1) If you have somehow missed a thread called "The Rules, Read First" you need to go read it. Right now.

2) The following is the base template for character sketches. If you have some aspect of your character that you feel doesn't even fit into "Other" (God forbid...), feel free to create an new parameter under "Other."

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Name:

Age:

Gender:

Species:

Height:

Weight:

Hair Color:

Hair Style:

Eyes:

Complexion:

Build:

Strength:

Special Powers:

Weakness:

Personality:

Likes:

Hates:

Fears:

History:

Special Skills/Training:

Other:

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3) It might help at the beginning to put that your character is from an Occult setting, or a Fantasy setting, etc.

Name: Alec Worthington

Age: 85; Born 17 February 1921 in Leicester, England

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 6'3"

Weight: 175 lbs.

Hair color: salt and pepper

Hair style: very short

Eyes: grey

Complexion: brown and leathery

Build: thin

Strength: more endurance than you would expect from an octogenarian; indomitable willpower

Special Powers: none

Weakness: Abuse of alcohol and tobacco in forgetting certain ops (Not a weakness per say as it is a big character flaw); His main skill is in leading: without support he's in trouble

Personality: cynical, bitter, sardonic, gruff, doesn't easily warm up to new acquaintances unless he's trying. EXTREMELY derogatory towards most humanoid monsters (mainly turned vampires, familiars, cultists.)

Likes: top shelf scotch, old movies, basically any day that doesn’t involve keeping his friends’ hides out of danger

Hates: turned vampires, familiars, cultists, and anyone else who finds the occult cool and/or trendy

Fears: Running out of scotch, cigarettes, holy water, lotus petals, bullets... you get the idea

History: Alec's first encounter with the occult was at the age of 12 in British Egypt when two mummies were resurrected by a cult. After having supported the militia response, Alec began researching European folklore and traveling Europe alongside former explorer and adventurer Sir George Aberforth, serving in a supporting role in most hunts and exorcisms. At 17, Alec visited Constanta in Romania, the site of a demon-summoning and a massive spatial distortion (partly due to the summoning and partly due to the efforts of several Orthodox priests, Constanta was ripped into a pocket dimension.) During WWII, Alec served with the RAF in the African and Italian campaigns, stopping to assist in some exorcisms along the way. During the 1950s and 1960s, Alec traveled the Persian Gulf, India, and China, expanding his knowledge of the occult, particularly learning of the attributes of the Indian lotus. Beginning in the mid-1970s, Alec began building a permanent team from talented individuals he met while on the job.

Special Skills/ Training: Basic occult lore for Europe, Islam, India, and Asia; Specific traditional remedies for most of Europe; Exorcism in the Roman Catholic tradition; Basic firearms training; Latin and Hebrew

Other: Typically leaves Indian lotus petals in any drink he's not planning to finish (to slightly protect any barfly finishing it and to annoy the hell out of any vamp taking a swig); When not in the field, typically very well-dressed (three-piece suit, dark fedora, trench coat: Think Humphrey Bogart with holy water); carries two separate hip flasks: one with a cocktail of holy water, crushed garlic, powdered Indian lotus seeds, and powdered white oak root, the other with scotch.)

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Name: Jean-Michele Simon

Age: 22; born July 19, 1984 in Entrevaux, France

Gender: male

Species: human

Height: 5'5"

Weight: 110lbs

Hair Color: dark brown

Hair Style: ear length, very neat and extremely well cared for

Eyes: dark brown, can seem a little to big for his face at times

Complexion: a little lighter than your average Mediterranean guy

Build: shrimpy/childlike

Strength: practically non-existent

Other (Appearance): none really

Special Powers: clairvoyant, psychometric, limited medium

Weakness: practically everything but his powers

Personality: dreamy, detached, obsessive compulsive at times

Likes: the simple things in life (like wet grass under bare feet), good wine, staying home (aka not getting killed)

Hates: shoes, his working conditions

Fears: no one's quite sure, he's not lucid enough

History: When he was 17, an occult group in the area began abducting people for vampire chow and attempting to cause force-conversions. Worthington's Team entered the area to clean it up, and four lesser vampires (read: cannon fodder) were sent in. Worthington's Team was holed-up in the building of a cafe with him, and had killed off a lot of the occult group when he had a cliche psychic moment. They decided to bring him back to Leichester.

Special Skills/Training: how NOT to shoot himself accidentally

Other: he basically wears pajama bottoms all the time (they're solid colored, no funny prints or plaid), and the only shoes he'll wear are sandals (and then only when he has to), on Ritalin

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Even though I had a hand in making Alec, I'm still going to comment (lead by example and all that). I like that he's not carrying uber-specialized weapons, and that he's more of the old-school vampire hunter. And I love how he dresses.

Name: Nikolai Volorkevsky

Age: 51; born 23 Nov, 1955 in Volgograd, Russia

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 6'0"

Weight: 230 lbs.

Hair Color: black

Hair Style: full, untrimmed beard and hair

Eyes: blue

Complexion: ruddy from all the vodka he drinks

Build: husky

Strength: not suited for manual labor

Special Powers: none

Weakness: KGB mindset comes back into play at times

Personality: occasionally ruthless, dry sense of humor, very focused, touch of melancholy

Likes: top-shelf vodka and good company to share it with

Hates: Anything resembling an ivory-tower decree and anyone resembling an armchair strategist.

Fears: the nagging voice that says fighting the supernatural won't offset his KGB sins

History: Nikolai was recruited into the KGB in 1978. He was particularly effective in field assignments. Several of his Eastern European assignments were complicated by poltergeists, forcing him to be inventive. His service left him with a distaste for decisions made without proper info from the field. Nikolai left the KGB in early 1991, turning to the Russian Orthodox Church. After his ordainment, the Patriarch of Moscow decided to make use of his KGB skills and experience with poltergeists, employing him as the church's "heavy guns" for exorcism. He first became acquainted with Worthington in 1994, when Worthington was present with Sepulchre tracking a jinn whose prison had been taken to Russia and destroyed. Nikolai successfully negotiated with the Patriarch to allow him to work alongside Worthington in other locations.

Special Skills/Training: Exorcism in Russian Orthodox tradition, traditional remedies of Russia and Eastern Europe, Sanctification, Hand-to-hand combat, Adv. firearms training, Alchemy (apothecary applications), English, Russian

Other: Carries the following: Smith & Wesson Model 500, silver-plated knife, Orthodox Bible, vial of holy oil, two hip flasks (one with holy water, one with vodka), reliquary containing left bicuspid of St. Tikhon of Moscow, mortar and pestle, 6x iron throwing knives

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Nikolai's main role is to handle exorcisms, some medical needs, and to establish a safehouse for the team to fall back to. He does this by blessing whatever godforsaken bombed-out building they happen to be in.

I like to labor under the impression that gaelic and I succeeded in writing a psychic who wasn't some kind of super ace up the sleeve. He'll get reduced to chum if forced to actually fight. Too often I get the feeling that psychics are the new ninjas: They're nigh unstoppable. I like that Jean's niche is a fairly narrow one. It helps to ground him some. On a side note, there's a certain character that we drew on heavily in thinking up Jean. Figure out who she is (yes, it's a hint) and you get a cookie.

Since I've had a request for some clarification, here it is:

1.) KGB stands for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti, which translates as Committee for State Security. It was the Soviet Union's organization handling intelligence, counter-intelligence, enforcing orthodoxy of Communist ideology (i.e., assassination of dissenters), etc. It was largely analagous to the CIA, especially when you consider how agencies like this tend to be cutthroat at times.

2.) "Ivory tower" typically refers to a group that most think is disconnected from actual political/social/economic events. Ivory tower decrees are issued based on what you THINK works, without regards to what's actually going on.

