Name: Hanapu (AB-01)

Age: Unknown

Gender: Male

Species: Half demon, Half moonchild

Height:6ft8"

Weight: 11lbs

Hair Color: White

Hair Style: Reachs halfway down his back, straight, very neat

Eyes: Deep crimson

Complexion: Very pale

Build: Anarexic

Strength: Beond that of normal demons. About that of six thousand men

Special Powers: He can change his shape (very painfully) into five diffrent beasts.

Weakness: His mental stat is in pieces

Personality: Cold and emotionless

Likes: Blood and books

Hates: Himself, and his master

Fears: Small enclosed spaces and hospitals

History: He's a lab experiment, he was declared a failure when he couldn't control his beasts and attacked his master. He was left in the holding cells until he was in control of his beasts and then he was used as one of his masters bodyguards.

Special Skills/Training: He can use almost every weapon known to man, demons and every species in the world

Other: He is a sociopath, pyromaniac.He was in an accident before he was born, which caused part of his skull to collapse into his brain. He can't feel emotions and is colourblind.

So thats my fav. character from my book.

'Kay, onto the character. I'm going to assume you made a typo in saying that he weighs 11 pounds. If not... then that's just plain dumb. (Seriously, a 6 foot 8 guy who weighs 11 pounds?) I tend to shy away from cross-breeds, just because I find them problematic. However, if cross-breeds work in your universe, I say go for it. The long hair works, because it's long, but still reasonable. His whole appearance works, I can picture it extremely clearly - that doesn't always happen.

Be careful about making him over-powered. This guy is 6,000x as strong as a normal person, can turn into five different animals (even though it's painful, it's still a lot), and is a complete master of all weaponry. I'd suggest re-working this slightly. For instance, say that he picks up how to use weapons very quickly rather than saying he can use every weapon in existance. Maybe put limits on when he can turn into his animal forms or give him less forms.

It'd be nice if you could expand on his personality a bit. Two descriptive words doesn't say much. Be careful with self-hate, it has a tendancy to become cliched. It's good that his fears are due to past experiences, but maybe you could give him something else, not connected to his past that he's afraid of. I like the fact that you're trying to make up for some of his powerful-ness by giving him a disability (colourblindness), but if you're going to do that, you should either make it a bit more drastic (colourblindness doesn't really disable you TOO much), or give him another disability of similar magnitude. Just be careful with disabilities, or you could have a cliche in a wheelchair on your hands.

Obviously, this is just what I think would flesh-out your character and make them more interesting, but I don't know the plot and how many of these things are necessary. I don't claim to be the All-Knowing Guru of Characters.

This is also your warning for not commenting on another character in your post. If you haven't read the rules, please do. If you post another character without commenting, the character will be deleted.

Thanks for posting,

gaelic

Name: Keviera Marcia Rawlings

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Height: 5'7

Weight: *cough178cough*

Hair Color: Black

Hair Style: Short and curly

Eyes: Gold

Complexion: Dark-skinned

Build: Thick waist, compactly muscled arms.

Strength: Can lift a 250-pound man over her head. She hasn't had the opportunity to test the full extent of this strength, however.

Special Powers: Superhuman strength, her wounds heal faster than normal people.

Weakness: Acute fear of blood and darkness. The presence of either sends her into a panic attack that could take several minutes to get over. She also has a low tolerance for pain, which she tries to mask by singing.

Personality: Kevi tends to be a bit reckless, failing to plan ahead and relying on quick thinking, and a combination of faith and luck to get her through sticky situations. She is compassionate and kind, and hates to see injustice. She has a sense of duty and responsibility to protect her friends and family, and will often put her life in danger to do so. She could be described as a go-getter; if she knows that something needs to be done, she'll do it almost without hesitation.

Likes: Singing (even though she's not very good at it), dancing (sucks at it), sickeningly sweet foods and chocolate, working out, traveling, and hanging with her best friend Jaunty.

Hates: Injustice, laziness, and hesitation.

Fears: Blood, darkness, her grandmother, and her best friends and family getting hurt or killed.

History: Kevi was born to Ephraim Posh and Antajah Rawlings on March 17th. She is their youngest child, and her older sisters are Dekira and Jemeria. Her hometown is the city of Alkahest, in the Carmine Province of the island nation of North Red. She attends St. Tripler's Academy for Girls as a junior.

Kevi's fear of blood stemmed from the first moment she displayed her powers. She was playing with the family pet, Pojo, when she lost control of her powers and accidentally ripped his paw off. Her fear of darkness has always been there, and she doubts that it will ever go away.

Her family is renowned for their strength and durability, and are often sought after as bodyguards or even assassins for the upper classes and the higher-ups of the Grand Governance. Kevi has no desire to kill, but doesn't mind being a bodyguard. At the age of 12, she was hired by Amaranth Lovejoy to guard his son, Jaunty, on one of their many travels abroad. She and Jaunty clicked over their love of traveling, and they have been best friends ever since.

