Harr.
Welcome to Black Dragon Writing.
If you're here because of a review, either you agree with it, you don't, or you're pissed off that I was "mean". Deal with it. What, you expected everyone to like your story and give you a pat on the head? Get real. I tell things as I see them, if it's dreck, I WILL SAY SO, OUT AT YOUR FACE. At least I give justifications.
And no, if you're here to rail at me I honestly don't care what you think.
From here you can pretty much see what I've written, from the utter dreck I did when I was just starting out right up to something that I damn well hope is better. Which is which? Well, the dates should give you some idea, and as to where to draw the line, you'll have decide that for yourself.
As to why Black Dragon Writing...I'll leave you to figure that one out. Don't make me have to come over and try to smite one of your stories, do you hear?
There will always be people better than you at anything, and people worse than you. Learn from the your betters and accept the pain, then teach those weaker and inflict pain as necessary.
FAQ:
Q: Why do you keep on saying my stories suck? Don't you have anything good to say?
A: Were you expecting anything else? Look at it this way. Most people you know will not want to point out the flaws in your writing for the simple reason of not hurting your feelings. I am mean for the simple reason to dispel all the fluffy clouds of praise most people heap upon things that don't deserve it. Most reviews from this site are simply either plugs for their own stories or have simply no substance in them.
I could say nice things, heap praise. Thing is, there are enough people doing that. You're not helping people by inflating their egos. Seriously, there are AIM chatbots that could review better than plenty people on this site.
Yes, in case you were wondering, I go out of my way to be bitter and angry. It sort of catches people's attention and gets them to pay attention to my review. It's like medicine-and if they spit it out because it's bitter to the taste, well, what can I say? Just says a lot about them.
If I piss people off and they go "Waa! Waa! You so mean!", I win because I've pissed off a Suethor. If I piss people off and they take a critical look at their stories, I win because I've improved the standards of fantasy writing by a small yet perceptible amount.
Q: But don't you know being mean in reviews hurts people's feelings?
A: Aaaand? The world needs more Simon Cowells, people who will tell things as they are. Look. I do unto others as I'd like others to do unto me-if someone went and ripped up my work to shreds right now and explained why they were ripping up this particular paragraph, I'd be delighted, because I'd be learning something and then choosing whether to apply it based on its merits.
Q: If you're so great, why aren't you published, rich and famous?
A: I never said I was great. Still got much to learn and I'm not sending in anything to a publishing house until I'm sure it's the best I can do.
Q: If you hate my story so much, why do you keep on reading it?
A: That's a very common question I get, and it's for a number of reasons. Firstly, I read dreck-both on-screen and dead tree versions in order to learn what not to write. Secondly, there ARE some people who actually respond well to what I say. Those are the people who can stomach medicine-they usually find I'm a lot more civil after that and the both of us learn a lot. Thirdly, some things are just so bad there's a sort of morbid fascination about them. I gotta know how bad they can actually get and I keep on reading. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
In which the Black Dragon feels warm and fuzzy:
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I feel like writing another parody soon.
Fiction Summaries:
Dragonflesh: (Complete)
An individual goes to market, and attends modest parties. He travels to the city once to a convention of like-minded people, and again when he's summoned to court. He talks with friends, strangers, and enemies alike. Like all others, he sees to his family-staving off one nosy sister while dealing with the loss of a parent. Worrying about income, taxes, rent, life, the mail is a common pastime for him. He gets frustrated, happy, angry,greedy, filled with bloodlust, anxious, sorrowful, resentful.
Karan is a novelist. Well, he would be, if not for the fact that he's only sold short stories before. Living in a small boarding-house out in the country with a clerk and reporter for a small newspaper as his friends and neighbours, in a world where the seasons last damnably long in one state, he's working on his latest novel, The amazing exploits of Marshal Winsdor, a book about his imaginary fantasy race:
Humans.
Maybe he shouldn't have been greedy and tucked into a huge corpse that just happened to be lying about and he stumbled upon, but it was one of the only two ways one could really rise in social standing. Now the deceased dowager's family is understandbly incensed, not because he defiled her corpse, but because he deprived the offspring of the size that was their birthright. What's worse, when The amazing exploits of Marshal Winsdor becomes an overnight bestseller, the publishing company refuses to pay him royalties, on account of him currently being in court. Problem is, he can't get enough money to finance his lawsuit without the royalties, and takes to drug-theft and trafficking for spare change. When things just had to get better, a Sercanethyst geyser pops up right smack in the middle of the boarding-house, and it's going to take Karan a lot to get out of this mess...
Dragonflesh just might be a successful experiment, a tale of weather and warlords, love and lawsuits, trains and typewriters, mail and marriage, judges and juries, cities and civilization,of food and friends...
