So...I'm bored. So...er...I'm gonna work on my profile

Quick fun facts about yours truly:

Name: Niko!

Age: 15

Hair: Black (Get this-I actually didn't dye it! It used to be a light brown, but thanks to the magic of teenager-hood, it has darkened into a lovely shade of black.)

Eyes: Brown

Height: 5'7"!! I got TALLER!!

Likes: JESUS, Writing, drawing, History, Science, playing violent video games, animals, messin' with Casey. And Mini. Oh, and I like Paine. And Raquel. ;)

Dislikes: Geography, that freaky old guy on my educational science video, MATH, people with overly large egos (I happen to have a huge ego myself, but at least I control it!...I think.), and CLOWNS. I HATE CLOWNS!! (Can't stress that one enough, people. Clowns are the ultimate evil. Really. I can hear you laughing at me and my everlasting parinoia, but it's the truth. And when we're all enslaved by "Slappy the Clown" you'll remember my words.)

Um... what are some more fun facts the populace should know? Oh, yeah, here's one:

Apparently, I have a very high IQ. Mother's IQ was 156 when she was my age, and I think mine is in the 160's, or somewhere along those lines? So..I think that means I'm like a genius, or something. Huh. I hate that word. You cannot define genius. My IQ level just means that I think differently from the other people around me, that's all. No big deal.

I AM A JESUS FREAK. Didn't catch me? I'll say it again. I AM A JESUS FREAK!! Blissfully saved and darn proud of it. The Rock is my strength, nothing else will do.

If any of you guys haven't figured it out yet, I am indeed working with a co-author. His name is...Spoon. For the past three years we've been working on this thing, this idiot child of mine called "Gifts". And yes, Alistair is his hero (patience, dear reader, all will be explained in later chapters...)

Why Niko? Why? You want to know why I've decided to call myself Niko? Well, Niko is actually a pet name for a character in my book (It's a short for Nichole...you avid readers need no more hints) given to her by Spoon's hero, Alistair. I just happened to take a liking to it.

M'kay, I think that's all you need to know about me. So, to pass the time, I guess I'll tell you readers about my wonderful stories!

Gifts

Status: In the shop! Heh, not much more to say about that one. Umm...yeah. As far as I can tell, my coauthor and I are cranking out the ideas, sometimes when we're completely hopped out on caffiene and sugar, so who knows where that 's going to take us?

I'm also thinking of several sequels to this work, so prepare yourselves for a LONG series. Feel free to give up on it at any time. I won't take offense. I swear.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile ;p

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The irony...)

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anythiny else for each other, c&p this in your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you have answered a question by saying "Penguins" when penguins had NOTHING to do with what you were talking about, copy this into you're profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table/wall for no reason put this on your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.

If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever mistaken a snake for a stick, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would have soda coming out your nose.

95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the five percent who are not, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you would rather die than see Hilary Clinton back in the White house, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tried to do something cool and ended up looking like an idiot, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people look at you funny, and think you are insane, copy and paste this to your profile.

If people do not even doubt that you are different, copy and pate this into your profile.

If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world. If you are 100 percent proud to of it. copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have sibling(s) that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the sky is blue, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, c&p this into ur profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you have ever played a game of tic-tac-toe with yourself and lost, copy and paste this!

Do I have any favorite quotes? Why, yes, I do!

"Beware the rainbow toad!!" Elf

"Stop calling me an elf!" Elf

"Nobody loves you like your mama loves you..." Fat Man

"Dammit! Stop calling me an elf!!" Elf

"I am not a squid!" Squid

"What? How many girlfriends have I had?" silence "um, does it count if I had more than one relationship with the same person?" Spoon

"ALISTAIR IS MY HERO!!" Spoon

"Niko! Thanks for not burning me on my birthday!" Alistair

"Gay marrige doesn't bother me...what? They're not real people!" Elf

"Fat people draw their power from the sun!" Elf

"...My brain just bled a little." Fat Man

"Dude, I bet we could fit a tire in Steven Tyler's mouth" Spoon

"Okay, you said blow up the door! I had a grenade launcher! It's not MY fault I put you in a coma!" Fat Man

