Hello.

I am a second-year undergraduate attending Aberystwyth, the University of Wales, reading Creative Writing and English, which usually means I haven't a clue what I'm doing.

When I read and review, expect either an elaborate thumbs-up or a literate kick up the arse. Also, mind your punctuation.

Pleased to meet you, and thank you, graciously, in advance, for your curiosity.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Never Leave reviews

Never leave - I warn you now - the comfort of your own country

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 278 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 3-5-06 - Published: 3-5-06

2. The Wizard's Candle reviews

Hero is on a quest to seek out the "wizard", but a stranger on the way causes him to contemplate on why. A satire of the 'fantasy' genre.

Fantasy - Fiction Rated: K - English - Parody/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,035 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2-17-06 - Published: 2-17-06

3. Wooden Heart reviews

A love-sick poem tries to communicate with its reader.

Love - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 184 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 8-13-05 - Published: 8-13-05

4. Manky Carpet reviews

A house-moving experience obsessed with the rank quality of the carpet.

Humor - Fiction Rated: M - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 146 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 6-23-05 - Published: 6-23-05

5. Consoling Satira reviews

Why do some of us need things like this : ) and this : ( to understand a satirical response? Isn't your English and punctuation good enough?

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 132 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 6-4-05 - Published: 6-4-05

6. To His Shy Girlfriend reviews

Romance is sex dressed up. Transposition of Andrew Marvell's 'To His Coy Mistress'.

Love - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 581 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 5-21-05 - Published: 5-21-05

7. Girl with the Flamethrower Hair reviews

Most children have best friends. What they mean by ‘best friend’ is a person, usually another child, with whom they spend a majority of their time. Sad to say, I never had a ‘best friend’, though some may argue that I did.

Mystery - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,002 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 5-1-05 - Published: 5-1-05

8. Schoolboy reviews

Schoolboys are lush - but which ones? The real or the fashioned? Inspired by Robert Herrick's poem 'Delight in Disorder'.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 231 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 4-21-05 - Published: 4-21-05

9. To Autumn reviews

Five haikus reflecting the nature of one autumn afternoon...

Haiku - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 361 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 4-20-05 - Published: 4-20-05

10. All My Dandelions Are Dead Mermaids reviews

Portrait of a misogynist. (Third villanelle).

Love - Fiction Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 144 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 4-9-05 - Published: 4-9-05

11. Documentaries reviews

Tell people their mistakes and they're fated to make them anyway. (History = Reverse Psychology)

Politics - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 46 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 4-8-05 - Published: 4-8-05

12. Dinner With The Blacks reviews

For Andrew Townsend, a simple invitation to dinner turns inexplicably into a nightmare.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Parody/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 431 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4-8-05 - Published: 4-8-05

13. Not The Tiger reviews

Bleak parody of William Blake's poem.

Politics - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 339 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 4-8-05 - Published: 4-8-05

14. The Reason reviews

Respect for someone who decides to kill themselves. (Second villanelle - completely rewritten.)

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 159 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 4-8-05 - Published: 4-8-05

15. Never Dead Yet reviews

Every film gets this part wrong. (Goes to show money can't buy perfection, hmm.)

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 46 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 4-8-05 - Published: 4-8-05

16. Ignored as a Child reviews

Some parents deserve sadness and loneliness in their old age. (Malice prepense.)

Family - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 3-18-05 - Published: 3-18-05

17. About the Weather reviews

Some of us grow distant from our parents.

Family - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 152 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 3-15-05 - Published: 3-15-05

18. Songs for Lady Aspen reviews

A wandering musician dedicates himself to a lady he has only met once.

Romance - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 623 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 3-13-05 - Published: 3-13-05

19. The Way of the World reviews

Based on Edgar Gambin's version of 'The Last Supper'. The only thing we're good at is watching - except this one guy, who tells us we'll be fine.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 254 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 3-12-05 - Published: 3-12-05

20. Smoking is a Pastime reviews

It's harder to become a smoker than it is to stop smoking.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 295 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 3-11-05 - Published: 3-11-05

21. Centertaf reviews

War memorials just look nice.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 108 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 3-11-05 - Published: 3-11-05

22. Five Ways of Looking at Grass » reviews

Grass is obnoxious.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 190 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 3-10-05 - Published: 3-10-05

23. Admirer reviews

Dedicated to the one I love - but who is it? (Is it you)

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 23 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 3-9-05 - Published: 3-9-05

24. Mourning Flowers reviews

Written from the perspective of the fly in Emily Dickinson's 'I Heard A Fly Buzz When I Died'.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 309 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 3-8-05 - Published: 3-8-05

25. Jessica Wednesday reviews

Based on an article about a 7-year-old girl who is starved by her parents over 5 years. No one knew.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 197 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 3-7-05 - Published: 3-7-05

26. The Mystery of Empty Condoms » reviews

Something my neighbours - mature university students (supposedly) - posted through my letterbox today.

