Information:

Real Name: Unimportant
Age: 18
Nationality: American
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Green
Religion: Agnostic
Height: 6 ft, 1 in
Weight: I don't know. I'm really skinny. Like, pectus excavatum skinny.

Favorite Things:

Favorite Movies
Hard Boiled, Face/Off, Die Hard Trilogy, The Dark Knight, Dawn of the Dead (Original), A Clockwork Orange, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill vol. 1 & 2, Taxi Driver, Titanic, The Princess Bride, Twister.

Favorite Books
When the Wind Blows and The Lake House (both by James Patterson. Note that The Lake House here has NOTHING to do with the Keanu Reeves movie. READ THESE TWO BOOKS, in the order I have them listed. Parts of them, especially the second one, made me tear up. No joke. Beautiful work, James), and An Abundance of Katherines, by John Green. I'm also partial to the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer.

Favorite Anime
Death Note, Cowboy Bebop, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Elfen Lied, Welcome to the NHK, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Eureka Seven, Code Geass.

Favorite Directors
Quentin Tarantino, John Woo, Martin Scorsese, Robert Rodriguez, George A. Romero, Stanley Kubrick.

Favorite Actors
John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Heath Ledger, Chow Yun Fat, Cary Elwes, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Jaleel White (who doesn't love Urkel?)

Favorite Actresses (why the hell don't I have more?)
Uma Thurman, Kate Winslett.

Favorite Voice Actors/Actresses
Cam Clarke, Quinton Flynn, Jennifer Hale, Crispin Freeman, Johnny Yong Bosch, Tristan-MacAvery, Tiffany Grant, Kate Higgins, Kari Wahlgren, Stephanie Sheh, David Hayter (in fact, pretty much anyone who's ever done a voice in a Metal Gear Solid game, including the aforementioned Cam Clarke, Quinton Flynn, Jennifer Hale, and even Crispin, despite the fact that he had a nameless role in MGS4), Reuben Langdon, Daniel Southworth, Kath Soucie, Mark Hamill, Jim Cummings, and way too many others to list.

Favorite Bands/Musicians
The Beatles, The Doors, Queen, Avenged Sevenfold, Guns N' Roses, Nirvana, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Pantera, Megadeth, Slayer, John Lennon, Nightwish, Michael Jackson (Yeah, he's really weird now, but he used to be awesome.)

Hobbies
Playing video games, watching anime, writing, walking about randomly outside, thinking, and walking about randomly outside while thinking.

Current Project(s):

The Blood, Book 1: Rubedo/95 percent complete
My most recent work. It's about a calm and analytical high school senior named Nicholas who has a superpower: the ability to take control of the minds and actions of people and animals that ingest, are injected with, or otherwise take in his blood. But since he has no idea where the power came from, what its limits are, or how he should use it, he finds himself at an impasse. Then, an eccentric girl named Eileen falls into his yard while running from the police, and he decides to use her as a test subject for experiments involving his power. But he finds out pretty quickly that she's being followed by more than just the police: specifically, an assassin who shares his power and batshit-psycho girl with a knife. This one is probably my current favorite. Yes, it's sort of an adolescent power fantasy, but I try to balance that by having the deeper overall themes of manipulation, temptation, and power lust. Hopefully you all like it. Oh, and by the way, if you couldn't tell from the title, it's the first in a series. I won't say how many books there will be, what the others will be about, or even what the names of the others are, despite the fact that I know all these things already. The truth is, I'm hoping to get this one published for wide distribution when it's totally done, and after many extensive rewrites. I figured posted the first draft of it up here for free would be a good and easy way to get free beta readership. Here's hoping.

Completed Projects:

30 Bullets
Die Hard on a farm...no, I'm dead serious. The first story I ever actually finished that I was proud of...at the time. Now it's showing its age compared to my recent stuff, but it was still an important step in the evolution of my writing. I mean, if most people around thirteen write shitty power fantasies with cardboard cutout leads and uninspired romantic subplots (I'm looking at you, Eragon), then the fact that I was able to write a shitty power fantasy with a cardboard cutout lead and no romantic subplot whatsoever at that age shows that I knew a bit more than most...or not. I did go on to write City of Sorrow after all...fuck.

The Purple Thorns
A really shitty one-shot with no real point. Even I don't really like this one. So much so I won't even bother giving a description.

The Thanksgiving Murders
One of my first works for the site (the only reason it's even done is because it's so old). It's a mindless slasher fic about people getting killed in typical Friday the 13th fashion at a Thanksgiving dinner family reunion. Years ago I went through a slasher film phase, and this kind of crap is what was produced. Oh well. Read it if only to see how much I've improved since I started writing.

Projects on Hiatus:

Altitude/? percent complete
More Die Hard, this time on a plane. So, like, what Die Hard 2 should have been. Or something. This one is actually ok, but I just don't know if I like the subject enough to finish it.

Bad Friday/All done except the epilogue
The first story I ever submitted to this site ever. In fact, it's not even originally mine. Back in eighth grade, we had to write a short story for a contest. Mine was crap, but a friend of mine wrote a story I liked much better called The Perfect Life. Being too young to understand that rewriting other people's stuff, even with their permission, does not a great writer make, I asked him if I could rewrite it and put it up here on Fictionpress, which I had just recently discovered. He said yes, and I did. You now know it as Bad Friday. And, being originally written by an eighth grader and rewritten by another eighth grader, it still sucks. Will likely never be finished.

