Go look at fangirlspaz. It's just me and Subconscious-Flirt tryna make a livin'. Not really. But it's our joint account, though. Go have look.

Hello, my name is Emily, and I am addicted to romance.

(Crowd murmurs in unison, "Hi, Emily.")

I like pigs. It's weird. It all started with Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, and now I just really like pigs. I don't generally like eating pig, which isn't kosher anyways, but I do on occasion. Bacon occasion. Anyways. Yes. I just thought I'd let you know. I have three pigs on my bed right now-- Piglet, DJ Fluffles (who totally hooks up to my iPod!), and Querida Quesadilla. I got Querida Quesadilla yesterday at Kohl's. Yeah, five bucks, and it goes to helping children. I like helping children. That sounds good, right? Buy a pig, and help children. She's from the books "If You Give A Pig A Pancake" and "If You Give A Pig A Party," both of which are adorable little kids' books. Yay! Okay. Just thought I'd share. I also have a turtle named Tuck, a bear named Domingo, an elephant named Lelephant and another bear named Van Lump. Lelephant and Van Lump are madly in love. They don't let their genders and species stand in their way. Ahem.

For diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me.

Um. So. Here’s the thing. The plan was totally to do nanowrimo. But then I looked at TISOBT’s word count, which is at like 76,000 something, and I’m like, it took me a year to write 76,000. I’m not writing 50,000 in a month. Lo siento, pero, yo tengo una vida. Necesito hacer tarea, y la semana de TECH is coming up for theater, and it’s like, sorry, but no thanks. So instead, I’ve made up this thing called “I’m going to write what I want when I want to and not enter into an evil competition that prevents everyone from updating their amazing stories because they’re updating stupid, meaningful ones that are intended to win said stupid evil competition.”

Yeah. So that’s my plan. I’m going to finish the last chapter of TISOBT, I'll start a new project, and I’m gonna be laughing at the fools who do nano. Just kidding. I support you. But. No thanks. I really just… I don’t want writing to become an obligation. So. Yes. That is all.

It's a big bad world; we're doing what we can.

I like Brendon Urie. To the point that it's kind of weird. Like. I started this religion called Panickism, which... you know... worships Panic! At The Disco... yeah... So... If you're interested in joining the Holy Church of Panic, just PM me girlfriend. That's an inside joke. PM me girlfriend, I mean. Haha.

I wanna scream "I love you" from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

The dynamics have changed, and I am frightened.

In our dreams we can be complete again.
If we go to sleep, we can wake up home again.

Things I like:

-Glee
-Queer as Folk
-Skins! fo sho
-The British in general
-Scarves
-Boys wearing eye makeup
-Talking to bisexual boys ("Panic! at the Disco is kind of gay..." "YOU'RE kind of gay!" "Uh, yeah, I am...")
-Jack Barakat
-Not having homework
-Liberty's Kids
-Sleeping
-Writing slash in my head during church

Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.

Now, as for me as an author:

If I mention a necklace or other random piece of jewelry in a story, I probably own it. Also: I cannot focus on one story at a time. Yes, I know. It's a problem. I have at least thirty different stories that are unfinished, but I know better than to post them, because I will rarely update them. You know fanfiction? Yeah. I have two finished stories on there that aren't oneshots. And they're both five chapters long. And complete shit. I like oneshots, because no one pesters you to update. Because they're OVER. You can't update something that's complete. So short stories therefore rock my socks.

Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's going to be my year.

I don't know if you noticed, but I am very influenced by song lyrics. Something about songs just gets to me. I don't know. I like trashy songs that mean nothing important, just like the rest of everyone else, but then sometimes I feel the need to find the meaning of everything behind everything everyone says. I'll be listening to just another mindless breakup-I-want-you-back type of song one minute, and then next I'll be getting shivers because I've just come across something amazing in a lyric. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But maybe it's all of us.

Singing myself to sleep
And you're still my favorite melody.

I hate when people name their romance stories their characters names. Like, calling The Inexplicable State of Being There (which is a stupid title, don't get me wrong) "Felicia & Brody." It's like, please get a little more creative. No offense to you if you do this. I mean, real published authors even do that. Was I the only one who read "Jake and Christy?" What about "Max and Jane?" because they were good books, don't get me wrong, but... I still don't like their titles. I mean, even calling it "The one where they hate each other but pretend to be in love because her mom's dying of cancer" would be better than "Jake and Christy." Just saying.

Andy, the doctors perscribed me the pills. But I know I'm not crazy, I just lost my will. So why am I, why am I... taking them, still?

So. That's it. Thanks for clicking. Be sure to check out Hella Long Profile Rehabilitation Centre's Twelve-Step Program! It works wonders! Not really, obviously, but if you think this is long... you totally should have seen my old one.

