Thebestnameonthesite, reporting for duty. I'm your basic fourteen-year-old genius with the exception that I live in the most retarded place on the planet. I'll give you a hint: it's hot. I'm an aspiring writer with an addiction to anything that can even be interpreted to lesbians and anime. The only exceptions I have are books, which I have been having a long-standing marriage since I was about three.

QUOTES OF THOSE STUPID ENOUGH TO FIND ME ENTERTAINING:

#1

"Cahlil, what's your Mom's first name?" - My Mom

"Crystal."- My four year old cousin, Cahlil

"What's her last name then?"- Mom

"Mommy." - Cahlil

#2

"Mommy! My baby ugly!"- Genesis, my niece

"Okay Punkin," - My sister Paris

#3

"Dude!" -Me, in disgust

"You said dude."- Christopher W., laughing

#4

"The only thing I won't eat is hair. Stomachs can't digest hair, but everything except poison, I can eat," -David.

#5

"It's the Andy Milinakis Show. The Shndy Shilinakis show? It's the Andy Milinakis show. Yeah."- Christopher R. He started singing this in the middle of class.

#6

"I'm loopy. I'm loopy. I'm loooopy."- Zephry on the bus.

#7

"I'm playing video games on Mia's forehead!"-Zephry

"I'm beating you."- Me (those go together)

#8

"I'm standing on a toilet bowl, no tissue to wipe my booty. So what do I do? I take it like a man and use my hands. No tissue, no tissue, no tissue. Yeah, yeah. No tissue, no tissue, no tissue." - Collis in Spanish class

#9

"Mush, doggy, mush." -Jesus, David's little brother, while clinging to my bookbag.

#10

"Man, Jesus has that snap! You know how mob bosses can snap their fingers really loud? He can do that! You hear it like a block away. And he's always on the phone with random people in the dead of night." - David

#11

"Alright ladies have a good night. Don't do anything I wouldn't do and if you do make sure to take pictures." - My mom's coworker, Mr. Everett

#12

"C'mon David; you actually believe that only one person invented math? What, it's recorded somewhere in the bible 'And on the eigth day there was math?'" - Mr. Dobson, my sarcastic algebra teacher.

#13

"When the big bang happened guys, God and Ms. Davis, our lovely principal, were still in elementary school, cheating on the spelling test. Barker and Singleton were still in diapers." - Mr. Jarrell, my science teacher.

#14

"For the last time, techno is not a choice! It's a lifestyle!"- Vanessa in gym class

#15

"You're weird. I'm weird when I have candy but you're just plain weird." - Wayne-Ann. Me and Taylor were talking and I said something about the armed forces or whatever and she just said that. It was funny.

#16

"You know what's funny? That in Japan the final episode of Sailor Moon had Sailor Moon and Galactia naked and floating around Earth but not in here."- Me

"Goddammit!" - Latwan hitting the table with his fist after I told him this.

#17

"You, quadruped mammal. Sprechen Sie Englisch?" - Skipper the Penguin

"I sprechen." - Marty

"What continent is this?"- Skipper the Penguin

"Manhattan."-Marty. My favorite part of the movie, Madagascar.

#18

"Get that whore off my radio. What the hell's the matter with you?"- My Mom about Brittney Spears

#19

"Go faster, you bastard!"- My bro, Sam, at the fair.

#20

"Can I borrow your GC CD?"- Taylor

"Will I get it back?"- Me

"Most likely not."-Taylor

"Most likely not, then."-Me (Those four go together)

#21

"It's to late to order fries. It's too late, ay, ay, ay."- Otelnise at BK.

#22

I hate to see you go, but I love to see you walk away. -Maddie in Requited

#23

"Heh, isn't that just like a Wop? Brings a knife to a gunfight. Get outta here you Dago bastard! Go on, get your ass out of here!"- Sean Connery as Jim Malone in The Untouchables.

#24

"Man, your full of- I'd curse but both my mother and your mother are here. Just know your full of it."-My brother Michel to his brother Theo.

#25

"How the hell do you get away with that? You say something sarcastic and you get away with it. I say something sarcastic and I get called home. It's bullshit!"- Otelnise

"I look better than you do. It's a matter of prettiness." - Me

#26

"Hey! No one gets away with jumping Joe Dirt! No one!" - Christopher M.

