((If anyone wants to write their own 'articles' for the newspaper feel free))

At a concert in London last night, the fans were startled when suddenly a girl sprouted wings and flew up over the crowd, exiting the building, with a companion close behind. It is unknown whether this was a stunt for the concert or something else.

((Okay, so it's not a full newspaper article, but rather a brief summary. If you want the whole story, go to the concert topic))

Several college students were admitted to the hospital last night after a brawl in one of the dorms. The family and police are refraining from comment, but the hospital staff tells us that at least one man is dead, and several people may be in critical.

We'll keep the public informed as details are released.

LOCAL BUILDING DESTROYED! OFFICIALS BAFFLED

A large explosion rocked a private school in the middle of the night, leaving the structure unrepairable. Thus far, only a few bodies have been found. Officials suspect foul play but are not saying anything as to potential suspects.

It’s official: the rumors are true. Local heartthrobs Deacon O’Hara and Serena Hirst are finally back together! After a month of getting our hopes up, the couple stunned onlookers at Marquiano’s last night with the fervor and stamina we’ve become accustomed to.

(cont. pg 3)

NOTES: The Deacon West O’Hara fanclub has announced that they are taking this setback in stride, and the meetings will continue as scheduled. For more information, go to

http://www. thefuture_mrs_ohara.com

The university radio station will broadcast the latest tonight at seven, complete with our local fashion diva’s new outfit.

NOTE TO ALL STUDENTS:

-Pets may be kept in dorms providing they do no damage school property. Any damage to furniture, floor, or doorways will be fined to the owner of the animal.

-PRIVACY NOTICE: It is ILLEGAL to spy at the windows of residence halls. From now on all so-called Peeping Toms and Peeping Tinas will be issued a misdemeanor.

-It has come to my attention that there have been several predominantly female rallies held on campus this last month. While it is not our intention to curtail your freedom of speech, we must ask that the volume level be kept to a minimum after dark, as we have had complaints by those living near campus.

-We have had complaints by the owners of a local club that students have been locking themselves in the bathroom for long periods of time. This is a reminder that bathrooms are public facilities, and must be open to all.

Thank you all,

Dean of Student Affairs

LITERATURE SECTION:

My dearest Deacon

The most beautiful of men

Can you not see me pine?

For my heart is broken

I watch you from afar

You turn your gaze away

But forever in my heart

I will dream of the day

That you take me as your own

Until then I wait for you

Saddened and alone

By: Sherry Movlin, Vice President of the Future Ms. O’Hara Club

TO: My Lovely Blue-eyed boy

I know you saw me

I know I see you

With your roguish grin

And eyes of blue

Your sexy little tush

And your lovely head of hair

You try to keep your eyes off me

But I know you want to stare

I can be a woman

I can be a man

For you I’ll be your everything

Hot, sexy Deacon.

Call me: 555-9417

By: HOT for U

Last year, we have seen the two together... and the very top of this article probably made you think of them immediately. Yes, you're right. Haji and Bailey have a dorm together. True, you all thought that by sendng complaints after complaint to the school offices would make them stop the torure to you all, but it seems that the people who watch the cameras just found it too entertaining.

Haji is back but he seems to have some information that the girl may not know.

---

In other news:

Ken Sun is back in this college and is providing a free concert to all students of this school. Hopefully, it doesn't end the way his middle school concert ended.

Although a student-run and written newspaper, this is meant as a journalistic source of news, NOT A GOSSIP COLLOUMN. We have regretfully had to put aside many student-submitted articles because their content was more of the type found in a tabloid than in a newspaper. We would like to set the record right now:

Peoples romantic lives are their own business.

We will not accept fanfictions for the literary section with explicit material, no matter how many times it is submitted.

We do not discriminate on the basis of gender, gender roles, or transgender; if your submission is rejected, it is most likely for one of the other reasons listed here.

We do not accept submissions that do not use capital letters or periods. you have spellchec learn 2 use it

Finally: THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS WEREWOLVES AND PEOPLE CANNOT FLY.

Dear Dean of Student Affairs,

For the health and safety of all on this campus, we respectfully request rearranging of the furniture in the student lounges and volunteer ourselves for the task.

Sincerely,

Kimberly Whitmoar, President of the Feng Shae Organization for the Protection of Students’ Karma

Vote to overthrow the Dean's decision to get rid of our gossip column!

We need to stay informed at this school! They shouldn't punish us for being more interested in the lives of others then the sports section! Our team sucks anyway!

You can vote online at the school's website.