Bullet High/? percent complete
Die Hard in a...school? Yes, a school. Oh, the tragedy. Fuck. This one originally sucked, and I was about to delete it, but then I added a new chapter and decided to alter the focus of it, and now it doesn't suck. Well, as much. We'll see for this one.

City of Sorrow/? percent complete
And now we come not to the best story of mine, but definitely one of the most important. This one is about a boy who has psychic powers joining up with other psychic kids and fighting evil. Sound cliched? That's because I started writing it when I was fifteen and hadn't yet learned about people not liking cliches. This story is important for two reasons: first of all, it's the best place to see the evolution of my writing style in one story, as I was writing this one over such a long period of time that you can notice the difference as you go on. Secondly, it connects to a bunch of my other stories, sort of Stephen King-like (actually, I prefer to think of it like Marvel Comics, where Spider-Man, Hulk, Iron Man, etc. are all in the same universe and their stories can crossover at any time). Read it, just be warned that it started out as an adolescent power fantasy with a Gary-Stu lead and an insipid romantic subplot. You know, like Eragon.

Closer/50 percent complete (not all I have done is actually posted yet, though)
This one is actually pretty good, although it still needs a few rewrites. Basically, it's about an emotional fuckwit named Kevin who hates sex, loves violence, and has a heart condition. His flatmate Michael is a serial rapist and killer who only goes after prostitutes ala Jack the Ripper, but Kevin doesn't mind since, as he hates sex and loves violence, the murder of hookers doesn't bother him at all. One day, Michael disappears, and Kevin finds himself being bugged and followed by a sixteen year old prostitute named Karen. Via a series of events, he ends up working as her bodyguard, protecting her from his flatmate, who's obsessed with killng her. Along the way he is more or less forced to reevaluate the way he looks at the world and come to terms with shit that happened in his childhood that turned him into a fuckwit in the first place. Also, it has a nutty bisexual pimp in it. Read that shit.

Dead and Alive/? percent complete
Zombies attack a bar in the middle of nowhere. Guns shoot zombie heads. Totally pointless, but fun. Don't know if it'll ever get done, though

Nazara/100 percent complete, but not all posted
I don't want to bother describing this one. All you need to know is that I don't like it very much because, even though it features my current witing abilities, there are three things very wrong with it, all stemming from the fact that it was originally published in my school's newspaper. Number 1, I had to censor my usual levels of swearing and sexuality. Luckily, the teacher who ran the paper was very liberal, so I was actually able to slip in some obscure sexual references, as well as something near my normal levels of violence, and even darker references to religion and God. But it was still annoying. Number 2, since it had to be a monthly serial, I couldn't make it as long or detailed as I wanted, and the ending in particular got butt raped and rushed past the point of readability. Finally, since I was writing in a public paper of any sort for the first time, I was tempted to go for style over substance a few times, and so the end result is (in my opinion, anyway) mass-produced Hollywood shit. Not that that Hollywood doesn't produce good stuff too, but I'm being pejorative here. Oh fuck it. Read that shit too.

No Name Boys/? percent complete
Another of the things I churned out during my John Woo phase. This one is about youth gangs and gun fights. Mostly pointless, but eh.

Canceled Projects:

American Idiot
In case you were wondering what this was, it was basically about a bunch of kids who go on a school shooting while listening to Green Day music. I got about half way done with it before I canceled it because A: It wasn't very good anyway, B: It was very ridiculous (like, I had a scene where some teenage hostages get some guns and engage the kids in a John Woo esque gunfight, or a scene where three kids with guns take out an entire SWAT team and a helicopter), and C: Someone at school read it and told me it "inspired" them to plan an attack on the school. I took it down mostly for reason C, but reasons A and B are why it's staying down. Looks like I'll be taking down Bullet High soon too. I honestly think it's just impossible to write an action story about a school shooting. It just always turns out ridiculous and melodramatic. Oh well.

UPDATE: I think I'll keep Bullet High after all. I think if I take the story in a different direction than how I originally intended, it will turn out half-way decent. We'll see.

Final Words:

You know, as much as I rip on Eragon and, by way of that, Eldest, Brisingr, Christopher Paolini himself, and the entire Inheritance Cycle, I owe a great debt to the books and the man who wrote them, although it was mostly by accident. Admittedly, when I first read Eragon, I loved it. No joke. Same for Eldest. But then I found out about a website called Anti-Shurtugal, which is essentially devoted to ripping apart the Inheritance Cycle in the name of promoting better writing. I know it seems like I maybe only dislike the Inheritance Cycle now because a lot of writers on the internet do, but I seriously learned a lot about writing from that site that I wouldn't have learned until much later otherwise. And if not for Eragon and Christopher Paolini, Anti-Shurtugal would never have come to be. So, thank you Christopher Paolini, for writing fantasy fiction so juvenile that it forced me to learn.

And although any Eragon fans out there now reading likely wish me dead, I should state that you aren't any less intelligent because you like Inheritance, or your opinions less valid. You just are able to enjoy something that I cannot, and maybe that's a good thing. You'll enjoy a lot more books than I ever will, at least.

Now, as for Twilight...well, we'll see after I can work up the balls to read through the whole thing (a story about cliched modern vampire romance DOES NOT need to be as long as Eragon, Stephenie! On that note, Eragon didn't need to be as long as Eragon either.)