#27

"It's about that time, right Josh?"- Jahdiel

"Yeah, bout that time."-Josh

"Definitely about that time."-Stern

#28

"Do I have to smile?"- Me

"What else do people do in pictures?"- Tiffany

"I don't know, put up middle fingers and gang-signs?"- Me

#29

"Air bitch-slap on three."- Me to David

#30

"Do you realize how freaking stupid your girlfriend is?"- Me

"Why else do you think we're always kissing? I don't need her to talk."- Devonte, resident pimp.

#31

"Hey, Kassy, want to come to my house tomorrow?"- Jesse when David was flirting with her.

"Dammitt Jesse, stop cockblocking!"- Me and Anthony

#32

"Do you really want to finish that sentence when my foot is less than two inches from your balls?"- Taylor to Jared.

#33

"Take your shirt off! Take it off! Take it off!"-Taylor and Vanessa to Jared.

#34

"Let me guess; you two are talking about lesbians?"-Jared

"Not just any lesbians; teenage English lesbians."-Vanessa

#35

"I had a weird dream last night. He (Jared) was in it."-Vanessa

"Don't your dreams usually involve beautiful women?"-Me

"I know!"-Vanessa

"I was joking!"-Me

(pause) "I wasn't."- Vanessa.

#36

"I'm surprised vampires haven't died of AIDS yet."-Vanessa

#37

"I like green, too."-Vanessa after I give Taylor a dollar

"That's funny. I like beige!"-Taylor as she flashes it.

#38

"I know very touchy people."-Vanessa

"Who, your girlfriend?"-Me, being sarcastic

"WHAT!"- Vanessa, who looks up from her almost nap

#39

"I saw lesbians today."-Vanessa

"Where, in the mirror?"-Me

(Vanessa glares and then looks away)

#40

"Jahziah! Come make-out with me!"-Vanessa

"How many times do I have to tell you 'No!'"-Jahziah

#41

"I'm starting to get the feeling she doesn't want to kiss me."-Vanessa

"I don't think she wants to do anything sexual at all with you."-Me

"Bullshit."-Vanessa

#42

"So you bought her that?"-Vanessa, pointing to Taylor's boostiay.

"It was a Christmas present!"-Jahziah

"So you wanted her naked for your Christmas present?"-Vanessa

"Vanessa!"-Jahziah

"What? You wanted to see her naked, but not me?"-Vanessa

#43

"You do know that you can talk to yourself in your mind, right?"-Me

"No. It hurts."-Vanessa

"It's called thinking."-Me

"Exactly! It hurts."-Vanessa

"Explains your grade in this class."-Jared

#44

"In my next life I want to die as a pocky stick at a cosplay convention between either Sasuke and Naruto or Yorouichi and Soi-Fon."-Vanessa

#45

"No wonder you can never spend any time with me! There's always somebody intruding on our time!"-My cousin Crys to my cousin Tiffany

"My. That's one needy wife, Tiffany."-Me

#46

"What are you guys talking about?"-Wendy to Vanessa and me

"You're to young to hear this."-Vanessa

"I'm older than you!"-Wendy

"Just shut the fuck up."-Vanessa

#47

"Jahziah. We need to take a break."-Vanessa with Taylor in her lap.

"We were never together!"-Jahziah

"Bull!"-Vanessa

#48

"You have to many women in your life."-Me

"Shut up."-Vanessa

"Or is their no such thing as to many women?"-Me

"(long pause) Shut up."-Vanessa

#49

"What's R?"-Ms. Trice, the geometry teacher

"R?"-Me

"Yeah, in the book."-Ms. Trice

"A letter."-Me and Vanessa at the same time

#50

"Whose your favorite teacher?"-Vanessa

"Ms. Johnson."-Jared

"I said favorite, not hottest."-Vanessa

"That's actually true."-Me

"Shut up. Your done talking, just shut up."-Vanessa

#51

"Wow, Kayla your ringtone couldn't be any gayer."-Vanessa

"You couldn't be any gayer!"-Kayla

"(Pause) Yes, I can."-Vanessa

#52

"Asians named Jared suck and not in a good way."-Taylor

#53

"See, you do want to see me naked!"-Vanessa

"No. But maybe she does." - Jahziah about Taylor

"I'm down for whatever."-Taylor

#54

"Your arm says 'Genius at Work'."-Me

"I know."-Vanessa

"Shouldn't it say 'Idiot Doing Nothing?'"-Me

#55

"You think backwards. Sex makes you think of abstinence. Abstinence makes you think of sex. What do lesbians make you think of, gay guys?"-Me

"Hot! Wait, what?"-Vanessa

#56

"The highlight of my day is when I hook up in the bathroom with your mom. I-I mean, in my dreams, yeah, that's what I said."-Taylor

#57

"There are three things that make you American: Oreo cookies, Burger King, and apple pie."-Jahdiel

"I agree. You can never go wrong with apple pie. Even bad apple pie is good apple pie and that is what America is based on."-Me

"That and killing people because we're that badass. What? I had to say something."-Josh

#58

'"And there have been instances where some have overdosed on Viagra."'-News

"How do you overdose on Viagra? You deserve to die. 'Oh, yeah honey I'm coming- Oh, Jesus call 911! I'm having the big one!'"-Me

#59

"NINJA!"- Joshua jumping on the table.

