"I have often wondered why they don't have a sobriety test for love." - Let's Indulge, Shadows in the Fire

"In an infinite universe where reality is interpreted through our continuously fluctuating perception, providing absolute definitive proof of anything becomes a little more than speculation based on random data." - Timmy Tuner, Fairly Odd Parents

"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing. ''But,' says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.' 'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't though of that' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

while burning the Narrator's hand with lye
Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen. "Fight Club"

Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. "Fight Club"

Narrator: And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. "Fight Club"

Fry: "What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg! He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does." Zoidberg: "Damn right!"
Fry: "And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot."
Professor: "Ohhhea."
Fry: "Hermes is a rastafarian accountant."
Hermes: "Tally me banana!"
Fry: "Amy's a klutz from Mars!"
Amy: (crash) "s'ploops!"
Professor: "And Fry, you've got that brain thing."
Fry: "I already did! So Leela - do you wanna be like us, or do you wanna be like Adelai...with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever." - Futurama

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." - Peter O'Tool

Fry
"You're better than normal...you're abnormal!"
"People said I was dumb, but I proved them."
"Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
"Crazy theories one, regular theories a billion."
"But existing is basically all I do!"
"Whoa! Letters like 'u' and 'r' can mean words like 'you' and 'are'!"
"My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?"

Bender
"This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!"
"Oh. Your. God."
"My life, and by extension everyone else's is meaningless."
"Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder."
"They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaining."
"You may need to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. By 'devil' I mean robot devil and by 'metaphorically' I mean get your coat."
"I hate the people that love me and they hate me."
"Do I preach to you while you're lying stoned in the gutter? No."
"I could pound your head 'til you thinks that's what happened."
"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny."
"Tempers are wearing thin. Let's hope some robot doesn't kill everybody."

Leela
"Look Fry, you're a man and I'm a woman. We're just too different."
"Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?"
"I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse, and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane!"
"This is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life."

Professor
"Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye!"
"Sweet Zombie Jesus!"
"Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!"
"Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood..."
"Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring."
"Yes, that sequence of words I just said made perfect sense."

Zoidberg
"I don't trust that doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated."

Hermes
"I'm calling the police! ...Right after I flush some tings."
"What's that you're hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!"

Zapp
"I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about."
"The best way into a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you're in."
"I am the man with no name - Zapp Brannigan, at your service."
"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."
"You win again, gravity!

Homer
# Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
# I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
# Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
# Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
# Meeting Aliens Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
# What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
# Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
# When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
# I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
# Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
# I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
# How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?
# I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
# All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
# But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
# I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
# I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

"Whoever wants to know something about me (as an artist, the only notable thing) ought to look carefully at my pictures and try and see in them what I am and what I want to do." - Gustav Klimt

"You're sitting there with your muse and your muse is telling you something and you’re following it, and you end up the next day looking at it and thinking, 'what the hell was the muse saying to me?' " - Nathan Oliveira

"Come sit on my bed"
"Isn't that a death wish?"
"Only if you want to die."
-ME!!

"The night is a dark time for me"
"It's dark for everyone, moron!"
-Blades of Glory

"Why Do I suck at life?"
Because you let life suck at you. - Ask A Ninja

"I think that anger and hate and violence is good compared to being sad or lonely or depressed." - Patches

Leonard Shelby: Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts. - Momento

“Nobody really cares if you are miserable, so you might as well be happy.” Cynthia Nelms

“Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind.” - Catherine Drinker Bowen

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." - Edith Wharton

“That's the problem with religion: you beat your way past the clerics, fight your way through the demons, stand before the holy of holies, and when you rip away the veil, there's nothing there but a mirror" - Owen Rowley

“Who sees the human face correctly: the photographer, the mirror, or the painter?” - Pablo Picasso

“All these things have you said of beauty.
Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,
And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.
It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,
But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.
It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear,
But rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears.
It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw,
But rather a garden for ever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight.
People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and your are the mirror.” - Kahlil Gibran

“The human understanding is like a false mirror, which, receiving rays irregularly, distorts and discolors the nature of things by mingling its own nature with it” -Francis Bacon

if you are going thourhg hell, keep going - winston churchill

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtasked. ~ oliver wendell homes, sr.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein

“For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.” - Jean Dubuffet

Insanity is the only sane reaction to an insane society.” - Philemon

“What is insanity, anyway? Is it when you scream and everyone else whispers, or is it when you fight for what's right, even when everyone else thinks your wrong?” - Unknown

“Hell is an outrage on humanity. When you tell me that your deity made you in his image, I reply that he must have been very ugly.”- Victor Hugo

"There are no normal people, everyone is a weirdo freak...except for you, which makes you a weirdo freak." - Ask A Ninja

"Ninjas live in a constant state of athereness...similar to awareness but we're already there." - Ask A Ninja

"Applicants must have a dry sense of humor and a wet sense of libido." - Adult Swim Thing

A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself. ~Axel Munthe

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. ~Wayne Dyer

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. ~Elbert Hubbard

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley

"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough." - Ann Landers

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Allan K. Chalmers:

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.” - James Earl Jones quotes

“When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever.”

“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.” - Jacques Benigne Bossuel quotes

"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him." - Arthur C. Clarke