A bit about me

I'd prefer to remain anonymous. However, I will quote Wilde:

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself."

If some information is needed, I'm a male teenager studying Maths at Cambridge.

I chose my nickname because I wanted something short, catchy and mysterious.

General notes on my stories

Thanks to anyone who's written a review of any of my stories. Criticism is welcome, though it should preferably be constructive.

As far as I know, what I've written is original. When I have consciously used someone else's joke or idea, I've credited it. I've taken a few famous quotes and used them as is or with slight modifications -- Austen, Marlowe, probably Shakespeare, etc. -- but these are so well known that it's common practice among writers. If you see anything in my work that seems unoriginal, please point it out to me. I may have subconsiously taken a joke or be unaware that someone has already come up with the same idea.

I've been heavily influenced by such writers as Pratchett and Carroll, along with works from other media such as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Police Squad! (In Color), Airplane! and Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel.

What I've written

From the prose categories, A Fantasy Novel, The Zombie Wedding and The Tragicall Historie of Steve are my respective favourites. Within categories, stories are ordered from oldest to newest, apart from poetry where the reverse is true.

Long pun-based comedies

Enter at your own risk.

A Fantasy Novel is a vaguely coherent parody of a fantasy novel. Mainly though, it's just a collection of bad jokes. When I wrote the first chapter I didn't think it likely that I'd continue with it, but reviews have been surprisingly positive, so I've kept going, albeit at an irregular rate. I think that the later chapters (along with the fifth one) are generally the best.

Hacbeth is similar, though it is slightly more coherent than the early chapters of AFN, and is very roughly based around two of Shakespeare's plays.

Short pun-based comedies

These stories are around 100 words long. Even though the second contains a few jokes, they both have a primary pun that they are focused around.

A Final Resting Place is an account of a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

The Zombie Wedding is on a subject that you might be able to guess from the name. It contains one of the most mortifyingly (sorry) bad puns in all these stories.

The Profile Picture is incredibly short -- for H2G2 listeners/readers or those with a genetic abnormality giving them three extra digits, the story itself has 6x9 words -- and you can probably guess the subject of the joke from the title. Judging from the reviews, people are having trouble getting this, but imo the joke is more obvious than in AFRP.

Other comedies

I get quickly bored without puns, so these are very short -- hovering around 100 words. Perhaps there was a good reason for my nickname after all.

The Sandcastle was my first story on this site and is a "sinister story of sea, sand and sun".

In The Beginning documents the creation of the universe.

The Tragicall Historie of Steve is a slightly longer story based on an overused theme.

Poetry

Unfortunately, I can't write poetry. It hasn't stopped me trying though.

You Thought They Couldn't Rhyme It is a collection of limericks based around words like "depth" and "canine".

My New Laptop is a typical tale of computing, which probably gives too much away already.

Kenny Investigates is a poem about how not to handle a police investigation. It's also an excellent demonstration of how not to write a poem. Warning: Contains puns.

There Was A Crooked Man (updated version) is an adaptation of a nursery rhyme. I think the original is pretty well known, but if you haven't read it, this will probably just seem stupid. It's an old poem that I wrote once in an English class. It made a few people laugh then, so I've decided to try putting it up.