#60

"Your dog is retarded. She just looks at the Frisbee and watches it go past her."- Me to Tiffany

#61

"I lost that paper I had of quotes and I can't remember anything about it."-Me

"Me neither. It was something about lesbians."-Vanessa

"Isn't it always with you around?"-Me

#62

"Jahziah is ancient Hebrew for 'Giant Boobs On Small Body.'"- Joshua

#63

"I had the best dream last night."- Vanessa

"Women?"-Me

"Basically."- Vanessa

#64

"2 paragraphs minimum."-Ms. Durrant

"Minimum?"-Josh

"I'm becoming a minimalist."-Me

"Ditto."-Josh

#65

"That test wasn't nice. The questions were all random."- Funsized Brianna

"The computer did it."-Me

"The computer isn't nice. The computer can suck my balls."-Funsized Brianna

#66

"You know, when you see an actress and your like, 'Man, she's hot?' And you have all these thoughts about her and you think she's super sexy, right? That happened to me but then she did the unthinkable: she spoke. And I have never been the same."-Me

#67

"Why don't you make her look like Edward Cullen?"- Me

"No one deserves that."-Taylor

#68

"Hey, I just bought that messenger bag at A&F too!"-Melanie

"Awesome. (under breath) Like I give a fuck."-Me

"You are so rude."- Vanessa

#69

"Hi."-Anika

"Hi."- Me

"Hi."-Anika

"Hi."- Me

"What the fuck, you two bonding or some shit?"- Ms. Johnson, Mom's Co-Worker

#70

"My hat smells fruity."- Brittany

"It's just like you!" Jessie

#71

"I think it's impossible for a straight kid to skip."- Me

"I can."- Vanessa

"I knew it!"- Alyssa when I told her this.

#72

"I don't believe gays should marry. Why do they have to be as miserable as the rest of us?"- Peter Griffin on Family Guy

#73

"Josh, you are a fatass." - Arley

"What? Because I like to eat?"- Josh

"No. Because you don't eat when your hungry."-Me

"It takes the pleasure away."-Josh

#74

"Sex is powerful but not that powerful. Wars may have been fought because of a hot ass, but novels have been burned for sucking."- Me to Vanessa

#75

"My bookbag smells like strawberries and razors." - Vanessa

#76

"My dad's an asshole. He says he goes to work but all he does is sit on the couch and watch TV or he's on the internet." - David

"I want that job." - Me

"Me too." - Jessie

#77

"Your girlfriend's named what?"- Arley

"Wooki."- Harlan

"You mean that ugly, hairy Sasquatch thing from Star Wars?"- Josh

"That's his mother."- Christopher W.

"Nothing to say?"- Taylor to me

"I'm stuck on the fact that someone actually wants to date him."- Me

#78

"I can't believe you! You gave me ADD! I can't focus!" - Me to Jessie

#79

"I hate Twilight." - Me

"The hell is wrong with you? I loved it. Did you watch the movie?" - Devon

"Yeah, and I read all the books." - Me

"Why'd you do that if you hated it?" - Devon

"I was hoping it'd get better as time went on but I was sorely mistaken. I never thought all my braincells could simultaneously want to commit seppuku." - Me

#80

"It's not that I'm ashamed to cry, per se. It's that... Actually, yes." - Me to Michel

#81

"What're you singing?" - Mom

"Date Rape by Sublime." - Me

"If you weren't going to Hell before this, you're going now." - Mom

#82

"Damn, that was cold as hell. Just cut me deep, shit." - Jermal to me

#83

"Get his ass!"- Devon S.

