Hi People!!!!!
my author bio on FanFiction
ABOUT BLONDIE PANTS
I am: a Christian, a writer, a sister, a friend, a daughter, a horseback rider, a student, a spaz, a klutz, a dumb blonde, a shopping addict, a coffee addict, an extrovert, probably ADD, usually goofy, serious when I have to be, short, sarcastic, and a generally happy person.
I am not: an athlete, a cook, a girlfriend (and i don't plan to be anytime soon!!!!), an artist, emo, organized, or quiet.
I love to: write, think, ride horses, read, listen to music, goof around with my friends, be totally random, laugh, shop, eat, watch movies, play with puppies, and play with kids.
I love God more than anything. He is my everything, and that will never change.
More about me: My family has three wonderful dogs (1 beagle and 2 labrador/golden retriever crosses), and a very bratty African Gray Parrot. I love dogs and horses, and I am a bit (okay, a lot) fashion-obsessed and I think shopping should be an Olympic sport. I have a group of the greatest friends that I could ever ask for, some of whom I know from my AWESOME youth group and some whom I know from school. They're incredibly supportive (even when I sit down in the middle of some event and start writing), and some of the poems that are up here were written by or about them, though I'll always mention that in the author's note beforehand.
I am a tad boy-crazy in the sense that I appreciate a good-looking guy, but I don’t intend on dating anyone in the near future because I just don’t see a point. Most guys my age are not worth dating, and the ones that are really good friends, are dating one of my friends, or both. Excuse me, but EWWW!!!!!!! One of my friends pointed out how her boyfriend was annoying her the other day when she was trying to write (apparently he was all "I can help!!!") and she informed him that the last thing she was going to do was go to him for writing help. She told me (and I quote) "Now I know why you don't have a boyfriend. I never get anything done with him around!"
If you’re going to try to stalk me through the Internet, then good luck with that! And if you happen to succeed and show up at my front door like the creep that you are if you bother to succeed and show up at my front door, then I will apply the three-and-a-half-inch heel of my favorite batgirl boots to your rib cage at eighty miles per hour. ‘Kay? ‘Kay.
Favorite Music: I mostly listen to country and Christian music. I don't have one favorite song because I like too many.
Favorite Books/Authors: Dean Koontz, George R.R. Martin, J.K. Rowling, and Tamora Pierce (except for the Trickster's series--HATED those). Also love Chicken Soup, A Little Princess, The Cage, Heros of the Holocaust, Night, Under A Different Sky, Heartland, and any other horse books out there.
My Pet Peeves:
Flames. Okay, if you don’t like my story, then fine. You don't have to read it. I accept constructive criticism, and I don’t even insist that it be in a private message. But I HATE when someone posts flames. Flames are nothing more than tearing the writer down, and that’s just cruel. If you see something in the story that the writer could improve on, then tell them nicely. It will help them be a better writer. I enjoy constructive criticism. I know that with every tip I accept, I improve a little bit. FLAMES DO NOT HELP THE WRITER IMPROVE. All you’re doing is telling them that they suck. It’s as simple as that. It’s cruel and it doesn’t help.
Badly written rape/sex fics. Rape and sex can make excellent (if often disturbing) stories, but the writer has to be very skilled to pull it off. And the writer has to KNOW what he or she is talking about. I have seen so many fics where the story reads as if the writer was a 5-year-old who giggles every time he or she hears the word “sex.” If you aspire to write one of these, I advise that you read some of George R. R. Martin’s work for an example.
People who consider writing a hobby. Writing is not simply a hobby. It is a drive, and it as important to a writer's existence as food and water. And sometimes more important.
When my mom insists on pointing out that I am not technically a sister. Whenever I make some comment about how me and my three best friends are basically siblings, she insists on saying "Actually, not. I'm only to blame for one of you four." I think she wishes that I was as close to my cousins as I am to my friends. And she hates it when I propose to do something and invite a couple cousins and a couple friends.
