When we asked Mr. Drake to provide background about himself, he said, "I like cheese."

"Mr. Drake," we said, "our readers want to know more about you than that."

"Okay, fine," he said. "I live in California but I don't like it. I want to live in Arizona but I'm flat broke and can't afford to move. I live in a matchbox apartment in the downtown area of a big city, shave only once a week, and don't iron my shirts because I have nobody to impress. Are you sure you want to know all this?"

We said, "Yes."

"I write mysteries and thrillers in the hard-boiled style of 1930s pulps. I read Dashiell Hammett and Paul Cain and a bunch of other dead guys. If you like action, suspense, surprises - check me out. Maybe your comments will help make this dreck even better. Okay, it isn't dreck, but I can't take myself too seriously. Can I go back to my cheese now?"

"Thank you, Mr. Drake."

"Whatever."