Keep our gossip column alive!

Phoebe Bennett

Think the school shouldn't get rid of the gossip column? If you want to get the daily dirt on what's happening both on and off campus, check out the local gossip column. Questions answered, and gossip revealed. Don't let your gossip die.

Continuing out great gossip, have you gotten an invitaton in your mailbox? Well, probably not but we have the latest and greatest information about. One of the beautiful "crazies" that we love and hate is actually getting married... and get this to one of beauty's our school whose self-named herself "the queen of this B***h"

We have to wonder what the other crazy is going to take it.

The news you've all been waiting for! There's a new infant around town now. Yep, that's right. Little Hope Embers has been born. Make sure you congratulate the new parents when you see them.

The boys basketball team is heading out on the road to defend their perfect season thus far.

The girls track and field team will be holding a tri-county meet next weekend. Go cheer them on!

Looking for something to do tomorrow? Head on down to the racetrack and cheer on everyone at the annual race for the priviledge of representing the school on the racing circuit.

Not only did the couple wow onlookers at the 'it' spot the night before. But it would appear that one of them is getting help for a problem, we all knew had torn them apart a month before.

Is this the end of party-boy Deacon? Well, it was the end of single-boy Deacon before he even got the chance to play the field, but we all looked on and hoped that during a drunken escapade that he would forget his 'taken' status.

But the real question of today is... what makes the lives of these two students so interesting? What draws our attention to them, in the way that only actual celebrities would?

Sure, they're beautiful people- but surely there has to be more. Are we all that shallow?

[Views for this article to be submitted to Q.oftheday@gossip.com]

B. Deckart: Yes, we are.

Hillary Fields, Treasurer of the Student Karma Group: We need to let them be. In our nosy interfearing, we are blocking their chi and this will ulimately lead to the demise of their true love by lack of energy flow.

DeaconLver: I don't get what's so great about Serena! If he wants a blue eyed, short girl, I can provide that for him! God, he's so hot...

Don'tCare: Who are Deacon and Serena anyway?

Sarah Connors: Yes, we're that shallow. I'm still secretly hoping that they'll break up again - Deacon, call me!

After seeing that their attempts to get rid of the gossip section of the campus page in this paper, the Dean has decided to withdraw the ban. Keep gossiping. You know you enjoy spreading the word.

There is now an official page for all the gossip called The Grapevine

Large demonic figures are rampaging across Southern Africa. Flights have now been banned to the continent. Local military is doing it's best to contain the situation.

An entire squad of the local police force is now in the hospital due to causes unknown. Sources report that all of them have fallen into comas. The public is warned to be cautious when traveling outdoors until the cause can be found.

Officials have found what appears to be the site of a sacrificial burning. They have no idea of who the culprit(s) are or who the victim was. If anyone knows anything about this, they are advised to contact the officials immediately.

There will be a writing contest, starting now and ending in one month. Categories for submission are: Poetry, Short Fiction, Essays, Songs, and Novels. Prize winners will have their works published either in a collection of short works or will have their novel published. Please send submissions to:

Writing Contest

Box 58302

New York, NY 13300

Dear Grapevine

Seeing as how you always seem to know all the gossip and rumors around campus, I was hoping you would be able to clear something up for me. I heard someone say that they fished the bodies of Serena and heartthrob Deacon out of the ocean early this morning. Is this true?

I don't want it to be true but I need to know.

Unbelieving Gossiper

-----

Dear Unbelieving,

It pains the author to have to be the one to say this but, yes, the bodies of the two lovestruck college students were found early this morning. Details have not been given out as to if foul play is suspected but be assured that when any news is released, we will inform the public of it.

Grapevine

The Deacon West O'Hara fanclub is holding a memorial service this Saturday for the boy drowned at the beach and are inviting the campus to attend. A candlelight vigual will be held from six to midnight at the beach of the incident.

Bring money to provide pizza and soda pop.

Note to All Club Members: Our name is being officially changed to "The Widows of Deacon O'Hara Support Group."

RC Betty Lemkins, who assigns dorm numbers to incoming students, was nominated for an award by two separate students within the last week. Write back and tell us your imput. Do you like who you are living with?

The other nominee is Chuck Debbs, who did away with the weekly so-called "Mystery Meat" in the university cafiteria.

Cast your votes today!

It was found that the owner of the pound, a Gregory Gurgh, was eaten by the cats, who had remarkably all escaped from their cages. Police report that no traces of the man's eyeballs we're found in or near the body.

