Author has written 3 stories for Humor.

It's your favorite uncle! I'm UncleRemus 5000 II. I enjoy cool mornings with a light breeze while sipping cranberry juice. Many of you may remember me from a while ago, when I was simply UncleRemus 5000. (Lucky the dog ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and...) I got kicked off the site when I wrote a story about the mean people who reviewed my stories. Well, I'm back and bigger and better than ever! MWA hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I like to write stupid short stories that are funny, so if you don't like my stories, TOO BAD! But don't tell me to write longer stories, because if you do, I will have to go Jackie Chan on your ass. I like writing short stories. By the way, I'm on my own favorite authors list! MWA hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Now, about the sexiest man alive, me. I am approximately 13 years, 7 months, 9 days, 6 minutes and 49 seconds old, but who's counting?! I play el guardieno (that's "goalie" for you people who aren't familiar with the wide world of languages) in ice hockey. I speak 6 languages including Norwegian, Turkish, and Faggish. I also speak Wiccish, the language of the wiccas. You know what I'm talking about Lundi's Child! Don't pretend like you don't speak it too. One of my hobbies is cutting out the hearts of pigs so they can see how black it is before they die!!! I'm also quite an actor. I had a small part in the 2003 cult classic "Kangaroo Jack."

My family is quite a handful of celebrities. My father was the voice of Gepetto in Pinnochio. And for you adult film fans out there, you may recall that he had the lead part in the 1984 adult film "Ramboner." My mother is currently touring Six Flags parks all over the country with the Pokemon festival, in which she dresses up like Jesse from the scandalistic Team Rocket. She also had a small part in the movie Chocolat, in which she played the kangaroo. My brother was a backup dancer for the hit music group the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. My sister is currently recording a Japanese gangsta rap album. My uncle is Ernest Borgnine. Yes, THE Ernest Borgnine. My aunt is the popular TV fortune teller Miss Cleo. Better yet, my second cousin twice removed is Usher.

Well, enough about me and my starstruck family. Please read my stories...IF YOU DARE!!! MWA hahahaahahahahahaha! So I leave you now with some words from Kansas.

"I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind."