wow...so much room...let's see...
well, i'm female, i like to write and rarely post anything i write, so enjoy!
because i have so much room, read these awsome quotes!
When I have a kid I'm gonna put him in one of those strollers for twins and then run around the mall looking frantic.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Sex on TV is not dangerous, unless you fall off
Sometimes it just helps to be upside-down.
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them on the head.
I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Save a tree, eat a beaver.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Reason to smile: every seven minutes of every day, someone in aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Don’t drink and drive… you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
Who was the first person to look at a chicken and say "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt?
When the first man found that cows have milk, what do you think he was doing?
"Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss."—Hitch hikers guide to the galaxy
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty... drink it and get on with your life.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Faster than a rabid squirrel on coffee
Life isn't like a Burger King, you can't always have it your way.
Despite the rising costs of living, it remains a popular activity.
Where in the nursery rhymes does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an 's' in it?
I love to give home-made gifts: So, which of the children do you want?
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - - Robin Williams
Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer. - - David Acfield
This game (Marco Polo) takes its name from a great Italian explorer who was famous for making discoveries by aimlessly wading around in thigh-level water with his eyes closed, wildly clutching at the air and calling out his own first name. Perhaps his most important discovery was made when he finally opened his eyes and discovered that he no longer had any friends. - - Dean Camp
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. - - Mark Twain
They say every 1 in 5 people is Chinese. There are five people in my family. Mom, dad, me, Tom, and Kong Shen Heng. I think it's Tom.
Last night I was lying in bed, looking at the stars. Then I wondered, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING?
Drive it like you stole it!
I tried to sniff coke...but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose...
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one!
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a pack...Coincidence? I think not...
Caution: I drive like you do!
If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?
Whoever said nothing was impossible has obviously never tried slamming a revolving door
Don’t worry, it’s just blood.
We’re not lost. I’m just not quite sure where we are.
- but on the other hand, I have different fingers
Meddle ye not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and good with ketchup.
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'
I didn’t escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!
I am going to start a chain of sex toys - It's slogan will be: 'I can't believe it's not dick!'
~that's all the quotes for now. will i change them soon? probably not. can you copy them? sure, where do you think i got them?
FictionPress.com - let the words flow
United States