#84

"You see, I have an inner white-girl, an inner gangster, and an inner gay guy." - Jermal

"The inner gay is strongest, huh?" - Me

"What?" - Jermal

"Nothing." - Me

#85

"OMG, would you two shut the fuck up?"- Kassandra

"Did she just tell us to shut up?" - Taylor

"I think she did." - Me

"Bitch!" - Me and Taylor

#86

"You know what? For all the copying you've let me do over the years, I give you Kassandra." - Taylor

"I'm not a pet." - Kassy

"What happens if I don't want her?" - Me

"Um, guys, right here." - Kassy

"Look, take her or leave her." - Taylor

"Fuck you guys." - Kassy

"Alright, alright, I'll take her. You could be a salesman." - Me

#87

"Hey, sweetheart, can I get some more coffee?" - Jermal

"You realize you just called him 'sweetheart', right?" - Me

"Fuck it. He's probably into shit like that." - Jermal

#88

"Shut up before I make you talk to the concrete." - Aliyah

"Hey, even I'm not that stupid." - Taylor

#89

"You stabbed a guy! David was crying!" - Taylor

"That's cause he's a pussy." - Me

#90

“Ariel's sister was hot.” - Taylor

“Did she look like you?” - Me

“No, she was blonde with big-hair and this really dark tan.” - Taylor

“How the Hell do you get a tan underwater?” - Me

#91

"A farmer sells coconuts and chickens on the side of the road. One day a woman asks if he has any fruit. He tells her, "Hold my cock and pullet, so I can turn my ass around and show you my nuts.""- Uncle Chris

"We're all going to Hell." - Me, laughing.

#92

"Jerome, want to here a joke?" - Me

"No." - Jerome

"A farmer sells coconuts and chickens on the side of the road. One day a woman asks if he has any fruit. He tells her, "Hold my cock and pullet, so I can turn my ass around and show you my nuts.""- Me

"All of you are going to Hell." - Jerome

"That's what I said! We are related!" - Me

#93

"'I wanna fuck you like an animal.'" - The song Closer, on my computer

"Jesus Christ, this is why no one bothers to listen to your iPod?" - Dante, my cousin

#94

"Why are you dating Daniel?" - Me

"He's like a male-version of me with less sexiness and you know I'm narcissistic." - Taylor

"Then why do you deny it?" - Me

"He plays the clarinet in the school band; what, you want us to skip down the halls?" - Taylor (She didn't say this but I'm psychic when it comes to her.)

#95

"What are you getting me for my birthday?" - Me

"You know, my birthday's soon too." - Mom

"Yeah, but your old. No one cares anymore." - Me

#96

"Your mother doesn't look like she could be your mother." - Taylor

"You've never seen my mom." - Me

"I did, at the movies." - Taylor

"That was my sister." - Me

"No, she had the nice haircut. Your mom was hot; she doesn't look almost fifty. I'd so do her." - Taylor

"Oh God, now I need to block out these last few minutes of our conversation." - Me

#97

"Ryoubaka." - Me

"What's that mean?" - Taylor

"It's supposed to be Japanese for 'asshole', but I'm not sure." - Me

"Like I care. Hey, Ashley! Ryoubaka, ryoubaka, ryoubaka! Hey, you, with the hat! Giganto ryoubaka!" - Taylor

#98

"It's perfectly fine for me to be obnoxious; I'm Cuban. Hey you, with the hair! Move your fucking ass!" - Ahmed

#99

"I'm sorry I forgot your birthday. Tomorrow I'm going to steal all of Michael's Lunchables and give them to you." - Taylor

"That's so nice of you. If I had a baby brother, I'd steal his Lunchables for you too." - Me

#100

"Who else has noticed that roaches have become gangsters? I swear, I tried to sweep one out my room, it made some kind of gang-sign and attacked." - Ms. Dino, my English 1 teacher.

# 101

“I'M TELLING YOU THAT I GO TO THE SAME BUILDING AS YOU!” - Ronald

“THAT'S AWESOME!” - Ahmed

“WHY ARE YOU TWO YELLING?” - Me

“NO REASON! YOU WANT TO JOIN IN THE RANDOMNESS!” - Ahmed

“SURE!” - Me

“HI, I'M RONALD, BETTER KNOWN AS 'THAT ONE GUY!'” - Ronald

“HI, I'M (INSERT MY NAME), BETTER KNOWN AS 'THAT KID THAT NEVER SHUTS UP' AND 'TAYLOR'S LESS OBNOXIOUS FRIEND!” - Me

“NICE MEETING YOU!” - Ronald

“YOU TOO!” - Me

“SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES FOR DOING THIS!” - Random Kid

“OUR WORK IS DONE!” - Ahmed

“YEAH, IT NORMALLY TAKES LONGER THAN THIS!” - Me

# 102

“Damn, you guys are musty!” - Daniel T.

