Spike: Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. . . . I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
Cordelia: Where do I hide?"
Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity.
Cordelia: What's the plan?
Xander: The vampire attacks you.
Cordelia: And then what?
Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice.
Giles: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened. Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare. Are those finger sandwiches?
Spike: Come on, now! It's telly time!
Answering Machine: This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now, so please leave a message.
Giles: Oh, uh, Willow... It's Giles. Um... I thought you were bringing the ingredients for that spell. I really have to...
Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll...
Giles: You'll do what? Lick me to death?
Spike: We're out of wheetabix.
Giles: We are out of wheetabix because you ate it all- again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheetabix in the blood- give it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.
Spike: I don't see why I have to be tied up.
Xander: It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike: Like I'd bite you anyway.
Xander: Oh you would.
Spike: Not bloody likely.
Xander: I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: Alright, yeah fine you're a nummy treat.
Xander: And don't you forget it!
Willow: What are you doing?
Spike: Bloody rot. Can’t a person knock?
Willow: What were you doing?
Xander: You were trying to stake yourself!
Spike: Fag off! - It’s no concern of yours.
Xander: Is, too. For one thing that’s my shirt you’re about to dust. For another, we’ve shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: What? He wants to die, I want to help.
Xander: That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet, victory.
Anya: Also, burning cotton-poly blend.
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
"Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?" Xander giving out Trick-or-Treating tips.
"Tell Angel I'm gonna kill him! No, wait. I'm gonna kill you! Die! Die! Die! Aah! Mother!"
-Xander, describing Buffy killing a vampire the night before. |
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