Humor - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 193 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 3-3-05 - Published: 3-3-05

27. Diffident reviews

Thoughts can make you ill. Please think before crossing the road.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 116 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 3-1-05 - Published: 3-1-05

28. Pornography reviews

We all get these digital urges - the lads, more so.

Haiku - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 2-28-05 - Published: 2-28-05

29. Wrongnight Stand reviews

Not all nights end with sexual encounters. You just think they do.

Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2-28-05 - Published: 2-28-05

30. Opportunity reviews

If it's there, take it.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 15 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2-28-05 - Published: 2-28-05

31. Compliment reviews

A respectful bow to a fellow fictionspress poet (Macca Lane).

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2-22-05 - Published: 2-22-05

32. Take It With a Pinch of Salt reviews

Comment on a recent piece of American research claiming that "marital rowing (is) 'good for wives".

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-22-05 - Published: 2-22-05

33. Robbler reviews

Comment on the recent development of the 'Toddler',

Politics - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 214 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2-20-05 - Published: 2-20-05

34. Portrait of a Young Coward reviews

Choosing to die is easy. Dying is the hard part.

Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Angst/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 482 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-18-05 - Published: 2-18-05

35. Amputee reviews

One-handed philosophy.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 67 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2-18-05 - Published: 2-18-05

36. Don't reviews

Some people should mind their own business.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 56 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 2-11-05 - Published: 2-11-05

37. Train reviews

One man does not catch the train like everyone else.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 297 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 1-30-05 - Published: 1-30-05

38. Shopping in Basra reviews

While people are having it rough in Iraq, what are we doing at home?

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 59 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 1-21-05 - Published: 1-21-05

39. Dream Sequence » reviews

Dreams make no sense when you're awake, but the ones you remember are worth it.

Mystery - Fiction Rated: K - English - Mystery/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 545 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1-21-05 - Published: 1-21-05

40. ちかん reviews

Written in protest against sexual harassment on Japanese trains. Features Japanese sentences.

Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 134 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 12-13-04 - Published: 12-13-04

41. His Innocence reviews

IMPORTANT: Do not read if you are particularly sensitive.

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 12-13-04 - Published: 12-13-04

42. Monday's Child reviews

Christmas parody of Rachel Sturges' 'Monday's Child'. Influenced by Tim Burton's 'Vincent'.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 305 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 12-12-04 - Published: 12-12-04

43. Envying Cats reviews

The sad truth: talking to a cat about your problems never makes you feel any better.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 12-12-04 - Published: 12-12-04

44. Blue reviews

Sympathetic background to the depressed.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 12-11-04 - Published: 12-11-04

45. MISSING:LOGIC reviews

Why can't people just get along? And if they can't, why can't they give a good reason?

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 45 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 12-1-04 - Published: 12-1-04

46. Scared of Men reviews

This is open to interpretation.

Haiku - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-25-04 - Published: 11-25-04

47. There must have been sand in the alcohol reviews

A sonnet about someone who gets so drunk she imagines herself to be a palm tree friends with God.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 110 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 11-18-04 - Published: 11-18-04

48. I Am A Secret » reviews

Written for those who are too shy to show themselves to the person they love.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 178 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 11-15-04 - Published: 10-19-04

49. The Case of Sir Raphus Cucullatus reviews

It's time the dodo had his nonsensical revenge!

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 11-15-04 - Published: 11-15-04

50. Civil War reviews

Critical satire of... whatever you like. (PG for use of the 'D' word.)

Politics - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 195 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 11-6-04 - Published: 11-6-04

51. A Portrait of You reviews

Sometimes, when you really, really love someone, doing this is going a little too far. (Italian sonnet.)

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 10-29-04 - Published: 10-29-04

52. The Tale of Fingal Gloom » reviews

A story that hasn't been told to a fox before.

Fable - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Tragedy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,619 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-29-04 - Published: 10-29-04

53. I believe Drinking is an old man's sport reviews

A serious/humorous outlook on drinking in pubs. (English sonnet.)

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 99 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 10-29-04 - Published: 10-28-04

54. Musing reviews

I'm certain this train of thought has been caught by more 100% of the thinking population.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 23 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-19-04 - Published: 10-19-04

55. the sea at night reviews

Have you ever seen the sea at night?

