Howdy, a few random facts about me, I've been to China, climbed the Great Wall, been to Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City, I've been to the Summer Palace and shopped in Nanjing St, all in the space of ten days, apart from that my life is pretty mundane. I like to read and I like the color purple, blue is also nice. According to my friends I am slightly insane, they're probably right. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my stories.

Quotes

'Save a cow, eat a vegetraian.'

'Anyone who says nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door'

'If you expect the unexpected does that make the unexpected expected?'

'Why do they need sterile needles for lethal injections?'

'Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity'

'I put my trust in fools. My friends call it self confidence'

'Roadtoll = lives, not statistics'

I’m the person your mother warned you about.

I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.

I’m so cool, ice cubes are jealous.

All men are idiots And I married their king.

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

Take my advice.I dont use it anyway.

You can’t spell STUPID without U.

Who says nothing is impossible.I’ve been doing nothing for years.

I didn’t lose my mind. I sold it on ebay.

I am not as dumb as you LOOK!

Dont talk to me when i’m talking to myself.

"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life."

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system . All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot..

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

My mother taught me JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to
you...Don't talk back to me!"

Why be difficult. Put some effort into it and be impossible.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Never turn your back on a charging turtle.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.

OK, Who Stopped Payment on my Reality Check?

Some people make the world special just by being in it.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

You don't have mail.

Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Sadness flies away on the wings of time.

We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.

Life is nothing like the brochure

Story Updates

A Collection of Poems

Always a work in progress.

Chronicles of Anrien: Book 1, Daughter of Kings

I’m working on it, sorry if it’s taking a while. I’ve been so busy lately. Chapter 6 is coming very soon and hopefully I'll fill in some of the blanks, wish me luck!

Love Hurts

Complete

The Meaning of Life

Complete

The Tudor Collection

A work in progress. More coming. Please bear with me.

That's all for now folks! Read and enjoy!!