Current favorite quotes:

"Sodomy... so do my butt please." ~ The Infamous Patrick Idleman

"Now get your ass back in bed, you son of a bitch. And eat some fucking chicken soup." ~ Randy Harrison as Justin Taylor; Queer as Folk

Isabelle: Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out.
Simon: That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? No, probably not.
~ Isabelle Lightwood and Simon Lewis; City of Ashes

"How does she have the right to get her boobs done, but doesn't think I have the right to be married? Only in America, boobs before gays!" ~ Michael Buckley on Miss California

"Maybe I would steal Ryan Ross from Pete Wentz, you know? Why not?" ~ Alex Suarez of Cobra Starship on Band!slash

"I was like, 'I'm going to glue rhinestones on my eyelids, bitch!'" ~ Adam Lambert on performing at the season finale of American Idol

Spider Magazine: When Tutenkhamen was about seventeen, scholars think he somehow suffered a head injury. Perhaps he was wounded in battle, or maybe he was hurt while hunting.
My father: Dick Cheney shot him.

Out: Describe your sexuality -- not using the words gay or straight.
Jason Mraz: (Long silence) Awesome?

Maxxie: Anwar's just switched about me being...
Tony: Blonde?
Maxxie: No...
Tony: Short?
Maxxie: Gay!

~Mitch Hewer as Maxxie Oliver and Nicholas Hoult as Tony Stonem; Skins

"The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue." ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Brian: You think God gave me cancer to punish me?
Joan: It's not too late. You can still change. I know you can.
Brian: I can?
Joan: Well, it won't be easy. You'll have to fight temptation. Be strong. Harden yourself.
Brian: I wanna be hard, Mom. You have no idea how much I want to be hard. Oh, Lord, make me hard so that I can fuck every hot guy I see! That's why God gave me a second chance, Mom, so that I can use the one ball I have left!
Joan: Shame! Shame on you!
Brian: If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better than spending one good day in heaven with you!

~ Gale Harold as Brian Kinney and Lynne Deragon as Joan Kinney; Queer as Folk

5/20/09-

My heart just broke. Adam Lambert lost American Idol. DIE DIE DIE

5/31/09-

I'm returning to that state of mind where I want to take Kenny Vasoli's voice and keep it in a seashell around my neck. Hmm. This hasn't happened since the seventh grade.

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THE CHOPIN/LISZT SLASH??

6/2/09-

I emailed a psychologist last Saturday for this new story I'm working on. AND HE EMAILED ME BACK TODAY. I am so happy. This is the best day ever.

6/4/09-

WHY DOES NO ONE WRITE TITANIC SLASH? I WANNA READ TITANIC SLASH! You! You there, reading this! Will you write Titanic Slash for me? Not based on any movie characters, or anything, just about two guys on the Titanic. Don't make them die, though, that would only piss me off. They can crossdress-- masquerading as a woman, he boards a lifeboat and... well, you know. Anyway. No one writes Titanic Slash. They should.

7/6/09-

This is the worst day of my life. Ryan Ross and Jon Walker are leaving Panic at the Disco. I am going to commit suicide. I'm sorry. There's one chapter more of TISOBT on my computer, which I will instruct my dearest darling Subconscious-Flirt to post for me, but then that's all. I'll be dead. Okay, not really, I'll finish it, but still. I am going to DIE. Why would they do this? They were my favorite band, and now half of them are gone. I mean, I realize that Jon wasn't even there since the beginning, but he really grew on me, you know? And I never got to see them in concert, and it is going to take me millions of dollars and hours convincing my parents to take me to the nearest one, which is probably in Las Vegas, which is too far away but I'm going to have to try anyway. Because seriously. I am going to die. This is me, dying, because nobody can keep a band together anymore. I am going to cry. Seriously. I'll just be huddled in my corner, bawling for the next two hours. Or more. I'm going to die. My soul is already gone. Goodbye. Bye bye soul. WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

7/14/09-

My new favorite person in the world, LittleSnowPea, has promised me Titanic!slash. This makes me very happy indeed. Oh, shit, that reminds me, she's making me write her another challenge... eh, I'll do it later ;) Yeah. No. The Titanic one, it's going to be great. It's going to be a oneshot about Adam and Peter. I don't know who Adam and Peter are, yet, but Peter's afraid of water. Dumbass. Why's he got his ass on a boat, then? Stupid, frankly, just stupid. Only, I bet he's going to be hot.

7/22/09 -

I was man enough to check back at Panic's website to see if they changed their minds about splitting... they didn't. However, it looks like the ! is back? I spazzed a little, I should tell you. I was like, really? Is the ! back now?? I hope it is. I loved that little ! . I was oh-so-sad when they took it away. And it looks like Brendon and Spencer are doing very well, thank ya. So. I'm happy about that. Ryan and Jon are still on my shit list, though, like WTF.

8/3/09-

You know you have a serious problem when you see Les Miserables for the first time and contemplate writing Javert/Valjean slash.

8/6/09-

Speaking of serious problems. Why does this happen to me? One moment, I'm reading about the Great Schism, and the next moment... popes are fucking each other into the ground. This is a serious, serious issue. It's kind of like how I'm walking down the street and it reminds me of Queer as Folk. What reminds you, Emily? you may ask. The answer? It doesn't matter. Something always reminds me. Be it a white scarf or a messenger bag. It's there, babe. It's all there.

For the record, watching popes fucking each other into the ground sounds both disturbing and blasphemous. I'm not saying I like the idea, I'm just saying the idea occured to my sick, sick mind.

