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thewhimsicalbard
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since: 05-27-09, id: 670841, Profile Updated: 04-08-13
country: USA
Author has written 61 stories for Life, Nature, Love, General, Humor, General, School, Young Adult, Humor, Fantasy, War, Haiku, Essay, and Family.

Meet thewhimsicalbard. He is a musician, a writer, a joker, a thief. He's a maker of spoken metaphors; a man who speaks the delta blues, who loves the comics but skips the news. He's a bad boy in black when he sleeps, but too unsure of reality to let his dreams walk. He was once described as a flaming heterosexual. Sometimes Venus is his goddess, and sometimes his devil, but she's always his drug — a narcotic, a stimulant, a depressant — but don't worry; he's not addicted (yet). His right hand is sifting through the sand, but nobody knows if he's looking for answers or escape — not even him. You can find him underneath the willow tree, musing up names of artistic albums that don't exist yet. He's writing rock and roll anthems for no one, all day and every day. And the River, yeah you know she's sleeping as she walks off into the ocean. Don't you hear the man breathing into his imaginary saxophone? It's me, baby. It's me.

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Education Status: College

4/8/13: I am aware that I am behind on returning reviews. I apologize for this and intend to rectify the situation as soon as possible.*

Notes on my work:

I have four pieces of prose at the moment, one of which is terrible. All poetry has the label "poetry" in the subgenre. I thought I'd mention this if I ever decide to start publishing more short stories or something else similar.

If you read my piece "In the rings of the golden sun", you should take a look at the piece of artwork that inspired it.

This is the same guy whose artwork also graces my avatar. He's awesome, and if you think he's really good, look him up. He does designs for longboards and tattoos out in Boulder, Colorado. Send some business his way, if you're out there and you have a longboard or want some ink.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Notes on other authors:

This is bluewitness. I will let her writing speak for her.

I'm also going to plug one of my favorite poets on the site, my friend DeeFective. She's got a voice and a style all her own, and she's an excellent reviewer. If you want to get in to her writing, check out "Pepper" for starters.

Check out lookingwest, another good friend of mine. My favorite poem of hers is "Notes on Women, or What is Woman?" You should also take a look at her story "I Never Said I Was Brave". Both are excellent.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you the man with the most zealously active vocabulary on earth, and one of the most in-depth writers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting - my IRL friend Cillian Crowley (not his real name). He's very good. Honor his esteemed work with the heartwarming gift of a review. Bring a dictionary.

A delightful author who has recently added some stellar poetry to her repertoire: berley.

A poet for the strong-minded, the educated, and the complex: Faithless Juliet. In a quote: "Some people don’t like/understand long verses but I love it. A poem shouldn’t be under a hundred words unless it's haiku."

I firmly believe that this site thrives on the policy of leave a review, get a review.

If you came to my page because I reviewed you, then thank you!

Also, if you came to my page because I forgot to review you back, give a little PM nudge. I'll get right on it.

While in the past I have tried my very best to return each and every review (whether an effortless, one line blurb, or one that would make the queen of reviews herself jealous), I've had some experiences recently that have convinced me that I need to change my policy.

I will return any writer's first review, regardless of quality, but if a writer continues to leave poor quality reviews, I will NOT return the review. I will only return reviews that at least leave concrit, which would in turn imply moderate consideration and effort. You have been warned. I'm sorry to everyone who liked to leech off my old policy, but this will no longer be possible. Thank you.

Here's some peer pressure... Join The Review Game over on the boards. It is really a good idea, and to be totally honest, nothing helps your writing more than reading the work of your peers (fresh perspective and ideas), and then WRITING about it! Get your mojo working, and whatnot.

My nickname over there is Fitz, if any of you came here wondering.

PLEASE read the rules before you play. I promise it is a worthwhile investment of your time.

I also actively participate in The Globe. High school graduates and older only, please.

For newbies to reading poetry:

For a poem to come across correctly, you need to read it in a similarly correct fashion. Most proper poetry is meant to be read as a group of normal sentences, with normal grammar rules applying. When there is a break in the words, stop to take a small rhythm-breath. Your breaths should vary in length, from least to greatest, as follows here:

(new line) (comma , ) (semi-colon ; ) (colon : ) (period . ) (new stanza - )

Note: these are general guidelines only. Some other kinds of poetry (especially experimental or contemporary) are read differently.

This is the part where you all read the stuff I like:

Take a shower, shine your shoes.
You've got no time to lose—
you are young men; you must be living.
Go now, you are forgiven.

