Updated: March 15, 2008

Questions for the Peoples of FictionPress.Com:

One: Does anyone, at all, have a piece that does not feature romance or angst as the main genre?

Two: Does anyone, at all, write stories that don't feature homosexuality or incest or sex of any kind as the main theme?

Three: Are they well written?

And Four: Why don't they e-mail me?

First off, I live in the Midwestern United States. You may call me Not. I am now a freshman in college. I enjoy music (i.e. contemporary Christian, classical, bluegrass, classic rock, dixiland jazz (but there's been something from each genre that I've liked)), bantering with others, and the ever popular (if slightly mundane) walk on the beach.

As for the reason that you have decided to take the time to visit my profile page, I believe you to be slightly mad. For the record, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Currently, I am also insane and enjoying every minute of it. (Don't let anyone tell you that someone is suffering from insanity. Chances are they enjoy it too).

Most people like to describe me as strange. If they only knew the truth... Anyway. They also happen to think that my hobbies are to abnormal to make me human. If they only knew the truth... (That's a joke).

One last thing - I have this terrible tendency to change my mind at the most inopportune times.

Random:

It's getting pretty warm here in the Midwest. How about at your place, is it this hot?--

..The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
..The trees are whistling for the dogs.
..The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
..Hot water now comes out of both taps.
..You can make sun tea instantly.
..You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
..The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
..You discover it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
..You find you can get sunburned through your car window.
..You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
..You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 am.
..Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
..You realize asphalt has a liquid state
..The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
..Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
..The cows are giving evaporated milk.
..You'd trade your pool of sweat for a bed of nails any night.
..You'd rather starve to death than cook dinner.

General Information:

Full Name: Not A. Chance

Location: Fat Chance, Iowa

Age: 72 going on 5

Weight: 260 lbs.

Height: 5 ft. 11 in.

Eye Color: Green

Gender: Male

Favorite TV show: House, Tom and Jerry, The Price is Right.

Favorite Song: Sometimes by Step, by Rich Mullins (That's my prayer song).

Favorite Book: The 21 Balloons (Yea, balloons... Sorry, spacing out again)!

Favorite Book Series: Left Behind, The Chronicles of Narnia, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Dune (in order of most favorite to least favorite, but still favorite).

Favorite Movie: Batteries Not Included, Flight of the Navigator, The Last Starfighter, GI Joe: The Movie, Titan AE.

Favorite Quotes: "When life gives you lemons, sell 'em on Ebay!" -Whoever said that quote. "You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a peculiar people..." - I Peter 2:9 (I think. Correct me if I'm wrong). "Yadda, yadda, yadda." -Just about everybody.

Hobbies: Reading/Writing, reading, listening to music and singing in the shower (the acoustics are wonderful). Everything else is covered in the top section.

Favorite Genres: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Fantasy, Horror, Humor, Action/Adventure, Short Stories

I am on the favorites list of 7 members.
I am on the author alert list of 4 members.
I have submitted a total of 47 signed reviews.
Total words archived on FictionPress.Com : 106,967words.
Avg. number of words per entry : 2,228.
Longest Work : Human Dragon at 45,610 words.
Shortest Work: Baby Nitro at 29 words.
Numbers of hits to my profile page : 657.

TOTAL WORDS ARCHIVED: 253,035 WORDS

Works in Progress:

50047: Prologue 1 2 3
The Earth is dead and its last survivors are headed toward a new planet inhabited by creatures straight from the fairy tales of the Old World. When a young man catches a message in the dead of night, and strangely enough a Daronite sends his first message, the two destinies meet in a desperate attempt to save the last of humanity and Darona from the evils of prejudice.
Used to be fanfiction, now it's not.

Stardust: 1
Poor Jeremiah, drugged by an intelligent ship twice, and then forced on a mission by giants from inside the sun. Will he recover his sanity in time to save the galaxy? And did I mention his pet dragon?

The Fruit Basket: 1 2
The following is an account of my thoughts on the fruits of the Spirit: patience, love, joy, peace, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and goodness. It will come in nine parts, one for each of the fruits, and their edible counterparts.

Limiriks: Online:
This is dedicated to the many friends I've made over the past few years. God bless. Check back, it's updated infrequently.

Completed Works:

Poetry:

Brownie Buns
After eating one of the brownies that was being served by the Cafeteria, I was inspired to verse.

Baby Nitro
A friend of mine has a neighbor who has a cat named Baby Nitro. Poor kitty.

What If I Were There?
This is dedicated in memory of the families and victims of the V-Tech massacre. What if I were there too? What would I have said with a handgun pointing at my head?

Home At Last
My personal take on one's ascension to Heaven after death. I was inspired while watching the Windows Media Player on my computer. Who doesn't like a bit of poetry? All I have to say about this is that it was late at night and I had some really good music going.

The Anonymous Friend
This is a poem dedicated to an anonymous reviewer who unknowingly lifted my spirits. Since she didn't display her e-mail, I decided to thank her with another poem. Thank you Carrie. I honestly tried everything I could think of to contact this reviewer, but everything failed miserably. This was a last resort and, I think, the best possible way to say thank you to Carrie for her kind words.