Kevi is despised by her grandmother, who looks down on her unwillingness to kill for money. She sees it as cowardice on her part, and even urged her mother to kill her, to "weed out the weakness from the family." Although Kevi hates her grandmother, she still shows her respect and calls her Madear (mother dear).

Special Skills/Training: Kevi knows how to kill using knives, wires, guns, swords, and even her bare hands. Of course, she refuses to do so.

Other: Um, none I guess.

Name: Jaunty Elric Lovejoy

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5'9

Weight: 173

Hair Color: Blonde

Hair Style: Bushy and wild

Eyes: Blue

Complexion: Lightly tanned

Build: Very tall and skinny.

Strength: Almost none. That's why Kevi's his bodyguard.

Special Powers: Alchemy

Weakness: His arms are his life. Also, he feels helpless and vulnerable if he doesn't have his bag of potions and solutions with him.

Personality: Although he is from the upper-class, Jaunty has a potty-mouth and lacks basic etiquette. When the situation isn't tense or requiring his full intelligence, he can be loud and goofy and silly. Unlike his best friend, he prefers to plan ahead, every little step if possible. He doesn't like to see his plans crumble, but he's good at hiding his emotions and true feelings.

Likes: Alchemy, reading, traveling, and hanging with his best friend Keviera.

Hates: Injustice, laziness, recklessness, and failure.

Fears: Disease, loss of his alchemy and potions, his mother.

History: Jaunty was born to Amaranth and Bryony Lovejoy on July 10th. He had an older brother by the name of Friday, but he succombed to disease. He has a younger sister, Cadence Basil Lovejoy, and a younger brother, Tarragon Fulcanelli Lovejoy. He was born on the continent of South Fair, but he calls Alkahest his hometown. He is homeschooled.

Like most in his family, Jaunty began learning alchemy at a young age. Even though the art is frowned upon, Jaunty believes that alchemy is more beneficial to the people of the world than the destructive power of magic, especially those of the Kortright Family. He displayed his ingenuity with the art when he invented a potion that allowed him to breathe fire.

Other: None, surprisingly.

Name: Duchess Mozelle Kortright

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Height: 6'2

Weight: 156

Hair Color: Vibrant, dark red

Hair Style: Long and luxurious

Eyes: Grey

Complexion: Pale

Build: Very tall and very skinny.

Strength: She is mentally strong, but fails physically.

Special Powers: The Kortright Family's magic only has the potential to destroy and is based around the absorbtion, manipulation, and release of energy.

Weakness: Like Jaunty, she needs her arms to do anything. Also, if she loses control of her emotions, her power goes out of control as well.

Personality: Duchess is a fairly collected individual, with amazing control of her emotions. The same can't be said for her mouth. Her bluntness and boldness are considered rude and distasteful for a young woman of the upper classes. Despite her reluctantness to work, Duchess does so for the good of her family. She has done some unsavory things for the wealth of her family, but she excuses it as necessary. She cares deeply for her brothers and younger sister, but has no respect for her lecherous father and her tolerable mother.

Likes: Control, make-up, clothes, and being out of the house.

Hates: Her father, her mother, lack of clothes and make-up, being in the house.

Fears: Lack of control, and her younger sister when she's angry.

History: Duchess was born to Arlington and Nevada Kortright on July 6th. Her eldest brother is Kingston, she is two minutes younger than her twin Knightly, and she is the elder sister of Queensley. Her hometown is the city of Eventide on the continent of South Fair, in the Yellow Province. She attends an all-girl's academy, which she attends as a senior.

Her father is constantly cheating on her mother, but she feels that there is nothing she can do about it. She doesn't even know if Nevada is her real mother, given her father's history.

Prior to the Rusted Kingdom saga, Duchess intended to spend her summer doing nothing while her brothers started their lives. However, her family is at the beck and call of the Grand Governance. Her father decided that he wanted to chase after a gyspy that caught his eye, so he paid her 70 linar to take his place, being the first Kortright woman in history to ever sit before the Grand Council. Of course, her mouth got her in trouble.

About the characters. First off, why do they all have bad relationships with their parents/grandparents? It seems odd that they all either hate or fear their parental figures.

About Keviera: I like the way her strength first showed itself, it's different, random, and believable. My problem is that, if she hates killing and violence, and the mere prescence of blood causes her to have a panic attack, how has she maintained her job for four years? Generally, being a body guard, especially in a high fantasy setting, involves hurting people and blood. Her job is to protect Jaunty, and she's never had to hurt anyone who threatened him (if he's never been attacked, then why does he need a bodyguard?), and doesn't see blood enough for people to fire her?

I don't have any real beefs with Jaunty, so good job.

What's with the names in Duchess' family? Kingsly, Knightly, Duchess, and Queensly? Honestly, it makes me want to throw up. I'm also confused. First you say that her mother is tolerable, and then you say that she hates her mother. Which is it?

Overall, you have some pretty good characters here. You have a chance at writing a really good story so long as you can avoid cliches.

Au revoir,

gaelic

-Andrew.))

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