What? Why the hell do you want to know more about me? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? STOP WASING YOUR TIME!!! GET YOUR ASS TO MARS!
Well, if you REALLY want to know more about me, I'm afraid that I can't tell you much. After all, if my alter-ego were found out, the world would errupt into flames. No. Really. It would. It happened before. With my magical powers I erased it from all of your minds. It was very painful, believe me.
ANYWAY, I can give you a few of my strange ticks and stuff. I have never ONCE bitten my nails, EVER, I don't like swearing even though I'm seventeen and therefore expected to curse like a sailor (what does that mean exactly? Do sailors find that offensive?), I enjoy roleplaying more than anything else, and I make violent hand gestures when speaking to an audience.
Enough? NO, OF COURSE NOT, YOU GREEDY GREEDY NOSY LITTLE PIG-SLIME THING BEAST! Well, here's a bit more about my writing: It'sheavily influenced by Dean Koontz and Terry Pratchett, two of a dying breed of good authors. I also write most of my short stories in under ten minutes. The only short stories I have up right now are:
The Irony! Humor in Lycanthropy: A humorous short story about a werewolf (jest cuz dere zo kool) and the follies of modern medicine! A sure laugh, or at least a guaranteed chuckle.
Charlie the ChestbursterCircle of Life: Wow! I'm just the master of wierd titles! Or at least a duke. Or a baron. Yeah, baron sounds pretty good. Anyway, this was my first entry, I believe. Its just about anonymous xenomorphs. No connection to Aliens at all, whatsoever. Nope. No similiarities.
JIMMY'S BIG ADVENTURE!: A true gem in the world of demented humor. I was in tears as I wrote it. Not because I'm emo, but because I was laughing so hard, ya moron *whacks with pipe wrench*! It is truly hillarious. Not for the faint of heart.
But please, I just have to ask you one thing: Please do not judge me by my shorter works. These are all done in under ten minutes, some in under five. Judge me not by these, nor by my single poem (Which is still pretty good, or so they say). Judge me by my longer works, such as the following:
Snakeshot: A western. I did it to liven the pathetic western section up! One of the few western stories not about some cowgirl or woman that goes on a shooting rampage. It's an action-packed supernatural adventure about a general store owner who specializes in the candy industry, a marksman midget and his pet crow who may or may not be able to speak, and a series of eerie coincidences that brings them towards the brink of death and back again. Still in the first few chapters, so leave me be!
Haunt: A more cognitive story about a doctor who has to face a recent outbreak of child paralysis, or, more specifically, an outbreak of a mental condition known as a persistent vegitative state. He has to hunt down the cause of this problem, with only a .38 snubnosed and a 1979 Cadillac Fleetwood. Slow to update.
Escape Velocity: Based on the popular, awesome game EV nova (but not based on it so much as to be considered a fan-fic), this was the first of the longer works, and I am still working on it. A fun read, with a very Pratchett-esque style. You don't have to have played the game in order to understand, by the way.
Well, those are my works. I leave you with a final note: Don't you hate it when people don't read your longer works? So don't treat others the same way.
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