The Profile Of Stewart MacDonald
New frocking story!! My first one-shot, and in my opinion the best damn thing I've ever written. Chech it out under my stories. It's called glass box, and you can just guess what it's about. Do I hear mimes? Fucking A.
(?) Beautiful Randomness
Random, random... Fuck, I don't know. I need some fucking whisky, if that's of any interest. I just need to get drunk, puke and laugh my balls off. Don't you? I've been keeping up with this Canadian Election thing, and how they're all bitching about not getting any of the new 18 year old voters. Heres an idea, one of the parties should propose lowering the drinking age to 18! Hell, I'd vote for the fucking Nazi party if they put that one on the table.
Quote Of The Week
"You know what they say. What doesn't kill you makes you... Stranger."
Personal Information
Age: Seventeen now. Two more years till I can legally get shitfaced. Thats nothing big though, I do it anyways.
Writing Style:I write a lot of occult stuff, because I know I love reading it, and I want my stuff to have that same effect on people. I want them to read it and say, "Holy shit, I'm glad this stuff isn't real." And then to ask themselves if they're 100 percent sure it isn't real, and come up with only 95. I happen to like the odds in that last 5. I like 'em a lot.
Gender: Male, as you can hopefully piece together by my name.
Musical Interest: Don't know why you'd care, but heres a list: Opeth, Smashing Pumpkins, Avenged Sevenfold, Alexisonfire, Linkin Park, Atreyu, My Chemical Romance, Billy Talent, Dashboard Confessionals, KoRn, Papa Roach, Slayer, Our Lady Peace, Behemoth, Sum 41, Disturbed, Blink 182 (Rest in peace! And Tom DeLonge can die), Green Day, Pantera, some Breaking Point, some Simple Plan, a few 30 Seconds To Mars, Metallica, AC/DC, Nirvana, and Three Days Grace.
Favorite Books: Not many anymore, Stephen King, mostly. Ironically, I like his collections a hell of a lot more than his actual novels. The short stories are always more creepy than the long ones where however terrifying the evil is, it's usually defeated. I love the neat, subtle little stories where there is no protagonistic victory. Where the end leaves you wide-eyed and exalted at the same time. My favourite short story is "The Mangler" A creepy tale of a laundry folding machine which becomes accidentally possesed by a demon, and begins to suck people into it's depths, and reduce them to a steaming pile if red fluid. It can be found in the book "Night Shift."
Media Interest: For shows I like Chuck, Family Guy, The Simpsons, South Park, Life, Prison Break, and Moonlight. For games, the list gets broader. The Legend of Zelda, Shadowman, Final Fantasy's 7 to 10, Super Smash Bros, Resident Evil, Hexen, and Turok, you know, games where you kill shit. I like a few movies, my all time favorites being Euro Trip and those new Batman ones. Also Accepted, American Pie Series, Strange Wilderness.
Religion: Basically Atheist. I have a couple theories, but they're all off-the-wall.
Personality: Pretty carefree. I write depressing songs, but in doing that it allows me not to be depressed in real-life. Weird, I know, but I'm not complaining.
Stories
Glass Box : Rain Simmons lived a normal, lower class life. He scraped by on his Auto Apprenticeship, supporting him and his girlfriend Selena as best he could. What more could he want? Getting groceries in Chatham proves to be the gravest mistake of his life as a comment to a passing mime becomes personal. The mime shows up in his hometown of Darkhurst, seeming to mock his every move. The rage inside him builds as well as the questions. How did the mime beat him home without any means of transportation? How did it even know where he lived? Why do wounds it sustain heal in just a few hours? These questions will be answered in the terrifying and still somehow hilarious one-shot, Glass Box
Scum Of The Earth : The story of what happens when hatred and bullying finally reach the boiling point. Four teens, Mick Russian, Darius 'Ace' Walker, Alex Hernandez and Brody Stevens are exactly what the title implies. Outcasts to the entire town of Darkhurst, all they have is each other. They have been consumed by hatred of the 'cool kids' who have constantly made their lives hell since first grade, and have nothing to live for. When a confrontation between Darius and one of the most popular guys in school, Marty Blanko becomes lethally violent, these boys are going to learn the true meaning of hopelessness. Now, with an entire community against them, is there any hope four four boys who only made the mistake of standing up for themselves? There never is for the scum of the earth. Told from the point of view of quiet Mick Russian, the story of four young delinquets is hilarious, dark, and depressing all at once. Rated T for language, drug use and violence.
