Hello, my name is...I'm not telling you! But I'm thirteen years old, female, and if you wish to know anything more about me, feel free to visit my profile at fanfiction.net.

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1344762/

STORIES!!

I have none yet! But I am working thoroughly on a angsty-romance story and several poems/songs. Wait if you wish, but I don't know if they'll be good or not. I'm also going to dig through old notebooks of mine for stories that might be halfway decent or totally random because I wrote them in first grade.

A few short things (not really short):

-I am obsessed with: music, writing, and Harry Potter. People claim that I have an inhuman obsession with all three of these things.

-School hates me, and in turn, I hate it. I am more uncoordinated than anyone. Once I tripped over a sandwich. Everyone says I am more mature and have more convictions than anyone my age should.

-My favorite Harry Potter characters are Ginny, because I think I'm most like her, and Dumbledore, because he's just awesome. ("For instance, you have not asked me my favorite flavor of jam...For future reference, Harry, it is raspberry...although of course, if I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam preferences before impersonating myself." I laughed my ass off, and of course, what I say just about every day: "Of course this is all happening in your head...but why on earth should that not make it real?")

-It has become an unspoken rule that any girl who passes me by must ask me if my hair is natural curly, which it is, and then either "boing" one of my curls or stick their finger through one of my ringlets. Sure, it sounds funny, until you've had a thousand people's fingers in your hair.

-I hate Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers and High School Musical. I fail to understand how anyone can like it.

-Sarcasm is my specialty.

-My philosophy is that when life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and laugh as everyone wonders how the hell you pulled it off.

-I play guitar, drums, bass, and a bit of piano. Couldn't sing to save my life. In 2007, I went to twenty concerts.

-I'm originally from Chicago, but moved to SoCal a few years back. However, I still say almost all my 'o's like 'a's and call what they call here 'soda' 'pop'. Well, 'pap'.

-Once when I was writing an essay for school saying how J.K. Rowling would be a great influence, I couldn't come up with a good attention grabber. So I tossed around quotes from the story. I wrote 'NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH! Now that I have your attention...' Because that quote was one, hysterical, and two, my favorite Molly Weasley quote ever. I showed it to a bunch of people, writing my whole essay after that. Then I made a real rough draft with a real attention grabber. But I turned in the wrong draft and let's just say my teacher was not exactly pleased. At least I had the right topic sentence on my final draft, or I'd've been dead.

-Despite popular belief I am NOT insane. I just happen to be quite different. I put produce stickers on my forehead because it's fun and I don't have a Harry Potter scar. I am sarcastic because that's how I roll. I am truly weird. If anyone tells me this, I thank them. In Japanese. Or French.

-My grandmother sends me pictures of people I don't know dated, in her handwriting, for 2011. She is crazy to the point where she is creating her own memories. In fact, she thinks I'm seventeen, collect maps, and write love songs to my cat (which I don't have) on my prized possession: a 1969 fiddle (which I don't know how to play). Also, at my great uncle TJ's wake, who she isn't even related to because she divorced my grandfather, she told TJ's wife that she had a picture of TJ on a tank and had to find it and give it to her. However, my grandmother couldn't possibly have a picture of TJ on a tank, because TJ was in the navy. Talking to her is like being forced to watch High School Musical, the UK dubs of Dragonball Z, and Hannah Montana at the same time while reading Pupkin while listening to the One Piece rap. Torture. Overwhelming, confusing torture.

-I HATE THE HARRY POTTER FILMS!! They get everything completely wrong, omit necessary things to add unnecessary things (in the fifth movie, which they made way too short, they could have used all that time they spent showing Filch drinking tea and eating sweets with, well, I don't know...QUIDDITCH?!). And I think they casted the second Dumbledore horribly (RIP Richard Harris) and should give more time (and lines) to Tonks and Ginny.

-My history teacher doesn't know how to teach. He doesn't teach us anything in class, we spend the whole time watching boring films that make you want to shoot yourself and drawing three maps a week. And if you don't use a ruler, you get points off. He told one kid named Daniel to take his Santa hat off, saying "Take that ridiculous hat off in my classroom!". And he has to believe in that stuff, because he has a pennant in his classroom that says 'God Bless America.'

-My parents are truly awesome. My mom likes all the same music that I do, and she and my dad are always giving me more CDs and bands to listen to. They support anything and everything I do, and inspire me to do those things in the first place. Without them I would be nothing. I love them a lot.

-The administration at my school hates me because two years ago at Halloween I dressed up as a fish. Well, it rained that year, and I spent my time flopping around in every puddle and trying to get from class to class without using my feet or hands. Then the next year I dressed up as a door-to-door salesman (it was easy: suit, hat to hide all my hair in, and a fake mustache) and handed out business cards with a fake number on them. And one day I walked up to every person in school and said, "Are you happy?" and whether they said yes or no, I would ask them to clap their hands. Then the next day, I asked them to stomp their feet. Then the next day I rounded up a bunch of people in gym class and we sang the Frosted Flakes song while playing basketball. They hate me.

-I am so weird that I'm actually popular. People know me all over the school for my weirdness and odd behaviour. I've walked into classrooms I've never been in before and teachers know my name. Well, that's maybe because I'm really smart. Unnaturally smart. It sometimes scares me.

-I am a pacifist, I am agnostic (there goes a few of my readers), and a crazy ass liberal. All the kids in my school who make fun of me, I just make a sarcastic retort, but I will never actually fight them. People often ask me about my religion, and I tell them I am agnostic, because I do not believe in things like gods and devils. However, I do understand how some people might need to think this and am not against it. I am pro-gay rights, pro-choice and would like to see less racists and sexists. Though I am not eighteen, I stay caught up on political issues and campaigned actively for Barack Obama.

