Hey, so yeah. What to say, what to say...

I'm a blue-eyed-blonde (natural or not is for you to decide)who's almost completely legal. I usually haunt ff.net, but since a friend or five have stories on here, I decided to check it out. Since there isn't any fanfiction on this site, there's really no point in me stating what I like to read. I guess you could say my thoughts on this would be 'fts'. Fuck. This. Shit. I'm lazy and unmotivated, but this site makes me want to write. Seriously. The good majority of stories on here don't even have 10 reviews. It's almost as bad as Mediaminer was, back in the day. Couldn't tell you how it is now, since I left when I realized no one posted anything worth shit. That was back in '05. Considering it's been 4 years, I could be wrong. They could have changed it. But then again, I'm pretty sure I'm right.

I'm a BETA, through and through. And I've never posted anything I've written. I see too many plot holes and grammatical errors. I'm a perfectionist - what can I say? Healthy criticism does a world of good. Things tend to burn around me more often than not.

I like the dark, gritty, stories. The stories that make you suffer under their ideals. The ones that make you think about things days after you've read the last update. Things that wake you up from your soporific chemistry lecture. Stories that can give you impulses that play a quasi-monopoly on your free time. They make you want, they make you need,to read more. They're addicting. Euphorious, and painful. But amazingly well-written and executed. I want to hate a character and love another, just the same. I want to get annoyed at their flaws, admire them for their convictions. I want to see into their mind and figure out what makes them tick. Good stories like that are hard to come by, but once you read one, you're hooked. Everything else is disappointingly sub-par.

In my free time, I don't read books. I don't study, unless it's a huge thing. I've been categorized as one of those people. The ones that don't try, and get by better than the average people. The closet genius type. Personally, I think it's a load of bullshit. You would think having a Catholic education would make me motivated enough to keep up with their high standards. I guess that line of thought would be wrong. I'm not even Catholic - though I was raised as one. They're like sheep following a shepherd and think that sunshine radiates from His Holy Ass. Fucking annoying, if you ask me. But you probably haven't had my degree of exposure to how weird Christianity really is. Blame a psychotic Theo teacher back in the day.

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Stories that use a plot as an excuse for characters to get together bother me. If you can't write a decent story and incorporate romance into it, don't fucking write. I see it all the time in fanfiction. Two characters, who usually hate each other, find themselves in a situation, and they see each other in a new light. Three paragraphs later, it's all mushy and fluffy and disgusting. Reality is NOT like that. Neither is good fiction, for that matter.

For Example:

"Oh Gary, I never knew you could be so deep!" Mary said breathlessly.

"That's because, Mary, you never took the time to notice me. But, I've always loved you! My cold exterior was a mask... because I didn't know how to show you my feelings. For that, I'm sorry." A lone tear ran down his face as a choked sob broke the silence.

"I-I nev-ver kne-ew you-you ca-ared so-o mu-uch, G-Gary." She took a moment to repose herself. "My coldness was a-a mask, too."

Gary's eyes progressively widened as Mary spoke from her heart.

"I've always loved you. I wa-as just too scared to ad-dmit it-t. Do you for-rgive m-" Gary cut her off, pressing his lips against hers.

After a surprisingly sensual minute, they broke apart.

"Does that answer your question, love?" Gary inquired with a mischievous smile.

Mary snorted, a sparkle igniting in her eyes. "I think it does quite adequately."

The attractive blonde smirked. "Just adequately? I think I'm going to have to do something about that..."

Mary nodded playfully. "It would be in your best interest if you did."

Wiping the semi-dry tear trails from her face, Gary found himself in a passionate kiss once again.

Cue hot and steamy, badly written metaphorical shitty smut.

Get my point?

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Slash, yaoi, and yuri piss me off. If everyone was gay, there'd be no reproduction. I don't have anything against gay people. I really don't. I quite enjoy the few I know. I have gay shopping friends. Some of them are my best friends. But when you're reading a decent story, and the main character finds himself falling in love with his best friend (coincidentally a guy), I get kinda pissed. If you're going to write it, write it well. Honestly.

I've BETA'd slashy stories, and put up with it. I'm tolerant, but unappreciative. At least, in writing. Real life is a different matter. Blame a guy and a request...

Fast romance also aggravates me. If the story is clearly action/adventure, and there's hints of romance two paragraphs in, I won't read it. Authors feel justified in writing a romance side story, and put the REAL plot on hold. They always get the characters together before they resolve the plot. Fucking. Annoying. Seriously, not everyone likes to read about your OC's fucking in the backseat of another OC's car. They're your characters. We just read about them because the plot is interesting. If not, well, you just lost a reader. Or twenty. You don't have to incorporate romance in your story to be a good writer. Most people forget this, and it's annoying.

Once in a while, I'll stumble across a character I like. They're structured how I stated earlier. Those stories are golden, and filled with epic win.

Proud member of the Grammar-Nazi Beta Team. Burning, sporking, maiming, shredding, raping, and/or murdering shitfics since 1999.

adultfanfiction.net has the best smut. fanfiction.net has the best fanfiction. fictionpress.com has the best... well... I haven't found it yet.

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