The police station has just put out a large reward for three young men who are being convicted for attempted murder tonight. They have also revealed that these young men are most likely the ones involved in the mysterious ritual burning two days ago. A $10,000 reward is being offered to anyone who can provide information that leads to the capture of these young men.

Complaints at Trents.

It seems that the standards of students have dropped while attendind the well known diner Trent's. Several acts of gratuous sexual foreplay have been witnessed and public outcry has asked that this either stops, becomes a paying event or students shall be banned. Climbing on furniture is also frowned upon.

Ritual Tormentors Caught

The three young men suspected of a suspected ritual burning almost a week ago, and of the attempted drowning have been caught and arrested by local police. They were following the young woman from the drowning, who still wishes to remain anonymous, when local police received a tip and rushed to the scene to apprehend the young men. We will give more details as they are released.

Local Boy Found Dead

It was just yesterday that Ryan Kerr was found in his car. He was pronounced dead by the local coroner soon after. An official cause of death has not been given but many are saying that it was suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. The local police is investigating and more news will be released when more information is available.

SANFORD TRIAL REVISITED

To many it seems as if it was only yesterday that well-known, well-liked businessman Robert Sanford was reported dead in his home, though it has been eleven years since then. The trial that followed was one that had those who knew Sanford in fits, pleading for his murderer to receive the death sentence. The party in question, Sanford's wife Maureen, said that what happened to her husband was well-deserved.

According to her, Sanford was abusive and the worst type of man, though no one could back up her story. In fact, many say it was a story she made up to try and lessen her sentence for the crime.

Friends of Sanford were greatly disappointed when Maureen was only given a life sentence instead of the death penalty. The one thing that can be said about this is that the world lost a man who worked hard and cared for others. His presence has been and still is missed.

For those who wish to, a memorial service will be held at the Lake to remember Robert Sanford and his life.

BOY MEETS ROOF. ROOF SAYS BUGGER OFF.

A strange creature was seen to fall through the roof at the local "Spot" during a thunderstorm. The winged beast has been taken to the local ER and is under watch.

Local heartthrob Deacon O'Hara was seen at the mall yesterday with his girlfriend's--Serena--brother, Richard. The two made an imposing and breathtaking sight as they walked together, oozing masculinity and setting girl's hearts aflutter with every step they took. We have confirmed reports saying that they went to a jewelry store and walked out carrying a bag, which was quickly concealed. Now the question that has us bating our breath and making prayers to the gods of love is; what was in that bag?

Could it be--gasp--a ring? Is the dream of dozens, maybe hundreds, of girls around the campus and town slipping away? Could our illustrious Mr. O'Hara be PROPOSING?Or are the bachelor ranks going to be down a Richard, who our sources say has been getting closer to his girlfriend by the hour? (Sources say she's a scratcher; who would have thought?)

A worker at the jewelry store has kindly allowed us to interview her, but wishes to remain anonymous lest she be mobbed by members of the Fan Club.

Q: So what happened, exactly?

A: Well, it was just an ordinary day--kind of boring, you know?--when these two really, reallysmokin' guys just waltzed in through the door. Well, not waltzed, they walked. I'm not trying to imply anything. And I was like "Helloooo nurse!"

Q: When did you realize you were talking to The Deacon O'Hara?

A: I recognized his description from this column, and then Richard called him by name, and I nearly died. I mean, who gets to meet someone that hot and that famous every day?

Q: Did you feel like you were talking to a ghost?

A: No. I don't believe all those stupid rumors about how some crazy chick from the Fan Club raised them from the dead. I think somebody at the beach just had too much tequila.

Q: So what makes you think Deacon was ring-shopping for Serena?

A: Just the things they were talking about. The ring he was looking at was pretty pricey, and I said that I hoped the girl was worth it, and he said that she was! Then he went off on this litany about how much he loved her and that she was the perfect girl for him and how he could never live without her, right in the middle of the store! It was so beautiful that I nearly cried, so I gave him a huge discount on the ring. Took it right out of my own paycheck. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?

And there you have it folks, straight from the jewelry-seller's mouth. Soon our favorite couple will be engaged! If you have any comments, please write us a letter! We're always glad to hear from you, here at The Grapevine!

((is there an agony aunt for this paper? cos if there isn't my character is the advice giving type!))

Letter to Editor

Dear Editor,

I would just like to say that your interview about Mr O'Hara was clearly a waste of time. I am not one of the girls who swoon every time he walks past them hoping that one day he will love them the same way. All of those people are wasting their time. I have just recently moved to the area and do not know many people yet. But I have heard about Deacon O'Hara. Alot of people get engaged. Some even get married. I am just saying maybe you could brighten my day with something other than other people's happiness.