“What do you smell like when you run around after a ball in the hot sun?” - Janitor

“Uh, flowers.” - Daniel T.

# 103

“We're watching a parody of the Spanish Inquisition today for the last thirty minutes of class. It's very entertaining and I'm sure you guys will like it.” - Mr. Backs, my world history teacher

“'What is this, the bloody Spanish Inquisition?' 'No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!'” - Me

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” - Mr. Backs

# 104

“I only read and write lesbian fan-fiction.” - Me

“Why?” - Ahmed

“Because by the time I'm threw sorting through piles of total crap, I'm to frustrated to read the straight ones and, the gay porn makes my tummy hurt, and whenever I read a book that's been publicized recently it makes me want to listen to my six-year-old cousin rattle on about super-heroes that have evil twin cops that molest animals.” - Me

“That's not as random as all the other bull you say, but what about writing?” - Ahmed

“Everyone ends up acting like a girl any ways, so why not?” - Me

# 105

“Look at my buddy, kicking ass at billiards!” - Me

“Shut up! Your distracting me from actually hitting the stupid thing!” - Taylor

(She ends up scratching.)

“Fuck! This is all your fault!” - Taylor to me

“Want a hug?” - Me

“I don't want your damn hug! Your germs are gonna get on me and then I'm gonna end up losing pathetically bad instead of just seriously bad!” - Taylor

# 106

“Gays are going to Hell and that's the end of it. Now, excuse me as I go flirt with Marica and make her feel uncomfortable.” - Jade G.

(A few seconds after she leaves.)

“That girl is suppressing something.” - Me

“Hell yeah.” - Taylor

“Want another slice of pizza?” - Me

“Hell yeah.” - Taylor

# 107

“Ms. Walker, just take it! I'm going to cry, just take it and give me an A!” -Taylor

“No. It's not worth an A yet, so keep doing it.” - Ms. Walker

(Taylor flops in seat and cries on my shoulder)

“Normally it's the other way around, right?” - Me

“Yes, it's normally the other way around. Teachers have fucking retired and gone crazy because of me, and with you, and this evil bitch goes and makes me cry.” - Taylor

“Want to egg her car at the end of the year?” - Me

“Yes! Oh, my God, I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” - Taylor

# 108

“Spell 'United States of America,' Mr. A-student.” - Me

“U dot, S dot, A.” - Cahlil (That's pretty accurate for a six-year-old.)

# 109

“Taylor, baby. I missed you this morning. And I think I left my bra at your house.” - Jade G.

(And she wonders why we think she's a lesbian.)

# 110

“Turn the damn page!” - Me

“I'm supposed to be the random one.” - Ahmed

“Is that the balance of our relationship? I'm quiet and your random?” - Me

“There is no balance. We're both random, I'm just supposed to be the random one.” - Ahmed

“If I gave you both random F's what would you?” - Mr. Backs

“Randomly cry out, 'Infidels!'” - Ahmed

“I'd just randomly cry.” - Me

# 111 (I'm 1/6th evil today!)

“So you use the numbers 32, 51, 98-” Ms. Walker

“Eleventy three.” - Taylor

“What's eleventy three?” - Alden

“It's thirty-three, because it's 11 y 3 and the y is 'and' in Spanish, which means you multiply.” - Me

“No, it's not! I thought you knew.” - Taylor

“Shh. I'm tricking them.” - Me

“Oh, okay.” - Taylor

“You guys realize you can't whisper, right?” - Alexander

“Shut the hell up. Your ruining the vibe.” - Me

# 112

“You so killed the vibe. Your like, like-” Daniel T.

“A vibe killer?” - Me

“No! Your Green Day to my Linkin Park.” - Daniel T.

“Oh, yeah? Your 'Oh Montreal' to my 'Panic at the Disco'!” - Me

“That lead singer's sexy.” - Adderly

“Then your Panic at the Disco to my Fall Out Boy.” - Daniel T.

“Pete Wentz is sexy.” - Adderly

“He wears eye-liner.” - Daniel T.

“Well, he makes it work!” - Adderly

“If your 'Fall Out Boy,' I'm 'Killswitch Engage.'” - Me

“What?” - Daniel T.

“Exactly!” - Me

“Ustedes finito trabajes?” - Ms. Garcia, my Algebra 2 teacher who teaches me more Spanish than anything else.

