I'm a twenty-something English major living just outside of L.A. I might also be slightly insane...

And for those of you who might have noticed (though if you did, you really need a life) that there are two Venus Smurf's, I am both. Let's just say that I forgot the password to my other account, changed my email so I can't have it sent to me, and gave up and started a new account. My other stories were crap anyway, so no loss.

Anyway, if you're masochistic enough to want other stories by me, go to fanfiction dot net. My stuff is all on there (under Venus Smurf).

Story Updating Info as of November 7, 2009 (First story on the list is the one I'm currently working on):

...yeah, I've been working on my fanfiction stories lately instead. Can't help it, but I'll get back to these as soon as I can.

I BLAME THE LLAMAS: Chapter Nine: 20 percent.

My Stalker's Name is Bubba: Chapter 5: 20 percent completed.

Special thanks to number564182 for being my hundredth reviewer for "IBTL"!!

Also, a good friend of mine, Wolf Bathed in Star-Light, has written a Harry Potter fic and posted it on livejournal. It's hilarious, so check it out! You can find it on

http://bowiscute145.livejournal.com/4212.html?view=18804#t18804.

"Llamas" has been nominated for "Best Awkward Moment" at the Some Kind of Wonderful Awards. How cool is that?

I was just browsing through some of the profile pages of my favorite authors, and I found a quiz on Dirty-Angel-Toe's page. I'm going to steal part of it, because his answers made me giggle.

Name: Venus Smurf (what, did you think I'd post my real name online? Please. I have way too many stalkers for that.)

Nickname: Busa (Hey, Mom's African, and this is some African word. She can't even remember what language it's in, so how am I to know what it means?)

Birthdate: I'm in my 20's. Let's leave it at that.

Current Location: Sunny California. Eat that, Canadians!

Race: Caucasian...so Caucasian, in fact, that I could probably pass for the living dead. I hate being pale...

Eye Colour: Greenish...well, okay, so they look a bit like poop. That's still green, right?

Hair Colour: Brown

Height: Five freaking two. So I'm vertically challenged. Shuddup.

Weight: Pfft. Like I'd answer this one! Girls don't. Ever.

Piercings: Just earrings...but even though I'm a jeans and T kinda gal, all of my earrings are big, dangle to my shoulders, and sparkle.

Tattoos: None. I don't like pain...or needles...or naked chicks on my arms (mostly because I'm a girl, and that would be awkward)

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Happily single. My goal is to become a crazy cat lady and/or evil dictator of the world. Can't do that if I take the time out for a relationship.

Vehicle: A truck. I love my truck, but please don't ask me about the make or model. I have no idea. I just hit people with it.

Overused Phrase: "Lol." It's stupid even in a text, but of course people use it in conversations, too. Makes me twitch.

FAVORITES

Food: Kosher beef (I'm not sure why it's kosher. It probably isn't, but that's what it's called, so I run with it)

Pub/Disco/Restaurant: In N' Out...though this doesn't count as a restaurant, any Californian will understand why it's my favorite place.

Candy: CHOCOLATE...again, girl. Do we even need to ask this one?

Number: Who takes the time to pick a favorite number? I'm psychotic, not pathetic.

Colour: Changes constantly. Probably green, though. Ooh, or blue. Or maybe yellow...can I go with rainbow?

Animal: Dog, but only because I have one. I actually don't like dogs at all (except mine). I'm a cat person, mostly because they don't care about anything as long as I feed them, and because they seem evil when they hiss.

Drink: Coke. I'm a bit addicted. Also milk.

Body Part On Opposite Sex: ...uh...?

Perfume: I don't know. My sister has this stuff in a purple jar that I steal as often as I can, but only because it's expensive and my doing so really irritates her. I don't think I'd wear it if it didn't.

TV Show: Heroes!

Music Album: Anything by Rise Against or Linkin Park.

Movie: Right now, Transformers 2. Awesome, awesome movie.

Actor/Actress: Ming Dao/Meg Ryan.