Cinderella Cicieriga, Dorm 59E

(sorry to seem a bit mean, but i don't really mean that, i just wanted to write something in the newspaper))

((it's fine; it's just a newspaper :] we turned it into a gossip column lol, you can write your own articles if you want.))

((Btw, hotnymph, you make my LIFE, i adore you you crazy brilliant person you!))

Dear Agony Aunt,

I like this guy who doesn't know I exist. I've tried to talk to him but he just brushes me off. What should I do?

The Hopeful Heart

Letters Section

Hey Ed,

I'm kinda sick of all the letters and ** about Deacon, the damn paper consists of nothing other than Deacon this and Deacon that- I mean... who the ** is Deacon?

I think it's about time you started doing your jobs and actually editing the damn paper properly.

Unsincerely,

T.C.B

______________

Editor,

Alright, I get that girls (and the odd freaky guy) are crushing on this Deacon guy. What I don't get, is why it's relevant to any of us. I agree with T.C.B and think we should scrap all the **, you people want a gossip column? Get a magazine.

Anon.

_____________

Dear Editor,

Just letting you know that I think the newspaper is AWESOME. Some people, are just jealous.

Avid Reader.

_____________

Dear Editor,

I hope I'm not too late, but there's a person going around sending letters into the offices saying horrid things about Deacon... this person is none other than his own friend- in fact I saw him at the library typing the letter and laughing before sending it. He's supposedly a friend of Deacon's from home, and if this is what they call 'Kiwi' humor than I'm glad Deacon got out of that country before he could be corrupted by such bad.. humor!

Sarah. P.

_________________________

If anyone would like to send in their letters- the address is listed below. Do not use this section to advertise or publish articles- this is a letters to the Editor section only, and is limited in character.

((Hey y'all!! Echo that was Brill [as always] and I was bored so I decided to post this. Okay I lie, I was procrastinating from studying for exams.))

Crazy abusive sicko out of hospital.

It has come to the attention of this column that the whackjob Steven Kelly is out of the bin.

This coming from someone who sent the mafia to hit a man who got near his girl.

We at the paper say what the hell?

Famous progeny to move into town

Nicholas Wood, son of Nathan Wood and Summer Swallows Wood, is to move into town, says local, if slightly unreliable, sources.

Nathan Wood is better known as famous pornographic film director and publisher of the adult magazine, Vixen. Summer Swallows Wood, his wife, is a famous adult film actress and photo model in Vixen.

No word yet if Nicholas Wood, who is following in his father's footsteps of directing and photography, will move into a dorm or an outside apartment complex. We will release more facts whe they become available...

Rampaging Ferris Wheel Rampage Overshadowed By Blood Shed!

A Ferris wheel broke loose from the carnival and went rampaging through the city. It would have been funny if it hadn't ended with an attempted murder/suicide.

But there's good news as plans for an even bigger Ferris Wheel are in the works at the Carnival.

Strange Metal Being Spotted Atop Clocktower

Earlier today, a large hulking metal humanoid was spotted on top of the Clocktower. The beast was around 8' 0", with metal skin, spikes all over, and glaring red eyes. The beast was seen jumping down off of the Clocktower. When we investigated later, all we found were a group of friends riding a tank. We will post more information as it comes to us.

This Just In!

Mysterious Winged Figure Seen Around Clocktower

Not long after the metal beast disappeared, a scythe-wielding winged figure was seen atop the Clocktower. It was only there for a few seconds, before flying off in the general direction of the Archway Apartment complex. Whether or not the winged figure has any connection to the metal humanoid is not yet known.

Human entered Haunted Mansion!

After leaving the clocktower, a human entered the haunted mansion with no fear! Some reporters seemed to have seen it floating above the ground, and floating away from the clocktower, and so people are beginning to investigate what's going on! If you have any news on who this woman could possibly be, please report to the police headquarters immediately!

Seen woman:

Floating, with a rattling samurai sword. Wearing torn clothes, and long dark blue hair and seen to have emerald green eyes. Covered in blood, though she has no stink/smell of it. If anyone sees this woman, please report to us right away!

Haunted Mansion Movie released!

Movie based on the Haunted Mansion at the outskirts of town has been released today, and has a long lineups of times. Placed as a horrow, contains true facts about the mansion, and some sureal/supernatural (yet true) creatures. Watch it anytime now!

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