TaintedDarkhurst is like a big graveyard, and it's just starting to fill up with corpses The story of the miserable town of Darkhurst. A shitty town in a shitty county in the midst of shitty Ontario, or so thinks one of it's citizens, Brian Darkhurst. At first, the only thing wrong with Darkhurst is it's only serial killer in history, the Crucifix, named for his brutal post-death mutilation. But things escalate to so much more when Brian discovers an age old power, hidden in Darkhurst's ancient past. With it he must combat the darkness of the modern day, (something much more unsettling than any book) And an ancient darkness who is just itching to walk the earth again... Mature, for language, extreme violence, frightening scenes, drug reference, and maybe some suggestive themes later. On a mild hiatus.
Pages Of Nightmare: "Sometimes the keys to pure power must be cast into the forge, and melted away, for who would really know how to use them?" Book one in a series of books I have been dreaming of writing for a long time. A single, black grimoire, inscribed with thousands of secrets; Of which are the very methods of life and death. This book has been discovered in the ruins of the demon city Isdriash, and upon it's unveiling, the entire continent of Terras is cast into chaos and bloodshed beyond belief.
A one-eyed leader, desiring it's power to cast off the hideous stereotypes that surround his race; Two dragonman brothers, different but alike, who will blindly try and stay on the path they believe to be right; A lowly, spirited goblin footsoldier, absently existing upon the hope that he can make a difference; A hulking king of the sand, whose terrible form hides a passion to end the chaos; A frozen juggernaut, whose only rational thought is to avenge a long dead race; And a mysterious figure, whose intent is unclear. As several protagonists struggle to discover what is right, and what is wrong, a hidden antagonist strives for a final objective, and his goal will rock the entire planet.
Tiles: "Thank you for the home. Something I expected to be mildly creepy which evolved in my brain into a gripping tale of unbridled fear, gore and hatred. Mysterious occurences in a small country home are pegged off as a disturbing haunting. Disturbing, perhaps. Haunting? Not quite. Hauntings don't devour you. A darkened, invincible force without a name is moving into Daniel Crowell's new home, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to stop it. T, because I don't get too indepth with gore, and there's only mild swearing.
Revolver : Zeck, an uneducated farmer who lives in northwestern Terras, had all he could ask for. A small farm in the hills of Aeth, and his loving and headstrong wife Taisha. For the first time in his life, Zeck is happy. Until it comes. With wings of fire and breath of hell, the dragon. In an instant everything changed. His wife is dead, his farm is burned to the ground. All he has left is a single gun, new inventions in Terras that Zeck neither knows nor trusts. But he must trust it, for his life is not over yet. Not until he puts a bullet in the polluted brain of the wyrm who took away his everything, if it's the last thing he does.
Fluffers And The Continuous Clutch Of The Claw : Enter Fluffers, cat, kid and genius. Also enter Tom, his self-proclaimed hipster brother; Ripster, the heavy metal komodo dragon; Hoggy Doggy, the morbidly obiece consumer of anything edible; and Ralph, the talking bottle of mustard who lives up to his color. Join them as they battle against the questionable mischief of King Crock and his most evil henchman yet... Well, it's technically his first henchman, as I just started writing this, but whatever. My first attempt at original comedy. Don't judge me too harshly.
Songs
I'm sorting them into the albums I have so far, so if some you know aren't there, it's because I can't find a place for them. There will also be songs you've never seen before, which are future songs.
