7th March

Please don't bother waiting for me to update. Looking back on the story now, I see that it is a plotless, aimless, unforgiveably racist load of trash and I won't be continuing it. Thank you for the reviews.

Who are you?

I'm Yuval, a teenaged Australian with a yen for fantasy and a desire to take advantage of the Paolini Syndrome by writing a book before I turn nineteen. That way, it won't matter how poorly written it is - people will, hopefully, read it just for the comedic value, and to make themselves feel better about their own talents. Cynical? Oh yes. On the other hand, I would also like to write something worthy of being published on its own merits, but I... can't write... anything.

Where is this story? You don't have anything posted! What is th- oh, wait, there it is.

Um. For the past three years, I've rewritten and reposted the same story three times. It has been called Sunlight on a Distant Slope, Untitled Story With Kizukai In It (that, er, was just a working title), Summer, Spring, Summer At My Fingertips, Curtains of Summer, Out of Summer, Dol Szijana delor Amicteri, and just plain Amicteri. (I would just like to point out that the story is set in springtime. I'm sure you can see why that was a problem.) I went mad and deleted it altogether about two months ago because my writing style is unforgiveably florid and I have no idea how to plot. However, I quite liked the characters in the last incarnation, so I have posted Version Four. (Also, I'm using this site as my personal file backup system.)

So, what's it about?

It's called Things We'll Miss nowadays, and it's about the apocalypse, although you wouldn't know that from reading the bits I've posted. It's the longest, slowest, coziest apocalypse in history. More accessibly, it's about a middle-aged magical autistic half-blind cataplectic synaesthetic double-amputee and his Totally Heterosexual I Swear Life Partner, who is basically a nose and a pair of big brown eyes on legs. It was meant to be action-packed and exciting and filled with blood and gore when I started writing it three-four years ago - and those two were a pair of minor villains; the original protagonists are no longer in the story - but now it's just about them bantering wittily and snuggling each other while the world freezes around them. No, really, it is. I'll try to add in a few splashes of blood at a later date, just for added excitement. Oh, and they're just good friends. Just. Good. Friends.

How do you pronounce "Mirosandr"?

I put a lot of thought into the pronunciation of this name. This was the end result:

'Mee-losh-ahhh-drrrrgle-"

And then my tongue ate itself. That'll teach me to give my protagonist an unpronounceable name.

Um... sure. What do you like?

Well. My favourite foods are gnocchi gorgonzola and Kashmiri lamb curry. My favourite drink is the caramel milkshake. My favourite takeaway is Indian. My favourite musical artists are Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits. My favourite Southeast Asian culture is the Kinh Vietnamese. My favourite authors are George R. R. Martin, Clive Barker, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, China Mieville and Ursula le Guin. My favourite religion is Progressive Judaism. My favourite artists are Rousseau and Anselm Kiefer. My favourite genre is realistic fantasy, and also magical realism. My favourite language is Russian. My favourite instrument is the sitar. My fa-

Okay, that's enough.

Anyway! That's me, and that's... whatever it's called today. Expect the title to change without warning. Sooner or later, I'll take a hint from manga and name it "Magical Shooting Star Tenchi Mirosandr-chan Desu Pirates Crises!!" When that happens, please shoot me non-lethally.

The End.