I like to pretend that I'm a writer.

But I'm not much more than an asshole.

I have yet to find one with as much of a lust for life as I do.

I am indeed ethnically Chinese.

Don't think that the more Asian-themed works are the result of some white-boy nerd that loves sucking Asia's dick and worshiping its culture like some strange cult.

But at least I'm not your typical Calculator Asian.

I'm from a tiny and beautifully squalid town in West Tennessee, about a hundred miles outta Memphis.

Being the small-town South, it is stereotypically ravaged by abuse of crystal methamphetamine and prescription painkillers.

I love it.

I think stereotypes are hilarious, and I have devoted myself to an almost Jane Goodall-esque integration into the community.

While I may observe the Southern American Rural species in its natural habitats with full intention of perfecting my satirical emulations of their behaviour, I also have the absolute utmost, resounding respect for them. That is not a joke.

I believe "big words" help enhance sarcasm.

I am a Buddhist in the purest sense of the term.

Away with the Gods and Goddesses, away with the Boddhisattva worship, I simply follow the original teachings.

That's enough of me describing myself.

Now it's your turn to try and get to know me through my asshole ramblings.

Go ahead, try.

I dare ya.