NEW CURRENT EVENTS
mmk then, I feel it is my much belated
duty to state that I am still alive. Some people have been asking me
about Break II, and I feel I should explain the matter of its
non-existence. As you may know, I moved to England for a year. Now, in
doing this I didn't expect things to change *that* much -- it was only
a new place to go to school, after all. But no. Apparently, students in
England have these things called "Lives". Somehow or other they managed
to squeeze me into one of these "Lives" -- in which process all my
ponderous writing/internet time got simultaneously squeezed out. Now,
on the upside of this, I did manage to do a lot of research for Break
II during my literary absence, as I was able to visit several of the
settings I want to put in the story, in real life (Europe is an amazing
place -- terrible public restroom facilities though, blegh). I don't
want to make any promises, because to be honest I haven't a clue where
my life is headed at the moment (somewhere exciting, I hope), but if
there are still people hanging on for the sequel then I feel really bad
disappointing you, and I will try to do my best to pick it up again.
Here's the deal then: it's either coming out by the end of the summer,
or it's never coming out at all. If I start posting it, I guarantee
that I will finish it, of course. If you would like to be notified
if/when I begin posting the sequel, drop me a note with your e-mail
address and I'll give you a holler.
Also: Death's Counterfeit has changed her name to Dirty Wallpaper. wtf?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Satan’s voice comes over the loudspeaker* Attention condemned mortals:
Hell is now renting out ice skates at a discount price. Get them while
they’re no longer hot. That is all. *End loudspeaker announcement*
Why yes, reader dearest, I have decided to revamp my profile after two
long years of persistently sitting on my ass. Why, you ask? WELL…
*flashback* once upon a messenger conversation…
glitterjewele: so ya, I’ve been thinking I might maybe possibly change my fictionpress profile –
Death’s Counterfeit: OMG! YES! YOU SO HAVE TO! I LOVE READING REWRITTEN PROFILES! BLAH YES BLAH DO IT BLAH NOW!!!
*end flashback*
…ah the joys of exaggeration. But yes, the long and short of things, then.
And the heav’nly angel (pffft, angel…riiiight) Death’s Counterfeit came
unto the sometime author glitterjewele and declareth: Thou shalt
rewrite thy profile now, biatch. And it came to pass that she did.
Okay then, enough with the preliminaries, I say. *wild applause from
the peanut gallery* Yes yes, on to the important (pffft
important…riiiight) things in life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MOTTOES! WOOT! (damn I love these things)
~Personal writing-related motto: What? Romance with a plot? Whoever heard of such a thing?
~Personal feminism-related motto: Well Cinderella, what are you waiting
for? Prince Charming isn’t going to bring you the other shoe, and
there’s only one way to deal with that: go shopping and buy the damn
thing yourself.
~Personal general-related motto: When life gives you lemons…stuff them
in your bra. You never know. Might help. (alright, fine, I stole this
one from my friend. But seriously, much too cool to pass up.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GRAND PLANS FOR THE FUTURE...and stuff...ya.
~Novels&Writings:
**Break II: In progress. I want to have the first ten chapters written before I start posting.
**Winter Blade: Hiatus. I'm really way too swamped with crap right now
to sit down and put a good four-six hours into getting it really
started up, though the basic blocking is complete. I will post it
eventually, though.
**Subverted: Tales of a Dark Edged Mind: In progress. A collection of
short stories. Meant to give you something interesting to read while
waiting for my uber-lazy muse to get the novels up.
~Personal Related: Yes, I’m studying abroad in England this year and
I’m very determined to find myself a cute British boyfriend with a cute
British accent to pass the cold days with, sipping tea and doing such
other cute British activities (haha man I’m a dork). Please send any
bios of potential candidates to the e-mail address listed above. Thank
you.
~Nebulously-Writing-Related: Right, because someday when I do have time to breathe…
***The Un-cliche-ifying the Cliché Collection!***
And what might that be, you ask? WELL, it might be a satirical and most
probably grotesquely sarcastic response to some very repetitive story
themes I’ve noticed on this site. What do I mean by that, you ask?
*Example*
Title: The Jock, the Prep, and the Maniacal Author Who Killed Them
Summary: (not literally killed them, reader dearest, never literally…)
Ah yes, the ever-so-popular theme of Miss. Prep and Mr. Badass Player
working together on the Inevitable School Project and most unexpectedly
falling madly in love. Such a sweet little adolescent journey. What a
shame for our dear clichéd characters that I happen to be writing
this…Welcome to Unclicheifying the Cliché Book 1, Toto.
*End example*
Muahahaha, yes, methinks I shall have oodles of fun if and when I ever
get around to it. Shall also eventually include the woefully overused
themes of: Isolated Girl Meets Lead Singer of Band, When Best Friends
Fall In Love, and I Hate You - I Love You…for starters. *rubs hands
together gleefully*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
…I swore once that I would never do this…Let that be a lesson to you
children: Swearing will get you nowhere. *end public service
announcement*…
READ THESE PEOPLE OR DIE A MOST UNFULFILLING DEATH *hides dagger behind her back and smiles innocently*
~~Death’s Counterfeit: Haven’t seen her yet? Stop depriving yourself, o
luckless peon of literature. Utterly astounding poet but has proven
herself well capable of writing anything from songs to sex essays (no,
little virgin reader, you heard me right). All persons of the male
gender in possession of black hair and blue eyes are to proceed to her
profile and/or New Zealand immediately (and yes, black-haired blue-eyed
male, you will thank me for this someday). **Highlights: Rantings of
the Mad and Unhealthy (be prepared to laugh your guts out); Letters:
Dear Love, Yours Sincerely, Death; and Suspicions (if she ever gets off
her ass and *continues* the damn thing…*grumble grumble* ;P).**
~~not sure yet: I would gush about her, but there simply are no words.