3.) "Armchair strategist" is kinda what it sounds like. Imagine a guy whose only experience with military strategy is watching programs about WWII on the History Channel. Now imagine that guy being deployed as a platoon leader in Iraq. He has no experience, doesn't understand how things work, and what he comes up with for tactics are going to backfire. Bad things happen when the inexperienced are purposely put in command, mostly what's called "Charlie Foxtrots" (sorry, but the actual phrase violates profanity restrictions.)

1)What's "KGB"?

2)What's an "ivory tower decree"?

3)What's an "armchair stragegist"?

Other than those questions, I like the character. You only might want to put what that is so stupid people like me can understand.

(Deleted by gaelicdragon. If you have revised your character when you moved it, please only put the revised version. Also, this is your warning about having no comment. (An addition to the rule which I added because of you.) gaelic.)

Now, I'm going to be incredibly boring and use the form provided. (PS: I might change a couple of things)

Name:Annalin Cyrin

Age: She doesn't know, she has no memory of her past life

Gender:Female, if you couldn't figure it out already

Species: Annalin is one of the Planetouched, which means that she is from another plane of existence, which makes her half here, half God-knows-where. Being a Planetouched makes her feared throughout the world, as Planetouched were one of the Evil forces in the War for the World. They are not truly EVIL, but are chaotic enough to be feared, even though it wasn't of their own free will that they fought in the War for the World, because the Dark Gods took control of their minds and forced them to fight. Planetouched from Annalin's realm are usually dark-skinned and always have horns on their head. It's not uncommon for them to have mixmatched eyes, either.

Height: five foot eight inches

Weight: She doesn't answer when people ask her that, she just glares menacingly when people ask, a glare that implies the person should go jump off a cliff rather than ask that question again, because they know they wouldn't like the consequences...

Hair Color: Red

Hair Style: down to her knees, straighter than a board, worn in a warriors braid (before combat, she wraps it around itself, forming a bun-looking thing that rests on the back of her head.

Eyes: the left is pewter grey, the right is muted gold

Complexion: Dark, of one who is in the sun often, even though it is common for her species from her particular realm to be extremely dark skinned

Build: slender, but muscular

Strength: suited for manual labor but not heavy lifting

Special Powers: She has had the powers of a dire cat since before she can remember, which means she has the ability to stalk prey (or criminals), has claws, has incredible patience, and has the endless ability to sit still for hours, waiting for something.

Weakness:Annalin is colder than a meat locker and has a lust for violence

Personality:When you walk up to her, it automatically seems as though your not welcome. This is through no fault of your own, but she just has an aura around her, scaring people off. The unwelcome feeling has a good side, though. It makes people think about what they have done that was wrong, it doesn't matter how long ago, and they usually go to a priest to repent. The second thing you would notice is that she trusts no one.

Likes:She likes when she gets paid (that, or a good bar fight), and alcohol, because she's an alcoholic.

Hates:Annalin hates when she doesn't get paid, and when men flirt with her (they usually end up not having children)

Fears:She only fears commitment, except in her line of work, and that is WHY she doesn't let people get too close to her and why she hurts men who flirt with her.

History:Unknown, she woke up in a gutter one morning and had no idea of who she was or where she came from or anything except what she was.

Special Skills/Training: None

Other:

Occupation:Annalin works for the Church of Krothin, the God of Justice and War, but that doesn't mean she worships him. She works there as a bounty hunter, finding the immoral and the Satanic and turning them in for a price, because it was either that or whoreing, so she obviously chose the better one. She works on her own, as a bounty hunter, but instead of fishing for clients, she works with the church a lot, because they are a regular customer.

Facial features:has a long scar running from her left eye to her right ear, scar from her left ear down all the way to her neck, scar running from corner of right eye to left shoulder blade, scar from below left temple to right corner of chin

Body characteristics:Annalin is tall and thin, and she has two small horns on her head (see 'Species')

Religion/god/ess worshipped:Annalin finds no use for religions, she just wants to be left alone by the gods. That SOMETIMES happens, but not often (see 'Occupation').

World/World History: Annalin lives in a world called Arinthia. It was created by Amura, the king of the gods. The main continent was originally populated by humans alone, but dwarves came overseas when famine and war raged their homeland. Elves were discovered not long after populating the forests, living so only the most experienced tracker could detect a trace of them. Many believed that he Planetouched were created by the Dark Gods to be mindless soldiers in the War for the World, but truly, they had their minds taken over by the Gods. At the end of the War, all the Planetouched were slaughtered. All the ones that the authorities could find, anyway. About two hundred and fifty were left after the slaughter. They escaped to an unpopulated area of the continent, way up north. Now, if temperatures worked here as they did there, the Arctic and Antarctic would be something you couldn't cross because of the HEAT, not the cold, and you could freeze to death in the Sahara. The Planetouched were left to live in the harshest land on the continent, while man and other species lived in the temperate areas. Eventually, they returned, only the bravest venturing into villages to live. Most either stayed up in the north, or lived on the outskirts of the smallest towns they could find. Eventually, the Planetouched were more accepted, but not truly welcomed. This is the age that Annalin lives in.

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That's the new and improved her. hope you all like it, please comment, no author in thier right mind would refuse constructive critisicm!

1) What rule did you add because of me?

2) my warning about having no comment? What do you mean?

Never mind, forget the post, I would delete it, but I'm not an administrator. I'll go ahead and put a comment.

Name: Pyro (This is not his true name but the only one he gives)

Age: Varies from story to story. In some, he is several millenia old, and in others, he is millions of years old

Gender: Male

Species: Golden Dragon, stays in humanoid form

Height: Over seven feet

Weight: Around 350 lbs

Hair Color: Black

Hair Style: Short to medium in length, messy

Eyes: Iris and pupil are fire red, and the part that is white on humans is black on him

Complexion: Light

Build: Very Muscular

Strength: High strength and endurance

Special Powers: Being an ancient dragon of unknown origins, his power is unmatched. He consorts with the gods and the mortals and is feared by both. However, since he doesn't fight explicitly for one side, he does not disrupt the balance. Here are some of his basic abilities:

- fire creation/manipulation

- magical talent, inherent not god-given

- enhanced physical strength, speed, and senses

- elemental manipulation, to a certain extent

- teleportation

- extremely talented in hand to hand combat

- limited telepathy

Weakness:Physically, he has no weakness. Only god-forged weapons can pierce him and even then, his own skill can usually fend off any killing blow. Emotionally, however, he obsesses too much. If someone catches his interest, he cannot stop thinking about them and will forsake whatever he is doing at the time to learn more about whoever caught his interest. This can lead to the violent deaths of anybody who gets in his way while he is chasing his latest object of interest.

Personality: Uncaring and indifferent to the plight of others. He pays no attention to the distinction between good and evil and consorts with whichever side can bring him closer to completing his own hidden agenda. The power he wields makes him arrogant and he kills any who stand up to him, even if they are an ally. He has no morals whatsoever and feels no remorse. As such, he makes the perfect hitman and will often offer his services as such, just for the opportunity to kill. Although he has many evil tendencies, he is just as quick to help good characters if it will further his own plot. If it doesn't involve anything that he wants, it isn't worth his time.

Likes: Killing, manipulating people, the most expensive things money can buy, stalking people to learn more about them (which can later be used for manipulating them)

Hates: Reminders of his past, beings that attempt to ally themselves with him, females that fawn over him

Fears: Nothing. He knows he is the best there is.

History: Varies from story to story. Generally, he is from a different plane, and was forced to leave his homeworld because of his unusually violent tendencies against his fellow dragons. On earth, he spends a large portion of time becoming more and more powerful, waiting for the day when he will return to his homeworld and take revenge on the ones who exiled him. Along the way, he spends his time killing and manipulating the humans for the fun of it.

Special Skills/Training: See "Special Powers"

Other: - Always wears jeans, black t-shirt, black leather jacket, and mirrored sunglasses. He enjoys removing the sunglasses and freaking out any humans around with his creepy eyes.

- His arms and back are heavily tattooed with many different cultural representations of fire. Of all the elements, fire is the one he exhibits the highest degree of control over, and therefore feels a certain affinity for the element.