Album 1 : Last Rights of a Melting Snowman
1. Intro-The Snowman's Lament
2. Empathetic
3. Liquid Shadows
4. (I) Tried
5. Exist To Resist
6. Calamity
7. Overcome
8. Empty August
9. Blood That Burns
10. Fragments
11. Obsidian
12. Thunder To Herald The Last Kiss
13. And Back To The Storm
Album 2 : Into The Sepulcher, Into Yourself...
1. Intro-Amen To that
2. Burn in Heaven
3. Forever Never Enough
4. Our Eulogy
5. Shotgun Therapy
6. Our Lady Of Perpetual Solitude
7. My Savior
8. Handprints
9. Making The Silent Scream
10. DethWind
11. Your Gaze
12. The Steel Sepulcher
Album 3 : Ode To Nothing
1. Concerto to Inferno
2. Ode To Nothing
3. Death Of The Backdrop
4. Volcanic
5. Insomnia
6. The Quiet One
7. A Chance Not Taken
8. Simply Sorry
9. Damn The Meek
10. Chainsaw Mentality
11. Smile Me Away
12. The Spider and Sleep
13. Contribution to the Vomit
14. Acid Cat
15. My Shadows
Upcoming Stories
Future Songs: These can literally come out of nowhere. I can be sitting doing absolutely anything, or nothing, and they'll just blam! Appear. Magically in my head. Be on the lookout for frequent updates.
Legion of Nova - Yes, that's right. Science fiction. I'm going there. Dinosians Beck Agemnon and his twin brother Sihv have been dreaming of joining the Legion of Nova since the day their father was murdered in the Martian uprising. The Legion is dedicated to defending the universe from threats from beyond the sun. The brothers lives are thrown in turmoil as a second uprising breaks out. With the help of a nearly useless droid, can these two brothers follow in the giant footsteps of their father?
The Ace Of Shotguns- Set in the world of Terras as it reaches the end of it's Industrial Revolution, a familiar face takes the stage as a lone rebel with literally no cause. Ace Walker, a troubled young man who has strange flashbacks of a past life, is appalled by the materialism of the world he once loved, and turns to his only friend, his shotgun. He begins his quest with no goal, only death, but he is wrenched into a grim tapestry. He discovers the reality of multiple worlds, parallel dimensions, and the power of one black Dragon, whose goal is not so different than his own.
Isdrian Book Installments, 2 and 3: I'm not telling you jack-shit, so don't ask.
Black Blood: Ferris Darkhurst lives on the planet Geos. It's like our earth in almost every respect, save for the fact that it's in an alternate dimension. He's a normal kid, he likes to have fun, he likes to hang out. But he's got a secret he and his adoptive father Brian have been trying to hide all their lives. Ferris is part demon. Mostly demon, actually. He clings to humanity by a thread, and is occasionally prone to bursts of uncontrollable power. But this isn't the only problem. A virus is sweeping Geos, turning everybody it infects into vegetables... At first. With their minds gone, the people rise up, only to be with yellow eyes and the same sadistic sense of humor. Ferris the only one immune in a legion of darkness, must use his abilities and gather a small group of those he trusts, and find the source of this horror. But the answer will uncover a secret so dark, it may just destroy him.
Piss-Off's
As it states, things in general that piss me off. Take note, that there is nothing I hate, as this is such a childish and vague word that sounds juvenile when applied to things that are normally on a 'hate list'. This section will be offensive and filled with explosive swearing, as these things tend to brush my more, volcanically angry side. And hey! Which one of us doesn't have one? Those who claim not to, to sound as if they are superior and wise are ten times as weak as those who have no control of their emotions. And now, without further ado...
Slow Drivers: Fuck, if theres one thing that irritates me more, it'll be on this list. But for now... Those bastards. It says 70, not -89. It's always the fucking old people. Ever notice that? Theres no gray matter with them. They go infuriatingly fucking slow or insanely fucking fast. Never any actually close to the speed limit.
