Name: Julia
Age: Eighteen as of April 15! Shockers. Never thought I'd ever be this old, but at least I don't feel it. Able to adopt a child and have sex with Hugh Hefner. (God, I'm a fricking haaaggg...)
I believe: That there is such a thing as true love, and also heroes. That stagnancy is horrible but there are also much worse things. That maybe in life our ultimate goal is very simply to find happiness for ourselves and do all we can to ensure that others gain it too.
Listening to: Piazza, New York Catcher by Belle & Sebastian
I like: sunflowers and awkward firsts and colors and daisies and sunshine and summer and snow and ribbons and Converse and fashion magazines and food and chick flicks and Barcelona and hope and brown eyes and gray eyes and green eyes (and beautiful eyes) and abstracts and dresses and run-on sentences and being aware (and being awake) and comfortable silence and belly laughter and swearing and shopping and yellow umbrellas and music concerts and dancing and foreign cities and kindness and donuts and books that change me and people that change me and smiles and pineapples and brick buildings and hugs and wing bones and coffee and breathy confessions and standing up for what you believe in and the flat-stomached, bright-eyed, sweat-glistening, throat-aching feeling you get after you wake up the next day after a particularly exciting outing the 24-hour day before and itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikinis.
I don't like: real-life conflict and real-life shouting and real-life tears, and I don't like people who can't see the twenty million sides of an issue or a person or an event, I really hate isolation and being left out, and I don't like spiders and spare change and sales tax and awkward silence and starvation and broken pencils and friendless classes and completely biased teachers and failure and Mary Sues and homework and high school mentality when it comes to judging the "social standing" of others and people who play to the anti-heroine stereotype that is becoming the damn stereotype and bad writing and bad angst and feeling stupid and ugly cuticles and gum surgery and big skin pores and the smell of cooking fish.
I love the idea of love.
Favorite books (in no order of preference):
Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Crown Duel/Court Duel by Sherwood Smith
A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
Pretty much anything by Meg Cabot (although they start sounding similar after a while…But they're just so comforting in their predictable-ness)
Confessions of Georgia Nicholson by Louise Rennison (A fun read, without any meanings of life to ponder over, except the age old question: where the heck is the perfect man? The protagonist is spoiled, self-centered, bratty, shallow, selfish, and vain—it’s fantastic.)
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. (Come on. You have to have read this.)
The Exploits and Adventures of Miss Alethea Darcy by Elizabeth Aston
Pretty much anything by Billy Shakespeare.
The Blue Sword, Rose Daughter, Deerskin, and Sunshine by Robin McKinley. (And pretty much anything else.)
Feeling Sorry for Celia and The Year of Secret Assignments by Jacklyn Moriarty
Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta (Read this. I command you to pick up this book and read it NOW. Because it made me laugh and cry and changed a bit of me.)
Girl, 15, Charming but Insane by Sue Limb
Anything (and I mean anything) by Francesca Lia Block (Her writing is absolutely beautiful…yeah; one of my heroes, right there.)
The Truth About Forever and This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen
Anything by Terry Pratchett (Who can possibly leave his name off the list?)
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (Cuz I'm kind of a dork that way.)
The Redemption of Althalus by David and Leigh Eddings (A good fantasy.Well, definitely a cut--or three cuts--above the rest. And hilariously snarky, as well. Go Brit humor. We have thieves, gods, priests, mind-readers, howling barbarians, Books, gold, nobility, war, and even a bit of sex. Read!)
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. (It's lovely, it's heartbreaking, it's heart-pounding, it's gritty, it's delicious, it's awesome.)
This is All: The Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn by Aidan Chambers. (Sometimes I swore that I was the one writing because sometimes I felt like I was reading a book written to me, for me, by me. It's 816 pages. I finished it in four hours. It's...just read it. I have different books for different epochs of my life. This is for this one.)
If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino
STORIES:
Band of Heroes, Inc.: (Parody/Romance)
FINISHED! Cinderella's daughter, Ren, is bored and runs away. Add a hot fairy-guardian, a dragon that can't breathe fire, a fashionable elf (or two), and Mr. Evil Villain. Subtract a carrot and divide an elf. What have you got? Oh dear.