-Dispatch, "The General"-

"Siddhartha was taught by the river. Incessantly, he learned from it. Most
of all, he learned from it to listen, to pay close attention with a quiet heart,
with a waiting, opened soul, without passion, without a wish, without
judgement, without an opinion."

-from Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse-

True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who have learned to dance.
'Tis not enough no harshness gives offense,
The sound must seem an echo to the sense.

-Alexander Pope, excerpt from "Essays"-

"We Real Cool"

The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We
left school. We

lurk late. We
strike straight. We

sing sin. We
thin gin. We

jazz june. We
die soon.

-Gwendolyn Brooks-

"Do not go gentle into that good night"

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas-

/inspirations/


1. Four Dollars
Of love, guilt, and a pack of metaphorical cigarettes.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 285 - Published: 5-21-13
2. Objects reviews
In these inanimate things, I will store memories. A chronology. "It was a waltz between two young souls / kept up late by the desire to see the world become silent / and revel in it."
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 482 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3-4-13
3. Time Travel reviews
A short story of love and ignorance.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 245 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1-23-13 - Complete
4. Eldest reviews
For the Review Game's November 2012 WCC. Dedicated to my mother.
Poetry: Family - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 469 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 11-2-12 - Complete
5. This Highway Dark reviews
Of night drives and my oldest demons. A villanelle.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 10-3-12 - Complete
6. Blacked Out reviews
"Woman is the gateway drug." For the RG's September 2012 WCC.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-7-12 - Complete
7. What Calls Me Home reviews
Please see I Am Driving Down A Highway Dark for the revised version. /aeds/
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 253 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-22-12
8. Lord of the Dance reviews
Do you feel the rhythm of them both? For the March 2012 WCC.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 348 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 3-7-12 - Complete
9. The Giftgiver's Requiem reviews
Accompaniment for a fairy tale with an unsatisfactory ending. /slb/
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 2-17-12 - Complete
10. i will not reinvent the piano reviews
an irrythm-break /slb/
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 132 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2-15-12 - Complete
11. Only Pair reviews
"feet even Jesus would turn his nose at." /aeds/
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 246 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 2-15-12 - Complete
12. Eden in Flames reviews
Chain the wind, shape the water, move the earth.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 591 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 9-13-11 - Complete
13. On Scientific Progress reviews
My scientific mind indulges itself in metaphors.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 516 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 7-1-11 - Complete
14. Hat reviews
June 2011 WCC winner. "I can understand wearing a hat that represents one hundred years of total failure to your calculus final, but this is going to be the greatest concert you've ever been to."
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,077 - Reviews: 19 - Published: 6-6-11 - Complete
15. Morning Sips reviews
A scientific study. Really.
Poetry: Haiku - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 4-19-11 - Complete
16. Möbius reviews
Winner of the April-May 2011 WCC. "Look left, child."
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 270 - Reviews: 19 - Published: 4-6-11 - Complete
17. First Shot of Whiskey reviews
What in the world happened last night?
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 21 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 3-6-11 - Complete
18. Yewman Writes reviews
Currently under repair. For the March 2011 WCC.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 177 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 3-5-11 - Complete
19. Serotonin reviews
Currently under repair. For the February 2011 WCC.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 317 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 2-1-11 - Complete
20. The Blues reviews
My first short story. "Whenever I see a girl, I hear a guitar lick. That isn't a metaphor, either."
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,958 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 12-9-10 - Complete
21. We are too much like old men reviews
Everyone dies. Be one of the few who truly lives. /aeds/
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 259 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 12-9-10 - Complete
22. Nepenthe reviews
For the November 2010 WCC. "Weaving strings of seductive poison into your veins."
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 11-6-10 - Complete
23. Poem for My Wenis reviews
Do you want to see my wenis?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 10-27-10
24. Milk reviews
Because blood lies.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 191 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 10-27-10 - Complete
25. forever: a terrible idea, I said to her reviews
Am I a climber, or do I fall down mountains? A/N: experimental
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 123 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 10-17-10
26. Memphis Ghazal reviews
This is a traditional form of poetry from India. It is traditionally used to express regret for something unattainable. It is, in a word, "blues."
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 10-8-10 - Complete
27. The Lay of Orelleos » reviews
My continuing attempt at the creation of my own mythology. See King Bill for the other part. Note the rhyme scheme and meter on this one.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Poetry - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,048 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10-8-10 - Published: 10-7-10
28. Aqua Vitae reviews
For the October 2010 WCC. "She opened her mouth to drink him in, to be with him again."
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 977 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 10-4-10 - Complete
29. A Dubious Goal reviews
In the spirit of Dee - "I will ink the pitchless moan / of a stenciled nipple's ecstasy"
