Author has written 1 story for Haiku.
Katherine is a mildly interesting 15-year-old girl. Okay, we lied. She’s not even remotely interesting. We have absolutely no idea how we are going to fill a whole bio about her. It really is asking a lot.
She spends much of her time sitting staring into space. Buggered if we know what the hell she’s thinking about. Or if she’s even thinking at all. She is a phenomenon that has puzzled psychologists for centuries. Freud, Jung, Poppy’s dad… the fact that she even did research into the names of psychologists for this “bio” (as we are told it is called) is mind-boggling. As is the fact that she managed to get distracted by footballers whilst doing so. This girl has the attention span of a bored flea with an itchy leg. Oh, how we wish we were kidding.
When she is not ruminating in her secret Rumination Room (that her family still insist on referring to as “the shower room”), she likes to read. She is not fussed about what she reads, and will in fact read complete and utter trash if it is offered to her in a book with a velvet cover and shiny embossed writing. At the moment, she is reading Gone With The Wind, and has made designs on The Princess Bride and Le Morte D’Arthur (which she will learn to spell when the situation arises). She also likes to watch television, particularly programmes that star James Marsters or Alexis Denisof. She is peculiarly partial to these, for reasons unknown to the uninitiated.
Katherine, like most teenage girls, enjoys visits to the cinema. She likes the velvet seats, although she cannot stand the smell of popcorn. She will watch any film, if someone else pays, but if it is coming out of her own pocket, she can be a little picky. However, she has no objection to shelling out to see Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings numerous times, and thus can now speak along with the actors, whilst at the same time defending Dominic Monaghan’s nose, which she insists is “interesting, not squished”.
She enjoys mocking her “friends”, although deep down, we suspect she may actually like them. Very deep down, of course, underneath all the sarcasm, bitchy comments and random poking. She can often be found in Room 49 playing “Catch the Bottle”, plotting how best to take over the world and threatening Harry/Hermione shippers with slow and painful deaths if they do not immediately renounce their beliefs and join the Good Ship R/Hr.
She is often heard using British swear words, mainly because she is British (Londonese, to be precise) and has a potty mouth. She is especially rude when spoken to before 12pm, or if the speaker uses a condescending/happy/angry/pleading/nice/nasty tone with her. She may bite if provoked.
She is often uncannily like Master Ronald Weasley, as she is sarcastic, vaguely redheaded, funny (or so she believes), pig-headed, oblivious to all around her and able to raise her eyebrow like Rupert Grint. She is occasionally like Hermione, as she has actually been known to panic about schoolwork (when she is not taking her usual Ron approach to life) and enjoys reading. She is like Neville, as she cannot go long without falling over, walking into inanimate objects and/or knocking over valuable antiques. She adores all the Weasleys, especially Ron and Percy, and is always partial to bookish and/or nerdy characters. We are not too sure why.
Katherine also loves Lord of the Rings, but will never, ever be writing any more fanfic on it. You just can’t. JRR Tolkien has written all there is to write. She adored the book (Return of the King made her weep like a little baby), and also loves The Hobbit and Bilbo’s Last Song (which she found for the first time yesterday and now wants for Christmas). She has attempted to read The Silmarillion, but is constantly getting distracted, and has been at the Siege of Angband for nigh on three months (and she STILL can’t spell it). She prefers book!Legolas to film!Legolas, but is not overly fond of either. She is a pervy hobbit fancier, and is one of a select group of people with brains enough to be able to tell Merry and Pippin apart. Merry, of course, is much better. Just read Return of the King and you will know why.
She spends much of her time comparing herself to characters out of books and TV shows, and aspiring to DrCoxness and Cordeliality. However, she has yet to achieve their flawless comebacks. One day, she hopes that she too will be able to reduce poor scared little people to tears.
She is currently studying for her GCSEs at a Grammar School in London, and next year will take A-Levels in Physics, Maths, Geography, Classical Civilisations, and an AS-Level in Further Maths. She is either extremely smart or extremely stupid. No one is entirely sure which. She intends to study Physics and Astronomy at Durham University and work for NASA once she has a PhD. However, this “lifelong dream” is subject to change, as she is unbelievably indecisive.
She spends far too much of her time on fanfiction.net, and hopes that one day, she will be free. This day is long in coming, and so she will most likely be around for quite some time to come.
When asked to use the word horticulture in a sentence, Dorothy Parker said:
"Not all those who wander are lost, but I'm pretty sure I walked past that tree 5 minutes ago..." - JRR Tolkien. Kinda.
~Projects~ (20th November 2002)
Feeling Sorry for Hermione - being updated fortnightly. Roughly.
Snow White - Still writing it, I'll get round to writing another chapter sometime. Maybe.
The Avengers get a *little* distracted – No more. Ever again. I promise.
YKYRTMHPW... – See above.
About Blimmin’ Time… - Have started writing Chapter 2, but don’t get your hopes up. I may never finish.
Niamh – Got bored. Unlikely to be continued, but you never know. However, I DO.
The Greatest of Them All – That’s all there is folks…
Someone I Knew – Same as above.
Practically Perfect In Every Way – Ditto. Probably.
Witch hunt - Hermione finds herself in Medieval England, accused of witchcraft, and sentenced to death at the stake. Ron and Harry, with the help of Draco and Ginny (for added tension and blushes, of course) must save her before it’s too late… name will be changed.
You can't choose your family- Ginny, due to some rather strong pregnancy hormones, has insisted that Draco must ‘bond’ with her brothers. Chaos, obviously, ensues. Will change title.
Breaking Rank - The Marauders? Sure, they’re funny, but no self-respecting girl would actually DATE one. Especially not Lily Evans, Queen Bee and B*tch Extraordinaire…
Ad Infinitum – Ron has an awful day. Ron has another awful day. The catch is… it’s the same awful day. Even Ron would notice that there’s something wrong. Will he ever sort it out with Hermione, or will he be stuck on March 14th for all eternity? I’ll give you 3 guesses… Title will be changed.
Domestication of the Weasel - Harry likes Ginny. Draco likes Ginny. Ginny likes... Ginny's not too sure what she likes. The problem? Besides the obvious, Ginny cannot date until Ron does. And Ron... well, he won't be owning up to "liking" Hermione anytime soon. What's a girl to do?
I’ll probably never write the five at the bottom. But hey... here's hoping. Well, I like them anyway...
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