...when everyone's a dragon.
Silence of a Prism (On indefinite hiatus)
Canas doesn't want to save the world, and doesn't have to, in any case. He won't and can't fight, hurl fireballs, or all those amazing things which fantasy heroes seem to do. What he can do is identify whether a landslide is imminent, which mushrooms are safe to eat and which will make you wish you were dead. Not very heroic, but dang, it keeps him alive, and he's going to need to stay alive in the very near future...
Tarnished Gold: (Complete)
Hatched to greatness, yet T'alnoth, the first and quite possibly last bronze Dragonkin, doesn't feel all that high and mighty.
The test of ascension is hard for one of the Gold Flight, yet the Abomination that is T'alnoth crawls through, reviled by his own kind, protected by a few, his past haunted by the spirit of a father he never knew.
Who is T'alnoth?
Pathways of Darkness: (Complete)
L'zul never meant to be a hero. Only wishing to find a place where he can hide from persecution and his past sins,the werewolf stumbles upon one of the greatest conspiracies to befall Arkon, dating back to the Great Betrayal of the Nameless Queen. With Garradan, Iryane, and D'raneor in tow, will this one of the cursed blood be able to escape from the conudrum he stumbles upon, and fulfil his dream of living the rest of his near-infinite lifespan in the peace of his repentance?
Arkonese shorts:
Basically a compilation of short stories which outline the Lore and oddities of Arkon. When I have a brainwave, I just plonk it here with a story to go by it, so that I don't lose track of the way I shape my world...
Fantasy Parodies:
Stories that mock anything and everything about the fantasy genre as a whole. Read these. You know you just want to. Heh.
Lccorp2's rules of Fantasy:
1. The villain cannot be stupid or insane, which is just code for stupid anyways.
2. The villain cannot want to take over or destroy the world without knowing why, and what he/she would do with it.
3. There will be no bringing back of anyone to life without a VERY good reason. If they're dead, they're dead. And suppressing the main protagonist's pain is NOT a good reason.
4. There will be as few infodumps as possible.
5. As far as possible, there will be no amazing hero abilities, unless they're balanced out with equally amazing abilities from the villain.
6. Dragons will not have a human form. What's the point of writing them as thinking and acting completely like humans? The same goes for unicorns, gryphons, and other mythical creatures.
7. Destiny and prophecy will be thrown out of the window like the trash they are for explaining the hero/ine's speshfulness.
8. There will be no completely happy ending for anyone. Loss will be an integral part of my endings.
9. There will be no describing of anyone in omniscent narrative as good or evil.
10. Nefarian is a dang funny freak, I don't care what you say. And I mean funny in a good way.
Things I hate:
1. Christopher Paolini. This is number effing one. My hate for Paolini probably encompasses the whole universe, to exaggerate a little. His books are paragons of what is wrong with the whole fantasy genre. Everyone should read them to know what not to write about.
And he has a fucking big ego to boot. The fucktard thinks himself the greatest, above Tolkien, above Rowling, above Eddings (and after he damn well plagarized the whole Brom bridge scene straight from Eddings' works) speaks conscendingly in almost all his interviews, when all he's done is create a frankenworld stitched together from the hides and skins of the great and populated by two-demensional cardboard cutouts.
It's my personal crusade to rant against, and dissuade as many people from giving their money to fuel crappy fantasy in print. Christopher Paolini comes number one.
2. Cardboard cutout characters riddled with cliched descriptions and canned personalities. Examples include: The Fiesty Grrrl who overthrows the Evvvvil Patriarchal Order, the Wise Old Mentor, the Stupid Villain (which also intersects highly with the Dark Lord) the Destined Hero, the Super-Speshul person of awesome power, the kind, loving, self-sacrificing Healer and the Waaaangsty idiot with a stupid past, and never does anything about it.
3. Most Telepathic Companions. They are almost always Mccaffrey or Lackey ripoffs. They never seem to remember that they're not humans, or at least in physical terms. I could replace half of them with a human companion and it wouldn't make any difference. AND they have canned personalities, if they have any, and always stay invisible until they're needed to save the hero/ine. Of course, they're always canines, felines, horses, or dragons, because they're cuuute. No one has a Telcom whale, dolphin, parrot or gorrila, because they aren't cute.
4. Authors who go 'waaah! I'm never EVER writing any more because that bad man gave me a nasty review!' or 'I won't update unless you review!' Good riddance. It just goes to show that said author is not interested in improving one's writing, and merely wants his/her ego stroked. And if it's really a flame, and you can't stand up to that, forget about publishing anything.
List will grow as I get more annoyed.
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Poll: What the hell. Do you think Burnination is actually interesting, or should I just put it on hold and write something else instead? Vote Now!