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 79 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9-23-10 - Complete
30. Oxidation reviews
But what does the dream MEAN?
Poetry: Haiku - Rated: K - English - Mystery/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 9-7-10 - Complete
31. Habit reviews
Practice makes what?
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 151 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 9-7-10 - Complete
32. PS I'd Rather Be Sleeping reviews
Written to cure writer's block. Please note that this poem is terrible.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 60 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9-7-10 - Complete
33. The somber bells have gone someplace reviews
A rare moment of sight.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Spiritual/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-7-10 - Complete
34. One day a gangly man told me reviews
I don't want a real job. /cw/
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 9-2-10
35. Los Angeles reviews
or, "What happens to a dream deferred?"
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 8-19-10 - Complete
36. Tell Your Eyes reviews
I'm burning in hell for writing this. Don't believe me? Take a look. /mc/
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 378 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 8-3-10 - Complete
37. To The Lady Pachabel reviews
Currently under repair.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 277 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7-25-10
38. Intro reviews
This is not a rebel song.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 63 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7-21-10 - Complete
39. In the rings of the golden sun reviews
Cigarettes, not cigars.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 70 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7-21-10 - Complete
40. A Thank You reviews
I am big on my manners, even in unexpected situations.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 169 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 7-21-10 - Complete
41. For Shame, Ares reviews
Currently under repair. For the July 2010 WCC.
Poetry: War - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 391 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 7-5-10
42. What is a man amidst a couch? reviews
A study of Idaho-grown individuals. Rated for language.
Poetry: General - Rated: M - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 235 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 6-27-10 - Complete
43. Thewhimsicalbard, Too reviews
Musings on drunken behaviors-texts, attitudes, and logic-unrequited love, and Shawshank Redemption as they relate to all of us. /mc/
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 6-20-10 - Complete
44. King Bill reviews
My own mythology that I wrote in poetic form. It's very typical, but I had a ton of fun writing it. It got published in our school's literary magazine, too!
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 874 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 1-27-10 - Complete
45. Elements of Gray reviews
A poem I wrote for English class that turned out well enough for me to want to publish it up here.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 216 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 1-27-10 - Complete
46. miss brightest star reviews
And that makes me a black hole? /mc/
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 327 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 1-23-10 - Published: 1-12-10 - Complete
47. Prosetry reviews
Written for and inspired by my friend bluewitness. /aeds/
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 354 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 1-4-10 - Complete
48. Funny People reviews
New Radicals put it best when they said, "You only get what you give." For all of the funny people on this site.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 752 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 1-3-10
49. She Plays Bass reviews
Advice for the aspiring musician. /aeds/
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 570 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 1-2-10 - Complete
50. I Guess Not reviews
I really don't even know why I still have this poem up here... It's terrible. Don't read it.
Poetry: School - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 1-2-10 - Complete
51. Mom Called It Notsaliga, or Something reviews
For anyone who's had a kid, is a kid, or ever was one.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 197 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 1-1-10 - Complete
52. Senior Speech reviews
At the end of practice on Thursdays before our football games, one senior gives a speech to the team. This was mine, given before our game against our rivals on the south side. Rated for violent meat-head content. Our colors are blue and white.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 252 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-27-09 - Complete
53. Could you compare me to a summer day? reviews
I don't like the chick Shakespeare wrote this poem about. She's a spoiled brat.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 129 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 12-27-09 - Complete
54. Black Eyes reviews
A criticism.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 86 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-27-09 - Complete
55. Wanderlust reviews
This piece warrants no further explanation. /aeds/
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 206 - Reviews: 24 - Published: 12-27-09 - Complete
56. The Watcher of Winter reviews
This is what happens when it snows and you idolize Robert Frost, but you just aren't as good as he is.
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 97 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete
57. Pulse reviews
Unfortunately, this is fiction. /ck/
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 52 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete
58. Gray Wings reviews
Read the poem any set of three lines at a time.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 65 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete
59. Breaking reviews
Fancy a quick game of ceramic frisbee? /jls/
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete
60. What is true silence reviews
...
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 57 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete
61. in each streetcornered bard reviews
If FP accepted my formatting, this would easily be one of my best poems ever. Alas, such is not the case. Under semi-permanent construction.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-26-09 - Complete