Most Anime: Okay. You've heard that I hate Inuyasha, and I feel I'm not being very specific why. Even a couple of my close friends think Dog-demons and cat-demons are uber-cool. I may bitchslap them with the case for Shadowman 2, tie them up, and force them to play through that sadistic mother fucker of a game, until they can't take it anymore and have nightmares for weeks. I may even slap them upside the head with a fucking Bible (Not that I'm particularly religious, but at least the Bible makes a solid point; Demons aren't cute and fuzzy, their big, mean and want to eat your soul, not snuggle you and purr.)
To be blatantly honest, the reason I despise most animes is because they take subjects that are pretty cool, (Demons, Ninjas... Other random things...) And fucking butcher them. Demons are known for being hellish, horned and evil. Not fluffy, cute and badly bred. I'll admit, a couple times I've watched the show there has been a legitimate demon on there, and that particular fellow didn't have any fluffy ears. Of course, the demon get's killed by this pussy little white haired moron with fluffy little ears, wielding nothing but a sword. Not to mention the demon was forty times the size of him. Of course, Inuyasha's gotta be an uber leet super warrior because he's half demon. See, this automatically makes him better, though the fusion of the two races would only make him incredibly weak. Not to mention that demons cross-breeding is about the most ridiculous idea since Alexander Mackenzie said Hitler had smiling eyes. Do you people fail to notice how whenever a demon is involved in something not stupid and anime, they're usually trying to destroy the world, and all it's occupants? And not make fucking more? But, that's a different piss off. Fuck people. Get some better taste in television.
Moving on, Ninjas- Beings trained in the art of stealth and combat. Notice the italics on stealth. They always wore dark colors, to hide themselves and were assassins 80 of the time. Then we have Naruto, who takes these three feet tall motherfuckers clad in flourescent orange claiming to be ninjas. The only place he can hide is at a pylon expo. They do stupid shit like attack people with women and have a uber leet barriers made of magically indestructable sand that probably causes most scientific experts to commit suicide. Yeah yeah, it's anime, it's not supposed to be realistic. That's not what pisses me off. Some things that defy the laws of physics give some sort of half-assed logic, and I can dig that. As long as you give a description that makes some form of sense. (Like being a corpse that doesn't feel pain because it's possessed.) Not an inpenetrable wall of sand that's magically indesctructible because some bitch named Garbage or Gaahgra says so. Let's not even get into what these shows are doing to kids originality. When I was a kid I would play with my sets of knights and go on adventures with storylines that lasted literally weeks. Hell, every one of my toys had their own personalities. I walked up to the variety to see two little kids and their Mom outside. The kids were throwing sand at each other and yelling, "Gaara sand coffin!" Yup. Things have changed. I'll cover other related things under another piss-off section.
One-Liner Reviews: This isn't so big, but still bad enough to annoy me. The whole point of reviews is telling the author what you thought, or possibly what you liked about the story. And what could be improved. Don't get me wrong reviews are great. But not. "0 g4Wdz, funneh! Rite more plez." That doesnt tell me anything about your reaction to the story other than, "I can't spell! Ha ha! By the way! I'm laughing cuz your story was funneh! Ha ha!" This mostly happens on fanfiction. I like the reviews that go on to tell you what they liked about the story, and their thoughts on the current update and chapter. These are good. Surprisingly, I even like being criticized within reason. So come on people. Get real.
Forwarded E-mails: There is no end to them, you've probably seen them all. There's only actually about 6 of them, but we've all obtained about a million of them in our inbox each year. I'd like to remove the intestines of whoever starts this shit and strangle the life out of them with their own bowels. (Ooops! Shadorsis moment!) I get all hopeful when I open my inbox, expecting more reviews, to get this shit. And now they're getting sneaky about them too. Like, instead of forwarding them, they copy and paste them, Then send them off with a subject of, "Hey" or "No subject". Ohhh... You got me there guys. You made me accidentally open an e-mail containing some queer love story that will kill me if I don't send it to eighty thousand other people in ten milliseconds. Good one. Now how would you like it if I walk over to your house at night and beat the hell out of you with a bit of wood?? See thats how irritating these things are. If everyone just stopped fucking reading them, they'd just, poof, stop! But no... You want your lover to call you at midnight or prevent a rabid beaver from emerging from your underwear drawer by sending it to thousands of other people that don't give a fuck. Or, even better! A creepy little dead girl who will eat your testicles (Or ovaries) if you don't forward the story of her tragic, (Not to mention entirely false) death to nine hundred people! Accompanied, of course, by a gruesome picture of a decomposing corpse. Jesus Jumped Up Christ. Cut it out, now.
