Occupation: Pirate King
Age: 16
Description:
Jack Lumber is not one to mess with. He enjoys pillaging, looting, and anything else to do with piracy. Though he is often hated by "The Man", he is still the bestselling author of "Running from the Fuzz", "How to deal with Tresspassers: A Guide to Sharpshooting", and "Furry Animals of North America and How to Kill Them". He is also a very popular childrens author with his classics,"My First Bomb Book" and "Eddie the Exicutioner".

Hope you liked the bio, but I have more important matters to discuss. I AM ON A QUEST! That's right, a quest. I am on a quest to be on ONE THOUSAND FAVORITES LISTS!!!!!!!!! So help me out! All you have to do is go to one of my stories. Open the little menu at the bottom. Then hit "Add to Favorite Authors". That's it!! So go do it now!!!

Current #: 12 Wow,I suck. Thank you to those who have helped my quest. I shall try to repay you by reviewing your stuff.

Stuff about me.

Intrests:
Music (Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones)
Movies (The Godfather, Tarintino stuff, Star Wars, Dollars Trillogy)
Video Games (Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, Metroid (I got Metroid Prime 2 for chirstmas! It rules!), Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty)
Piracy (I'm a freaking pirate!!!)
Money (who isn't)

Sites I visit:
Gaiaonline.com (I am Jack Lumber_Pirate King)
Fictionpress.com (of course)
Maddox.xmission.com (It's the Best Page in the Universe!)
Ninjabeard.com (an msn group with my friends and I)
MTGfanatic.com (yip)

Quotes:

"We all float down here."-Pennywise from "It" by Steven King

"You must wade through the bitter waters in order to reach the sweet." Van Helsing in "Dracula", by Bram Stoker

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse"-Marlon Brando, The Godfather.

"I will rule the earth with my iron fist! YOU!! OBEY THE FIST!"-Invader Zim

"Oh, look, it's da room where ve melt people, you melt away, ya?"
"Um, no, I'd rather not."-Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Sweet Lady Freedom!! Lets make out!!- Strongbad, from Homestarrunner.com

"The Lincoln Squirrel, has been assasinated! We'll stick with this story all night if we have to!"-Kent Brockman, The Simpsons.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Mr Machine reviews

A poem inspired by 1984 by George Orwell. Not much mention of the book in it, though. In fact, none at all... I'm hungry. Can I offer you a drink? Coffee? Do you want cream and/or suger?

General - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 176 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 3-31-05 - Published: 3-31-05

2. Jack Lumber's A Bucket Full of Awesome! » reviews

Wooooah! I've done it now! Who knows what you'll find in here! Hehehe! By not telling you what is in here, you will be automaticly curious, and no matter how hard you try to ignore it, it will eat away at your mind untll you finally can't take it anymore

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,955 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 2-28-05 - Published: 12-29-04

3. Run Little Rabit reviews

The Machine Comes Home

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 2-12-05 - Published: 2-12-05

4. Commercial Central reviews

A TV network devoted entirely to commercials? Oh the horror! This is a collection of wacky commercials that I decided to put down and make into a story thingy. It's pretty funny. Enjoy!

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,288 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 9-12-04 - Published: 9-12-04

5. The Bloodthirsty Patriots reviews

A somewhat twisted account of the American Revelution. George Washington beheads people, Pat Henry takes a dump, and perfectly good tea is wasted. Enjoy

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 491 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 9-3-04 - Published: 9-3-04

6. Tales of Jack formerly Outcast from Hell » reviews

This is just me trying to write something other than humor. I haven't really been able to write a full story, so ill just post the little sections i do have. Maybe ill combine it all one day. Enjoy. Maybe youll get your own ideas.

Fantasy - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,005 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-23-04 - Published: 8-6-04

7. I Can't Think of a Title! » reviews

If anybody sees this, they're probably on my profile page. This is probably my most well recieved story and is generally considered to be the funniest. Read up and stuff.

Horror - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,930 - Reviews: 32 - Updated: 8-16-04 - Published: 7-21-04

8. Running from the Fuzz! reviews

Jack Lumber and his fearsom Pirate crew are being chased by the Fuzz (scum). They have many adventures...um...it's really good...trust me...PLEASE READ IT! WAAAAAA WAAAAAAA Everyone ingores me! Booo Hooo!

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,159 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-21-04 - Published: 7-21-04

9. Harry Potter and the Attack of the Yawners reviews

Jack and Nuiroth are out one day minding their own buisiness, when they are suddenly sucked into the world of Harry Potter, much to their anoyance. Things die, reputations are ruined. Sorry if your into animal rights, you have to admit though, it was fun

Horror - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,591 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 7-21-04 - Published: 7-21-04