I am finally online, and no one's sanity is safe. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Deep breath) AHAHAHAHAHA!I am an unrepentant comic book geek who will gladly bore you with statistics about the first full appearance of the Green Goblin. I am also a hopeless romantic who gets futile crushes on beautiful girls on a bimonthly basis, especially if said girls hold me in the same regard as fecal matter. My favorite movies are "Spider-Man", "The Untouchables", "Raiders of the Lost Ark","Van Helsing" and "Pirates of the Caribbean". My favorite book is "Good Omens", by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. My favorite musicians are the Capitol Steps and the late Warren Zevon. My favorite person is a several-way tie between all my friends (defined here as "people I don't wish any specific harm"). I'm also a flaming liberal, and will gladly arm-wrestle anyone over our foreign policy. I am renowned for my Marge Simpson impression.
Love, Zack "Studly McHotness" Budryk
"In the heart there are windows and doors.
You can let the light in, you can feel the wind blow.
When there's nothing to lose and nothing to gain,
Grab a hold of that fistful of rain."
-Warren Zevon

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Gimme Shellfish reviews

Don't you hate it when a restaurant has the nerve to serve something other than what you want? I mean, it's your money. Inspired by one too many trips to Boston, to the tune of the Stones' Gimme Shelter.

Complete - Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-15-07 - Published: 3-15-07

2. The Center is Not Enough » reviews

Third part of my school trilogy, with the same characters. An international caper, featuring Jack the Ripper,

Complete - Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,994 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 3-3-07 - Published: 8-24-06

3. The Ballad of George Allen

A tribute to my favorite faux pas since our President's "major league asshole right over there". To the tune of "MacArthur Park".

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 147 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 8-21-06 - Published: 8-21-06

4. Sympathy for the Dark Lord reviews

Are you a Rolling Stones fan? Are you a Harry Potter fan? Read this before you finish your Trelawney/Keith Richards erotica.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 183 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 7-23-06 - Published: 7-23-06

5. A PoorlyTitled Mimesis Story » reviews

Stupidity loosely based on real (and stupid) events.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,799 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 4-25-06 - Published: 10-14-05

6. Behind These Crazy Eyes reviews

I don't usually write parodies of songs I don't like (Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes), but criminal insanity is so gosh-darn funny.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 4-15-06 - Published: 4-15-06

7. Cruiser reviews

Oh, Tom Cruise. Is there anything you can't do? Besides not annoy everyone? To the tune of "Loser" by Beck, ironically enough,

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 238 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 3-25-06 - Published: 3-25-06

8. Ring of Liars reviews

Welcome to Washington. To the tune of "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. Not for conservatives.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-6-06 - Published: 3-6-06

9. The Ballad of Tom Rafferty reviews

Some crap I came up with after watching "Miller's Crossing". Please R & R.

Love - Fiction Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 330 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1-17-06 - Published: 1-17-06

10. Wake Me Up When The Bender Ends reviews

My fourth Green Day parody; this one's a loving tribute to the demon in the bottle.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 237 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 11-3-05 - Published: 11-3-05

11. House Majority

A tribute to Tom DeLay, to the tune of Green Day's "Minority". Don't read if you're one of the three Tom DeLay fans out there.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 141 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 10-6-05 - Published: 10-6-05

12. Stuck In The Middle of School reviews

Don't watch "Reservoir Dogs" while doing homework. Seriously.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 269 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-4-05 - Published: 10-4-05

13. The Ballad of the Sinners reviews

My attempt at a creepy poem-type thing after I wrote a play with the same plot.

Song - Fiction Rated: T - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 225 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9-28-05 - Published: 9-28-05

14. Idiot Ness: Private Eye » reviews

The adventures of a dumbass in a fedora and trenchcoat. Several characters are based on my friends.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,648 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 9-23-05 - Published: 1-22-05

15. Level of Hell reviews

A must for fans of Weezer AND eternal suffering. To the tune of "Beverly Hills".

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 283 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9-21-05 - Published: 9-21-05

16. St Patrick's Day reviews

Let's all party hearty to the tune of Green Day's "Holiday". Please note, I'm Irish, so this is self-parody.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 226 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 6-28-05 - Published: 6-28-05

17. Mr Dark Side reviews

A tribute to the time when Star Wars was good, to the tune of the Killers' "Mr. Brightside".

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Parody/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 289 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-21-05 - Published: 2-21-05

18. Inferno reviews

Bless your heart, Dante. To the tune of U2's "Vertigo".

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 156 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-20-05 - Published: 2-20-05

19. Syndicated reviews

Ah, the life of a talk-show host. To the tune of Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated."

