So... hi you've reached the profile of Mao the Peacock. I'm 17years old and have been a member of Fiction Press for 6 years, though I haven't written anything for quite some time. Any other questions- send me an email. Hope you enjoy whatever youre reading. Thanks for comments! :)

-Mao "When life hands you skittles- throw them at people and yell- 'Taste the frickin rainbow!'"

(\)_(/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste him on to your profile to help him gain world domination!

Fav. quotes- "Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." "Life's a garden. Dig it.""I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met."

"I intend to live forever ...so far, so good.""

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" "Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable."

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have all died." "Your mama is so fat, when she sings, it's over."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." "The elevator to success is broken- take the stairs." "Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils..."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." "Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."

"Best excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from." "The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

"Life is a shit sandwich. The more bread you get the less shit you have to eat." "There are three sides to any argument- your side, my side, and the right side... it just so happens that the last two always go hand in hand."

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

1. You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)

2. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
3. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
4. After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
5. You talk to characters from books you really liked.
6. You can't sleep at night because of said conversations.
7. You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
8. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
9. Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
10. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
11. You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
12. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
13. You own a million pens that never get used because your computer/laptop is much better, in fact, you even forgot how to write with a pen!
14. You spend so many hours writing that you can now type without looking at the keyboard.
15. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!)
16. Your wrist(s) hurt because of too much typing.
17. When writing on a slow computer, the words you type take a couple of minutes before appearing because you type too fast for the computer.
18. You have the wonderful talent of being able to talk a lot and think a lot. No one understands how this is possible.
19. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
20. People think you have A.D.D.
21. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
22. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
23. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
24. Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer:

25. You failed English 101.

If you match most of the criteria above- copy and paste it on your own profile!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It
gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blond begins to slide from the
saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to
her great fortune...Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.