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Cavanoskus
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since: 06-22-04, id: 420612, Profile Updated: 11-16-08
country: United States
web: Homepage
Author has written 30 stories for General, Fantasy, Life, Song, and Love.

Hi.

I've been a lurker here for years, now. Mostly I made an account to spy on confusionlove, my sister, who is a much more prolific and most likely a better writer than I. Meanwhile, my own poetry and other stuff languishes on my computer and on my web site which I keep remodeling since I haven't yet settled on my professional image. So most of the poetry that was there keeps disappearing, or reappearing, depending on how R-Rated I want to appear at that moment to prospective clients. Sigh. It's troublesome being versatile; people are uncomfortable with someone who can just as easily make happy little cartoons as they can draw a picture of a demonic, dragon-like creature ripping out another's guts and laughing, all with subtle homoerotic overtones. I write some pretty horrific or explicit stuff (which you will not be seeing here), and I write children's stories, and I write everything in between. I suppose that is why people use pseudonyms, although I wish I didn't have to. I shouldn't have to pretend to be two different people just because the public can't comprehend innocence coming out of the same hands that write degenerate filth.

Anyway.

I've decided I'm going to start uploading things here, and give it a try. I love feedback, and I love criticism, as long as you keep in mind that some of the stuff I'll be posting is really, really old and mostly kept only as a curiosity. I am actually proud of some of my work, but many of my writings are rather like old pillows; uncomfortable, and a bit of an eyesore, but I can't bring myself to just throw them away. Besides, if even one person enjoys something I've made, then its existence is justified. I will be posting almost everything I've written, even the terrible old ones from when I was an angsty goth who could not write for anyone but other angsty goths. I'm not going to make note of the bad ones because I'd rather not taint your first impression, but chances are you will figure out which ones I personally dislike because they are the most terrible, so go a little easy on me about those, if you please. Maybe you can help me salvage them into something worthwhile. Or maybe you are an angsty goth and will enjoy them. There's nothing wrong with that and I will find it refreshing. Either way, that is why I am sharing them.

Poetry isn't all I write. I spend a great deal of time pouring my innermost turmoil into fiction and the occasional article/rant/journal entry/screaming fit. However, don't expect much fiction from me, and what you do expect, expect it slowly. I write in an incredibly disjointed manner so it will take me some time to accumulate enough consecutive chapters to make anything worth posting. As if I needed another obstacle, I also have around three or four projects going at once and I have to be in a specific mood to work on any of them, and as previously mentioned, I may be working on the middle or the end of a story before I even touch the beginning. I am not constructed for serials, I am just not. On top of this, I write from my id, so tangents occur and much of the time they lead me far astray from important matters and into scenes of gratuitous violence and sex (sometimes together) which at times are easier to delete (erm...move to another document for safekeeping, actually) than to justify.

Of course, I will do whatever I can to justify as much of it as I can, because I hate to censor myself and the darkness of the human soul is what fascinates me.

I suppose I should touch on my real-life self for those of you who would like to know: I was born in 1983 (which makes me 25 at the time of this writing), I am female, mostly Caucasian, descended from Celts and (real) Goths and Normans and Saxons and Gauls and more than one Native American tribe. I bear the combined anger of a dozen warrior tribes and their alcohol tolerance to match, along with a healthy respect for razor-sharp sarcasm and hand-to-hand combat. I also play video games (mostly World of Warcraft and some older ones; I am still obsessed with Morrowind and the entire Elder Scrolls universe), read when I feel compelled, draw not nearly as frequently as I should, listen to an enormous and contradictory range of music, and sustain an unhealthy caffeine addiction. Any further information will require some manner of communication between us, or you could just do it the easy way and find my barely-used MySpace.

Of course you will also learn about me just by reading my work. You will probably find out more than you ever wanted to know.

If you have been indulgent enough to read this far, you have my thanks, dear reader. Now move on to my entries, whatever they may be, and whether you are bored or intrigued or disgusted, either way, I will have affected you, and that is enough.