World: Present day Earth, with a few minor adjustments. There are always supernatural beings, and in some of my stories, everybody is aware of them. Think of it is uneasy co-existence. In most of my stories, of course, humans are ignorant of the supernatural, save for a few who practice magic. Other than that, everything is as it is in reality.

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I'd like to comment on Alec Worthington. I like the fact that he is an old man, but he is still an active hunter. Generally speaking, an older man, who has no doubt seen his strength and ajility decrease over the years, would shy away from facing Vampires, who always seem to display increased strength and speed. They would be hard enough to face for a young, strong man (or woman).

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Okies, this character is from a story I recently posted; and, yep, I'm a newbie here. Yay for me! This charrie was actually inspired by me; the story I'm writing is co-authored between me and my two best friends. It's not a self-insert, I just gave her some of my qualities. Heehee.

Name: Hikari Brigid Lyte

Age: 15

Gender: Female (like you couldn't figure it out. lol.)

Species: Erm, human. Well, she's pretty sure.

Height: 5'5'' 1/2

Weight: 50 kilos (I'm English, sorry)

Hair Colour: Light brown

Hair Style: Reaches shoulders, flips at ends. Has some braids in hair. Long ribbon attached at the back.

Eyes: Brown with gold rings

Complexion: Pale

Build: Average build. Skinny, but not fully fragile.

Strength: Physical strength: average. Magical strength: considerably better. Speed is her forte.

Special Powers: Is the Light & Life Element Guardian (see my story for more info) so:

--- Holy powers: Starburst, Fusion, Frenzy, Retro & her own personalized attack

--- Healing powers: erm ... Cure?

--- Excessive speed

Weakness: Shadow, Darkness, Death.

Personality: She's a hyper one. Hikari seems to have energy of the never-ending variety. Which probably explains why her greatest strength would be speed. Aside from the magic powers. But when she gets angered, she can get REALLY angry; as in, if you anger her to her breaking point ... you'll wake up weeks later in a foreign location, with no recollection of who you are or what happened. She can also be rather sarcastic, if not a little bit of Captain Obvious at other times. Mostly, she's happy-go-lucky, cheerful and ... well, burning with hyperness. People think it's excess sugar. Pffft, they're wrong. Hikari, even though you might not know it, DOES have a lack of confidence---she covers it up pretty well, but it's still there. She also proceeds to worry excessively. That's all beneath the surface, though; the stuff no one sees.

Likes: Cheesecake, the colour yellow (um, don't ask), making daisy chains, cookies & cream ice-cream, English classes (or at least she USED to) and various other weird trivialities.

Hates: Sweetcorn!, Darkness, Social Studies & Gargoyles (again, read my story for info) XD

Fears: The dark, those Santa's that are in shopping centre's at Christmas.

History: Okay, Hikari was an average---well, maybe not average---teenager of fifteen before she was transported to another dimension, thanks to the Gargoyles creating rifts everywhere. It seems cliched, I know. Then she found out she was an Element Guardian, and she took it pretty well. Probably because she was running from evil at the time. She's had a pretty average life ... mother, father. She's lost her grandparents, several other relatives, and her mother was sick in hospital as she left---but it didn't make her emo, or anything. She sucked everything up, and worries from time-to-time about the situation in Earth, but keeps thinking positively (okay, she breaks down sometimes, but she's not perfect). And that as they say is that.

Special Skills/Training: Um, see "Special Powers." I think I summed it up there. ^^

Other: Okay, Hikari wears a sleeveless yellow dress with ying-yang and peace patterns covering it. Yep, she's not really self-conscious about fashion. She has multi-coloured socks that reach her knees, ugg boots (courtesy of Australia; thankies!) & a light green undershirt underneath the dress. She wears fingerless gloves, too. Her weapon is a staff with a spear point at the end, called the Valiant Star.

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And I think that sums it up pretty well! I posted her here just to see what you guys thought. ^^ Oh, and here's the link to my story (check it out if you have time, I really want feedback on that, too!):

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2301353/1/

Thanks for taking the time to read this (if you actually did! lol.)

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The character I'm going to post about now is from an urban fantasy setting. He's a role-playing character of mine and in several of the stories I've posted on FictionPress -- main character of "The Gift of Rosiel" and "A Kiss by Any Other Lips More Sweet" and side character of "Quoth the Ravaethinne" (though the description applies mostly to him in his high school years, as in Kiss). This forum is, for the record, a really neat idea. Kudos, Gaelicdragon!

Name: Roxeen Amethyst Griffon (he hates his middle name, though, and will never use it unless he has to)

Age: ~18, depending on exact point in time

Gender: Male

Species: Human (very, VERY diluted faerie blood, but nobody knows that)

Height: Somewhere just under 6 foot

Weight: Significantly less than it should be

Hair Color: White, with just a hint of blue/green where it's out of direct light

Hair Style: Mid-cheek bangs, mid-calf, straight hair usually worn in a loose ponytail or completely loose (anything else would be due to an itchy-fingered sister braiding it)

Eyes: Storm grey, changing to crayon yellow when he really gets ** off

Complexion: Pale, more likely to get burned than tanned

Piercings: Tongue, nipples, belly button, two rings in his left eyebrow, one stud in his right eyebrow, two rings in his right earlobe, labret stud, small stud on the right side of his nose, cartilage of his left ear and left ear tragus piercing.

Build: Naturally foal-like, even more so due to his eating disorder

Strength: More than it looks, which may not be saying a lot. He makes up for it by being fairly quick and fighting dirty when he has to.

Special Powers: Shapeshifting into a cougar when able to get into contact with his cougar familiar-of-sorts, natural resistance to being influenced by telepaths

Weakness: Doesn't always keep his trap shut when he ought to, periodically suffers from dangerously low self-esteem, anorexic, attracts bad guys like flies to honey and may hurt himself in times of stress

Personality: Roxeen is, generally, a pretty nice guy. His tongue just has a tendency to get him into trouble, as he's snarky to a fault. Outwardly, he's usually pretty even-tempered, though when things really don't go the way he wants them to, he can and will snap at people. He's an avid gamer, utterly gay, and is fairly open to, well... Open relationships.

Likes: Video- and tabletop games, foam fighting, Strek (his cougar), his two oldest little sisters, the Ugliest Sweater Ever Knit, handguns, his father, boys ;)

Hates: His mother and stepfather, fatty foods, his horde of younger half-sisters, the high school football team, his co-worker Estebain, when his roommates try to meddle with his food

Fears: Draconians (a draconid race in my storyverse), his stepfather, Raol Obsidian (one of the bad guys he's attracted over the years)

History: When Roxeen was around seven years old, his parents separated, and he moved to Sihainne, Saghas, from Loch Lyeon, Tragash, together with his father. Despite this, he was a reasonably well-adjusted kid, some few incidents aside. A little ways into his sophomore year at Black Knight High, however, all hell broke loose as his mother tipped the Sihainne law enforcement off as to her ex-husband's drug abuse, and Roxeen's father was arrested and sent to a large detoxication facility by court order. In Roxeen's eyes, his father had done nothing terribly wrong, and he remains rather bitter about social services and law enforcement in general as a result.

His mother got custody of him once his father was out of the picture, and he moved back up north to Loch Lyeon, where he more or less just let time pass until it was time to leave for Avelyon High, the school his mother's new husband had chosen from him. In this time he managed to figure out that his stepfather didn't like him whatsoever, and to bond a little bit with the oldest of his sisters. All said, it was an incredibly stressful time for him, however, and he developed self-destructive habits, most noticeably cutting and anorexic tendencies.

Soon after he moved in at the campus, news of his sexuality spread, not that he was trying to hide anything. This, unfortunately, lead to him being made a prime target of the not-particularly-tolerant football team. By the end of his high school years, he'll have been through at least three deliberate attempts to kill him and a couple more close calls.