Waiting by the Window
Spur of the moment poem, dedicated to my Lord and Savior for coming into my life, which is actually what it's about. That's exactly what this was. A spur of the moment thing with no prior thought. I knew I wanted to write something, so I wrote something and this was the product.

A Treasure in a Jar of Clay
Inspired by a fellow author here on FictionPress. A poem based on the verse in 2 Corinthians about having a treasure in a jar of clay. Review if you want. Thanks to my inspiration for this. Lets see... I believe that this is one of me better pieces of poetry. Mind you, I don't fancy myself as any sort of a decent author, but when I get inspired this is what happens. I do rather enjoy the passage at the end, too.

Thorn
Inspired by a time of tribulation in my life. The trials God himself faces. But if He can love us despite the pain we cause, then I can love Him through that pain.

The Armor's Pulse:
Um, don't worry about the "wake the dead" thing. It comes from the verse in 1 Thesselonians where it says "the dead in Christ shall rise first". It's more based after the Rapture and Tribulation, and based on the Armor of God passage in Ephesians.

Oh, What Could've Been?
A painful look at the past with a hopeful ending.

The Dream
Out of spirit and in sight... Down to Hell. Brought back to Life.
I'd like to say that this was inspired by another one of my science teacher's lectures. His boredom producing talents have led to many of the poems that you see listed here. Thanks, Mr. Wright!

An Ode to the Stars
I'd like to pay homage to the men and women who have lost their lives in the NASA space program. Especially those who died in the two shuttle disasters.
After watching "Contact," I just had to write something about space.

Living Water
The living water that flows from Christ's wounds.

The Chorus:
Dedicated to my high school Choir, who was out caroling today. They inspired me to verse. A short poem about music which can sooth the pains of life.

The New Jerusalem
At the end of Revelations, the bible gives a beautiful description of the New Jerusalem. My interpretation.

The Tale of the Terrible Panda Man:
It's a bit late, but it's for Halloween. A mad man in a panda suit chases after yours truly on Halloween night. A little bit of comedic horror.
This, oddly enough, was inspired by a conglomeration of events including asking one of my friends at school (who is not the brightest bulb in the fixture) what I should do for a plot. He said either him escaping an asylum or a madman in a panda suit. I mixed it up a bit and he rather liked it. I hope you do too.

Epitaphs for the Mundane
We've all had funerals for cats, dogs, hamsters and the like. But what about half-eaten sandwiches or lost weekends? How about a stolen piece of pie? Maybe a goldfish or old Dodge vans? Or just a house? It's all here.

The Bumbling Bumblers who Bumble and Fumble
Ever met someone who tries to help but gets in the way instead? Here's an entire organization of them.

Wondrous World
This is a look into what I long for, my world, my hope.

Essays:

Draconology: Fact or Fiction
Written for English Composition class. Draconology, the study of dragons, is a slight hobby of mine, so I write.

The Origins of the Universe: Big Bang Overthrowed
Science most often points to the simplest and most elegant solution. So what is the solution to the problem of finding out where life came from? Yes, overthrowed. I know what I said.

Liberal High School 1 2 3
A political satire based on the tendencies of my high school, so liberal that I just had to make fun of it. Included is a letter to parents, a address to the staff on how to limit and dodge questions, and a course list that is more complete than part one. Dedicated to my old history teacher, American literature teacher, and economics teacher for their unwavering support of liberalism.

The Persecution of the Church: The Real Holy War
Who started the Holy Wars that torment our country. The Faction (the FAKE church). This is what I think about the persecution of the Church in America. This is probably the most controversial piece I've written so far. While there are only a few reviews compared to what other authors receive, they're extremely varied in opinion, ranging from total agreement to downright flaming.

My Extraordinary Life
Homework assignment. It's a kind of hybrid short story/essay told from my perspective fifty-five years in the future and looking back on my life. There is no character development because this was supposed to be a quick look back. When I wrote this, it was one of the few works that was actually plausible. The other was about an opium-smoking old man living in Ireland.

Who is God? And what would we be without Him?
Who is God? I take a look at Biblical doctrine and the character of God himself. And then, what would we be with out Him? A void? an expanse? emptiness? Not even that. The absence of human understanding. Someone said that I only answer the questions for myself. On the contrary. The doctrine of the Trinity is clear and outlined and proven. The character of God is backed up by Biblical references and obvious examples in nature. The only reason one could say that is for the ending. Try to comprehend what I'm trying to get across to you.

Message of Love:
A letter written to the Church about a simple lesson we must all learn. Specifically, the Church in the United States of America.
Yet again, written during my science class. Gotta hand it to that teacher.

Novels:

Human Dragon: 1 2 3 4 5 6 Epilogue
Fifteen years ago, one couple faced the worst problem that any parent could face: Their only child was dying. To save him they sent him to another world, Earth, to be raised by a human couple who only dreamed of children. This is the story of Coren's life.
Now, since Scarlet Dragoness enjoyed this so much, I've decided that it should be dedicated to her.