Suffice to say that she has never written a poem I didn’t like. And
yes, my friend, that is quite an accomplishment. **Highlights: Blood of
Christ, Zero Ending Stories, Swallowed Death**
~~H.M. Banson: People don’t get any cooler than this chica right here,
peeps. Writes like a freaking professional and as far as I know she’s
still in high school. Also, is on the very *brink* of publishing her
first (AMAZING) book – it’s called Hero, and I got to read the first
chapters before she had to take it down…if you don’t buy it when it
hits the shelves, my friend, thou art a fool. Beg her enough and she
might even sign a copy for you. ;) **Highlights: Hero (obviously…though
we’ll have to wait for the grand publication *huffs*), Chaville (which
doesn’t have nearly as much attention as it merits), Perfect**
~~icytigerwarrior: it’s all about the squirrels, baby!!! YEE-HAW! This
girl has seven – count ‘em, seven – zany squirrel muses, all named
after nuts (except Skippy, who is named, of course, after peanut
butter), and in addition to being a great writer to begin with, she’s
writing a totally squirrel-devoted ficcy! My friend, you have not lived
until you’ve experienced the craziness of the Icytigerwarrior
squirrels. Don’t miss out. **Highlights: Line Crossing, the squirrel
fic (don’t know the title yet, damn it),
evilsqeakykitty.deviantart.com**
~~Les Yeux Violet: despite the fact that she’s ABANDONING us for blank
notebooks *sniffle*grumble*sniffle* this girl’s poetry is in a realm
all by itself. She is hands down one of my all-time favorite poets –
and not just on fictionpress either, people. Inventor of the spliced
haiku (possibly the coolest form of poetry ever to grace my eyes) and
creator of heart-stopping feelings, images, atmospheres, you name it,
she does it. Guaranteed to leave you speechless several times before
you’re through. **Highlights: Si Je Pleurais, Fae, Plea to the
Princess**
Now, naturally, everyone on my favorite authors and stories lists is
there for a reason, pet, so be a good profile browser and read them all
before you go, hm? *pats victimized reader on the head*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And as a last thought…I have this little thing I keep called ‘A
Collection of Tidbits’ which is just a bunch of random stuff that I
find funny/touching/otherwise intriguing. I’m going to share some of it
with you. Who doesn’t appreciate a few good quotes, eh?
"Alright, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine,
public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public
health; WHAT have the Romans ever done for us!?" ~ Monty Python's Life
of Brian
When the Lady’s moon is new/kiss ye hands to her times two…
When the wind comes from the South/Love will kiss thee on the mouth ~from the Rede
Destiny is a lady that waits for no man. ~Karen Sisco
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to
women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with. ~unknown
The “What Would Jesus Do?” Thong. No Christian lady should be without
this product. Offering pure protection from pesky penises! ~Landover
Baptist Website
“Evangelists say Halloween is the devil's holiday. What a lame-ass
devil! Sitting down in the depths of hell, going, ‘I've got control of
the major corporations, churning out weapons and toxic waste, but how
can I get candy? Let me think--I'll get the children of the world to
dress up as hobos and Power Rangers--and then I'll have all the
bite-size Three Musketeers I need! I am SATAN!’” ~Blatantly stolen
from: Death’s Counterfeit’s profile
Things are quickly changing in the racetrack. Soon the purebred will
bow to the half-breed, and the fences will crumble before her gaze… ~
Queen of Glass, by S.J. Maas
The shortest way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest with an axe. ~unknown
Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? ~F. Nietzsche
There are times when even to live is an act of bravery. ~Seneca
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And
I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
~Jack Handley (he has tons of amusing little sayings like this, check
it out: http://chris.theheacocks.com/deepthoughts.php?dtID=110)
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: a dialogue. Hehe. =P
Michelangelo: Good evening, Your Holiness.
The Pope: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it.
Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.
The Pope: Not happy at all.
Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don't like?
The Pope: No.
Michelangelo: It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo!
The Pope: What kangaroo?
Michelangelo: No problem, I'll paint him out.
The Pope: I never saw a kangaroo!
Michelangelo: Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?
The Pope: That's the problem.
Michelangelo: What is?
The Pope: The disciples!
Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
The Pope: No, it's just that there are 28 of them.
~Monty Python (...or so we think)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hokay, zat vill be all for now, my pretty. We hope you’ve enjoyed the
past three and a half pages of pointless rambling. And may your life be
more exciting than mine. That will be all. ADIOS MIS AMIGOS! *runs off
to play with the squirrel muses, who are currently tangled hopelessly
in the marti-gras beads…again*
FictionPress.com - let the words flow
