sure everything is going smoothly?" Trinity smiled.

For a moment, SJ's face went blank and then he backed into a wall.

"Door...DOOR...DOOR!!" he said, reaching for a door knob that didn't exist. Trinity laughed out loud and scooped up her quivering husband in her arms.

"I'll make it worth your while," she smiled.

"That's what I'm afraid of," he answered with a grimace.

Vivian chuckled. "That's quite alright. For tonight, you may use my personal sleeping quarters," he told them.

He handed Trinity a key. "If you're feeling really adventurous, I have some 'tools' in the bureau beside my bed. Now, come, back to the control room!"

"If you insist," said Trinity accepting the key. With SJ still struggling in her arms, Trinity followed Vivian back to the control room.

As Vivian and the Sandalot's entered the Control Room, they saw Isaiah spinning in the Captain's Chair. When he saw Vivian, he stopped spinning and gulped. Surprisingly, Vivian just chuckled.

"Isaiah," Vivian said. "You know the punishment for goofing off when I give you orders..."

"Yes, sir," Isaiah said grimly. He walked over to Vivian. "No tongue?"

Vivian nodded. "Tongue." He then grabbed the sides of Isaiah's head, brought him closer, and open-mouth kissed him.

Both SJ and Triity stuck out their own long forked tongues at the kiss.

"I taste reluctant exhiliration," said Trinity with a smile.

"I taste your sarcasm," said SJ, somewhat perplexed.

As Vivian pulled away, he looked Isaiah straight in the eyes.

"Do we understand now the importance of following orders?" he asked Isaiah.

"Yes, sir," Isaiah said, tensely.

"Good," Vivian said. "Now, go join the others for dinner." As Isaiah walked away, Vivian slapped his butt. He then turned to the computer.

"Well," Vivian told the Sandalots. "The wavelength for the Realm of Bad Ideas is a few jumps away." He then pressed the intercom button, and addressed his crew.

"Attention," Vivian said. "All crew will now head to their quarters. I'll cover night patrol today, on account of me offering my personal quarters to Mr. and Mrs. Sandalot. Now, bedtime!"

"You two can head to bed now," Vivian told the couple. "But before you do, could you use that key and get the small black rectangular case I have in the bureau beside my bed and bring it to me?"

"Uh, sure," said SJ, falling out Trinity's arms and crashing to the floor.

"Wait for me, dear!" laughed Trinity as she followed her husband out of the control room. But before she left, Trinity looked to Vivian and said, "It's Sandlot, not Sandalot. I just wanted to be sure we got that part straight." She smiled playfully and left the room.

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