I am not putting any truly useful information in this profile. Instead of giving you interesting things like quotes to look at--even insightful quotes really don't deserve to go here, because it's not like I wrote them; it sort of feels like cheating--I am going to tell you, through the power of the internet, who my favorite people on this planet are. Even though I have never met any of them in person. And I guess it'll go in some sort of alphabetical order, possibly.
JANE AUSTEN: Come to think of it, she's dead. I don't know if she really counts.
LIBBA BRAY: Glass eye. Amazing author. Great sense of humor. When I grow up, I don't want to be like Libba Bray--I want to be Libba Bray. I want to actually have my brain inserted into her skull, and hers can go... in a cat or something, I guess. She wouldn't mind; she's cool like that.
THE CLOVERFIELD MONSTER: Doesn't belong here at all, but that movie was still pretty good. Say what you will, I was thoroughly entertained by it. Especially the Blair Witch sort of camera effects.
STEPHEN COLBERT: Has his own Ben & Jerry's flavor (which is really good, by the way), a spider named after him, and one of the greatest shows on television. I wish he'd made it further in the '08 democratic nominations, because this country needs a leader who is not afraid to speak his mind and do impossibly ridiculous things.
SEAN CONNERY: The voice. THE VOICE. The first movie I ever saw him in, however, was one of the Indiana Jones ones--not that crap with Shia Labeouf, noooo. I'm talking "LET'S SEARCH FOR THE HOLY GRAIL!" vs. "This is my son. You may recognize him from the Disney channel..." God help us.
CRAIG FERGUSON: You can't understand Craig Ferguson simply by saying a few words of admiration. Instead, here is a wonderful little quote:
You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, "Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time."
JOHN GREEN: Ever heard of Looking For Alaska? No? Unsurprising. Anyway, great book, and therefore a great man must have written it. Unless he is actually a complete loser who has nothing better to do but write young adult fiction. Hmm.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL: Two words: Donnie Darko. Five more words: that was a fantastic movie.
DUSTIN KENSRUE: There are many, many singers and lyricists out there in the world. Few, however, can match the talent of Thrice's lead singer Dustin. He does not write constantly about drugs, depression, heartache, or anything else you might find at a My Chemical Romance concert. (I was really bummed when I discovered he was friends with Gerard, though.) His music gives inspiration, tells stories, even has bits of history in it--my username is from one of his songs, actually.
The blood on our black gloves, it is none of your concern
If you want to call our bluff, get in line and wait your turn
And watch the witches burn
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY: Keira is honestly one of my favorite actresses. A lot of people can say they know of women who are better than her, or more attractive, blah blah blah--the fact of the matter, though, is that she is a modern woman who has managed to perfect that outdated yet charming sort of old-fashioned-English style, if that makes any sense.
HUGH LAURIE: I refuse to buy into that obsession women seem to have with this Englishman, though he is a great actor. He was in 101 Dalmations, did you know that? He played one of the bad guys, the one named Jasper. He can both steal puppies and be a cynical jerk who saves lives. Such talent.
JAMES MCAVOY: This man must have been sent from heaven just to make me happy. Beautiful, Scottish, charming, and somehow becomes even more spectacular when paired with Craig Ferguson. He's been in amazing movies--not amazing merely because he is in them, mind you!--such as Atonement, Wanted, Becoming Jane, The Last King Of Scotland, Inside I'm Dancing, Penelope, Shakespeare Re-Told: Macbeth, etc--all of which, by the way, I have seen. And he had a six-pack in Wanted, even though it was only visible for one scene. Good times, my friend. Good times.
EDGAR ALLAN POE: Agh, another dead person... Oh well. He's one of the best authors of all time, so maybe I can get away with it. I own his complete works, and so far my favorite story is "The Black Cat." I also enjoy "The Cask of Amontillado" and "The Tell-Tale Heart," though.
PHILIP PULLMAN: I would have to physically hurt myself if I didn't include one of my all-time favorite authors on this list. Pullman, writer of the controversial His Dark Materials trilogy, has the faith and confidence--or to put it in less acceptable terms, "the balls"--to stand up and say that he does not like Christianity, is not a fan at all of Narnia's C.S. Lewis, and will write whatever he goddamn wants. And that, if you ask me, is admirable.
JACKSON RATHBONE: I came close to meeting this one, but still no luck. I was within five feet of him, actually, when I was an extra for the Twilight movie. (That series really went downhill. Gives fictional vampires a bad name.) Gorgeous, funny expressions, plays guitar. Ah, so amazing...
JON STEWART: Sort of like Stephen Colbert, but more witty than outrageous. They would make a great couple, don't you agree? Ah, that would be a great day for humanity... Jon does really interesting impressions, too. His Bush one is still funny after the first thirty times you hear it, somehow.
GUILLERMO DEL TORO: El laberinto del fauno and Hellboy. Don't deny it, he's a great director. Speaking of directors--you'll notice I'm not including Mr. Lucas or Mr. Spielberg. Well, I won't be a complete geek and tell you just how much I adore Star Wars and Indiana Jones. No matter how much I love them.
ALEX TURNER: Alex is yet another man sent to Earth for the sole purpose of my happiness and well-being. He gives the world hope in England... and simultaneously destroys it by being such a complete man-slut. If you didn't already know this, he's a singer and guitarist in two bands: The Last Shadow Puppets and Arctic Monkeys.
GASPARD ULLIEL: I apologize for my obvious weakness toward attractive men. Gaspard deserved his own mention, though, because he seems to have the power of turning straight men gay. A friend of mine nearly fell victim to this trap recently, you know.
JOE WRIGHT: Director of Atonement and Pride & Prejudice. They both have Keira Knightley, too, and though she isn't on this list yet, she probably will be five minutes from now. So if you just read her name two seconds ago and are somewhat confused, it was intentional.
There, I've listen twenty--actually, I don't know; I might have been off in my counting. Oh well! There's around twenty of the greatest people on Earth, and very little actual information about me, aside from my taste in men, movies, and a few books.
Okay, now it's been a few hours and I feel like listing some more things. So... here are some movies I like, I guess.
Alice in Wonderland
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Atonement
Back to the Future
Batman Begins
Becoming Jane
Brokeback Mountain
Casablanca
Cloverfield
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Cruel Intentions
The Dark Knight
Dirty Dancing
Donnie Darko
El laberinto del fauno
Elephant
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Forrest Gump
Garden State
Hackers
Hero
Indiana Jones
Inside I'm Dancing
Iron Man
The Karate Kid
Kill Bill
A Knight's Tale
The Last King of Scotland
The Lion King
The Lord of the Rings
The Matrix
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens
Office Space
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pride & Prejudice
The Princess Bride
Rear Window
Rocket Science
School of Rock
Signs
The Sixth Sense
Sleepy Hollow
Spider-Man
Spirited Away
Star Wars
Titanic
Un long dimanche de fiançailles
Underworld
V for Vendetta
A Walk to Remember
Wanted
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