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi Or Coke: Coke, though I don't mind Pepsi at all.

McDonald's Or Burger King: McDonald's, but only because their fries are so dang good.

Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends. I hate chocolate ice cream or shakes but prefer it in anything else.

Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Hot chocolate. I don't like the smell of coffee, though I'm Mormon and wouldn't drink it anyway.

Kiss Or Hug: Neither. Don't touch me.

Dog Or Cat: Didn't we already do this one?

Rap Or Punk: Neither. Ugh.

Summer Or Winter: Summer. I can't even watch movies with snow scenes. My excuse? I lived in Ohio. Ten foot freaking snow drifts! And ice storms! And more snow! Yuck.

Scary Movies Or Funny Movies: Funny. I can't handle scary movies--I actually got nightmares from Chucky! How pathetic is that? It wasn't even scary!

Love Or Money: ...I should go with love, but let's face it: money can buy love. Maybe not the real kind, but it'd be good enough for me!

YOUR…

Bedtime: Usually around one A.M. I can't quite seem to get over my college habits...

Most Missed Memory: I honestly don't get this question. How can I miss a memory? Isn't it sort of always with me?

...I don't like this question. It's made me feel stupid.

Best Physical Feature: I have really great hair.

First Thought Waking Up: I'm gonna find the person who invented mornings and shoot him.

Ambition: Honestly, I don't have ambitions. If I had to pick one, maybe to finish one of my stories?

Best Friends: There are other people in the world besides me?

Weakness: I have the attention span of a goldfish living in vodka. Can't focus on anything ever.

Fears: Being eaten by a crocodile. No, there aren't any living near me. Doesn't matter in the slightest.

Longest Relationship: Probably an hour. I have commitment issues.

HAVE YOU…

Cheated On Your Partner: No.

Ever Been Beaten Up: ...pfft. No. That's why I carry the machete.

Ever Beaten Someone Up: ...I'm innocent until proven guilty!

Ever Shoplifted: Sure, when I was five. Who does that? Get a job and just pay for what you want, loser!

Ever Skinnydipped: No. My grandmother is always trying to get me to do this, but the fact that she's the one doing the prompting has been enough to stop me.

Ever Kissed Opposite Sex: Yes.

Been Dumped Lately: No.

IN A GUY/GAL

Favourite Eye Colour: Don't care at all.

Favourite Hair Colour: I prefer dark hair, but I don't really care that much.

Short Or Long: Nothing past the shoulders. I will never date a guy with hair longer than mine.

Height: I'm practically a midget. If I ever get around to having kids, my husband would have to be at least six feet to make up for my genes.

Style: Don't care.

Looks Or Personality: Personality. If the guy can't laugh at himself, how am I supposed to laugh at him?

Hot Or Cute: Don't care.

Muscular Or Really Skinny: Can I go with in between?

RANDOMS

What Country Do You Want To Visit: Spain.

How Do You Want To Die: I don't plan on dying. Dying is for wimps. Insert Chuck Norris joke.

Been To The Mall Lately: Yep. Again, girl.

Get Along With Your Parents: Yep. Most of the time. When they're not being psychotic, anyway.

Health Freak: My favorite restaurant is In N' Out, so obviously not.

Do You Think You're Attractive: Again, great hair.

Believe In Yourself: Yep. I'm amazing. And brilliant. And gorgeous. And ever so humble.

Want To Go To College: Have two degrees, unfortunately have to get one more. I hate school.

Do You Smoke: Never. I like my lungs.

Do You Drink: Never. I like my liver.

Shower Daily: Usually. Hygiene can be an issue on my days off, because I usually don't even bother to get dressed then, but other than that...I don't like stinky people, and that includes myself.

Been In Love: Probably not.

Do You Sing: Not if I can help it. I sound like a dying cat even on my best days.

Want To Get Married: Not even remotely.

Do You Want Childen: Maybe...though I refuse to accept responsibility for their therapist's bills.

Hate Anyone: Nah. Hate is for people who don't know how to get revenge.