I'll be trying my best to offer fics that are worth reading and entertaining at a sense. I am a member also of Fanfiction.net and currently active on the anime/manga archive. Now I had an urge to try something I've never tried before--writing my own experiences.
THE NEXT PARAGRAPHS WOULD BE ABOUT MYSELF AND WOULD BE DISGUSTEDLY CRAPPY. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ.
When I write, I feel so free, so free to do everything, so free to right the wrongs in my life.
I have a rather complicated life. My mom and dad seperated when I was five, and now I'm living with my mom. Kaasan usually tells me to hate my father, to abandon him as he have abandoned us. Actually I haven't seen him for several years, nor did he send a letter or give a ring. My brother is struggling with his teenage hormones, and so am I.
I am usually have this I'm-so-smart-now-go-obey-me image at school, and most of my schoolmates think I'm a hotheaded, no-fun, brainy, lead-sucker ass. My ego gets hurt easily. (that doesn't apply in writing though, I accept almost everything) But in truth, I am just afraid of the people around me.
Most of my classmates make fun of my appearance (I don't look that terrible, I'm just not beautiful either) and my attitude, and I do laugh with them. But before I realize it, they already piled up and made a wall around me. I'm fighting my own demons inside, and I am insecure about most things.
I once assumed this guy I really like liked me back, and I waited for years. But when I told him, it turns out he likes someone else, someone so kind I couldn't hate. It was then I became distrustful, I lost my emotional security and my confidence in my ability to gauge who are trustworthy and who are not. I began thinking everyone is making fun of me; that if someone tells me he likes me, he's just pulling a prank and when I'm into him he'll laugh his head off.
Apart from my quite well-off and carefree peers, I struggled to keep up with their lifestyles. Ironically, the more I failed, the more I lose my drive in being as 'happy' as they are. I should've been more eager to gain money, power and attention; but no, the reality that I can't jump on their status faced me.
I craved for all the love and attention everyone could possibly give me, thinking I deserved it after all my pain. But all came was nothing; they didn't. They didn't like me as who I am.
So I developed two faces; one insecure and mourning, one 'in' and composed. I kept on putting a brave mask even when I felt trembling inside. I hid my feelings, I set aside my true soul. Only in writing do I unleash myself, letting myself splurge in the things I write.
When I fell off my position in the honor list of my batch, I was in the brink of hopelessness. That was my only grip; my intelligence. They all notice me for it. And I lost it there. Now no one would see me anymore.
Whenever I thought about me, I self-pity. But when I read some people's works in ff.net, I learned a lot about life and love. I am not the only one suffering in this world; I became too selfish and weak. Instead of righting my wrongs I just escaped my own problems. I blamed others of my bearings, but am I there for them when they needed me? Did my other face work? Did they want me for who I am really, or for that girl who wasn't me at all? Did I bask in their praises? Did I grow? By being on the top, did I gain love or just plain attention?
I changed my life. I fought my insecurities, I tried to trust, I am struggling to throw the mask of deception. I learned to let go of him who I really loved, and let him be happy. I ceased my obsession of top grades, and been contented of a respectable ranking. I prayed, prayed hard. And I made a resolution; I could grow, I could fly, with orwithout any man by my side.
And so with a change of heart I had changed my writing style. Now I strive to point out the realistic and deep points of life. Some of my fcs are my stories with my perspective in the past, and some will be from my perspective now (it will be a drastic difference)
YOU CAN READ NOW, I ENDED MY TERRIBLY BORING CRAPPY LIFE STORY.
Most of my writings are sad, some fluff, most are oneshots. I am not an avid reader of multi chapters though, I'd rather stick to reading in one go. I know it's unfair, and that I'm such a stupid jerk for that, but I usually read finished fics only. I can't stand hanging by the thread, trying to contemplate what will happen next to a very exquisite fic that neevr fails to keep me guessing. Most of the time I have trouble with that, and I hope everybody understands.
I'm fond of giving reviews to some deserving fics, and I don't really care if I'm the only one who liked that story. But hey, who am I to give comments anyway? I sure hope no one takes my reviews personally.
I'm female, currently studying in a high school here in Metro Manila, Philippines. I usually make english fics but I do understand tagalog ones, and I could do some if the opportunity arrives.
Thanks for your time and more power!
Winter Stardust
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