"Brilliant. Now we get a schizophrenic elf to join us on this heroic mission to save Ms. Smart-Ass Princess's parents from being taken over by a Cruel and Evil Tyrant. Yup. Brilliant. Absolutely peachy."
((First story. Baaad. Don’t read this one unless you suffer from insomnia.))
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‘To Become a Suitable Heroine’: (Parody/Romance) NOW COMPLETE!
Win the Heroine Contest and you can win the Prince's hand in marriage. Unfortunately for all those wannabe-heroines, the prince has other plans. So does our particular heroine.
'And then I had to sort the soup spoon from the rice spoon from the fruit spoon from the Soppy-Unidentifiable-Substance spoon. And then the butter knife from the meat knife from the vegetable knife from the Kill-the-Assassins-hiding-in-your-five-year-old-son’s-birthday-cake knife...'
(Considering writing a short ficlet/sequel to this...but I'm too lazy right now and I've got three other stories to work on in the meantime.)
(Holy crap. I have freaking 1000+ reviews on this piece of s--. )
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Elves on the Job: (Humor/Romance)
COMPLETED! What do you do when you're a girl elf who gets stuck with Santa's job and the presents get stolen by none other than the Abominable Snowman? And the only one who can help you is your worst enemy? And the Abominable Snowman and your worst enemy are really, really (ridiculously) good-looking?
"Remind me not to get drunk ever, ever again?"
..."Of course."
"We wouldn't want me to end up like these drunken louts now, would we?"
"Of course not."
"And we wouldn't want me to become an underage alcoholic, incapable of kicking butt and retrieving the presents and saving Christmas, would we?"
"No sirree."
"AND we wouldn't want me to be taken advantage of by unscrupulous blond elves, now, WOULD WE??"
((Still can’t get the summary right. . .but hooray, people! It’s finished! It’s finally done! The sad part is that I like the ending better than the rest of the story! Look out for the sequel…whole new different characters.))
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To Fight or Fall: (Humor/Romance/Action/Adventure/Drama)
When hate is taken to the maximum, students at Westfield School of Boarding (fondly known as SOB) must choose sides. The ringleaders are thrilled, until their war becomes a war to protect the very school they hate. And sides have suddenly disappeared.
“I’d prefer it if you’d stop screeching.”
“I’d prefer it if your slimy sycophant over there would stop panting at Nicole.”
“But of course. And if you stopped waggling your hips in that inopportunely distracting manner, Ember, perhaps Derrick could concentrate on something other than sex for a mere five minutes.”
“What can I say, Cale? He must catch it from you. I did hear some entertaining rumors about SexaholicsAnonymous. Do you two attend the same country club?”
((This is my baby story, now. Muah.))
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Here be Monsters (Tentatively titled) (Romance/Humor/Drama/Action/Adventure/Tragedy-in-the-form-of-lost-puppies/everything inbetween)
Poor Saber. Christmas elves have it hard. He's doing his best to avoid run-ins with love, relatives, those strange creatures known as humans, and alarm clocks. He's failing spectacularly. Oh, and he's also supposed to be saving the world and falling in love and saving grandmas from speeding sleighs, but right now, all he wants is a good sandwich. (Sequel to 'Elves on the Job', not neccessary to read prequel before reading this!)
“Oh, shut up, you arse. You’ve obviously never had friends in your life. Friendship works both ways, Saber. I doubt that our friendship will be very real if you don’t give me free rein and learn to leap over this goddamn racism. Jesus. You…ugh.”
((discontinued.))
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Hanging (Angst/Humor/Romance) (Rated M for language)
(Short story; complete!) She's a typical bleeding heart, so when a suicidally depressed, foul-mouthed, unpleasant man-creature shows up at her door for shelter, it's not like she has much choice but to take him in...Written entirely in dialogue.
((Nominated twice for the Some Kind of Wonderful award for best one-shot. Thank you so much, you guys.))
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Counting Chickens (Romance/General/Humor)
She wanted the fairy tale. She wanted the chick flick. She wanted the soaring music, the dozen roses, the ball/prom/wedding, the Princess Bride kiss-to-end-all-kisses. She wanted the cliché. It’s a pity she was so busy up in the clouds that she didn’t recognize it when it came.
