I have the soul of an artist but the mind of a cretin. Please read and be nice.
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Or you may not in which case you may or may not have opposing thumbs. Glance down and check.

Things I like are: Pastries, pencils that you can chew even though you shouldn't, dark eye makeup, sucking the salt off peanuts then chewing them, collecting jokes, drawing pictures of pretty girls in profiles and being kissed on the temple.
Things I don't like are: People with very irritating voices, people who don't swear, when the builders are using pneumatic drills and my desk shakes, and when I accidentally scrape my nail against a brick wall.
Things I wish I could like, but don't, are: Drinking milk and receiving oral sex.
Things I have worn in my hair are: Flowers, hairpins, cocktail umbrellas, pencils, school ties and paperclips.

Thanks for all reviews (in advance, and also not).

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Bathing reviews

Into the river, still holding hands, with fingers crossed.

Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 165 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-20-06 - Published: 9-20-06

2. Blinded reviews

I'll never know why I did this to you.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 295 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 4-22-06 - Published: 4-22-06

3. Thoughts From Beyond reviews

Why did she do it? You can't know.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 2-3-06 - Published: 2-3-06

4. Rockpool

Not in the mood for this.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-3-06 - Published: 2-3-06

5. The War Of Wants reviews

Come to my bed and then leave me before I wake, abandoner

Life - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Angst/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 145 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10-27-05 - Published: 10-27-05

6. You, My Dear reviews

This one is sort of personal. Disgust treads along love. Shit happens.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 101 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-10-05 - Published: 7-10-05

7. Succubus reviews

Succubus- sucks out my soul through my mouth in a way that I love.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 43 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 4-4-05 - Published: 4-4-05

8. Waiting reviews

True love waits, I've been told. Where is it waiting?

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 3-19-05 - Published: 3-19-05

9. Early Daffodils reviews

Every time I see a daffodil.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 79 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2-19-05 - Published: 2-19-05

10. Phantom reviews

Pregnancy scare. You know how it is.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 148 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 2-16-05 - Published: 2-16-05

11. Slack Mouth reviews

Rough touch only not so much (and she loves it still)

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 87 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 1-22-05 - Published: 1-22-05

12. Mother reviews

Food is love and love is food and an Italian's daughters are always too thin.

Family - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 109 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 1-12-05 - Published: 1-12-05

13. Opium Eyes Baby reviews

Taste dark, taste sweet, taste dark.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 1-4-05 - Published: 1-4-05

14. Mono reviews

Hot rubber and rum-based cocktails on a mattress in your garage.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 83 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 1-2-05 - Published: 1-2-05

15. The Eye Of The Storm reviews

Be peaceful in each other's arms and hold on tight as Christmas festivities rage all around... we can only hope

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 126 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 12-19-04 - Published: 12-19-04

16. Today I Am God & Physics Doesn't Exist reviews

A bit of nonsense I wrote while procrastinating instead of doing my Physics revision for an exam tomorrow. I hate it, I hate it.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 83 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 12-12-04 - Published: 12-12-04

17. He Came Too Close reviews

About a guy I know. Go on, read it, it'll be something to do while the kettle boils.

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 260 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12-10-04 - Published: 12-10-04

18. Three Hour Fury reviews

You know when you get really stressed and go and do something to help, then you look around and three days have passed and you've walked twelve miles and built six houses out of pure frustration? Well. It's more constructive than just taking drugs :D

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 106 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-28-04 - Published: 11-28-04

19. Whole & Without reviews

Some men don't seem to understand that not all girls need a boyfriend to feel complete... yup. I wrote this instead of going to my morning lessons. Which speaks volumes.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 72 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 11-26-04 - Published: 11-26-04

20. Candyland reviews

A bizarre lot of words heaped together, made bearable by the VAST COLLECTION OF NAKED LESBIAN PICS attached. Reviews welcomed.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 123 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 11-18-04 - Published: 11-18-04

21. Exasperated reviews

When you can't give someone what they think they need... yes it's to do with love. Not on best form though. Reviews welcomed and positively adored.

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 11-15-04 - Published: 11-15-04

22. Contradictions reviews

The dirty linen of teenage minds

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 144 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 11-15-04 - Published: 11-15-04

23. My Dead Eyed Sweetheart reviews

Umm. Teenagers being bored with everything too early. Etc.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 158 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 11-6-04 - Published: 11-6-04

24. While Unconscious reviews

About sleeping, and men.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 125 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 10-30-04 - Published: 10-30-04

25. Martyr reviews

Self pity, an experiment with rhyme. AND NAKED LESBIAN CHICKS. For real.