Special Skills/Training: Roxeen is a very accomplished shooter with the small handgun he owns, speaks the faerie language fairly fluently after taking classes (something a lot of humans never learn to do), a fairly skilled foam fighter, and can squeeze the most out of just about any table top RPG system if he puts his mind to it.

Yeah, I would have put that in, if she had any mor interests than that. She believes that the only thing in life that is even REMOTELY enjoyable is getting paid. That or a good bar fight.

Name: John Fitzsimmons (referred to as "Johnny" by the team to prevent any muck-ups between "John" and "Jean")

Age: 34; born 02 August 1972 in Trenton, New Jersey

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5’ 9 1/2”

Weight: 135 lb.

Hair Color: black

Hair Style: receding hairline; what is there has been heavily moussed

Eyes: very dark brown

Complexion: pale, but not as pale as expected

Build: rail-thin

Strength: …he sits at a keyboard all day.

Special Powers: none

Weakness: heaviest chain-smoker imaginable, massive caffeine intake

Personality: workaholic, touch of paranoia and jitters

Likes: Things doing what they were designed to do.

Hates: having nothing to do, things breaking

Fears: Murphy’s Law beating the crap out of his equipment

History: Fitzsimmons originally worked in Technical Support for a local accounting firm. Software wasn’t his only talent: He would frequently experiment with designing paranormal detection equipment. Fitzsimmons was recruited in 1997 when Worthington was in Trenton as an advisor during an OPIRT training operation involving several local poltergeists.

Special Skills/Training: Basic firearms, major programming languages (C++, PDL, et al), limited electrical engineering, setting up early warning systems, hacking

Other: carries a laptop, 1-foot folding satellite dish, GLOCK-18, at least one infrared camera; plays a LOT of Battlefield 2, has a side project of improving the AI logic because it’s getting too easy.

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Fitzsimmon's niche is intelligence and playing ghostbuster. Jean may be a nice neat mobile package when it comes to tracking groups, but he's usually not much help with plotting routes. Johnny will plaster entry points to a building with anything he packed. His toys have a better track record with tracking ghosts and other non-corporeals.

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Considering Pyro's abilities were referred to as "basic" (implying to me that he has other, infrequently used powers), I'd say he's not so much a character as he is a force of nature. I wouldn't say that he's truly overpowered though; his obsessive tendencies are going to bite him in the butt HARD. Think about it. King Kong beat down a T-Rex, trashed the native village, broke out of his restraints, and sowed general havoc in NYC. What took him down? His obsession with Fae Wray. Keep this in mind Rage. Hit him with this bat someday.

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As for Roxeen: THREE attempts on his life? And he's just biting his lip and soldiering on? Conceded, I don't know the nature of the legal system he'd be facing, but I'm pretty sure hate crime laws would beat back the jocks. Also: mid-calf hair? That's a super b*** to take care of. I'd suggest you think about how much time he'll be devoting to grooming. Overall, I get the following impressions: you've laid it on very thick (anorexic, a cutter, AND a persecuted gay?), and I think you're treading a fine line towards manga. However, my rule of thumb with characters I think are overdone is "If you can make it work, more power to you."

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Serene, it would help us a lot if you'd go back in and explain what Starburst, Frenzy and the like actually DO. Right now I'm thinking they're all variations on "Light show packing the punch of a riot water hose". Like Alexandra, I think you're treading a fine line towards manga. Again, "If you can make it work, more power to you."

Funnily, the jocks aren't actually behind any of those attempts on Roxy's life (though they did give him a concussion at one point... Which even he concedes he had coming, THAT TIME, as he was knowingly hitting on her boyfriend to rile her up.); he just has a knack for getting in people's way and falling for the wrong people. And ignores good advice and warnings if he's mad with the people offering them (one of those "wrong people" he falls for would be a batsh*t crazy werewolf, whom he was repeatedly warned about and wouldn't listen).

The food/SI issues and the persecution go hand-in-hand -- if he didn't have the former, he'd not put up with the latter, and he's WAY too out (and fond of casual liasons) to not be noticed. Before Sh*t Happened(TM) he would most likely have found a way to hit back and win rather than take it in stride.

I do concede that the long hair IS a stretch -- it has a cultural aspect, a social aspect (ie it ** his mother off, therefore it is probably the right thing), as well as a I-have-a-thing-for-long-hair-on-guys aspect. ;)

I'm going to comment on Jean-Michele. I can see certain similarities between him and the character I'm posting right now - the kind of off-in-the-cloud-ish-ness, though he has it to a much lesser degree. I think that his little quirks (always going barefoot, wearing PJ bottoms) make him much more life-like and well rounded. I'm really looking forward to reading the story.

Now I'm going to explain what a Ziante is, as it is my character's species. A Ziante is basically an evolved human that has claws that come from between their knuckles. I know that this is extremely similar to Wolverine from X-Men, however, it didn't come from that. I know because I hadn't even heard of the X-Men when I invented the Ziante.

On to the character!

Name: Alexandria

Age: Unknown, though she looks very young

Gender: Female

Species: Ziante

Height: 4’3”

Weight: 90 lbs.

Hair Color: Amber

Hair Style: Cut haphazardly just below her ears

Eyes: Amber

Complexion: Average Caucasian

Build: Small and slight

Strength: Fairly good, for a small kid

Special powers: none

Weakness: The fact that she simply doesn’t care, which means that she sometimes forgets things completely or doesn’t feel that it is prudent to mention something important

Personality: Almost completely indifferent to the world; topic to topic seemingly randomly in conversation (though you never know, she might be saying something important)

Likes/Hates/Fears: She does not care about anything, and never has enough feeling to like, hate, or fear anything

History: She’s mostly an unknown. She just appeared one day, and didn’t know why. No one knows much about her.

Special skills/training: None

Other: There is some question of contact with the spirit world, but whether this is true is currently unknown

Okay, please ignore all the blaring marks of a Mary-Sue. I know they're there, and I realize that even though she's not one of the two main characters, I'm still going to have to keep a tight handle on her.

If anyone's interested, here's a link to my story.

The Legend of the Saviors

Mostly I'd suggest you sit down and plot out what happened in her life leading up to her appearance in the world. Also, get a better grasp on what her role is in the story, that's going to shape her personality extensively. And dial back the apathy to life for the love of all things holy. It's just too heavy-handed.

happybunny- It really bugs me that the only thing Annalin cares about is payment. The only like she has is getting paid and the only hate she has is NOT getting paid. What does she do with the money she earns? Does she just spend it on better equipment so she can get paid again sooner? That's a rather pointless cycle.

Jealous- I've got to agree with eatatjoes that Pyro isn't a person, he's a force of nature. I've also got to agree with him that the obsessive tendency pretty much balances him out, providing you actually pull it off. You need to have that be a major thing and not just an occasional moment. I'd still like to see him with at least a small physical weakness. It doesn't have to big, common, or easily exploited, but pretty much everyone has some physical weakness. When you write a character with NO physical weakness, you end up writing yourself into a corner. Why do you think kryptonite was invented?

Serene- Are Light and Life considered one element? Having a person be the guardian of more than one element tends to make them over powered. Next, I've got to agree with eatatjoes in that we really could do with some explanation of what Starburst, Fusion, Frenzy, and Retro do. Finally, the constant sugar-high might be a bit much. A really hyper character can be good, but they tend to get annoying when they never calm down (just like "emo" or goth characters are annoying when they're never, ever, happy).

Alexandra- I have one main question. If Roxeen's powers come from "very, VERY diluted" fairy blood, what can full-blooded fairies do? I have to agree with eatatjoes (once again) that you've laid it on kind of thick with the cutter/anorexic/persecuted gay combination. I understand that cutting and anorexia are coping mechanisms, but still, it's a bit much. Also, being obviously gay does not mean a person will be persecuted for it (granted, I don't know how conservative the area is, but generally kids don't care if people are gay, they're too self-absorbed).