Horse Movies: One of the worse cliche's of modern film-making. If I see another movie about a girl who wants to ride a disobedient or wild horse, I'll dropkick the fuck out of whoever keeps these repeatitive movies coming. Books too, not just movies. Theres no end to them. And they all have these retarded names too. And just when I thought they couldnt get any lamer and more stupid... Theres another one entitled "Flicka" Sounds like some fucking japanese dish. I'd like to know what Japanese is for; "Stop making fucking horse movies, dick-nose." Honest to god.
Racism, Sexism, and Homophobia: Okay, this is a big one, if not as long. People who go around making fun of people who are black, Chinese, Canadian, whatever. Get the fuck over yourself. Half the people who do this are 4 feet tall snivelling rat-face fuckers who need a good tossing anyways. If your ever subject to that shit; lay a good beating on whoevers doing it. I know I do, even if it's not towards me. Sexism is bad too, like saying "You hit like a girl!" People who say this have obviously never been hit by a girl. It's pretty much a compliment. Homophobia, is just stupid. People with differing sexual preference than you, doesn't make them any less human. You can sit down and have a perfectly civil conversation with them, the only people I discriminate against are the people who discriminate against others, by doing this, you make yourselves all the same. Stupid, annoying, and on the road to getting kicked in the face.
Preview Commercials: Whether it be for movies, new episodes of shows, or games, 90 percent of these commercials suck. For fucking one; They completely distort the image of show/game/movie itself! They make great pieces look hideously repulsive, or stupid movies/games/shows look good. For Christ's sake. Two, they almost always give away three quarters of the damn thing! Already it's showing a scene where the main character dies or something, or someone doing something really sweet. Thats cool and all, but the surprise effect would be a lot cooler. I mean, seeing Tony Jaa kick the shit out of an adrenaline pumped freak and not knowing it was coming would have been amazing! (Ong Bak: Tony Jaa) But the damned commercials had already showed the scene and killed some of the excitement for me. So yeah. I hate these for a damn good reason.
People Who Judge Others By Musical Interest: This may not be the longest segment, but it pisses me off the most. How many times do I have to tell people that music is fucking opinion. No band sucks, no band is awesome. There are songs and bands that will appeal to you, and there are those that won't. Different life experience will lead to different musical tastes, and no one has any right to label people based on what they listen to. Usually the labels slapped on people for their musical interest are entirely untrue. I listen to My Chemical Romance, and I'm pretty far from being emo. I listen to Marilyn Manson, and I'm not a goth. Truth is, I listen to a variety of stuff, so it is difficult to slap a nasty little label on me. Anyways, the point is, what someone listens to doesn't mean fuck all! Just because someone listens to a band you don't like, see past that, you fucking morons. Chances are someone in the world thinks the music you listen to is shit as well, so close your self indulgent fucking mouth. I'd say more, but I'm getting angry thinking about it.
MIMES!! : Don't even get me started on these guys. I don't like clowns either, but at least you can hear a clown coming a mile away, and you know they're evil. A mime is just so fucking enigmatic that it frightens me. What really goes on behind that white grease-paint and those cold, glassy eyes? I wouldn't trust a mime if the alternative was death. Not in this lifetime.
Ze End
Jesus, do I have a long enough profile? Seriously. I checked out some of my friends profiles and I was a little scared. I would cut back, but reading this makes me laugh at myself, and thats fun. Well, if you're a masochist and got this far, kudos. You get the honor of reading these words as that I wrote. Amazing, ain't it. Thanks for all your patience, coolness and support through my insanely retarded career here.
-Stewart MacDonald
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