People who don’t get that 99 percent of writers are perfectionists. Yes we are. Get over it. No matter how many times you tell us that the chapter is good, we will be able to find a problem with it. SO QUIT BUGGING US ABOUT IT. Eventually, we will get sick of revising it and post it even if we don’t like it. So bug off, and be patient. Patience is a virtue.
A few (dozen) of my favorite quotes (serious ones first):
My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. Some random email (I’ve got two retrievers bumping my elbow right now, begging to be petted.)
Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Some random email
We give dogs time we can spare, room we can spare, and food we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. Best damn deal man ever made. Some random email
3 nails + 1 cross = 4given. Seen this in a million and six places
Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven. Some random email
Stop telling God how big your storm is; instead tell the storm how big your God is. Some random email
Only God can heal a broken heart, but first he has to have all the pieces. One of my best friends, who knows this from experience
Some Christians haven't thought about whether they would die for Jesus because they haven't really been living for him. Another FictionPress author
Every man dies. The only question is how, and why. Braveheart
Every man dies. Not every man really lives. Braveheart
Life may not be the game we hoped for, but while we're here, we might as well play. Some random email
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. A poster in one of my classes freshman year.
Don't marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you can't live without. My grandma
If you are not prepared to give it all, do not call it love. If you are not prepared to give it up, then do not ask it of others. If you are completely ready for anything, you are obviously delusional. Chalice Listel (a friend of mine and FictionPress author)
You may not mean much to the world, but you mean the world to someone. Some random email
Woman came from man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, nor from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved. My friend
It’s mind over matter: you don’t mind, it don’t matter. My dad's marathon coach
When you come to a fork in the road, take it. My dad's high school cross country coach
You laugh because I’m different. I laugh because you’re all the same. My friend
Never risking anything is the greatest risk of all. A Chicken Soup book
You need a reason to be sad. You don't need a reason to be happy. Another FictionPress author
(okay, funny ones now)
Whoever said that you can't buy happiness forgot about PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!! My friend
The more I get to know guys, the more I like dogs. Me
Men are not pigs. Pigs are cute, considerate and caring. Me
Men, chocolate and coffee are all better rich. Bumper sticker my friend saw
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it! Some random email
It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain
My labrador retriever is smarter than your honor student. A friend's bumper sticker
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? Some random email
Don’t take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. Some random email
When it comes to thought, some people will stop at nothing. My friend
Make God laugh--plan for the future. Some random email
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened. Some random email
Contemporary, state-sponsered terrorism...also known as gym class. Another FictionPress author
I know life isn't fair, but why can't it ever be unfair in my favor? Another FictionPress author
When all else fails, just pretend to know what you're doing. Another FictionPress author
Nobody uses semicolons; get rid of them. Another FictionPress author
Don't worry about whether the world will end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Another FictionPress author
If life were to suddenly become fair, I doubt it would happen in high school. Another FictionPress author
This statement is false. Another FictionPress author (spent an entire weekend trying to figure this out before I gave up)
You spend the first two years of your kid's life teaching them to walk and talk. Then, you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. ramdom emails are SO worth reading
God didn't make anything useless...though mosquitos come pretty darn close. Some random email
Priceless Moments I Feel Compelled To Share:
My friend: You’re acting like an idiot again.
Me (with crazy eyes): I’m not acting.
Him (trying not to laugh): You’ve got a point.
My friend: The day I go to prom is the day pigs fly!
Me (to her boyfriend): You fly?
Him: Ouch.
Same girl as the one above (coming out of dressing room in PacSun, wearing cute, jersey-style top): Does this shirt make me look like a jock’s girlfriend?
Me and our other friend (laughing): You are a jock’s girlfriend!
Her: Dang it, I can’t use that line anymore, can I?
Us (shoving her back in the dressing room): Nope! And you have to buy that now.
The same girl who started the last two: I’m in a bad mood now cause we just got creamed by (rival high school). (she’s on cross country)
Her boyfriend: Would it cheer you up if I hit Blondie Pants for you? (and yes, he did call me that. he is the creator of that nickname.)
Me: Hey! I’m right here.
Her: No, she’d cry, and then we’d both feel bad.