Twilight- I've got to agree with eatatjoes (I seem to be doing that an awful lot) about the need to dial back the spacey-ness of Alexandria. A somewhat spacey character is fine (obviously since I have one), but everyone, no matter how out of it, has SOMETHING they like and SOMETHING they at least dislike (if not hate), and there's no way there isn't something she fears. Again agreeing with eatatjoes, I'm not sure if she belongs in fantasy, but I'm not quite sure where it DOES belong. It's kind of a weird twilight-zone between fantasy and sci-fi, but not fitting into either particularly well.

Well... that was certainly a lot of writing.

See you,

gaelic

It's a big boarding school, once a score of homophobic kids (which I know were, while not violent, disturbingly common when I went to high school) with a bully-type or bully-follower personality realize they have something in common, the twiggy boy who everyone KNOWS is gay (and a lot of people don't particularly care for due to the disruption he has a tendency to cause in otherwise-steady relationships) is a very suitable target, especially when he won't fight back and doesn't always have the sense to travel in a pack, so to speak. After all, the best target for any bully is the one the least people will care to stand up for.

Yeah, some of it she spends on equiptment, some she spends on alcohol, and the rest, she spends on feeding herself.

Overall, I think that you have written a great character. The fact that he doesn't pick one side to fight for is definitely a good thing, and I like that his main weakness is emotional rather than physical (no, I'm not contradicting myself, but he IS a dragon).

Now I'm going to put up my next character, who is not in the same story as the last one.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Name: Ryan Michael Jones

Age: 15

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5’8”

Weight: 140 lbs.

Hair Color: Brown

Hair Style: Down about to ears, curls up at the bottom

Eyes: Blue

Complexion: Average Caucasian

Build: Average

Strength: Average, though it will get better over the course of the story

Specialful Powers ™: He can control magic to a degree, helped by his companions. Other than that, he has just as many powers as me (read as: “none”)

Weakness: Hates the sight of blood; has trouble figuring out how to do things sometimes, such as how to be a hero and save the world

Personality: He’s kinda shy, but when he’s around people he knows/likes, he will talk non-stop; tries to be nice, but usually ends up being overly blunt and rude instead; gets confused easily, though it’s not a stupid-seeming kind of confusion, it’s more of a confusion born of a completely new and baffling situation

Likes: Rock music; macaroni and cheese; Red Green; acting; snowball fights; sleepovers, 'cause they play Murder when it gets really dark (that's a game where there's a detective, a murderer, and innocent bystanders, the detective leaves, you turn off the lights, the murderer pretends to kill an innocent bystander and the detective has to figure out who the murderer was - it's FUN!); cats

Hates: Blood; getting made fun of; dogs licking him; people that don’t think; school pizza;

Fears: Dying/obtaining substantial (bloody) bodily harm; not being able to see where he’s going (he’s terrified he’s going to fall to his death someday)

History: Ryan was basically your average guy, not too much special about him. When he was eight, a fortune-teller at the fair told him that he was going to save the world someday, and it was a great joke to share with people. He was an Honor Roll student through middle school, and he almost qualified for Gifted & Talented before they upped the standards.

Special Skills/Training: He does get trained to use a sword during the story, as well as how to use magic in a non-erratic and non-accidental way, but aside from that? Not much.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-

This is my main character for a story that I'm planning to write. It's going to be a spoof off of all those stories where you just pull a random person out of their normal life, hand them a sword, tell them to save the world, and they can just do it with no problems whatsoever. Shouldn't they at least have to learn to use the sword? Or the magic? Or whatever it is they get? It's just one of those things that irks me.

I got the idea for this type of thing from a book called "The Handbook of Practical Heroics", which was along the same lines, only a spoof off of slightly different ideas from fantasy.

As a note, my last link doesn't work anymore. No, I don't have commitment issues, seeing as I had already written the story once before and finished it.

Twilight- Good, Ryan has some backstory! It's nice that he has some totally random likes and hates. I also like that he doesn't just pick up a sword one day, swing it once, and go "Huh, that's cool, now I'm the best sword fighter ever!" Beyond that, just make sure that you have enough backstory that you know what's going on, even if the readers/characters don't (I know you're notorious for not having any backstory/plot-line thought out.)

And now, for an announcement! I've decided (through some consultation with joes), that another parameter may be needed in the sketches. The new section is for information about the world your character inhabits. (Called "World" and placed under "Other.") Please don't post a huge novel about the world, but only information that the casual reader/reviewer would need to know in order to understand your character. (For instance, any social customs/superstitions/stigmas that shape your character.) You don't have to post anything in this category if you feel it's not needed, but if you at any time think, "Maybe I should explain this." while you're writing your sketch, please put it.

See ya,

gaelic

I used "World" as more "World/World History"

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Name: Rowan A’dris

Age: 27

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 163lbs

Hair Color: light brown

Hair Style: short, though slightly longer than regulation length

Eyes: light grey, deceivingly soft

Complexion: average Caucasian

Build: well-built

Strength: normal for his occupation (so above a normal person)

Special Powers: none

Weakness: Rowan has almost no knowledge about magic. He doesn’t know how to use it, and doesn’t know the full extent of what it can do. He knows enough to recognize it and defend against the more minor forms of it, but beyond that, he’s hopeless.

Personality: driven by duty and a sense of honor; kind, but not afraid to hurt people; he’s got a sarcastic side, but he holds it in

Likes: good food, wine, music, and company to share it with (in other words, a simple life)

Hates: people who try to take away or change his way of life

Fears: death (of himself and his loved ones), his way of life being taken away

History: Rowan was born the second son of a merchant and his wife. He was raised in a middle-class home. He joined the military when he came of age, and quickly rose through the ranks until he was stationed at the main residence of the Royal Family. A year later, he was assigned as one of the personal guards to the royal family.

Special Skills/Training: the basic skills of being a merchant (learned in childhood), and advanced military training (sword/knife, unarmed fighting, archery, horses)

Other: carries a bastard sword, two rondels (daggers) with twelve inch blades, and a composite bow (when on horseback)

World: There is magic, but it’s not a major force. Humans can only use magic if VERY rare cases. Elves are more in tune with magic and all of them can do minor magic, however very few can do anything beyond tricks and a few things to make life easier. Wizards are a separate race, and the main magic users. They are very few, however, and (usually) don’t interfere that much with the affairs of humans and elves.

No race is inherently good or evil. The main difference between elves and humans is that elves have long, back-swept ears, darker coloring, and longer lives. Wizards can look like either race.

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I believe I've commented on all of the characters posted so far...

As for Rowan, I think he's pretty well developed. The sketch seems a little... lacking somehow. I'd say that this is just part of writing soldiers: they tend to be overshadowed by the grand political schemes they face (I know, I see this problem in a character I'm working on). Warrior-poets aren't that big these days. I'm sure he'll be a good read though.

Good God, I spent more time talking about the world than the character. Ah well.

Moving on, I'll introduce my first character (who isn't my main one actually). He comes actually not from my work that I'm doing now but from an old pen & paper game my friends and I used to play. It is a fantasy world but not the typical one, there are no dwarves or elves or anything of that nature, just humans, and magic is nearly non-existant. I took my character from this game, because he was the most compelling and did the most adeventurous things which I felt would make a great addition to my current project (which I'll link to at the end of this post.

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Name: Victor De'Leon (In his world, it means Victor The Lion)

Age: Late 20's - Early 30's

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 175 lbs.

Hair Color: Black with a hint of gray, which is strange for his age.

Hair Style: Shoulder Length

Eyes: No one knows

Complexion: Pale but not deathly so

Build: Muscular, but not overly so

Strength: No one from the world he's in now knows the limit of his strength. He claims his strength comes from those he has fell in battle.

Special Powers: Victor has abilities that to the people of his current world seem inhuman and monstrous. He is said to weild a massive blade that sounds of thunder when it strikes, and some say that they have seen him walk straight through the flames of a burning building and not be damaged at all by it.