Nominated for Most Humorous (incomplete) SKoW Round Three
((So...yeah. All witness pixy-dizzy's attempt at a halfway normal teen romance! Note the 'halfway'.))
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Moon River (Romance/Hurt/Comfort/Angst/Humor)
(Short Story, Complete) Pen is not earth mother. And the boy is not gentle. But he is lovely and broken and if she could stop being a chickenshit she could call him up and ask him to take her to Casablanca. This is how the world begins.
(This is a little bit like Hanging; if you liked it, I think you'll like this. But if you read nothing else of mine, read this. Please. This story was the most exhausting thing I've written in a while and I'm very proud of it.)
UP AND COMING! (Once I get off my lazy arse to write them...)
X Marks the Spot (Action/Adventure/Romance/Humor)
Zeph’s goal in life is to become a librarian. It is the only occupation she is suited for (although the heavy books might present a bit of a problem for her less-than-brawny arms). So, as you can imagine, it was a bit of a shock for her very nervous nervous system when she was dropped into another world where pirates raid the skies and tofu-toting vampires are as common as talking butterflies (who have replaced birds as household pets).
Things only get worse when she is taken by an unnervingly attractive pirate on his quest for palaces to plunder, riches to rediscover, and vengeance to initiate. On his less-than-enormous skyship, she discovers that pirates are a very selfish and very dishonorable folk—a fact that many have tried to insert into the self-deluded minds of romanticized idealists all over the world(s). This particular pirate is violent. This pirate would throw his own grandmother overboard for a particularly nice bit of treasure. This pirate is ruthless; this pirate is insensitive; this pirate does not make stops at Air-stations for those with small bladders.
Beware. Zeph is afraid of heights.
"I love treasure. I love the light it reflects back on the walls. I love the fact that I can twist so many people around my little finger by just showing them the gold. I don't, however, love the fact that so many people are susceptible to it. It's a little...sad."
"...Wow. You just farted out a conscience right there, huh?"
"No. I just decided that you might make me dinner if I started spouting ideals and morales. Now, hut hut. The pots are in the cupboard."
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Your Friendly Alternate World Supplier (Humor/Parody/Romance)
The Powers that Be have got their perfect prophecy-fufilling candidate all selected and ready to go. She's twin to a cheerleader, she's sarcastic, she's witty, she's gorgeous, she's intelligent, she's likeable, she's impassioned, she's angsty. Unfortunately...they accidentally got the cheerleader...
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Pitter Patter (General/Humor/Angst/Romance) Rated: M for language
Elliedidn’t mean to be a high school dropout. She didn’t mean to become a struggling writer, working two jobs and living off top ramen and a carton of milk each week. She most certainly didn’t mean to become the legal guardian of a happily gurgling, orphaned baby boy at age 19. And when she gets a new housemate on top of all this, her problems seem minor compared to all the stress that arrives after he bulldozes his way into her life. Fate works in mysterious ways.
"It's like...life, you know? Kind of sucks. And it's sometimes awesome, too. Yeah. I'm a little glad you're here, okay? I just...thanks."
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According to Ger (Humor/General/Teensy-bit-of-romance) (Companion to ToBASH)
So...You've heard those stories about the orphan that gets unofficially adopted by the royal couple because they're cute or feisty or display other qualities like that, yeah? Yeah. I'm now one of them. 'Cept I'm, what, sixteen? And a guy? It's been six years since The Lady and the Prince-now-King hooked up, and the psycho's got a baby on the way, with another one to take care of. Poor kid. Poor King. Poor me because I've got effing diaper duty, because I'm stuck living in the craziest palace in the world, because there's a disguised princess running around who is a really good princess and a really bad...not princess and now? Now I'm stuck as the fufiller of a prophecy and it totally sucks ASS, man.
(And witness the return of all your favorite characters! Dun dun dun...we've got a crazy party coming here, folks. Join it.)
Quotes of the moment:
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is war; love is growing up.
-James Baldwin
I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
-Carl Sandburg
Shout outs and smackeroos to:
Of course, all my reviewers. huggles I love you all!! I would name each and every one of you, but it might make my profile a bit longer than Fido the evil Fictionpress Patroller might like...But thanks so much for your support and encouragement and general gorgeousness.
