"I stared, motionless, before the mirror. As always, I stayed there until I'm convinced that there is no glass, nothing, seperating me from the room I see on the other side. I imagine that everything is different over there. Better. There are people, in that world, who I would like. But, like always, my hand hits the glass. I know that if I'd only waited just one more second....."
-Johnny, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
.....If you have a problem with me or what I have to say fuck yourself and stop listening.
12/26/05:
There are days when I really have to convince myself it’s worth getting up in the morning. I’m not suicidal anymore. I swear. Just not so eager to live. Make sense? I guess I take comfort in knowing one day all this bullshit will come to an end. I don’t want to be another nameless statistic, to be forgotten after I’m dead, and burned. I don’t want my body to be condemned to the cold dank ground. You see my biggest fear is being nothing. Which I am I guess. But goddamnit, don’t you see? There is so much more to life than this. Beyond high school trivial drama, crapass dead end jobs, and relentless money problems. At least this is what I keep telling myself. I’m just waiting for something...better? What exactly I’m not sure. Point being, screw this website. I’ve been here for years and I’ve yet to find the writers and salvation I so desperately crave. That, and I’m sorry, but everyone writes about the same m/m or f/f slash crap. Something I have very little interest or patience for. So, if by chance, there is a small fan base out there in FP I apologize to you guys for being to stuck up to stick it out. But I don’t feel as if my works are even being read let alone understood and appreciated. I’ve been rubbing elbows with some editors and publishers lately, maybe something will come from it. Nevertheless, this is goodbye.
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