Weakness: Victor has great power and few weaknesses, the most dangerous of which is that he is human. Though he is incased in a frightening suit of armor, should it be pierced he is just as mortal as the next man on the street. Also, it is true that he absorbs the powers of those he defeats, this can be a large weakness in that the negative powers that come from the evil he destroys often threaten to turn him evil.

Personality: Victor is the definition of the word stoic. He peaks very rarely and when he does it is always in a lucid tone, polite and calm even to his enemies. emotion is something that he keeps in tight check, because of the terrible things that have happened in his past, he speaks little of it.

Likes: Victor enjoys the simple things in life and takes great care to not take them all for granted. He is often seen playing a hand of cards by himself, or polishing and sharpening his sword. He is also very fond of training his swordskills, he trains every night, in fact no one has ever seen Victor sleep.

Hates: Victor hates weakness above all else, and views evil as the most pure form of weakness. Those who are corrupted so easily by forces he deals with every moment are not worthy of life in his eyes, and he hates them with a passion. He is also said to be seeking vengeance against someone who has wronged him.

Fears: His greatest fear is helplessness, above all else he fears the inability to act. He cannot stand the idea of being unable to help those in need of his assistance and he will push himself well beyond his limits to prove his worth.

History: Victor was born in a small mountain village called Kundrik in the land of Tenenigar. His family was one of fair wealth, his father owned a trading business and was a rather well respected merchant. One day, when Victor was still a child, a strange group of men came through the city, his father called them 'Dragoons' his father told them that they had come to the village to resupply, and that they were headed into the mountains to kill a rather pesky dragon that had taken claim there. Dragon's in those days were more plentiful, but still Victor thought his father was simply telling him a story to keep him entertained. He ran out into the street as they passed and tugged at the cloak of one of the 'dragoons' cloaks and asked him if they were really here to slay dragons. The man laughed briskly and stopped, kneeling down he produced a strange gemstone, cut roughly into a diamond shape, the man put his hand on Victor's head and told him that was from the last one they had dealt with; then he walked off. Victor from that day foreward became obsessed with dragons and those who did battle with them. He begged and pleaded with his father to send him off to Beoulve Academy (a school that trained men to become warriors capable of fighting entire armies by themselves), but he always hid his true intentions from his family. Another year passed and his father finally agreed to send him to the Academy. He trained there for several years under the master of arms (there was no school for dragoons) until his graduation day arrived. Students of Beoulve Academy were required upon graduation to complete a task given to them by the headmaster of the school, Victor's task was to go back to Kundrik and rid it of a dragon that had taken nest there. He was charged to do this task alone, and he accepted this mission. He was nearly killed, bitten nearly in two before he was able to strike the dragon down across its massive neck, during the process its blood poured over Victor, and as he collapsed into what he was certain would be death, he felt the warm burning sensation of the dragon's blood pooling around him. when he awoke he was bandaged and at his home in Kundrik and his armor (a full suit, crafted by the finest armorers in Pue Marton (the city Beoulve was nearest to) was stained red with the dragon's blood, he found that no matter how long he polished and cleaned it, the blood would not come out. This earned him the legendary title of The Red Knight. During this period a darkness fell upon the world of Tenenigar and it took everyone, except for a hand full of powerful people such as Victor. In the end Victor was not strong enough to save the world he knew, but he vowed that he would travel into the uncharted world of the West to seek more power, to find a power that would make him so strong that he could go back to his world and save it from the fire it had been engulfed in. That is where we find Victor now.

Special Skills/Training: He has undergone the rigorous and unparalleled training of the great Beoulve Academy since his earlychildhood (about 8 years old). He was trained in the art of the Greatsword by the mnaster of arms at Beoulve, and he was trained by Master Clyde Gerrand in the arts of survival and tracking. Since his legendary slaying of the Dragon from which he earned his title of both Dragoon and the unique nickanme of The Red Knight, he has learned to focus his monstrous abilities to absorb the soul of the enemies he destroys. The Red Knight knows no equal.

Other: To his friends (while they were still alive) Victor was known as the only one in Beoulve Academy who had been able to endure the multiple near death missions they were all put through. He has slayed many great beasts that were thought previously untouchable by a single person and in doing so his body is riddled with massive scars. His constitution is, like his name, legendary. Not only has he survived being completely gored by the Greatsword Master at Beoulve, he has also survived being nearly bitten in half, and being completely engulfed in the flames of the red dragon of Kundrik.

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Here is a link to the story that Victor is currently a part of, he is not the main character however.

The Dark War

Name: Adrianna

Age: Varies from story to story, but is usually between 21 and 28

Gender: Female

Species: Varies from story to story, but is usually human (In other stories, has been a Vampire and a Demon)

Height: Slightly over 5'0"

Weight: Aound 110 lbs

Hair Color: Black or Reddish-brown

Hair Style: Long and straight

Eyes: Dark brown or black

Complexion: Light

Build: Slight

Strength: Physically weak

Special Powers: These vary from story to story. In some, she is telekinetic, or a mage. When she is a Vampire or a Demon, she has enhanced speed and senses. In the stories with her as a human, she usually ends up having sex with Pyro. In my stories, I always use bloodsharing to create a bond between them, so she ends up gaining at least some of his powers.

Weakness: Physically, she is as weak as anybody her size, which is rather small. She has all the weaknesses of whatever race I put her in, whether it be Vampire, Human, or demon. Of course, once she bonds with Pyro and gains some of his power, the physical weakness is greatly reduced. Not to his extent, but enough to ensure that she can protect herself is need be.

Personality: Adventurous, and usually happy. In most of the stories, she is introduced rather abruptly to the supernatural aspect of the world, and is forced to adapt quickly or die. This can change someone's personality for the better or the worse. She is generally a trusting person, and has that quality that makes people around her like her. She is a hard character to hate.

Likes: Her job (which varies from story to story), Fantasy stories (of course), Horror movies, jogging

Hates: Not much of anything. She is pretty easy going, and reserves judgment on everyone and everything.

Fears: She fears losing the ones she cares about.

History: Varies from story to story. Generally, she is a normal girl who sees or knows something or somebody who is supernatural. She is abruptly introduced to the the bad qualities of the inhuman world and is forced to adapt to everything. She is then introduced to Pyro, who is facinated with her and the story goes in from there, depending on the particular way I want that plot to develop.

Special Skills/Training: See "Special Powers"

Other: - Wears a lot of dark, but not because she is depressed or anything. She just looks good in dark colours.

World: Present day Earth, with a few minor adjustments. There are always supernatural beings, and in some of my stories, everybody is aware of them. Think of it is uneasy co-existence. In most of my stories, of course, humans are ignorant of the supernatural, save for a few who practice magic. Other than that, everything is as it is in reality.

Adrianna feels more like a plot device than a character. Maybe I’m just odd, but I think a character should have its attributes be static. When her species is dependent upon the story, she just loses a feeling of consistency. That she’s perpetually the innocent girl thrown into the supernatural world and ends up enamored with Pyro, getting a bit of his godhood in the process… If I really want to reread a plot, I’ll scroll back up to the top of the page. Must there be a reset button? Sometimes it’s fun to write a hack-and-slash where the bad guys are left thinking “Holy sh*t, why did we get him involved?” when the protagonist delivers some righteous godmode smack-down. It’s just really hard to sustain momentum.

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I get the impression that personal relationships are going to be a non-factor for Victor. Meaning that the motivating plot element is looking like hack-and-slash. If you can get this to work, alright. More likely you’ll need to remember what Arthur Conan Doyle figured out: description, even description of violence, slows down the story. This is why reading “Moby Dick” or “Great Expectations” is like pulling teeth. Read the part in “The Lost World” where Roxton is explaining to Malone about the ape-men attacking the camp. Now imagine how dull that scene would be if Malone had been there to watch them attack.

I do think that Victor could be pretty good in an RPG. Trouble is, RPG characters and story characters tend to be mutually exclusive groups. As it is, he doesn’t really grab my attention.

