Give me criticism.

love,

me

Rain:

I like
this one because of certain imagery, and dislike it because it has so
much STUFF in it. goodness gracious, will I ever learn to cut
back? I think not, which is why it would help to review and tell
what is effective and what isn't, or if it's effective at all (clearly
I'm terrible at editing my own work, I never edit.)

Blue Plastic Pool:

Aghhhh effusion galore. I think sometimes my goal in life is to confuse
people. There are some images and some things that work, but I
mention crying so much it gets to have something of an angsty flavor
and I hate angst. It makes me want to go read David Sedaris for
hours to cleanse my mind of the stupid teenaged girls saying "oh poor
me! poor me! pity me! see how I cry my stupid angsty
tears!". On the other hand, I do think it has some tinge of our
relationship...this one's a funny kid, I think I will write more about
her later. This one was also not edited, clearly...I read
through it a couple times and found things that could be fixed, found a
lot of stuff that could be fixed actually, but wasn't sure if I wanted
to or not. I would take out the random line about my sister's friends because it doesn't add much content (I like the thirteen and thirteen bit, though) but it adds lots of annoying crying...but I'm lazy and my head hurts. Pretend it's not there.