Author has written 10 stories for General, General, Friendship, Love, and Life.

I guess this is the place where i'm supposed to write something profound and interesting... meh. I cant think of anything right now. ~*~

"Now you see that evil will always triumph, becuase good is dumb."
-Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

~*~

"You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!"
-Spaceball Officer, Spaceballs

~*~
Dark Helmet: I said across her nose, not up it! Sandurz, who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship, any how?
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes!
-From Spaceballs ~*~

Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Star: What does that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing, which is what you are about to become.
-From Spaceballs

~*~

President Skroob: I'll be down immediately.
Cmdr. Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down?
President Skroob: I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
Cmdr. Zircon: Oh, yes. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
President Skroob: Alright, I'll take a shot at it. What the Hell, it works on Star Trek.
-From Spaceballs

~*~

Arthur:We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER #1: What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR: Yes!
SOLDIER #1: You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR: What?
SOLDIER #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--
SOLDIER #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: We found them.
SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

- From Monty Python and The Holy Grail

~*~

LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

MONKS: chanting Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR: How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT: I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR: Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD: Amen.
KNIGHTS: Amen.
ARTHUR: Right!