Plagiarized from my FFnet profile (with a few modifications) because I'm just a lazy bastard that way:

If you're here, it probably means you've received a review from me for some piece of shit you posted. I'm perfectly within my rights according to the guidelines to leave whatever opinion I want to, so there's nothing you can do about it, except...

get over it.

Most of the time, I flame shit-fics. Occasionally, I flame mediocre fics. I never flame good fics, so if you think I've flamed a good story, you obviously have lower standards than I do.

Now, read very carefully, kiddos: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FLAMED RANDOMLY. YOU HAVE BEEN FLAMED BECAUSE ONE OR MORE OF THESE APPLY TO YOU OR YOUR PIECE OF SHIT YOU CALL A STORY (I am an equal-opportunity flamer. You haven't been flamed because you're a Christian or you write yaoi, or some other fucked-up excuse. You were flamed because your writing is shit. See? It makes things easier if you just stop hiding behind excuses and admit the truth to yourself) Hang tight because here we go:

1. You can't fucking spell and/or you know less grammar than a six year old.

2. You try to blind your readers by bolding or italicizing every fucking word.

3. You are too fucking retarded to use the enter key.

4. You think people give two squirts of dog crap about your emotastic life.

5. You whore for reviews.

6. You fancy yourself God's gift to poetry because you can rhyme shit.

7. You have A/Ns longer than the story, and they include conversations with your other fucked up personalities that no one gives two shits about.

8. You think your readers are so stupid that you constantly have to announce point of view changes with the words "-Insert Character Name's- POV".

9. Your summary includes something along the lines of this: "NO FLAMEZ OR ELSE MIKICHU WILL EATZ U!1!!11!"

10. You violate the site's TOS and/or Guidelines. (My personal favorite, kiddos.)