I've been writing for awhile now. I used to send lots out for publishing, but I've decided that instead of waiting for rejection letters from editors I can get just as much input from readers on this site and save a ton on postage.

None of you care what I look like, so I'm not going to tell you. I'll leave my gender open so that someone can form a conspiracy theory around it. Extra points will be given if said theory can somehow include the following words and/or concepts: "The Free Penguin Nation," "Butt-Weasel," "Nuclear Crawdads," "The Radioactive Duck."

I live in The South (the US version), so I enjoy my sweet tea cold and my government out of my business. My politics are apparently Conservatively Libertarian (to find out yours take the test at www.politicalcompass.org) but my votes belong to whoever makes the better argument; that people described as "conservative" voice the majority of them is no fault of mine.

Favorite Music
Anything that doesn't suck.

Favorite Columnists (In no particular order)
Thomas Sowell, Clarence Page, Dave Barry, Herbert Kornfeld, Daniel Pipes, Cecil Adams, Gene Weingarten

Favorite Books
Everything By Tolkien, Everything By Tom Clancy (Except for those co-op series he did), Everything by Dave Barry, The Heritage Trilogy (Semper Mars, Luna Marine, Europa Strike) by Ian Douglas; Starship Troopers, 6th Column, and The Puppet Masters by Robert A. Heinlein; Black Hawk Down by Mark Bowden, The Posleen War Series (A Hymn Before Battle, Gust Front, When The Devil Dances, Hell's Faire) by John Ringo, and a slew of others that I can't recall at the moment.

Favorite TV
History Channel, Travel Sick, South Park, SG-1, Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, Cowboy Bebop, and probably way too many other things.

Favorite Movies
Lord of The Rings by Peter Jackson, The Matrix (and *not* Reloaded or Revolutions), Most of Star Wars, Van Helsing, Shreks 1 & 2.

***The Obligatory List of Quotations***

"Give a man a fish, and the authorities will seize it from him in order to buy weapons, make war, or quell political opposition. Teach a man to fish, and he will either be purged for being better off than his fellows, enslaved by the authorities for his skills, or he will flee the country for less chaotic lands."--Benjamin Kelley's Foreign Aid Principle

"In the beginning there was nothing, and then God said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT," and Lo, there was still nothing, but it could now be seen."--Unknown

"Herman Melville was an evil man, perhaps one of the most evil men of all time. Sure, Stalin and Mao were pretty mean, but unhealthy living eventually caught up with them. Meliville's terror, on the other hand, still survives and there are thousands of innocents forced to suffer at the merciless hands of his works. The difference between Melville and the others is like the difference between murder and genocide."--Unkown

"Freedom, which individuals enjoy in America, will not give you happiness. Freedom lets you pursue your happiness by thinking as an independent individual."--Ron Pisaturo

"Who said you had to want the job to run? Long as you have enough people with pitchforks behind you, you're set to go."--Anonymous

THEORETICAL DISSERTATION ON PERSONAL COMBAT AGAINST THE UNDEAD

He the soldier is not here for a philosophical debate. He is here to kill that zombie and any others he sees, and he can do it with pitiful ease. The thought process of the grunt?

"A zombie? But...they can't exist!"
*BANG!*
"Hmm. Can die though. Again. Uh....whatever. It ain't moving."
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
"Hotdogs, aaaarmor hotdogs..."
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
"The dogs..."
*BANG*
"Kids..."
*BANG*
"Love..."
*BANG*
"To eeeeeeat..."
*BANG*
"Shit, now I'm hungry."
*BANG*

END DISSERTATION

"Whoever battles monsters should take care not to become a monster too, for if you stare long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss stares also into you."--Friedrich Nietzsche

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins

"Never eat more than you can lift." — Miss Piggy

"All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening." — Alexander Woollcott

"Let me tell you about morals, buddy. Morals are for moralists, and moralists eat meat; therefore, your own morals require that you prepare a bucket of steak-umms for the potluck."--Unknown

"He's got an arrogance bordering on the Hubris of Sophocles' Oedipus! And he's just as much a motherfucker!"--A comment describing what people who post on FP are like, made by someone who posted it in a rant on FP

"The only things unnatural are god, Santa Clause, and leonard nemoy. And i'm not so sure about Santa Clause."--MrFlames, in a review of "Facta Non Verba: A Close Brush With Squirrely Wrath."

"I laughed so hard, I caucused myself..."--Mbwun, in a review of "Facta Non Verba: Politics For a New Century and the Easily Amused"

***UPDATES AND ANNOUNCEMENTS***