Me: HEY!!!!
Me (to the guy mentioned in the last couple, about his girlfriend, my best friend) Shut her up, will you?
Him: (kisses her)
Me: Thanks. (finishes whatever I was saying to someone else)
Him: (lets go. She looks really dazed.)
Me: Quick, what’s 5+5?
Her: Uhh…seven? No wait!
(too late, everyone is laughing. even better, it happened again half an hour later, but this time she answered 7+7 with ten.)
Top ten reasons why horses are better than men: (found this on a magnet in a gift shop in Arizona)
10) If your horse starts to stray, you can just throw a rope around his neck.
9) You can see to it that your horse is well groomed.
8) One you break a horse, he’ll always be obedient.
7) A horse can understand why you’d want to buy your shoes in sets of four.
6) Horses are into “stable” relationships.
5) You can have a horse gelded and he hardly seems to notice.
4) A horse would rather munch his wild oats than sow them.
3) You can lead a horse to water, but a man will insist on driving and get you hopelessly lost.
2) Any man would have to admit that, next to a horse, he feels somehow…inadequate.
1) There are plenty of good horses to go around.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Pointless copy and pastes!!! Fun!!!!!
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them that it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others! (good god. I hate abercrombie and fitch.)
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile! (worst. caffeine. high. EVER. and yet, the most fun I’ve ever had. this happened spring break of ‘07, as a matter of fact. me and my best friend. her boyfriend was so scared of us that he was curled up in the fetal position, rocking on the floor, and muttering “what have I done?” over and over. he was the one who bought us the coffee in the first place. good times, good times.)
If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy and paste this into your profile. (must...have...caffeine...)
If you’ve ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. (practice walking in heels before you actually go on a date, girls. Especially on stairs.)
If you’ve ever worn something white and paid for it in the form of a permanent stain, copy and past this into your profile. (entirely my friend's fault. i had coffee and a white skirt and she yelled “COFFEE!” and lunged for it, dumping it in my lap.)
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, why aren’t two mooses meese, or if two foots are feet, why aren’t two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I’m just random! If you’re random and proud of it, copy this and put it in your profile. (green radioavtive spastic monkey would beat a purple poka-dot panda bear in a gymnastics competition.)
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you have answered a question by saying "Penguins" when penguins had NOTHING to do with what you were talking about, copy this into you're profile.
If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table/wall for no reason put this on your profile.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.
If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile. (BE A MAN!!! you must be swift as the coursing river, with all the foce of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a ranging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the MOOOOON!!!!!!!! mulan soundtrack is awesom)
If you are obsessed with fanfiction and/or fictionpress, copy this into your profile
If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.
30 percent of kids go to college. the other 70 either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are on of the 30 that KNOW that your going to college put this on your profile
If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you don't think it's fair that Goofy being a dog gets to do everything from have a house and play golf with Mickey, to have a job but Pluto has to live outside and drink from a bowl, copy this into your profile.
A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to hit 'em, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile
If there are times where you annoy people just for the fun of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The irony...)
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the five percent who are not, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you would rather die than see Hilary Clinton back in the White house, copy and paste this to your profile
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think we should send Orlando Bloom back to Middle Earth, copy and paste this to your profile. (sorry to all you die hard fans, but I prefer Legolas!!!!)
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If people look at you funny, and think you are insane, copy and paste this to your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered why the sky is blue, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, c&p this into ur profile.
If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal, copy this in your profile!
If you have ever made someone laugh simply by telling them about your injuries, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think those kids should stop chasing Lucky and go buy their own LUCKY CHARMS, c&p this!!!
If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.
If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you have ever played a game of tic-tac-toe with yourself and lost, copy and paste this!!!
If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world and you are 100 percent proud to of it. copy this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile
My best friend is insane. If you agree or if you have at least one insane friend copy this into your profile. (looks pointedly at running-obsessed, boyfriend-obsessed, surfing-obsessed, and avatarded best friend.)
I think I’m done now. Thanks for reading!!! Now review my stories.
FictionPress.com - let the words flow