And also... KAMI!! I WANT MAH TITANIC SLASHHH!!

8/14/09-

Tomorrow is my very bestest friend's birthday. In addition to the new (well, month-old) All Time Low album, and some other cool thingies, I'm giving her a slash oneshot! Yay! Also in terms of "yay," LittleSnowPea posted my Titanic slash! YAY! Check it out, it's called "Promising Peter." And it's so slashy and titanicrific. Yay!

Also, if anyone's heard of The Young Veins...

hahahahahahahaha. That's all I have to say. Well, actually, I have so, so much more to say, but it's mostly rude things about Ryan Ross, which nobody wants to hear because even if he's a stupid drama queen, he's still sexy and amazingly talented and also sexy. So, you know. Anyway. I'll leave it for LJ, yeah?

And also: I just read this book called Hero. If you like superheroes, you should read it. If you like slash, you should read it. If you like storylines that SHOULD be predictable, only you're having too much fun reading to actually try to predict anything, then you should read it. It's a fantastic book. Amazing. I'm so going to read it again like five more times after I finish my homework.

8/20/09-

I was at Warped Tour (YAY) and I waited for like a bajillion years in a very long line to get stuff signed by All Time Low. When I finally got up there, I got them all to sign my poster. Then I went up to Alex and was like, "Hey, could you sign my boob?" and he goes, "What?" and gives me this adorable look, and I'm just like, "My boob? Could you sign it, please?" And I leaned forward and pulled my shirt down and he signed it in shiny silver sharpie. Then I went to Jack and was like, "hey, could you get the other one?" And he grins and goes, "Sure."

And that is the story of how Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat signed my boobs. Zack signed my forearm, and they all signed my poster. I felt bad because I didn't get Rian to sign my body, but it's okay, because if I ever see them again, I'll get Rian to sign my entire chest. It'll be so awesome.

I also took a picture with Cash Cash! And got my poster signed.

And... the event of the day... I met Ryette! Yes, THAT Ryette. The one who writes truly fantastical band-geek-like slash. If you haven't read her stuff, read it. She TOLD me Jack would sign my boobs, but I was unsure. But she was right. Yay!

Great day, today. Great day. Now I need to pop like five aspirin and go to bed.

9-4/5-09

I say 4/5 because it was 11:59 when I started writing this, but now it's past midnight and so, duh, it's a new day.

Anyway. I've been piling on the GMOD lately (Gay Movies of DOOM) and I just thought that anyone who read my profile might like to know a few that were very, very good. Like Shelter-- gave me a whole new outlook on surfer boys. I swear, I will never think of them the same way again.

Actually, that's a lie, seeing as when I was in Lame-bria (Cambria, CA) I was already forming surfer!slash inside my twisted mind, and therefore think of them exactly the same as I always have. But I mean, before the whole slash thing. I never would be like, oh, two surfer guys sitting together, they must be gay. I never used to think like that. I'd say I missed those days, but I don't, so, whatever.

Also, Were The World Mine was amazing. I don't know. I think I have a weird thing for Shakespeare. Or maybe it was the dozen schoolboys WITH TIES making out. I don't know. One of the two.

Nah, it was the music, definitely. And the mystery. And also totally the dozen schoolboys with ties making out. Ahem.

Other ones that are noteworthy include Coffee Date and Beautiful Thing. Beautiful Thing, especially. Coffee Date is so-so. Beautiful Thing kicks ass, though. I saw that maybe a year or so ago, and I was just like SPAZ. I don't know. Is it bad to find the abused-kid-thing kinda hot? Especially when it leads to... massages. With peppermint foot lotion (what?)

Note worthy GBOD (Gay Books of DOOM) include everything by David Levithan (love that man. amazing.) And also the Drama! series by Paul Ruditis. But that one's kind of iffy if you're not a big drama geek. Because the first three books would be really boring if you aren't into theater. But if you are, they're fantastic. If you aren't, just read the fourth one, it's not too difficult to get without reading the first few. Also Hero, and I mean, Rainbow Boys, I guess. But everyone's already read them, so it seems pointless to mention. I think those were the first gay books I ever read. NO! The Hookup Artist was. But. That one sucked because he didn't even get with Julian. And I was like, what the fuck. They like, made out, I think, and then decided to be friends, and I was like, what the fuck! It was so annoying. Because then, he didn't even get with ANYONE. And I'm like, why the fuck did I even read this??

Well. I should stop rambling or my profile will eventually get too long again.

11-8-09-

It's tech week, it's mad, this profile is too long. Also I love Taylor Swift. She's gorgeous. And hilarious. SNL, who saw it? Great stuff, Taylor Swift. I want that monologue song on my iPod, along with the one that the guy sang on Modern Family, which I also adore. Though, I don't have any room left on my iPod, because I bought it in like 2006 and it's like 2 GB or something, which is ridiculous.

Seating chart for Thanksfrikkinggiving! Chapter thirteen of TISOBT. http://i580.photobucket.com/albums/ss245/unfortunately_obsessed/thanksfrikkinggiving.jpg