Nature - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10-17-04 - Published: 10-17-04

56. You have no right to be happy reviews

You wake up to a bad day, but the rest of the world doesn't seem to know about it.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 117 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 10-17-04 - Published: 10-17-04

57. Commoners reviews

An indignant (and one-sided) response to the division of social classes by wealth, education – and chiefly - accent.

Politics - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 54 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10-15-04 - Published: 10-15-04

58. Christopher Columbus reviews

Being attracted to someone would bring harm rather than gratify...

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 208 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-8-04 - Published: 10-8-04

59. THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE reviews

For those who have tried their best to live on.

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 10-6-04 - Published: 10-6-04

60. The Door reviews

Beware, toilet graffiti. (Double cinquain.)

Humor - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 39 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 9-29-04 - Published: 9-29-04

61. The Ballad of Sam O'Grady reviews

A shady character gone doolally?

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 294 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-21-04 - Published: 9-21-04

62. Jealousy reviews

Bitter version of the romantic sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…’) aimed at every class’ Teacher’s Pet.

School - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 138 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9-20-04 - Published: 9-20-04

63. Ode to the Goodlooking Lad reviews

Being good-looking isn't as easy as some people think.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 156 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 9-20-04 - Published: 9-20-04

64. The Quiet Gentleman reviews

About a troubled young man.

Love - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 479 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9-19-04 - Published: 9-19-04

65. When I stop ranting reviews

A way to kill the conversation.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 89 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9-18-04 - Published: 9-18-04

66. Obvious reviews

A short portfolio of words and phrases that accompany this word.

Humor - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 24 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

67. Victoria reviews

Doesn't anybody else think that porcelain dolls emanate Evil Intent?

General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 73 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

68. The Phoenix reviews

Life is about living with confidence.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 90 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

69. Dear Mother » reviews

Written for Mothering Sunday 2004.

Family - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 3 - Words: 210 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

70. Selfcentred reviews

A satirical prayer in the Confession Box.

Religion - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 36 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

71. 90s Child reviews

Influenced by an article read in the Daily Mail entitled "Adults act like children and children act like adults." Is it a wonder why the kids aren't alright...?

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-16-04 - Published: 9-16-04

72. Smokers reviews

Dedicated to smokers.

School - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 361 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 9-14-04 - Published: 9-14-04

73. They Call The Others 'Heroes' reviews

Just when you think everything's dandy, that little voice starts talking. It tries to make the Way Out sound better than the Way In. It tries to make you give up.

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 173 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8-10-04 - Published: 8-10-04

74. To Andrew Jacob reviews

Good-humoured response to a fellow fictionpress poet's haiku 'I Am Piano'. (Slightly revised.)

Haiku - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 7-31-04 - Published: 7-31-04

75. Tea & Coffee reviews

Written in response to gay marriages. What's the gigantic fuss about? Love is love, isn't it?

General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 113 - Reviews: 22 - Updated: 7-28-04 - Published: 7-28-04

76. Dear Mr Blair reviews

He's a man born to be questioned, yet he's born without the answers.

Politics - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 174 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

77. Comment on Tony Blair reviews

Satirical verse I once wrote on an envelope I sent to a friend. Mr Blair, poor bloke; doesn't know whether he's coming or going...

Politics - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 25 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

78. The Great War reviews

A satirical poem inspired by reading WW1 Literature. The only war that truly exists is the one between us and our minds.

War - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

79. My life fails to rhyme reviews

Don't you get the feeling that, some days, life is just one huge song you don't know how to sing?

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 32 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

80. The Astronaut reviews

I wrote this poem after glimpsing an astronaut on a science textbook. I was trying to argue how the exploration of Space spoils someone's belief in (a) god. You go up there and find that you're in a vacuum - a Nowhere - so how can there be (a) god?

Religion - Fiction Rated: K - English - Spiritual/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

81. Saviour reviews

A short poem on what it is like to be a Saviour nobody appreciates or recognises.

Religion - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 39 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

82. The Parcel reviews

Written with inspiration from the conditions of WW1 and the indignation of British soldiers during the War on Terrorism.

War - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 58 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

83. The Parable of the Sun and the Seed reviews

Sometimes, parents who mean too well do it too well. This is for the daughters (and sons) out there who think so too.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 598 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 7-25-04 - Published: 7-25-04

84. The Wind spoke of Nothing reviews

Social Anxiety (or Social Phobia, as it is also known) is - according to psycholgists and their statistics for the Government and the General Good of the People - supposedly the world's third most common mental illness.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 59 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 7-24-04 - Published: 7-24-04

85. Have you heard what I've said reviews

For those who have had an experience similar to the person in this poem.

Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 122 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 7-24-04 - Published: 7-24-04