"Leave the box alone! You don't know what it's been through!" Elf

"Faaaaaaaaaag!" Elf

"Omg! Silias is awesome!" Asian Chick

"Arnauuuuuuud!!" (drool) Asian Chick

"Alistaaaaaaair!!"(melt) Asian Chick

"Dude, have you ever tazered a Furby?" Elf

"Tazering a Furby would be a new experience" Fat Man

"...FURBY GRENADE!!" Elf

"You there! Drop that banana!!" Mrs. Finster

"You're gay!! YOU'RE ALL GAY!!" Elf

"Stop over-reacting...we're just killing Smurfs through your Smurf Hole." Elf

"Dude...Smurf Hole? Really?" Fat Man

"I WILL NOT EAT POOT!" Squid

"The chocolate balloon will suck you up and poop you out." Nikki

"OMG!! Fishstick

BAND QUOTES

I am a professional band geek...and these are quotes either said by me, my band teacher, or the psychos in my class

"If you guys do that friday night...people will die." MH

"No no no...it's supposed to be boom boom boom boom. You guys are going BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!! Yay! Drums!" MH

NIKO'S MUSIC

Congratulations, lucky reader, you have scrolled down to Niko's music likes! Now's the part where I reel off several bands and songs that make my world go round! Any doubters shall have their throats ripped--(Script is thrown at Niko) ouch. Sorry about that.

(Warning: Niko cannot spell. Don't shoot me.)

METALLICA: Enter Sandman, Don't Tread on Me, One, Nothing Else Matters, My Friend of Misery, Master of Puppets, Ride the Lightning, All Nightmare Long, St Anger, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Cyanide, My Apocolypse, The Memory Remains

P!NK: Stupid Girls, Cuz I Can, I've Got Money Now, Don't Let Me Get Me, Just Like a Pill, So What, Bad Influence, Funhouse, It's All Your Fault, Please Don't Leave Me

EVANESCENSE: Bring Me to Life, Tourniquiet, Hello, My Immortal, Call Me When You're Sober

AEROSMITH: Dude Looks Like a Lady, Walk This Way, Pink, Kings & Queens, Love in an Elevator, Ragdoll, Mama Kin, Beyond Beautiful

QUEEN: Don't Stop Me Now, Fat Bottomed Girls, Bohemian Rhapsody, Seven Seas of Rhye, Hammer to Fall

AC/DC: Back in Black, Hell's Bells, You Shook Me All Night Long, Black Ice

GUNS N' ROSES: Paradise City, Welcome to the Jungle

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS: Sex Type Thing

KORN

And now for a new section of my profile! Enjoy!

RANDOM QUESTIONS I ASK MY FRIENDS AND THEIR ANSWERS

Now it's time we tackle the tough political subjects that are plauging modern society. You and you alone now know the personal questions I ask my compainions, and their intelligent, highly detailed answers.

Peach vs. Zelda?

ELF SAYS: Zelda

FAT MAN SAYS: Well, he said Peach at first but then he changed it to Zelda

SPOON SAYS: He didn't say anything. I didn't ask him.

Peach vs. Yoshi?

ELF SAYS: Yoshi

FAT MAN SAYS: Yoshi

SPOON SAYS: Yoshi

Peach in pink vs. Peach in blue? (this one was exclusively for Spoon)

SPOON SAYS: Someone sneezes and they both fall over.

Another section of my profile?! It can't be!!

Ah, but it is! As a writer, I enjoy coming up with things to befuddle the reader. So here it is--a section about absolutely nothing. That's right, nothing. I have nothing to say here, and if you're still reading this, you're either really really bored or are so completely devoted to me and my wonderful writing that you just apprecitate soaking up the knowledge that each little character contains. Which is nice. Creepy, but nice. THANK YOU CREEPY NICE PEOPLE!!

And now that you're done looking at my beautimus profile, enjoy some stats. Roar.