(Unless you are a complete and utter dork about NASA, like I am, you might not know that the picture on the left was the last picture taken by the Mars rover Spirit before it died. NASA claims it was only a glitch, they do not suspect that Marvin the Martian visited their dying rover.)
I am ...
...a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
...a wave tossed in the ocean
...a vapor in the wind
Still God hears me when I'm calling, and He catches me when I'm falling
And He's told me who I am ... I am His.
-Who am I by Casting Crowns
I'M ON HIATUS FROM POSTING STUFF!! YAY!!
But I'll still answer stuff in my forum and (as always) I love reviews, but I have NO time to write decent stuff to post (literally, I'm losing sleep because I'm staying up late writing!). And I want my stuff to be quality so I'm gonna take a hiatus until further notice so that I can finish what I'm doing and (who knows) maybe write some good stuff so I can post it calmly and confidently (in my DREAMS! I STILL have, like, a panic attack every time I post something!)!
And if anyone is looking for my betareading account-thingy, it's gone for the same reason. I'll try to finish what I've committed myself to, but, once again, I want to put out a quality product. Sorry!
But here I'll be going by "The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon", cause I am.
This is my second account, my other one is Horse237 (Yes, I know I reviewed one of my own stories, but I was REALLY starved for attention so I ... ate ... myself, I guess.) ANYWAY, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm kinda wierd, and I like being that way. My motto is "Being weird is normal, and being normal is weird." cause how many truly normal people do you know?
:-p
Why I Write Humor
Short version: It's fun to write.
Long Version: I recently have had a few health problems (I'm not terminally ill or anything like that), but this prolonged illness forced me into a depression that was so bad I was actually hospitalized. Let it be known, that if it weren't for people reviewing my stories and helping me along (among other things of course, but FP has played a big part) I might still have to fear going back to that hospital. But writing and reading humor has helped me to laugh more and has consequntally lightened my spirit greatly! So I guess all I can say is "THANKS!"!
:-p
What's up on FP:
(These are rated by which is my favorites. The first one is the favorite. The second one is my second favorite. ...)
"Meet the Rodentia Family"! It is a charming little story (if I so say so myself, and I do) featuring several rodents (but not in a creepy or gross way). It has a twist at the end (like most of my stories) that you have to read! And it has lots of weird characters! R&R!
"A Batman Parody", for lack of a better name, is a ... Batman parody (hopefully you saw that coming). You see, I have two dogs with VERY distinct personalities and the one we have always called "Batdog' for a reason I can't go into, so I wrote a Batman parody with my two dogs in exchange of the Dynamic Duo (and I also wrote this run-on sentence). It is my first parody, but I'm used to making fun of TV shows (especially ones like Batman that were literally DESIGNED to be campy).
"The Book of Light" is a religious poem that hits where it hurts when it comes to being self-rightous (which is something that Christians have become notorious for). I wrote this when God told me that I needed to change, so I thought I'd post it.
I thought I'd give FP a look into some 55-word stories. They are exactly what you'd think ... stories with exactly 55 words excluding the title. I've writen I few and I plan on posting them as different chapters to the same "story". Recently I started writing some 55-word stories based on true stories that I've heard from my parents or that have happened in my own life (the names are all changed). Hope you enjoy 'em!
"America" is a poem about how SAD America has become. Basically I took the words to America the Beautiful (cause it was stuck in my head at the time) and twisted them around to be honest in today's world. hope you like it! I think it's funny!
My "Comedy of Grammatical Errors are basically just what happens when I get hyper and start thinking about grammar (which I agree is an odd combation). I will update more, if I get reviews, so R&R!
"Ten Things I've Learned from my BFF, Beluga1" is basically just a bunch of random stuff that makes sense if you understand what being random truly is. (And I've had a conversation with Beluga1 that was JUST about what is random and why everybody gets it wrong). So this is what being TRULY random is! This goes out to you, Beluga1! Love Ya!
:-p
Hobbies: Going to Church; Horseback riding; writing (obviously); reading; school; FP (I spend too much time on here.); trying to think of stuff to put on my profile
Bands I Listen to when Writing: Everlife; Superchick; Hannah Montana; The Jonas Brothers (I'm starting to listen to them, but I just don't get why so many girls are going crazy and calling them hot); Casting Crowns; The Boylki Brothers; The Monkees; ...