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - Mystery/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 43 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10-26-04 - Published: 10-26-04

26. The Silent Cane reviews

Guilt, love, death, naked lesbians, a must read. (OK I lied about the lesbians)

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 10-24-04 - Published: 10-24-04

27. One Soulless Bloom reviews

Science has demystified and destroyed beauty and love, among others. I, for one, am not pleased as that's all I ever write about.

Nature - Fiction Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 194 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 10-17-04 - Published: 10-17-04

28. From The Jaws Of Death reviews

Guess what, it's about smoking cannabis. Isn't that a riot?

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 10-16-04 - Published: 10-16-04

29. The Bare Bones Of Love reviews

Take a wild guess at what it's about. I would love you forever and deeply if you read and review this, unless you write cruel or stupid things.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 10-15-04 - Published: 10-15-04

30. On Acceptance reviews

As the Everly Brothers so cleverly pointed out, breaking up is hard to do. But as Ovid cunningly observed, this, too, will pass.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 125 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-25-04 - Published: 9-25-04

31. And I Conclude reviews

More love poetry.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-25-04 - Published: 9-25-04

32. Burning reviews

Told you.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 50 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-23-04 - Published: 9-23-04

33. Selfish Tragedy reviews

I'm going through a rash of terrible writing at the moment. Bear with me.

War - Fiction Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 26 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-23-04 - Published: 9-23-04

34. And Misery Went To My Head reviews

It's 6 am and I haven't slept. This has been in my head for a while.

Life - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-22-04 - Published: 9-22-04

35. Skinless reviews

Terrible. Just airing my dirty linen/feelings really.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 117 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-22-04 - Published: 9-22-04

36. Feverish reviews

As the title suggests I am moderately feverish.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-22-04 - Published: 9-22-04

37. Like Trees reviews

Incoherent and about trees. Sort of. Also when stuff loses its sparkle.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-21-04 - Published: 9-21-04

38. The Escape Route reviews

My sister just moved out to go to uni... err thats it really.

Family - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 83 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-19-04 - Published: 9-19-04

39. Modern Love Poem reviews

Love poetry AGAIN, do I never tire?

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-19-04 - Published: 9-19-04

40. My Predecessor reviews

On meeting your significant other's significant other. Read & identify. Creepy, isn't it?

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 89 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-17-04 - Published: 9-17-04

41. To My Mistress reviews

An outbreak of lesbian lust. Do you need another reason to read it?

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-10-04 - Published: 9-10-04

42. Reflection reviews

Very short. Kind of a first draft.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 30 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-10-04 - Published: 9-10-04

43. Betray Me Gently reviews

Can everyone here say 'teenage angst' and 'shut up about betrayal?

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 71 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 9-2-04 - Published: 9-2-04

44. Jealousy Has A Beautiful Face reviews

Jealous girls may read & review.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 8-18-04 - Published: 8-18-04

45. Love Under Grey Skies reviews

Love poetry. You know you can't help yourself.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 8-18-04 - Published: 8-18-04

46. On Her Wedding Day reviews

A bride's thoughts before marriage. I know it ain't a gem. It's sort of lighthearted.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 223 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 8-13-04 - Published: 8-13-04

47. Apologies To The Nameless reviews

Reasonably old and about the morning after pill.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 158 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 8-12-04 - Published: 8-12-04

48. You, As I Sleep reviews

Terrible and about dreaming repeatedly about your loved/lusted/urgently fancied one. Like it or lump it.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 84 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-11-04 - Published: 8-11-04

49. Toilette reviews

Gee whiz, this poem is old, and I wash my dirty hands of it.

General - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-11-04 - Published: 8-11-04

50. on having a cold personality reviews

This is a pile of pants in my book and they didn't even publish my book so that speaks volumes (they also didn't publish my volumes).

Family - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 147 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 8-11-04 - Published: 8-11-04

51. On Your Poems reviews

Poetry about poetry, surely a huge step forward.

Friendship - Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 110 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8-9-04 - Published: 8-9-04

52. on the dubious subject of my beauty reviews

Not my best. Be gentle.

Love - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 150 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-9-04 - Published: 8-9-04