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 268 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-5-05 - Published: 2-5-05

20. The Zombie Song reviews

A loving tribute to the undead to the tune of Evanescence's "My Immortal". WIth apologies to Evanescence and all their fans.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 241 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2-5-05 - Published: 2-5-05

21. 1865 reviews

A parody of Bowling For Soup's "1985". If you're a Southern patriot who's easily offended, keep in mind, no one made you read this.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 156 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 1-18-05 - Published: 1-18-05

22. Piety » reviews

A psychopath who thinks he's Jesus kills people an' stuff. Please R & R.

Horror - Fiction Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,474 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 12-16-04 - Published: 5-21-04

23. The Gummi Bear Wars » reviews

Like my love song, based on true events. Unlike my love song, the stupidest, most puerile claptrap you'll ever read. Features the Necronomicon, Australian thespians, spork torture and more. As of 12/12/04, FINISHED! Please read and review.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,455 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 12-12-04 - Published: 9-13-04

24. You Will Believe reviews

A tribute to Christopher Reeve I wrote for the paper where I work. You may say it's a little late, but it's never too late with a guy like this.

Essay - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 442 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 11-26-04 - Published: 11-26-04

25. Boulevard of Broken Legs reviews

Let's hear it for the mob enforcers; they make life worthwhile. To the tune of Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 213 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-24-04 - Published: 11-24-04

26. God Loves, Man Kills reviews

My response to everyone who thinks their religion entitles them to spread hate. Title taken from an X-Men comic, believe it or not.

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 166 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-24-04 - Published: 11-24-04

27. Senator Kerry reviews

The lament of an avid Democrat. To the tune of "Eleanor Rigby" by (gasp! How dare I) the Beatles.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 168 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 11-10-04 - Published: 11-10-04

28. Caffeinian Rhapsody reviews

This is my life; to the tune of you-know-what.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 194 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-1-04 - Published: 11-1-04

29. Farewell, Excitable Boy reviews

My tribute to the late, great Warren Zevon. BONUS: Features a Keats reference, kids!

Song - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 190 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-30-04 - Published: 9-30-04

30. A Plea To RightWing Talking Heads reviews

Exactly what it promises. Like most of my stuff, this isn't for conservatives.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 212 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-8-04 - Published: 9-8-04

31. The Hell? reviews

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones will be playing Jack Sparrow's father in the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel; my reaction in song to that announcement.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 180 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 6-19-04 - Published: 6-19-04

32. Don't You? reviews

A D-Day tribute. Please read and review.

War - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 163 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 6-6-04 - Published: 6-6-04

33. The Ranger reviews

Little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane. Wait, no, this is a little ditty 'bout Aragorn, son of Arathorn to the tune of Dion's "The Wanderer". #3 in the LOTR parody series.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 6-1-04 - Published: 6-1-04

34. Boromir reviews

A song parody to the tune of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann".

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 140 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 6-1-04 - Published: 6-1-04

35. Stacy's Dad: The Vengeance reviews

He's back, and he's pissed. To the tune of Fountains of Wayne's "Stacy's Mom".

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 5-22-04 - Published: 5-22-04

36. 2003 The Limerick reviews

It's a bit late, but here's the year 2003 in limerick form. WARNING: This gets a bit partisan, so conservatives may want to steer clear.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 161 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 5-22-04 - Published: 5-22-04

37. Dancing Like A Dork reviews

Once, a kid auditioned for a musical. This is his often-depressing true story. To the tune of the Boss

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 187 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 5-21-04 - Published: 5-21-04

38. The Saruman Song reviews

A little ditty about everyone's favorite evil wizard, to the tune of the Offspring's 'Pretty Fly (For A White Guy" Note: This is based on the books, so there is some stuff at the end that wasn't in the movies.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 397 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 5-21-04 - Published: 5-21-04

39. Less Than Friends reviews

A love song/poem based on an experience of mine. Please read and review.

Love - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 150 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-2-04 - Published: 5-2-04

40. Stereotypes reviews

An apparently psychopathic death row inmate clears up a particularly pesky stereotype with the priest who gives him last rites. Please read and review, if you're not squeamish.

Supernatural - Fiction Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,188 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-1-04 - Published: 5-1-04

41. The Devil Went Down to Boston reviews

A parody of "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by an angry Red Sox fan. Update: WE WON, BEE-OTCH! I didn't update it, I just wanted to say that.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 340 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4-25-04 - Published: 4-25-04

42. Dumb reviews

A musical salute to a certain president. Best when sung to the tune of Linkin Park's "Numb". Don't read this if you're a Republican.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 203 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 4-24-04 - Published: 4-24-04

43. Great White Hunter reviews

England's greatest adventurer harbors a dark secret until the day he dies.

General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 224 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4-20-04 - Published: 4-20-04

44. Only A Dream reviews

A weird idea I had while I was thinking about nothing. All the grammar errors in the dreams are intentional.

Horror - Fiction Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,281 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 4-19-04 - Published: 4-19-04