Authors that Inspire Me: God (The Bible); Christopher Paolini (The Inheritence Cycle); C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia); Dianna Wynne Jones (Howl's Moving Castle) (Castle in the Air) -and yes, I did steal my pen name from Howl's alias-; Charles Dickens (A Tale of Two Cities) -althought I'm not crazy enough to think that I can write like him, I mean I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy!-; the list goes on...
Religion: CHRISTian (in case you hadn't picked up on that by now, I am VERY up front about my faith)!! ;)
Location: Right now I'm at my computer typing this (if I wasn't at my computer, typing this would be futile)
Age: I'll give you a hint, it is not evenly divisable by 47 and it is a mutiple of 1.
Biggest fear: Wooden Indians (long story, but feel free to ask if you dare)
I can't think of anything else, call it writer's block. If you have any other catagories, I'm open to putting them on my profile. (Short of the obvious no-go's.)
-The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon
PS: THANK YOU to everyone who has (or possibly will) review my stories. I'm SO nervous about putting them on, that I dread it! So thanx for the support.
:-p
And now for all the copy and paste to profile stuff
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile
Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.
Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.
If you think MLK was a great guy, but can't look at his initals without thinking about dairy products, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you usually crack up when you here about OJ Simpon beating some guy up because of the mental picture of homocidal Orange Juice, c&p this into your profile.
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile ;p
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The irony...)
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair, copy and paste thing into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you have ever randomly started to pick apart a word using etymology, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever laughed at a joke that had to do with your knowledge of over three different languages, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have laughed at a joke that was told completly in a language other than English, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered how anyone could ever live without cartoons, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anythiny else for each other, c&p this in your profile.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you have answered a question by saying "Penguins" when penguins had NOTHING to do with what you were talking about, copy this into you're profile.
If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table/wall for no reason put this on your profile.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.
If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction and/or fictionpress, copy this into your profile
If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever mistaken a snake for a stick, copy and paste this into your profile.
30 percent of kids go to college. the other 70 either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are on of the 30 that KNOW that your going to college put this on your profile
If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you don't think it's fair that Goofy being a dog gets to do everything from have a house and play golf with Mickey, to have a job but Pluto has to live outside and drink from a bowl, copy this into your profile.
A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to hit 'em, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
If when you go to sleep you can hear songs that you haven't heard in three years copy this to your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile
If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The irony...)
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would have soda coming out your nose.
95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the five percent who are not, copy this, put it in your profile. (why would i care? i like who i am)
If you would rather die than see Hilary Clinton back in the White house, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tried to do something cool and ended up looking like an idiot, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think we should send Orlando Bloom back to Middle Earth, copy and paste this to your profile. (sorry to all you die hard fans, but I prefer Legolas!)
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If people look at you funny, and think you are insane, copy and paste this to your profile.
If people do not even doubt that you are different, copy and pate this into your profile.
If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world. If you are 100 percent proud to of it. copy this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmememories, Vampire Apple, Queen S of Randomness 016, The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have sibling(s) that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered why the sky is blue, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know why the sky is blue, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, c&p this into ur profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal, copy this in your profile!
If you have ever made someone laugh simply by telling them about your injuries, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever sat down and tried to write these c&p thingys, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think those kids should stop chasing Lucky and go buy their own LUCKY CHARMS, c&p this!
If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.
If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you have ever played a game of tic-tac-toe with yourself and lost, copy and paste this!
You know you live in 2008 when...
1.) You have accidentally tried to send a text message from a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
Ninety-Five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list, Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Oathkeepera, FF Girl, Rikusgirl777, not-so-perfect-angel, The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon
(")_(")
(O.O)
(M)_(M)
This is Bunny. I got him from someone else. Copy and paste Bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination SUPPORT THE BUNNY! Come to the Dark Side, We have cookies!
If you are a christian, copy and paste this to your profile
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile!
If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world. If you are 100 percent proud to of it. copy this into your profile.
:-p
This is my second collection of quotes, for the rest go to my other profile, please. www.fictionpress.com/~horse237 (My favorites are in bold.)
"Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does." Bill Nye (The Science Guy!)
"I'm lying now." NCIS. How is that possible? If he were telling the truth, he'd be lying ...
"If we don't get this right, we'll mess it up." Dinner Impossible.