-I have an unnatural obsession with prime numbers. If you ask me, for example, for any number, it will be prime. Usually, thirteen. For another example, I have added this for the sole purpose of having a prime number of informational thingys.

QUOTES:

--"The problem with political jokes is they get elected." --Henry Cate VII

--"There's nothing wrong with being a loser; it just depends on how good you are at it." --Billie Joe Armstrong

--"Dr. Jules Hulbert: Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.
Harold Crick: I'm sorry?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Just answer the question.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder mysteries in large luxurious homes to which you, let me finish, to which you may or may not have been invited?
Harold Crick: No. No, no, no.
Dr. Jules Hulbert:Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Harold Crick: Assassinated?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: One being very unlikely ten being expecting it around every corner.
Harold Crick: I have no idea.
Dr. Jules Hulbert: O.k. let me rephrase. Are you the king of anything?
Harold Crick: Like what?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Anything. King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
Harold Crick: King of the lanes?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: King of the lanes, king of the trolls,
Harold Crick: King of the Trolls?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Yes, uh uh uh a clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Huh?
Harold Crick: No. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Harold Crick: Like do I have someone else's arms?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Well is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or, earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
Harold Crick: No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Dr. Jules Hulbert: Good. Do you have magical powers?" --Stranger Than Fiction

"Why was Harold talking to this man? This man... was an idiot; this man used words like "wibbly-wobbly" and "convo," and explained that trees were trees. Of course trees were trees; Harold knew that trees were trees." --Karen Eiffel (narrating), Stranger Than Fiction

--"'You know there's something called a nicotine patch.'
'I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny, I smoke cigarettes.'"-- Penny Escher and Karen Eiffel, respectfully, Stranger Than Fiction

--"Life is but life, and death but death.
Bliss is but bliss, and breath but breath.
And if, indeed, I fail
At least to know the worst is sweet.
Defeat means nothing but defeat, no drearier shall prevail."--Emily Dickinson

--"Once I called a man gay and he hit me with his purse." -- Common Joke

--"Lorelai Gilmore. No, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle? We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium!" --Rory Gilmore, "Gilmore Girls"

--"Ladies just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles. They can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles...Now, repeat after me 'I am completely helpless.'" --Lorelai Gilmore, "Gilmore Girls"

--"If you burn a bridge, you can possibly build a new bridge, but if there's no river any more, that's a lot of trouble." --Keith Olbermann

--"Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it." --Anonymous

--"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host." --Veronica, "Heathers"

--"'You're special, Rory.'
'Like...stop eating the paste, special?'" --Logan Huntzburger and Rory Gilmore, respectively, "Gilmore Girls"

--"For over two decades, he's (John McCain) subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy -- give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is -- you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps -- even if you don't have boots. You're on your own." --Barack Obama

--"I'm sentimental because I don't want to murder my son?" --Angela Petrelli, "Heroes"

--"What goes ninety-nine clunk, ninety-nine clunk?...A centipede with a wooden leg." --Popsicle stick. I thought it was ridiculously funny for some reason unknown.

--"You're a reporter now, Gilmore. You've got to learn to say 'ass.'" --Doyle McMaster, "Gilmore Girls"

--"We could just have one kid, one's fine...or more if you want more. Or we don't have to have any kids, we could just...get a plant." --Luke Danes, "Gilmore Girls"

--After poisoning her husband, before he collapses "I lied. It wasn't your mother's recipe." --Angela Petrelli, "Heroes"

--"What has two thumbs and is officially not a pedophile?" --Mr. Simpson, "Degrassi: The Next Generation." I turned it on once and this is what I heard.

--"'We're going to leave this place completely different people.'

'Yes, I'm going to be Ted Nugent.'" --Emily and Lorelai Gilmore, respectively, "Gilmore Girls"

--"I never patronized a bunny rabbit." -- Veronica's dad, "Heathers"

--"'...how happy I am to have yet another chair I can't sit on.'

'It's one hundred years old, Richard.'

'Wonderful. We'll put it right next to the two-hundred year old footstool you can't put your foot on.'

'Richard!'

'I'm only teasing, Emily. It is one of the great pleasures in my life to be able to surround you with a house full of useless objects. I'm never happier than when we're standing in the corner, staring at our furniture.'" --Richard and Emily Gilmore, respectively, "Gilmore Girls."

--"He just came in a few hours to um, uh, uh fuck me." --Julianne, "My Best Friend's Wedding"

--"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat." --Anna Scott, "Notting Hill"

--"I'm madly in love with you. And it's not because of your brains, or your personality, it's because you're fucking beautiful..." --The grandfather from "Little Miss Sunshine"

--"Going to conservatives to have them give you ideas about stimulus is like asking Quakers to draw up battle plans!" --Chris Hayes, AKA "Twitchy." Serious, just watch him speak.

--"I'll sew anything you want, just stop getting me pregnant." --Lynette Scavo, "Desperate Housewives"

--"How dare you say that so close to the statue St. Lucia, the patron saint of judgemental statues!" --Elisa, "30 Rock"

--"There's a word for people who only teach their children abstinence, and it's grandparents."

--"But when it came right down to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it. It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at." --The Bell Jar. Believe it or not, this one line got me through a lot.

--"When the last living thing has died on account of us, how poetical would it be if Earth could say, a voice floating up perhaps from the floor of the grand canyon, "It is done. People did not like it here." -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Timequake