Also to:
Orient Fox--You've been with me since the beginning, and you are completely, totally awesome (not just because you've been with me since the beginning, lol). Like...you should win the biggest, best award for awesome people. Thank you for being my cheerer-upper when I'm sad, a constant supporter, a kindred soul, my own personal cheer squad, and most of all...a friend. glomps Luvvles ya, babe.
Aoi Uzu: Thank you so much for taking the time to email me, and reviewing! You're an awesome person...and have a sense of humor waaaaay too similar to mine. --The infamous smiley face of doom.
Karasu-chan: And we unite in our hatred of science teachers! (They should burn, yesh...) Lol, thanks for emailing me...you're such a cool person, and I have no clue how the heck you're more mature than me! (Actually, scratch that...it's not very hard to be more mature than I am...) And it's so great. Mwah!
Elmo44449999: Quite simply put, you rock. You are awesome. You are a goddess, man, and I feel so special even coming in contact with someone of your gorgeous-ity. Lol. Thank you so much for everything.
False Advertisement: glomps What can I say? You're far too critical of your brilliant writing. You're also a freakin' rock star. Muah, because you are a spark of sanity and a continually warm presence in both my email inbox and my...heart? Soul? Huh...whatever doesn't sound like it just shot out of a Hallmark movie? Anyway, you're wonderful. Just thought I'd say that. Now all go and read her story Banality in a Box for a story about a...normal??...person. Finally!
Respect Is Sexy: And now I feel obligated to write something long and spiffy because you wrote something long and spiffy about me. No, I kid, I kid! It's no trouble at all. Because I'm good at thinking of nice things to say to people...I think I'm secretly a groupie in the making, but let's leave that question to the philosophers. Anyway. You have: a brilliant sense of humor, mad writing skills, a glorious future in the author business up ahead, and GORGEOUS knees.(I had to put that in.Ahahaha. I crack myself up.) But seriously. Go read her story The Omnipotence Draught for once of the most original, satisfying fantasy questing stories I have ever read. And wear your grown-up diapers because you'll be peeing with laughter before it's through. (Oh, my. That was a bit graphic, wasn't it?) But first and foremost, know thatRespect Is Sexyis one of the most amazing people I have ever met. So go worship her now. Worship!
The Square Turkey: You're one of the most energetic, positive, tireless readers and reviewers I know and also an incredibly cool person and an incredibly talented writer. And I'm so happy that I know you. Now, people reading this: Her story, titled Fate Hates Us is the final product of three rewritings. At least, I hope it's the final product. We never know when she's going to switch it up on us and REWRITE it all over again. ;P Nah, you know I wuff you. But yes! Read her story about elves, about humans, about things that are not elf or human, about social class and going against the grain, about magic, about marriage, madness, mayhem and murder. (Maybe not. We don't know yet; I just needed another m-word.) Go read it! Now!
This is a general message that will probably apply to me for the next year, haha.
I'm one of the worst updaters in the world. I take anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 months to update. But I will not give up a story without notifying you. And thus far I've only stopped one story, but it still swims around in my head from time to time, and who knows, maybe one day I'll start writing it again. So I want to apologize for my poor track record when it comes to posting up that next chapter, but you have to understand: I do have school. I do have friends. I do have other responsibilities outside this, and for a while I even considered giving up this website because it was having negative consequences on my own SELF. And nobody wants to lose theirself. But I'm still here, and I'm not giving up, and thank you all so much for being so patient and supportive of me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. You have no idea how humbled I am to sometimes see new reviews show up, and reviews from people who have been reading and reviewing me for at least three years now.
Thank you again, to all of you. I wish I could be better at typing up that chapter and ending the suspense and everything, but I'm not and I can't be. I want to finish all my stories before college because I don't know if I'm going to have time or the will to keep up with this once I am in college. But I'm trying. And I'm sorry.
I would like to thank every single person who has read or reviewed my stories. You have no idea how much it means to me--I first discovered this site...four years ago, and it's because of all of you out there that my writing has improved. Really, it has. I've looked back on works that I thought were awesome back at the time, and cringe at the horrible, terrible, embarrassing writing. So...thank you.
Cheers.
~Dizzy~
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