- A Forum For Love and the Poems that go with it Forum

You can't be absolutely sure that you won't have love again. I believe there is a soulmate for everyone. Don't give up! Dreams make love and love makes life!

I'm a hypocrite, though.

#4 May 29th, 7:00pm

Why do you believe you will never have love again? Or do you mean a particular person? If it's the latter, it's because you've imagined yourself with that person for so long that it becomes first nature to imagine yourself with that person, so when the person leaves you, it takes awhile to adjust to life and your future without that person, or at least not the way you'd been imagining.

If it is the former - never give up on love. I very much doubt that you will never have love again. If by some random chance you don't find love again, feel free to seek me out and give me a smart slap in the face, but I honestly think that those who give up on love give up too soon, simply because you should never give up on love. Even if you don't find it in the way you expect, I'm completely confident that love will find you somehow.

Good luck. :)

#5 Aug 17th, 11:15pm

I think a big reason people are so willing to give up is they have had bad experiences, such as not being loved back, or they fell in love with a nasty person who exploited the love to make the lover do what they wanted, then left them. That sort of things cuts deep, and a lot of people simply aren't willing to risk having it happen again.

#6 Aug 18th, 6:33am

Of course past experiences are going to leave their mark on people. Some wounds are deeper than others, but at the same time we have to keep in mind that every person is different. What one person did to you, hundreds of others would not do. My last boyfriend had what believed was a "perfect" relationship with his ex and after that relationship fell apart, he became very withdrawn and found it hard to trust because this "perfect" relationship hadn't worked how he'd thought it would. Even now, though, he is looking for some kind of replacement of her. I, being nothing like her, was obviously not enough.

Did that leave its mark on me? Yes, of course. It's no good feeling like you couldn't live up to someone's standards because you aren't some sort of clone of a woman he once loved (maybe even still loves), but you have to move past it. Maybe it will happen again, but chances are it won't. I've learned that if a guy still idolizes his ex and even the slightest mention of anything having to do with a memory of her leaves him melancholy for hours, sometimes days (I once mentioned I'd gone on the swings and he clammed up for hours because apparently he had memories tied to swings). It hurts, yes, because you begin a relationship with so much hope and happiness, and when it ends and you realize all that time you spent with that person was basically for nothing (if not the experience and the lesson you've learned), but you cannot let those negative effects follow you too long. Of course it's alright to feel sad and miss the person at first, but there is a point where you have to let go, forget, move on, and begin again. Holding onto after-effects of past relationships is a sure way to ruin any future ones, so it's really not doing anyone any good.

#7 Aug 18th, 10:13am

You raise a good point, but a major thing that can effect some peoples ability to move on are the timing, and how strongly they still love this person. My timing for a failed relationship was really bad, my first one. Then theres is another factor, I generallly don't trust or like people. At least not in person. So trying to form any sort of relationship is nigh impossible, made even ahrder by the fact it has to be the right person.

#8 Aug 18th, 11:09am

The first factor - timing and how much they love the person - does, of course, affect a person. I am generally the type who does get very upset but I pick myself up fairly quickly and move on. My ex, the one I mentioned in my last post, still cries for a relationship that ended two years ago. That is when it goes too far. Yes, it's sad that "perfect" relationship didn't work out, but after two years, it is time to move on and to let go.

As for your second point, that is a personal thing that has been with you since the beginning (or at least I'm assuming so) and the only thing you can do about that is try to overcome it.

#9 Aug 18th, 11:44am

Two years? He must have been with her a long time. Another factor. Still, you make good points.

#10 Aug 18th, 12:17pm

He wasn't even with her for a year, actually. He needs someone to idolize, and he found that person in her. Unfortunately, he isn't good at letting go.

I do think that the length of a relationship makes a difference, but sometimes it doesn't. I was with one of my boyfriends for a year, but breaking up with him was incredibly easy nonetheless because we didn't have a very deep connection. My ex and his ex were hardly the ideal couple he believed them to be, but in his mind, she was perfect, the relationship was perfect, everything was just perfect. There is nothing I can do that will change that. He is the only one who can make himself see what a joke that is and that he has not moved contrary to what he thinks.

#11 Aug 18th, 12:31pm

I see your point, but you can become very attached to someone very quickly. Just like your were in with a guy for a year, but you moved past the breakup easily. The opposite can happen just as easily, it all depends on the person. The best way I can think of to describe these people is this.

When you first fall in love with the person, you can't bear the idea of losing them, or having them leave you. You want to make them happy, in any way you can, its instinctual. You can't believe how lucky you are to have them, then they leave you and you feel not only the normal betrayl sadness etc. etc. But you also feel useless, at least thats how it is for guys. For us, a girl who enters this relationship, then leaves so soon, its like they are telling us we aren't good enough, and that makes us feel like we are worthless, in addition to the other feelings. I'm not saying its a good thing to be stuck like he is, that is certainly not good. I'm just explaining why (maybe) he is having such a hard time moving on.

Patience is the key.

#12 Aug 18th, 6:37pm

I faintly read/skimmed the conversation, and my reason is because every "relationship" or "attempted relationship" has failed...failed miserably, and the guy just pushes me aside and doesn't care what damage he has done to me, adding on to my misery. I've only shown it if someone brings love or guys or whatever up, otherwise, I am fine.

Love is just harsh, and don't tell me otherwise, because it's all I've felt. I've learned that it's just not worth it. At least for right now. I'm going to wait a long while

Enough of that pity party, or whatever. I agree with all of that you've said. :D I guess.

#13 Aug 22nd, 5:23pm

No one who has actually felt love will say its not harsh. Its part of the package, doesn't come without it. It can really suck sometimes, but thats where patience mixed with some good hobbies come into play. If you have something to distract yourself from time to time it gets much easier.

#14 Aug 23rd, 8:13am

Love is definitely worth it, no doubt about it, in my opinion. When the person you are with is good to you and cares for you and loves you unconditionally, as he or she should do, love is the most amazing thing in the world.

You've been hurt, Brown Eyed Goddess, and as you just said, harsh love is all you've felt. When you find love that is worth it, you'll change your mind. But I think you're doing the right thing in waiting for awhile. When you're that hurt that you think love isn't even worth it, you need time to heal. Love will find you when you're ready for it.

#15 Aug 23rd, 11:46am

Yeah, I believe that's true. You're really wise about this! :D

#16 Aug 26th, 8:29pm