Name: Scott Windwhistler

Age: 3

Gender: M

Species: Silver Peregrine Falcon (Falco Peregrinus Argentus)

Height: 20cm

Weight: Haven't really decided o.o

Hair Color: N/A

Hair Style: N/A

Eyes: Black

Complexion: Slate-grey feathers on his back and head, white with barred black stripes along his chest. Underneath his wings are glistening silver feathers.

Build: Typical (for a bird)

Strength: Rather weak physically

Special Powers: Controls the lightning and wind elements

Weakness: Is very trusting and naieve. His main defence is his extremely high speed, and if he is hit he is easily defeated. His opponent must first, however, catch him in the first place.

Personality: Quite mature and thoroughly thinks things through before launching on any kind of mission. His friends consider him a "knight of the skies", as a result of his preference of fighting fair and for generally positive reasons. He is very protective of his younger brothers, Oliver and Arrow, and the rest of the crewon board his commandeered Fliter-class battlecarrier SFWS Skywind (ACX-16). He has a very difficult time accepting painful truths and can be very stubborn about his beliefs. He is very benevolent and gives with the thought that, had he been in someone else's position, the other person would do the same to him. Military-wise, he is a powerful strategist and a swift falcon. He believes in "peace through superior firepower" and that knowing how to use a weapon is not as important as knowing WHEN to use a weapon.

Likes: His family, his crew, his friends. Equality, peace

Hates: Prejudicial people, injustice...deceivers, liars, and those who work in underhanded ways, as well as those who have little regard for others.

Fears: Losing his family, parasites (especially leeches) falling out of control, insects and arachnids (often resorts to blasting them with lightning bolts upon sight), needles, blood-feeders in general, falling in love

History: Born to Rigel and Kimberly Windwhistler on an island in the Northwest Archipelago, Scott and his brothers were taught the basics of flying at 7 months old from their parents. They were also taught how their species (silver falcons) are bing unjustly persecuted and if anyone knows of his identity as a silver falcon, he could very well put himself and everyone else in jeopardy. See story. =P

Special Skills/Training

-Basic Fighter Manoeuvres (at 7 months of age)

-Elemental Mastery (at 1 year old)

-Sharpshooting

-Unbelievable reflexes (compared to a human - his brain processes images three times faster than a human can, so to him a computer screen is illegible because the computer refreshes itself too slowly)

-Unbelievable eyesight (natural falcon ability)

-Ability to see ultraviolet (natural falcon ability)

I'm having trouble understanding the "persecution" aspect of his life, primarily because from the description and from what's been posted of the story, I can't find any indication of who the persecutors are. If it's humans (admittedly a far-fetched assumption), it becomes an absurd plot device. If it's a race of crows who are jealous of pretty silver plumage, I'll buy it. The "computers are unintelligible bit"? A little tougher for me. I think boredom and frustration are more likely than a complete lack of understanding. Frustration reinforcing Luddite tendencies works though; Falcons get irritated with computers, and thus try to avoid the headache whenever possible.

I've got plenty of questions: Who exactly is building battlecarriers? It's a little redundant for another race of birds to do it, short of needing to move cargo by the tonnage. To what extent are you drawing on actual peregrine falcons? While they are the fastest animals on the planet in a stoop (320 kph is nothing to sneeze at), this doesn't mean falcons are built to handle like a fighter. They're dive bombers: An SBD Dauntless rather than an F4F Wildcat. The final thing I see you needing to work around is missiles. You mention a "Timefrost-class missile" in the story. Peregrine falcons may do 320 kph in a stoop: the AIM-9 Sidewinder does twice that. If you haven't cleaned this up already, you need to take a look at it.

As for the last profile, she seems like a likable character, but more depth might be required before actively throwing her in. I try to make it a point in adding at least five points into each section bfore throwing them in. That's myself, anyway.

I didn't exactly reveal too much on purpose, 'cause it's supposed to be revealed later. From the public's perspective, silver falcons use their powers for evil because their legend states they were created by Lucifer. Anything created by the Devil mus surely b evil, and the same with the birds. Someone screwed up though, and forgot to add in the part that involved them with the Archangel St. Michael breaking them out mid-production. Therefore, they're only half-completed and thus aren't necessarily evil or bound to Lucifer's will.

Because of that, the two superpowers of Anethia and Verdath have allied themselves against the silver falcons as soon as they heard about it. Any kind of gathering was disrupted by Anethian tanks and airships or Verdathian swordsmen and mages. It's also law in both countries to in any way kill any silver falcon on sight no matter the circumstances using any means necessary.

Not only that, but silver falcons are persecuted by their own non-silver kind for the exact same reasons. As a result, all the falcons are on the run and are essentially fugitives in their own community. As soon as a falcon wasidentified as a silver, they would be killed by their former colleagues, friends, and superiors.

There's more, but that's in the story itself.

Arrow, you haven't cleared up yet (and it'd be really nice to know) who made the airships. It's important to know, because it determines the computer interface, and it's seeming like they were built by humans. If that's the case, how are the birds operating the ship? I can see them now, banging their beaks and wings on the keyboard, hoping to hit the right button.

I'd like to point out that flying is extremely physically demanding (there's a reason that breast meat on ducks is dark meat), and so it's very unlikely that he could be physically weak and yet have insane speed.

Also, how is no one finding out that he's a silver falcon when the undersides of his wings are silver? It's pretty hard to miss something like that when a bird is in flight, and the impression I got is that he flies quite a bit.

The final thing I have to say is that you should be careful with the whole persecution thing. Persecution can be very hard to pull off. Especially when the persecution is of twenty centimeter long birds and the persecutors are humans.

That's all for now,

gaelic

The main antagonist in the fic is Lucifer (yes, the devil. Planning on switching to a more obscure name later). He lacks a corporeal body, but he intends to take over the Upper Reaches, aka Heaven. So, he gives the humans the designs for the airships, and letting them build it for him. Once the fleet is completed, he'd simply have his own army take over the ships, and voila. Private army. He also has a plan that prevents the humans from retaliating once they've realized they've been used, but that's a major plot element.

He is physically weak compared to a human. It would be impossible for a falcon to carry say, a computer monitor, but a human could carry one easily. Their size also makes them vulnerable to to weapons that rely on mass - a bullet is much larger to a falcon than to a human. Finally, their light weight (birds have hollow bones, remember) prevents them from equipping pretty much any kind of body armour or whatnot.

And peregrine falcons have been clocked at up to 350 kph (200mph) diving speed, making them the fastest animal in the world (although other birds, like gyrfalcons, are faster in level flight)

Prosecution I think is fair because the SFs eventually start gaining human tech, modifying it, and then sending it back to them. It practically makes them a veritable air force in their own right, only they lack a country to defend and merely are out there for survival.

Now I'll give this a go.

Name:Anzina Heckendate

Age:16

Gender:Female

Species:half witch/half arkan(human)

Height:kind of tall...I don't have an exact measurement

Weight:never thought of that. Well, she's not fat...not anorexic...average, I guess

Hair Color:dark brown

Hair Style: tied back in a simple style. It's usually a bit messy

Eyes:brown

Complexion: normal?

Build: once again, normal

Strength: Physically, it's not so great (it improves a bit as the story goes on) But mentally she's got strong beliefs and resolve. She's not quite stubborn, but she's a bit strong willed.

Special Powers: she's got some witch powers that haven't really been revealed yet. Read the story to find out

Weakness:

Personality:Strong willed, but extremly naive and innocent, since she's lived in an isloated place all her life. However, she cares alot for the people close to her and tries to give the benefit of doubt. Having been raised by nuns, she's polite and virtuous, a tad bit timid, and always tries to do what is right.

Likes: Her home in the high hills, her friends, her red cloak, being with those she cares about, thinking about her father and mother

Hates: Being lied to, being decived, killing people without reason, callousness, secrets being kept from her, the harshness of the world, being around alot of people she doesn't know by herself

Fears:Being locked up for the rest of her life, fanatical witches coming after her, being killed, losing Reed, things she's not familliar with

History: She's actually the half witch daughter of the traitor princess Escaline and the witch Rydalin Es. When she was very young she and a young boy her age named Reed were brought to a monastry and convent in the high hills of Malgrovo province, where they were raised together.