~Cavanoskus
March 20, 2008
Sarasota, Florida

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Stagnant Pool
c. 2004. Expressing my rage at complacency. M for language.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 354 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
2. Love Kills
c. 2003. Is being cheated on better or worse if you know about it? For 6 months to a year I was trampled on daily by the person I loved more than anything. Ironically, this is to the same person "One Thing" was written for. M for being generally vulgar.
Complete - Love - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 309 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
3. One Thing
c. 2003. A simple, agonizingly honest love poem. No hidden meanings, just raw devotion. It's not limited to romantic love, either, but to all the ways you can love a person, despite the fact that I did write it for my lover.
Complete - Love - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 214 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
4. Days Of Affliction
c. 2003. Attempting to capture the feel of clinical depression and the general angst that has clung to me for most of my life.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
5. Wish I Had A Beer
c. 2002. Filling the void with whatever's available while my love is distant and uncertain... M for language and boozing.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 329 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
6. Song From My Stupid Heart reviews
c. 2001. Being in love with someone who mostly just keeps you around for the times they need you, and because they know you can't tear yourself away no matter how they treat you. Not serious abuse, just general coldheartedness. M for ye olde f-word.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 355 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
7. Wastelands
c. 2001. Ever desperately wanted someone, and violently hated them for spurning you? The darkest depravities happen when the lines between different lusts are blurred. I may go back and do minor editing when I think of improvements, but it IS complete.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 389 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
8. Carnivore X
c. 2000-01. Bitter, insensitive, and unapologetic ode to survival of the fittest.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 300 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
9. I Am The Flood
c. 2000-01. Relating to school/workplace shootings and the ripples of tragedy surrounding them. This has been censored in the past because it's written from the PoV of the killer. It's terrible how this keeps becoming relevant over and over again...
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Crime/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 408 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
10. Broken reviews
c. 2000-01. Ever desperately wanted to save someone you deeply loved, and couldn't?
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
11. Pretend
c. 2000-01. Musings on the darkness in my soul, and how I wish that, sometimes, my inner demons would just give me a break for a while... M because it's way creepy.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 313 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
12. Legion Of Defilers
c. 1999-2000. About being part of the "weirdo/freak" crowd in high school, and how we kept corrupting our friends with our darker tastes. Exaggerated, as we ourselves often were; slightly tongue-in-cheek. M for both innuendo and obvious naughtiness.
Complete - Life - Fiction Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 254 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
13. Elegy For Ego
c. 1999-2000. Being enthralled to someone, whether chained by your heart or by a self-destructive addiction to a person who is obviously terrible for you. Expressed through a heavy bondage metaphor. Disturbing on every level. M for obvious reasons.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 263 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
14. Suicide And Wine
c. 1999-2000. General weariness at the world, and a desire to sleep forever.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 338 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
15. Violation
c. 1999. Yet more about the evil in my soul, and the creepy things I often think of people as they innocently talk to me. Complete for now because although I MAY rework it I'm not sure how. M for foul language and unholy wickedness.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 214 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
16. I Had To Know
c. 1999. About not knowing where you stand in the hearts of those dear to you. There was a time when I was enamored of two people, and neither crush went anywhere, and I was always, always left hanging even in the simplest of matters...
Complete - Love - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 297 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
17. Dreaming reviews
c. 1999. A typical rock song about unrequited love.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
18. I Craved
c. 1999. Giving in to one's dark side, and being destroyed by it. Semi-stream-of-consciousness. M for violence, sex, death and evilness.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 519 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
19. The Reviled
c. 1998-99. I have felt evil pressing around me and welling from within, and it's not always worth it to resist. I may slightly rework this someday, but for now, it is done.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 389 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
20. Severance
c. 1998-99. Ever get what you want, and then find it terrifies you? Musings on such, and on death, and on experimental rhyme schemes.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 72 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
21. Masters
c. 1998-99. Lyrics about rising up from metaphysical oppression, destroying one's captors, and giving in to the desire to euthanize the more pathetic individuals in your life. M for language and rudeness.
Complete - Song - Fiction Rated: M - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
22. A Poet's Law
c. 2000. Musings on my craft, in the form of a sonnet. This may have been for my junior year English class, but I don't remember whether it was an assignment or not.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
23. Delusions For The Common Good
c. 2000. Frustration at those lacking in imagination, and thinking they know best for others. No one has the right to limit the world in the name of someone else's perceived helplessness. I used "contrariwise" in homage to Ogden Nash.
Complete - Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 171 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
24. Gallows
c. 1999-2000. Don't judge others in haste; none of our hands are ENTIRELY clean. I wrote this in the span of a day and then got stuck for a year on the last verse. And it's been ages, and I DO consider this finished, but I may feel another coming on...
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 222 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
25. Waiting
c. 1998-99. What is it you feel while watching the sun set? Do your yearnings seem more painful? Does life seem more delicious? Do you feel both at once, like I do? It's just that feeling I have no words for...but this is my attempt to put words to it.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 175 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
26. The Sea reviews
c. 1998-99. Toying with language and moods and dark imagery.
Complete - Fantasy - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
27. The Dream reviews
c. 1998. An actual dream I had. The words followed and I absolutely NEEDED to write them down. Of course, my 10th grade English teacher thought I was on drugs and I got sent to the counselor again. I LIVED in the office that year thanks to her. XD
Complete - Fantasy - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
28. To The Fallen
c. 1997. An ode to failed empires, collapsed totalitarian governments, and alternative rhyme schemes.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 200 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
29. Omniphage
c. 1997. When you relinquish your soul, whether to drugs or to the Devil, the Omniphage laughs...Rated M for language and general grossness.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 260 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
30. Phantasmagoria reviews
c. 1996. The nature of existence? History? Humanity? Everyone interprets this one differently. All I can really say it means is the feeling you get when you read it.
Complete - General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 355 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 3-20-08 - Published: 3-20-08
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