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| Satan's Little Helper |
Author has written 29 stories for Humor, Song, Religion, Life, Essay, General, Humor, Play, General, Romance, Action, and Young Adult. Probably most of what's on this page deserves to be set on fire and kicked off a bridge. I leave it in your more than capable hands. | |||||
1. Loitering Only reviewsSummer in utopia: a slurpee, a well-kept front lawn, and a kid with hippie hair and a Philosophy. Most epiphanies happen under more duress.Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 375 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-1-052. Three Layers of Laytex and a Gas Mask(and other rules of thumb). Kristen remembered reading about minimum wage despoilers of the service industry, and figured that the ammonia in a good piss would probably only serve to take the edge off whatever hellish corrosives went into the food alreadFiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 595 - Published: 9-1-053. Cleaning UpMafia-style. "You made a terrible protégé. Thank god. It'll make this far, far easier."Fiction: Action - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 415 - Published: 9-1-054. Untitled GlamRock Fic reviewsJason Matte's not nearly goddamn old enough to have nostalgia, and when he has his way, he's not nearly sober enough to have regrets, either. But hell if that means he's going to be the one to avoid the confrontation. WIP, m/m, language (what did you exFiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,513 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9-1-055. Hamster Death Gulps Do the Caribbean reviewsWhen I asked my little brother to write me "a gripping summary," he wrote "GROPE" and left it at that. Suffice to say, it has a lot to do with alcohol and blue, and nothing at all to do with the Pope (though I find him oddly amusing as well).Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 831 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8-28-056. Accidental reviewsAbout a murder or so. Mafia-style. Written for thefirstline on LiveJournal (the profanity got great reviews).Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 929 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-26-057. The Hallmark Anarchist reviewsA third Christian the Atheist Holiday Production. Learn the truth about Dick Cheney's title role in "It's a Wonderful Life," Jesus candy canes, and peddling worthless crap at a Hallmark store. Because 5.25 an hour isn't exactly hush money.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,725 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12-24-048. Christian Makes His Case » reviewsChristian is such a charming person, really. Criticism of faulty Christian theology, meaningless feel-good bullshit, and various rituals, symbols, euphemisms and widely accepted social values. Very much meant to be read by the other side.Poetry: Religion - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,300 - Reviews: 41 - Updated: 11-30-04 - Published: 7-3-039. Ween reviewsA Trick-or-Treating story. Humor, gross immaturity, and a vague touch of slash. And candy and stupid costumes, naturally. Pathetically late, but somewhat appropriate nonetheless.Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,440 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 11-23-0410. Prerequisite reviews(I go to a shrink, can I be a rockstar yet) I'm absolutely sure that with a Green Day style guitar riff and some distortion you could pull this off, and it would probably even be funny.Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 265 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 11-22-0411. Godliness: Amoeba reviewsHow well do you know this god you claim to emulate? How well do you remember your high school biology? How well do you know the idiocy that results from trying to believe in Evolution and the Bible at the same time? Serious premise; Stupid poem.Poetry: Religion - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 325 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 8-29-0412. Sanguinea's Crimson reviews"Crimson the color of blood rocketed forth from her capillaries, scarleting the floor with its rubyness." Sanguinea loves her pointy caped avenger of life-liquid liberation. Intentional crapfic, with apologies to the .01% of cutting poems that are good.Poetry: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 608 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8-29-0413. Musical Squirrels reviewsOr:"Cope with Life By Stabbing Your Standards Violently in the Face" When Michaela is musically abused by her DJ boyfriend at a school dance, she needs her friend Jessi to teach her a wide-spread survival skill: drastically lowered standards.Fiction: Play - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,107 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 2-19-0414. Christian's Craptacular Christmas reviewsA 'Christian the Atheist' production. It's cynical, overcritical, slightly anarchist...gives you that warm fuzzy holiday feeling all over, doesn't it? Joy to the world.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 830 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 12-24-0315. A Christmastime Conversion reviewsAbout the holiday season, and how it has helped me find my faith. It's kind of counterintuitive, but see it through.Poetry: Religion - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 441 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 12-20-0316. A Parody of Work reviewsAs opposed to a work of parody. The epitome of poetry: not only is it complete bullplop; it is actually written on the subject of bullplop. And it has two really awesome middle lines.Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 176 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 12-14-0317. Wonderful reviewsSarcasm! A 13-year old with an ..unique ..outlook on life recounts his encounters with idiocy of varying degree and nature within his wonderful suburb. Includes said idiots: getting lost in a sewer system, 'protecting extinct animalsFiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,935 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-4-0318. Death as a Spectator Sport reviewsThesis: "Death is not only evolutionarily productive, but also highly entertaining." A 5-paragraph essay on death and its various forms. Written for school, counterintuitively enough.Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 999 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 11-12-0319. Disappointment reviewsI'm a disappointment. And I'm ok with that. A poem about our society's expectations and drastically skewed perceptions of right and wrong. Social, religious, and sexual themes-rebellion and angst all around! Offensive to assholes.Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Angst/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,185 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 10-20-0320. We're Screwed, People reviewsWe ARE! Accept it! We're all screwed, we always were, we always will be, and there's nothing to be done. There is no hope, there are no possibilities. We're just screwed, beyond any doubt.Poetry: Religion - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 264 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 9-15-0321. Spiritual Dementia reviewsLess offensive than my usual fare, but alas. The title came from a guy misspeaking talking about the "Spiritual Dimension" It's a shakespearean sonnet that stemmed from the idea that God should worship Satan. And yes, it is poetic.Poetry: Religion - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 153 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 8-24-0322. So You Want to be a Silly Catholic reviewsSatire, but with a philosophical element. Spiritual dementia, I think is the classification. Mocking the romanticized view of christianity people use when they try to 'recruit.' Lecherous and Moronic Clergymen POV.Poetry: Religion - Rated: T - English - Parody/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 649 - Reviews: 24 - Published: 8-23-0323. Some Undefined Religion reviewsBasically along the lines of: There is a God, and I don't care. Either an ungrateful non-believer's poem, or a parody of an ungrateful non-believer's poem. I don't like this one much anymore.Poetry: Religion - Rated: T - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 149 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 8-8-0324. Fear, Anger, Hatred reviews"The dark side are they.." Yoda's Jedi teaching? Nope. Catholicism. Long story short, I wanted to write an evil poem, but needed a subject. God provided.Poetry: Religion - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 220 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 7-24-0325. Conspiracy Theory reviewsA battle hymn, so to speak. Everything is a freaking conspiracy, which is bad because it makes my life crap, and good because it gives me something to blame for it. Complete with Stabbing!Poetry: Song - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 380 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 5-27-0326. Effing Unbelievable reviewsDedicated to my dear friend who randomly tried to sue me for making 'threatening' comments. Mostly lighthearted with righteously indignant bits. Dedicated to anyone who is sick of disclaiming everything.Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 515 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 4-21-0327. Christian's Cynical Christmas reviewsChristian the atheist presents his reasons for hating Christmas. Nice happy secular sarcasm!Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 570 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 1-2-0328. The Stabbing Song reviewsStabbing, choping, slicing, cannibalism, shooting, swearing, and spontaneous combustion all neatly condensed into jingles. Yay. More when I remember the other verses.Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 12-22-0229. The Buffalo Theory reviewsBrain Damage is good for you! Really!Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 228 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 7-12-02
