Quotes:

Dear Luke,
When being a player, you don’t let the other person know! Quick! Tell Chris you’ll go out with him on Saturday! He’ll automatically think he won and will let it go! Don’t tell Shirley though…

Easy-Going Conscious

Dear Luke,
Don’t go out with Chris! He just likes you for your looks, the superficial bastard… He probably doesn’t want anything more than sex! You reject that kid NOW!

Wreck-Up Conscious

From the desk of Luke Phillips

I’m still going on the date with Kevin, don’t worry.

From the mail room

It’s okay. I understand you’re just doing a favor for Shirley. But the moment that date’s over, we can have coffee right?

From the desk of Luke Phillips

As friends, sure.

Dear Luke,
That “as friends” line was wonderful. You have officially hooked Chris onto you! He’s been gazing at you all day. Don’t worry Luke; soon you’ll be in an orgy in no time!

Easy-Going Conscious

Dear Easy-Going Conscious,
STOP IT YOU FOOL! You’re going to ruin his LIFE! And orgies are bad! You can get sexually transmitted diseases faster that way!

Wrecked-Up Conscious

Dear Wrecked-Up Conscious,
Shut up! I’m leading him to the major goals! Ones that will make his life worthwhile!

Easy-Going Conscious

Sex in Words by Marry My Pie Please.

“They can’t just leave us in an elevator to die,” I remarked randomly, like it would somehow change the fact that we were about to be left in an elevator to die. “Try the open door button.”

Daniel heaved himself up and pushed a button.

Nothing.

I grunted. “How about the emergency button?”

He tried that one as well. “Nope,” he sighed. “Great. I wish we had a deck of cards or something,” he mumbled, sitting back down.

“I wish we weren’t stuck in an elevator.”

-Dial Tone by Comodin.

When he got home, he found Shub sitting proudly on top of a pile of what had once been very expensive shirts and trousers. Now they were a pile of very expensive shredded cloth.

“Cat,” Greg said. “You are not immortal. I do not think you should test the theory.”

Shub began licking one dainty black paw.

“Argh,” Greg said.

“You summoned a kitten?”

“A kitten demon,” Greg emphasized.

“Yes, ok, but why’d you even have to summon a kitten?” Luce asked, and Greg noticed he was holding Shub more gingerly. “I mean there are plenty of kittens you could adopt at the animal shelter.”

“I doubt they’d have much in the way of demon kittens.”

“Probably not,” Luce conceded. “But why do you need a demon kitten, anyway?”

“I’m a vampire lord of the night,” Greg scoffed. “I cannot have a regular kitten.” He said regular kitten in the same way grown men say footed pajamas.

-Greg the Vampire by Aggy Bird.

Nehemiah protested weakly. He stared down at the cake and drew little squiggles in the frosting with the tines of his fork. “And you guys don't care I'm gay?”

Joe arched an eyebrow and shot Lev a somewhat concerned glance. “You're...living with gay men.”

“Also, we survived the 80s. We're not afraid of anything.”

Love Thy Neighbor

“Quinn, you’re like, really hot,” Allison said all of a sudden, rocking back and forth as she tried to stay upright. Elliot watched her as she fought a battle with gravity and alcohol. “I’d so like... date you and uh, do stuff to you, but like, you’re gay. So that’d be like... uh, incest.”

Quintessential