Short Stories:

My Own Insanity: Four Steps to Falling in the Pit
This is the chronicling of the events and thoughts I went through and had while on the road to writing this story. This is true in every detail, except for being up at three in the morning I finished this at the school library at ten o'clock, just now.

Yellow
Two random people are playing a car game. One that has grown quite out of control in my family. I actually adapted this from a piece of fanfiction I wrote, but you may not be able to tell at first glance. And I'm serious when I say that it has grown out of hand.

James and the Wishing Dragon
This is the story of James Canton, who is fourteen years old and whose parents died when he was just a young child. He is about to go on an adventure of a somewhat whimsical nature with a creature that he just met. Ok, so this idea has been floating around in my head for the better part of a year. I thought it high time that I do something about that, and voir la a short story.

Santa Claws
Saint Nicholas is out for the holidays with the flu. Knowing he won’t be able to make it, he calls all his substitutes from other dimensions. But when they can’t make it, he’ll have to rely on a scroogey holiday recluse for help: Corbette the Destroyer.
Merry Christ-mas to all the people on FictionPress! This took me about three hours to write, I was up 'til one in the morning doing it. And it's dedicated to this entire community of authors, poets, readers, and the weirdos who don't leave reviews. Once again, Merry Christ-mas!

Short Story Blues
I wrote this for my Creative Writing class at school. This really was the prompt we were given by the way. So Step right over here, folks. You'll be amazed.

Extra! Extra! Friend Forgets Final Report!
Just what it says. Kinda stupid school house drama. Two kids get into a fight about who was suppose to do what for a report.

Check the Pile Over There
Dedicated to the school Librarian, who spent hours doing just this job. Sometimes, this must be how she feels.

The Solar Plane
Captain Little of the Epoch is in line for captaincy of the first interstellar craft. Unfortunately, so is his rival. They announce the Captain at dinner on board the Epoch, the fleet flagship. Surely the council would not embarrass Glen Little on his own ship.

Nightmare Express
The last of humanity huddles together in the last refuge on the planet. Yet they are doomed just as well as the rest of the species was.

A Reincarnate's Memories
For anyone to have memories of a previous life, one different from the present, is an extraordinary thing. But for a Reincarnate to share those visions of the past is a gift beyond price. To Live, to Remember, to Tell: A Reincarnate will follow that cycle.

The Metamorphosis: A Dragon's Chronicle
The last two months of this young man's life have changed him irrevocably. I received his emails and updates, and finally this document chronicling his last days. He asked that this be uploaded somewhere where everyone can see it. Fictional
After reading Kafka's "The Metamorphosis," I was inspired to write my own sort of fiction along the same lines. Although my story is told through a fictional journal, I'm sure everyone can relate to becoming a social outcast at some point in their life, which is the theme behind the story.

The Dragon Born Rite
I went into my shell, I'm not sure how long ago. Now I sit and wait, wondering when it will be over, meditating on the things of life. Short fiction.

Martyred
A short story based around the time of early Christian church. For Mr. Jones, the Bible gestapo.

Planned Works:

Neptune Rising
Not really quite all there, yet, but coming along at a slow, slow pace. A research submarine encounters an ancient life from on the bottom of the ocean. When the crew gets sick, the mission is cut off abruptly, however. Yet that is not the end of the problems facing the crew of the Neptune Rising.
Slow, slow going. I watched the Abyss and after a while, it sort of inspired me. The page count is currently two.

King Canton and the Dragon's Journey
It has been ten years since James Canton met his dragon for the first time. In that ten years, Ice and his brethren have made him a part of their pack, a new brother. But now they all face death square in the eye as Ice makes his final journey.
This is sort of coming along. At the moment, it's already as long as the first story featuring James and Ice.

House on the Corner
Wallace, a cowardly high school student, finds himself thrown into a world as a new creature. After finding others in similar situations, he learns that this new world has one danger in particular that no one has ever faced down and lived: The Hunter.
One of the main projects on my table at the moment. It is on hold for the moment due to a lack of creativity.

MAJOR, STUPENDOUSLY HUGE BREAKING NEWS @ 9:00!
Trinity Dragon has completed something, anything! We are receiving unconfirmed reports that Trinity Dragon (who you may remember acted under the alies Lord Pyro in the disappearance of The Man Between the Worlds) has completed his first work, Human Dragon, is waiting for reviewers to actually review it. No one knows why he does this, having been on the bottom of the priority list for most other authors. More on this on the Eleven O'clock news... Back to you Jim!

EVEN BIGGER BREAKING NEWS! The Man Between the Worlds is still missing! Reports confirmed this weekend, that author Lord Pyro is responsible for the disappearance of the story. However, due to increasing guilt, Lord Pyro will return 50047 to its rightful place on FictionPress.Com. He says he has made a few changes, but that nothing major will be affected.

BREAKING NEWS! The Man Between the Worlds is GONE! And so is 50047! They've mysteriously vanished! Police suspect foul play on the part of Lord Pyro, but no charges have been brought against him. An investigation is pending.

But that's all for now, later days,

Trinity Dragon