“Si. Don't know about el stupido diaz graders though.” - Me

# 113

“You write fanfiction, too?” - Me

“Yeah, if I can get another account.” - Jermal

“Why'd they delete you?” - Me

“I'll freely admit it to you. I'm a smut writer. I'd get, like, a hundred reviews and then some a-hole would report me because I didn't respond to their review. That, and, I don't like authority. Or rules. Or regulations on stories. It's a rated M for a reason, dude.” - Jermal

# 114

“Mr. Backs, leave (insert my gender) alone. This is my partner in crime.” - James G., Jade G.'s older brother (Don't tell her, but he's so much cooler.) “Should I be worried?” - Mr. Backs

“Yes, be afraid. We know where you live and I think Ahmed's with us on burning this bitch down.” - Me

#115

“With all the cooking I do here, I feel like I have three husbands.” - Mom

“I came out of you.” - Me

“I did try to marry you.” - Dad

“I do.” - Tiffany

#116

“Mom, my laptop's growling at me. I don't think it likes gospel songs.” - Me

“That's a Goddamn shame; the computer's a nihilist like it's owner.” - Mom

#117
“What's Cahlil plus Cahlil?” - Cahlil

“Twice the loving.” - Me

“Twice the loving?” - Cahlil

“Yeah, McLuvin.” - Me

“How is it McLuvin?” - Cahlil

“Superbad.” - Me

“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil

“McLuvin.” - Me

“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil

“McLuvin.” - Me

“McLuvin?” - Cahlil

“Superbad.” - Me

(He tackles me and tries to sit on me. I grab him and hold him upside down.)

“McLuvin.” - Me

“How is it Superbad!” - Cahlil

“Cahlil shut up before you get a pow-pow!” - Mom

“Haha, I win.” - Me

(Put him down.)

“Win what?” - Cahlil

“Superbad.” - Me

“How is it Superbad!” - Cahlil

“Cahlil!” - Mom

“Sorry, Auntie!” - Cahlil

“(My name)!” - Mom

“What, woman?” - Me

“Stop antagonizing that boy!” - Mom

“Superbad!” - Me

“What's Superbad?” - Mom

“McLuvin!” - Me

“Mc-what? Is it a new McDonald's thing?” - Mom

“I am McLuvin!” - Me

“Mc-shut the hell up!” - Mom

“What's all the yelling about?” - Jerome

“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil

“I am... McLuvin.” - Jerome

“Haha, I win.” - Me (Yes, this entire thing happened.)

#118

“Look at my new helmet, Auntie!” - Cahlil with a bucket on his head

“(My name)! Stop being an asshole and take that off his head!” - Mom

“Hey, this time it wasn't my fault! Jeez, shove his head in a sandbox once and suddenly you're a bad guy.” - Me (I didn't put it on him this time. I just made him leave the house like that.)

#119

“Do you have to eat like that?” - Me

“Like what?” - Jermal

“Do you have to make moans and stuff when you eat sausages and pancakes?” - Me

“Yes, I do. Breakfast for me is like sex. You look for something good. You find one and grab one. You don't just stab it though; seduce it and make it want you. Then you cover it in syrup and chomp, never to let it be seen again.” - Jermal

“Why are you right?” - Random Girl at a different table

“Somehow I was expecting something less... graphic. It was less about sex and more about how serial rapists work.” - Me

#120

“Rawr, mom.” - Me

“What?” - Mom

“Rawr.” - Me

“What does 'rawr' mean?” - Mom

“Rawr.” - Me

“I'm telling you, I don't know what 'rawr' means. I speak English and Spanish, none of that other modern shit like 'rabbitese' and 'doggish' or whatever the hell it is.” - Mom

“It's dinosaur and it means 'I love you.'” - Me

“Alright. Ditto.” - Mom

“Rawr.” - Me

“Use your words. You have them for a reason.” - Mom

“Still. Rawr.” - Me

“Go to Hell.” - Mom

(A few seconds later)

“Rawr, Auntie!” - Cahlil

“Ah, the hell with all of you!” - Mom

#121

"What's that milk taste like?" - Mom

"Regurgitated grass." - Me

#122

"That's it! I'm going back to boys!" - Random Girl in the hall

"You'd think that'd be a personal problem." - Me to Natalie

"That's national; she's sexy as Hell." - Another girl in the hall

PLANNED STORIES:

And I Shall Conquer You:

Ray Cortez is fifteen, a high-school freshman, and the terror of her town. She plays the guitar and the cello, has a cleanliness problem, wears diapers, and has had a slight falling out with her friends. If dying one's clothes pinks and spray-painting the other's house with happy, generic sayings counts as slight. But you can't keep a good girl down, and Ray's anything but good.