Special Skills/Training: None really, unless a religous education counts.

Other:She has a bracelet her father left for her. She likes to call Reed her brother, since they were raised together, but he always yells at her for some reason and she has no idea why. Because of her trusting nature, she sometimes gets herself into dangerous situations.

Pretty much, she's considered a threat to the balance of ther goverment. Techincally, she could take the throne if the prince and his twin sister were unable to, so the fanatical witches would most likely want to put her in that position in order to get more rights for witches. The goverment, of coruse, sees this as a major problem, which is why the prince is trying to keep her identity secret.

Actually, Scott is the name I got off of the Canadian peregrine Foundation website. He's an educational bird, imprinted on humans. He's not attending schools right now though - he's in the breeding program, having his share of fun ^.~

Name: Maarit (It's a Finnish name, most of my fantasy characters have Finnish names) Prounounced: MAH-reet

Age: Somewhere in her mid-twenties

Gender: Female

Species: There isn't really a species...specification, I suppose. There is only one "species", that is humans, born with masks that display who they really are (inside, I mean) and when they die, the mask is removed, to reveal what their real face would have looked like.

Height: Around 5'3"

Weight: 100 lbs. or so

Hair Color: Orange-red, which she very carefully takes care of - Maarit's hair is her pride and joy

Hair Style: Down to her waist, thick and straight. She usually doesn't do much with it, as she prefers just letting people admire how straight and glossy it is

Eyes: Dark blue

Complexion: Hidden behind a mask. I suppose I'll use this to describe her mask. Maarit's mask is pretty. The "skin color" of the mask is completely white, the nose slightly exagerrated, and around the eye holes are intricate designs, swirling off to the sides of the mask. The lips of the mask are slightly pouty, and protrude more than most masks' lips. As with all masks, the lips move as though they are actually a part of Maarit's face. Though the mask is "pretty" it is in no way beautiful, as many other masks are.

Build: Maarit has a small, lithe figure, no real curves to speak of, and is basically very small and skinny

Strength: She doesn't have much strength, physically. But Maarit is emotionally very strong. She finds it easy not to cry, though she does laugh and smile easily, and is able to hold herself together through most hard times.

Special Powers: None

Weakness: Santtu, a good friend of hers that she can tell she is falling for

Personality: Maarit is fairly easy-going and laid-back. She has the tendency to envy others and never seems fully satisfied with herself.

Likes: Cheese, Santtu, her friends

Hates:

Fears: Being alone, the dark, the bad guy (whom I have yet to name)

History: Maarit is a normal girl, with a small, but close, group of friends. She doesn't have much history yet.

Special Skills/Training: None really

Other:

Okay, I left out some stuff and didn't fill this out completely, but I have yet to really go in depth with Maarit's character.

Age: 38

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 180-200 lbs, or higher

Hair Color: Greyish-black

Hair Style: Slightly long, in a ponytail.

Eyes: Brown, red within black (mirrors)

Complexion: Normal/Pale and corpse-like

Build: Lean, showing obvious signs of constant training (or at least before he was cursed he was)

Strength: Physically strong, expert at hand-to-hand combat. Able gunsman and an expert regarding explosives, but his main talent is his wide knowledge of the occult. More inclined to use his brains than brawn.

Special Powers: His curse: though it had rendered him practically unable to age, the body of Caligula has been in it's permanent form when he was thirty-eight; dying of lung cancer. He is in a constant state of immense pain, not to mention that there is no way to improve his physical state.

Weakness: The constant pain in his body, plus looking at mirrors (or anything that could reflect him) increases the pain inside his body.

Personality: Ferocious, but not uncaring. The type of man focused on his own goals, but would help those in desperate need in the end.

Likes: Jazz music, cats, fresh air and motorcycles.

Hates: Smoke (cigarettes in particular), mirrors.

Fears: none (nothing fits for this kind of character, eh?)

History: A wandering gun-for-hire, also an exorcist. A curse from a demon had prevented him from aging, which, due to the fact his body was dying of lung cancer, made sure he was in constant pain. Information regarding his past is secret (n_n), but he's searching for the demon that had cursed him.

Special skills: exorcism (expert)

occult knowledge (master)

fighting style: street fighting/brawling, amateur wrestling and boxing

guns: varied, but always carries a gun that was a replica of the one Dirty Harry uses.

Other: The reflection that he could see in the mirror of himself is infested by "bugs", while in a state that seems to be perpetually rotting. Causes extreme pain when he looks at it; eye color is black within red (iris: red, the surrounding are that's supposed to be white: black)

note: so... any comment on this? is the character to weird?

Beyond this, I think he could go either way. I'm not being tugged towards "OMG ROXORZ" or "I need a shower after reading that". I think it's all up to how well you keep him human instead of a fountain for angst and brooding.

And for the record, Dirty Harry uses a Smith & Wesson Model 29.

well, regarding the eyes, can't I simply say I was reading Dune while the character was forming in the small puddles of my brain? lol, anyhoo, the different eye color can only be seen in mirrors, and there is a possibility that the mirror thing was influenced by the Dorian Gray thing (the closest thing I can remember about him was the league of extraordinary gentlemen movie)

I'm not that much into angst-ing characters, now (i may have done some angst-characters before). Maybe he won't even be neurotic.

On the bright side, not too bad for a character whose basic info I thought up in five minutes, eh? lol

Lady Glass, this isn't a warning because joe and I didn't reply fast enough. It's just a reminder that you need to post a comment about another person's character in every post.

Sorry I've been gone so long,

gaelic

Here is a character from a story I'm currently writing called What Magic Is Made Of. He's one of my most favourite creations so far, and I'd like to know what you think:

Name: Professor Two-Shoes Trois Hellmoren Plunkett (in his world's culture, french numbers are used as a middle name to show the order of their birth, i.e trois = third in the family. Just a random bit of info ^_^)

Age: 39

Gender: male

Occupation: Red Wizard

Species: Astarong (see Other)

Height: 7'5" (see Other also for explanation -_-)

Weight: Weighing scales haven't been invented in his world yet. All he can say is that he enjoys his cakes and biscuits, and doesn't give two hoots about what anyone else says, so there.

Hair Color: dirty blonde

Hair Style: Really long. REALLY long. I mean, almost down to his elbows.

Eyes: Pale blue. Has eyebrows like hedges.

Complexion: normal

Build: He's a wizard, for crying out loud! He doesn't have a build! I'll put down: Stick Insect (Two-Shoes: *glares*)

Strength: Has quite strong arms from fencing, but that's it.

Special Powers: Since he's a Red Wizard, he can use both Dark Magic and White Magic, plus the Patterning thing all Astarongs can use. Besides that, he is no more powerful than his fellow colleagues.

Weakness: He has a rather too big a fondness for sweet things, and is quite vulnerable to small people who might attack his feet and catch him by surprise.

Personality: On the whole Two-Shoes is a rather lively eccentric, but is as smooth as a rickety bridge and as subtle as a flying brick. He is so lazy that he cannot be arsed changing out of his clothes for bed, and by a strange perversion of physics (because Altomia is that sort of place) his clothes are always clean and freshly laundered, but he can't shake off that feeling he gives off, a slob-like air of someone who's forgotten how to use an ironing board. He can never shut up and frequently does rather stupid or spontaneous things, like shout at random people, or accidently let spill the ULTRA SECRET DETAILS OF THE JOURNEY HE AND HIS COLLEAGUES ARE GOING TO MAKE, and ends up having to shuffle a boy named Kindred Fitzharvess along with them to stop the news leaking. But he is a kind soul at heart, and once he takes a liking to something, his heart will be set on it, and he will pursue it endlessly. By pursuing something endlessly, I mean that he does it at his own pace, which is slow, whilst reminding everyone th