"That's so deep, the fish at the bottom have never seen sunlight." The Weekenders.
"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, and here is a note from my psychiatrist, saying that I'm doing better...HONEST! LAST WEEK I THOUGHT I WAS A TOASTER OVEN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Thank you." The Animaniacs
"Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you, because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me." The Animaniacs
"Please turn the disk to side C." The 10th Kingdom. (I know I'm not all that great at geometry, but how can a disk have three sides?)
"He won't come out until the city's been cleansed of it's unholy clown infestation." The Weekenders.
"Clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns. Yeah, we fight them, too. Entire armies spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they just keep sending them in." Stargate Atlantis.
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." Milton Berle
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead." Woody Allen.
"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." Robert Benchley.
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." Gilda Radner.
"I'm feeling stretched, like chocolate pudding scraped across too much ham." Lord of the Beans, A Veggietale Movie.
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." Bill Peterson (a football coach). (I have one word and one word only for you: Brain Damage.)
"Why don't you try something really different and be the same person two days in a row?!" Reba.
"Three-do-loo!" Victor Borge.
"Thank you for helping Helpers Helping the Helpless. Your help was very... helpful! And if anyone finds my thesaurus please let me know." The Weekenders.
"Of course, we're not going to have any more fresh ingredients because we're all out of hand grenades." Good Eats.
"I think your cooking may have miltary aplications." The Weekenders.
"Pete and Repeat fell out of a boat ... wait, ..." Me when I try to tell a joke.
"It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion." Anatole France. (This is me, I'm very smart and wise when I think, but I can act very absurd!)
"I am filled with happiness and onions." The Weekenders.
"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." Samuel Goldwyn.
"A mime is a terrible thing to waste." Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
"That's so healthy, it's un-American." The Weekenders.
"Age is not important unless you are a cheese." Helen Hayes.
"I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you!" Lord of the Beans, A Veggietale Movie.
"The big black fruit looks suspicious." Kingdom Hearts.
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." Mel Brooks.
"You're the boy who lived." Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. (I firmly believe that this is one of the vaguest quotes to become as popular as this one has.)
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." Britney Spears.
"You haven't hit rock bottom yet, luckily we have." Reba.
"In order to make apple pie from scratch, you must first creat the universe." Carl Sagan.
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." Steven Wright.
"Indecision may or may not be my problem." Jimmy Buffett.
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing." Emo Philips.
"I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain." Stargate Atlantis.
"You call this a multimedia event? It's a slide projector and a bedsheet!" The Veggietales.
"Never put a sock in a toaster." Eddie Izzard.
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end." Margaret Thatcher.
"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down." Flip Wilson.
"I guess cows are my favorite because that's where you get beef and milk and eggs." The Weekenders
"Mr. Cruncher himself always spoke of the year of our Lord as Anna Dominoes: apparantly under the impression that the Christian era dated from the invention of a popular game, by a lady who had bestowed her name upon it." A Tale of Two Cities, pg. 47.
"I wake up every morning and I'm like, 'What can I learn from my cat today?'" My cat-obsessed sister.
"You can't go saying everybody has a waterbuffalo. Everybody does not have a waterbuffalo. We're going to get nasty letters saying 'Where's my waterbuffalo?' 'Why don't I have a waterbuffalo?' Are you prepared to deal with that? I don't think so! So stop being so silly!" The Veggietales.
"If you are not too long, I'll wait for you all my life." The Importance of Being Ernest.
"When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he has the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him." A Tale of Two Cities, pg. 47.
"I was just thinking about my lost hopes, just thinking about my shattered dreams, just thinking about a sandwich." The Weekenders.
"You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground hatches locked-." Stargate Atlantis.
"I will not take you to the hospital if you get hurt, I will not bail you out of jail, and I will not write a letter of apology to the United States Army." Ace of Cakes.
"To me, wearing headphones is practice for being senile. Just think about it, you can't hear, you hear voices in your head, and you sing to yourself." Scott Gregory on Bananas.
"This is not cheese on my head, it is a hat." The Veggietales.
"How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?" Charles De Gaulle.
"'Oil can.' Larry the Cucumber as the rusted tin man. (look below for rest of quote)
'Boil your own spam!'" The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's, A Veggietale Movie.
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." My family.
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